Once Upon a Time in Reno
Almost all of the noise was gone. This had once been a buzzing metropolis full of hidden pleasures and joy, but now it had been reduced to a silent fortress where our heroes stood in their trenches, waiting. The streets were full of dust that shifted with the anxious wind and the dead calm was unnerving even to the trained. Underneath the superficial quiet a battle was waiting to be fought.
The anticipation was thick in the air for these who knew about the fight and others were also expecting trouble: Lovers clung onto one another, friends offered each other comfort and enemies found common ground. Their goal was to unite their ranks and save their friends who'd been cut off and had no chance to cross the sea of reapers in between without aid.
Sierra was one of the ones cut off – Paul and Kilo too. Many comrades and acquaintances were out of reach. It was Echo's job to save them. And while she was the tough and knowing leader, she was also blaming herself for this.
"It was my idea to come to Reno, you know?" she told him solemnly, her voice dripping the slow working poison of self-accusation. She brushed her dirty hair off her face with her bandaged hand to see better in the dimly lit corridors underground.
Alpha lifted his head in recognition upon registering her voice. "Well realistically speaking the mini-bars were still pretty full when we arrived," he told her, hinting at the possibility that the worn troops hadn't exactly opposed their possible vacation in Reno. Old notions died hard in spite of the apocalypse and it'd been a tough blow to see the lights of Reno dead in the night.
Still they'd been all over the first mini-bar they'd found. Even if the years in between had taught them control, nothing silenced the opposition demanding for democracy quite like alcohol did. Ballard had disapproved of course – she was usually drunk when she climbed into any warm bed in the vicinity after all – but Alpha had gotten him to join in as well. Big Ballard had deserved a break as well, even if his head wasn't as vocal as theirs were.
Watching the rift that'd grown between Paul and his Echo over the years had been as tough as ever, yet Alpha had found small comfort in knowing that he stood a chance nowadays. He didn't feel any comfort now that the night had ended up in a fight between the ex-lovers, an ambush and eventually separation, which fuelled her guilt further. Watching her tear herself to pieces wasn't his idea of fun with any stretch.
"Yeah," Echo smiled back at him, licking her dry lips, "Nothing drowns reality quite like a healthy dose of vodka."
She was trying to find comfort in his humor, which was one of the few things to cheer her up nowadays, but found it tougher than usual. She was in pain – had been ever since she'd realized she would always be Caroline to Paul and Paul would always be a reconstruct of his former self, a mere shadow of her Paul. Realizing the Dollhouse had had the last laugh had been agonizing.
"Choose a better reality then," Alpha suggested, fixing his position so that the hole-ridden blanket on him covered his shoulders better. He was fully clothed and armed underneath, but even the near-perfect saviors of mankind needed sleep before a suicide mission. Also these corridors were as cold as hell.
Sleep hadn't been working out that well so far, seeing how his thoughts had kept on circling Echo. For years without end he'd sought after her love and respect and he was closer now than ever – only he was a changed man, a better man because of this journey. Still she was hung up on Paul Ballard, unable to fix the wound he'd given her, or move on. Or perhaps the wound was because of Boyd's betrayal? Alpha had often considered her failure to trust people to be rooted in the betrayal of her handler, the man she had been programmed to trust. So if you couldn't trust your gut, what could you trust?
"What do you think?" Echo asked dreamily, staring at the ceiling and the lamp that swung gently from one side of the corridor to another. "In another time maybe we'd live by the sea… on a beach and be happy?"
She had actually thought about it quite often – how life would be without Rossum. He hadn't: Carl William Craft would be dead and Echo wouldn't exist. Such a world wasn't an option to him.
"Less noise, more…," yet he continued her thought, able to envision the beach on his mind and Echo standing there in white. His voice vanished mid-sentence though, gaining her attention. As soon as her eyes were on him again, it was like she could read all of his secrets no matter how much he tried to hide them. In front of her he became naked: a being of shame and hope. But it wasn't like her façade held in front of him either.
Echo swallowed hard as she absorbed the pain on his face. "I'd like that," she confessed softly.
