I really enjoyed the Rachel/Jesse relationship, apart from the bit where Jesse developed bi-polar and started crushing eggs into Rachel's face. Don't get me wrong, I love Ryan Murphy and the rest of the Glee writers, but I think it's time I introduce them to a friend of mine - Mr. Continuity.
Anyway, I don't want to start a rant (because I am totally tempted, and could probably go on for hours), so I'll just stop now.
This is a bit sad, but hopefully you'll enjoy. Reviews are love, people!
The Hardest Part
The first time Jesse St James and Rachel Berry's worlds collide, he's sitting in the crowd, completely bored. Shelby had sent him to scope out the competition, if you could even call them that, at Sectionals. First had been this terrible group of girls who were far too rough for his liking and lacked the depth and contrast that an accompanied male vocal would have provided. Next were a bunch of deaf kids who's rendition of Don't Stop Believing was perhaps the worst thing he had heard in his entire life. Of course people had teared up, but he found himself quite unmoved and relieved when they finally left the stage.
Then the theatre dimmed, the audience fell silent, and Jesse heard her voice for the first time.
-o-
It cuts through him, unlike anything he has ever felt before. Suddenly he's sitting up, trying to find where this voice is coming from. The whole audience is captivated with her as she moves effortlessly through the aisles. Her voice is like a powerhouse filling up the entire theatre, yet there is an underlying honesty and vulnerability that radiates from her performance. He used to be like that, so wide-eyed, excited, humble... but he lost it. The years of success and popularity had hardened him.
As he looks up at her, he wonders if she knows just how good she is.
This is the first time Jesse sees Rachel Berry, and he decides it definitely won't be the last. He doesn't stay for the rest of their performance. He wants to, but Shelby calls him just when everyone is giving her a standing ovation, telling him that she needs him back at practice. Everyone was apparently annoying her and she needed some semblance of talent to get her through. He reluctantly leaves, slipping out the door as the unmistakeable guitar intro of You Can't Always Get What You Want begins. If he'd only stayed for just a few more minutes, or Shelby had called just a little bit later, he would've seen the way another guy had looked at Rachel, and the way she had looked back at him.
And maybe, just maybe, he could've saved himself a whole lot of heartbreak.
-o-
He's shocked when Shelby tells him that Rachel is her daughter. But when she reveals her plan, which involves him befriending Rachel, he gladly goes along with it.
It doesn't take long for them to start dating. It happens easier than he thought it would. She's a little more emotional than he bargained for, and also a little more insecure. But he still finds himself completely enamored by her. This was definitely a first. Usually the girl was the one who was head-over-heals in love with him, while his emotions didn't stray far past like or worst case scenario, tolerance.
They've had the awkward exes talk, but he's not sure how serious it was with Finn. Well, he's not sure at first. He asks around, and attains enough of an idea before he starts getting this sick feeling in his stomach.
She adamantly denies any feelings towards Finn, besides of course, platonic ones. It should make him feel reassured, how sure and confident she is.
But it doesn't, because he knows.
He catches her looking at Finn sometimes, when she thinks neither of them are looking. Maybe if she admitted that there were still some feelings left, even though it would hurt, at least it would be the truth. Because for some reason, the fact that she feels the need to hide those lingering feelings, makes them all the more powerful. It scares him, how much she might care, even if she doesn't realize it. But really, how much more she might care for Finn Hudson, than him.
It's not her fault though, and there's nothing he can really do. That's maybe the hardest part.
-o-
When Shelby tells him it's time to return to Vocal Adrenaline, he almost feels relieved. Then, there's this crushing guilt. And after that, everything happens really quickly. It's probably because he's just been letting himself go through the motions. School, practice, home, sleep. Anything else seems like too much to handle.
So when he finds himself standing in the McKinley High school parking lot with an egg in his hand, he can't actually remember how he got there. He had just gone along with it. And now, it was too late.
"Do it."
He can't. His arm feels like a dead weight.
"Break it like you broke my heart."
He doesn't want to, but he has to.
It's easier this way.
He can only manage to say a few words.
"I loved you." It's the truth, but only half of it.
Then he crushes the egg in her face.
-o-
The last time he sees Rachel, he has this weird sense of deja vu. She's standing at the back of the theatre, watching him as he belts out Bohemian Rhapsody. Maybe this is how it was always supposed to be, where a relationship that was doomed from the start was supposed to draw it's last final breaths. He guesses, in a twisted way, it has kind of come full circle.
The audience is reacting really well to the song, people are singing along and he's giving the performance of his life. But all he can bring himself to care about right now is the way she's looking at him. He can feel this nervous flutter in his stomach and he knows that it's her, and only her, that can do this to him. She'll probably leave once the song ends, so he's holding on to each note for as long as he can, savoring each soaring melody.
When the song begins to wane and the ending is near, she gives him once last look. It's so full of emotion that he's left kind of breathless and almost forgets the words to the song.
Before the last note, she's already gone.
-o-
As he stands up on the stage with his team, the crowd on their feet, cheering and yelling, it should be one of the most happiest times of his life. But truthfully, he can't remember a moment where he has felt more unhappy, or alone.
He thinks, right at that moment, he would give it all up for her. The popularity, the winning, his dreams.
And as he's staring at the empty doorway, every part of his body numb except the overwhelming ache in his chest, Jesse can only wish it had been him, not Finn Hudson, who had met Rachel Berry first.