There were nights when she remembered their time together in fine detail. It was the only time in Echo's life she had loved without regret. Paul had always made her feel like an incomplete person. Her countless other imprints had been lies. But when they had been just Dolls wandering aimlessly in the Dollhouse, Alpha had made her feel special. He'd always kept an eye on her, cornered her for stolen kisses and made her feel safe in an environment full of insecurity. This feeling still resided deep inside of her, despite the horrible things he'd done.
Unlike Alpha, her mind hadn't been taken over by strong and deluded personalities during her composite event. She'd been very much herself, because she'd created a strong sense of herself before the compositing had begun. Had it been his love and devotion that'd done that? She didn't quite know, but she could understand that maybe Alpha had been a victim too. If his composite event hadn't been so violent, would have this Alpha eventually emerged while they had both been inside the Dollhouse? They would never know.
Echo moved closer to him and put her hand on his, gently stroking it. She could still see that peaceful dream of a beach. "I would like that, "she repeated, then finishing her thought,"Just being there… The quiet."
Alpha withdrew his hand bitterly. Was she saying these things because Ballard wasn't here? Because she knew he couldn't resist her? She'd become so cold and with each year and each kill she became even colder. He looked straight into her eyes, "Yes. I'm sure you would enjoy that." He was disappointed in her and in himself.
"Alpha…," she frowned, unsure of why he was retreating back to his shell and putting on such a sullen face. A moment ago – that vulnerable look on his face – that was where she had wanted him to take her.
"Please Echo… don't go there with me. Don't treat me like the random lover to make you feel better." His voice spoke of hurt and heartache, though he couldn't even look at her as he confessed his feelings.
Neither of them was perfect even if many chose to view them as flawless heroes. So what did a mass murderer in rehab and a hero fallen from grace have in common despite their duality?
"I see…," she withdrew her hand from his, wounded by his observation. Of course he was right. But he was different from the bodies she used. He cared back, didn't he?
"So I'm messed up. Nothing's new." Her voice actually became louder as she said the truth aloud. It made her feel upset; the way Alpha was able to confront her about anything. And yet he'd remained by her side unconditionally through-out the tough years, never using this ability unless it was called for.
Alpha shook his head at her words, continuing to avoid direct eye contact. "It's no reason to use people."
Echo couldn't help but smile at his morose commentary. "Unless people prefer to be used," she suggested, actually getting him to crack a smile again as well.
"Yes," Alpha admitted stroking his calf underneath the blanket absent-mindedly, "I suppose you can be quite persuasive."
But no, it was no cause for pride. She was more humane than she would've liked to admit and a part of being human was having flaws. The part of her humanity she hated though was going through the motions because of those flaws. So when she needed to touch someone warm, but couldn't take the problems that came with Paul, she had to feel guilty about it. But maybe with Alpha she could feel that sweet innocence once more? Maybe then it wouldn't be so selfish?
Echo leaned closer to Alpha again. "Then let me persuade you."
His heart skipped a beat when she whispered those words into his ear. There was no shame or doubt in that voice, just loneliness – the same loneliness that covered him each night. He had dreamed of being with her, relishing the rare memories of her abduction when he had imprinted her with the personality of a lover and they had run off together from the Dollhouse. He'd dreamed of her scent and her touch and even the smell of her breath when she kissed him.
Looking at her now, he couldn't sense any malice or trickery from her. It was as if she honestly wanted to be with him. This frightened him deep down. He knew he was a monster and even though things were in order in his head now, there was no telling when they would be in disarray again. But lust covered all of that and filled his eyes with emotion for her. He didn't know what to say, but he also knew he didn't need to say anything.
Alpha leaned closer and kissed her. His hand sunk into her hair as he pulled her even closer from her neck. He sucked on her lower lip, still tasting the recently consumed alcohol there. She could've been drunk and this could've been another mistake for her to regret, but quite truthfully he didn't care any longer. When she pushed him back against the wall, letting them both sink into that kiss, he forgot all about his doubts.
He felt arousal in seven different languages and it was mixed with both disgust and worship. The cocktail of emotions made him feel drowsy and heavy, but when he slid his hands inside her shirt and ran his fingers down her soft skin the mixed reaction began to fade into the background and his own feelings rush to the surface again. She felt so divine in his hands.
With Echo it was easier to silence the opposition: she was able to choose between personalities and keep the others on the background as a silent buzz. Right now she was holding onto her very core, those early memories of the Dollhouse and of Alpha: The shy way he would smile at her had been so revering. She could feel his hands under her shirt, feeling their way across her body, opening her bra and sliding off the obstacles.
Their lips parted and she slid onto his lap, straddling him and running her fingers down his cheek. His hand had stopped on her exposed breast, as her bra now lied on the ground. Alpha hesitated. He hadn't exactly acted like a Buddhist monk in celibacy, seeing how some of his friends had an overly active sex drive, but it had been awhile since the last time. Like Echo, he too had been in every inviting lap and explored every willing pair of lips but none of the experiences had made him any happier.
There was a hint of grey in her hair, a sign of the tough years they'd been through. But her willpower was the same as ever. She'd take what she wanted whenever she wanted to. He wasn't exactly unwilling either as his very visible arousal told her. She felt a new kind of responsibility with him though, because she knew very well that the extent of his feelings was deeper than the usual admiration and lust of her partners. This man understood her, because they were the same.
Her smile was sweet when she pressed her lips on his again. This was very real; it wasn't a distant fantasy or daydream. Why they hadn't gone this far before was a mystery to her right now. It felt unique, like they actually fit together. Echo put her hands around his face, framing it and bringing it closer to her. He could smell her warm breath and its stench tease his nostrils, but he didn't mind because it was just as it'd been in his memory. They were both dirty and the hard life in a collapsed society had taken its toll on their bodies, but somehow this felt as good as it had back when they had touched as shiny and clean dolls and begun understanding they were being used.
Alpha pulled away to glance at the corridor, but it was as quiet as ever. No one would venture into the tunnels for at least another hour, since it was known Echo was cooling down here and trying to get some sleep. She'd been so furious with the recent turns of events that it'd taken a few people to restrain her. Alpha had been one of the few. Their eyes met again after Alpha tore his from the empty corridor. Echo was sitting on him, warm and willing and he could see excitement in her eyes. It was more than he had seen in years.
Alpha lifted himself a bit, getting her to wrap her legs around him as he laid her on her back on the floor. He got on top of her soon after, stroking her hair as she removed his jacket. He planted a kiss on her shoulder after she freed her from her shirt and the bra he'd released earlier on. She shivered a bit with her top exposed, but he moved his jacket beneath her and covered her quickly enough. Echo helped remove his vest and shirt as well and she ran her hands on his muscular arms with a grin as he continued kissing her neck.
Not a cell in her body screamed for her to stop, or told her this was wrong. The guilt would come later and with the face of Paul. Alpha lavished the bittersweet taste of her kisses, knowing full well nothing would be changed by this. Echo would still continue to harbor feelings for Paul, and Paul would return these feelings without knowing what to do with them and Alpha would watch as a friend and ally to both. Could he even go back to watching after he had tasted her grace?
He was aroused and ready to fuck her and she could feel it too. They both carried the imprints and the memories of great lovers, but their minds were usually missing in the experience. What was the technique, when the greatest sexual organ remained insatiable? Echo pushed her hand underneath her underwear, feeling the inviting wetness with her fingers. She then opened her pants, enjoying how his touch spread warmth all across her body. The stone cold floor felt heated underneath her back.
Alpha moved, kneeling so that his knees were on her sides. He took her legs over his hips, stripping her of the remaining clothes that prevented them from making love. Echo lifted her upper body, supporting it with her hands and nearly shouted aloud as he plunged into her. Alpha pulled her closer from her waist and took on a slow and excruciatingly pleasurable rhythm that made her skin crawl in the nicest way possible. He kept looking at her, never giving up eye contact as he moved inside her.
She was tantalized by this, couldn't quite say why it felt so different from her countless other encounters. Was it because she always picked a position where she didn't have to see her companions, or that she closed her eyes anyway and listened to the writhing of the countless other people inside her: That endless choir of joy, hate, fear and lust. She didn't like letting people in, so she cut them off in one way or another, keeping things purely physical.
It felt like the world was slowly coming to an end around them. The heat and sweat and the sensations running all across them was overloading everything else. Sense went out of the window, even though they had descended into madness already. Echo pushed herself against him violently with each new push, increasing the pressure between her legs. His intense glare burned into her memory like a brand and somehow she knew she couldn't escape this afterwards.
And she pushed herself into a sitting position in his arms, and began rocking with an even quicker rhythm. Smiling Alpha leaned back and let her do the work for a moment. Her wild hair landed on her back and breasts, sticky with her sweat. She looked like a raging goddess in his eyes: beautiful, dangerous and feral. She jerked her head backwards to remove her hair from her face and succeeded only partially. Then she pressed her lips on his again, licking the lingering sweat drops from the corner of his mouth.
Alpha pushed his back straight, so that he didn't need the support of his hands anymore and could free them to do other things with her. Echo placed her hands on his shoulders, her mouth curving to a sweet smile, when his hands wandered to her ass and the back of her neck. Her nails sunk a bit deeper into his skin, and she came close to piercing it when he bit her shoulder gently.
This mad dance felt like it had lasted for an eternity already, but they were both still hungry for more. Somewhere a breeze entered the tunnel and swept across their shaking bodies, making them both shiver in unison. Alpha's grip on the back of her neck became stronger when she bit his lip and sucked on it to taste the blood. Somehow he remembered her naked form as it had shivered in the shower floor when she had been surrounded by bodies and confusion. He remembered gripping his blade and looking at her, that innocent Echo who was so unaware of her charm and beauty. He thought of that Echo he had fallen in love with as he came closer to the oblivion he had desired for over a decade.
Echo looked down at him, marking every feature of his handsome face. She had seen it carry so many expressions from hate to jealousy to joy. This was something new though, this serene look that she knew only she could give him. As she too approached her release she thought of the many times she had come together with Paul and the excruciating fights that seemed to go on even as they made love and struggled to find common ground. This was completely different. This was simple and raw.
Echo clenched her teeth together and let out a muffled groan as her world exploded and imploded. Pleasure ran across her nerves like pins and needles settling in the back of her skull. She stopped and let her exhausted body catch a breath, but he continued.
He was still chasing his own shooting star, that sensation of being complete. Before it had been beyond easy, even with the help of his own hand, but why was this eluding him now? Alpha felt frustration as her eyes closed, breaking off their eye contact. He needed her to see, to remember. "Echo," he whispered like a tortured man. "Look at me."
His plead was agonized and she heard shame in his voice. It quickly brought her back into her own body. He was still inside her, moving and making her insides writhe. She wanted to moan, but feared that the noise would alert someone to their actions. Her eyes drilled into Alpha's and she ran her hands up his neck and over his cheeks. His insecurity washed away and what was left was the sensation of floating for awhile and then falling back to the ground with a bang. His ecstatic heart was drumming and his senses became blind as he too found nirvana.
Echo felt him stop and they were left hugging one another. Alpha's heart was still pounding like crazy, but Echo remained unmoved. Her lips were on Alpha's forehead and another cold breeze from the corridor brushed against her moist back. She had never felt anything like this before. Caroline was breathing into her ear, but everyone else was quiet. This silence was almost violent, it drove her crazy. Why? Hadn't she always wanted this silence?
Caroline whispered only one word to her, Weak.
Alpha knew it was over. He had wanted more time, more of everything, but Echo no longer looked at her. He knew he had given his everything and perhaps it was too much. Perhaps she wasn't ready for this. Maybe she would never be ready for this. He remembered telling her this was love supreme and now the thought made him smile. Love supreme was exactly what this was.
Echo moved finally and lifted herself, so that they were no longer entangled. She grabbed a shirt from the ground, pulling it on before she turned to look at Alpha. She didn't know what to say and it was all over her face. Alpha gave him a slight nod and she began gathering her clothes. He just sat there, unable to move. This was the way Echo always broke hearts – without making a sound.
Three days from now, Alpha would go missing in action. Most would suspect he had died. Echo would know he had left, unable to go back to the way things had been between them. Echo wouldn't be able to go back to Paul either and soon the only things she cared to bury herself in would be alcohol and violence. Killing the imprinted, shooting Rossum's agents that hid in new meat sacks year after year, she would wonder whether the chair was a blessing after all.
She could not forget what had happened in Reno.
-fin