Regretting Nothing
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Gundam Wing. I am just borrowing. There will be some upcoming new characters.
Pre-Author's Note: This is the same fic for those of you who have read it before. Grr. It's the new system's fault! Urgh! @!$%#$@
Author's note: To better understand the nightmares that haunt Relena at night go see my other story Nightmares. This is a different spin on Relena. Takes place sometime after Endless Waltz. So, everyone's pretty much seventeen.
'I've had enough,' thought Relena. As she glanced outside the window of her hotel room in Brussels. She spotted a group of teens about her age going off together. 'I wonder what they do? Do they have fun? I feeling like am seventeen going on thirty. I am doing the job of a middle age person. My father was more than ten years older when he started this job. Why am doing a job that is slowly killing me through boredom? There isn't even a war going on. I feel like am just watching the world pass me by. Oh…there's new mail. Well, at least that's something new. I might as well open it."
Relena took out her letter opener and opened that mail that was forwarded to her from the Paris offices. These letters were different from any of the others. They would open the door to something Relena never thought was possible.
"Dear Ms. Darlian,
Congratulations, on being in the top 5% percentile in this standardized test…"
All the letters said how well she did on the tests to go to college. Relena was taken back in her chair. 'I never thought that I was that smart. Maybe, it's a fluke. No, there are too many tests results here. Some were taken with only an assigned number,' mused Relena. "Wow," she said to no in particular in the room. Relena decides to open the last envelope. It's a letter from the only mother that Relena has ever known: Mrs. Darlian. Relena read the letter and by the end was close to tears. Her mama had breast and ovary cancer. Mrs. Darlian told Relena in the letter to continue on with the business that Relena had to do. 'They are nothing, but a bunch of meetings. I guess Mom knows that it's my job. She knew from Dad's work. I hate this I wish there was someone to talk to,' thought Relena.
She stood up again and walked to a window. There was no to talk to since the end of the last war, last Christmas. Everyone she had know had left. Noin left to join her brother. Just like that…without even giving a reason or saying goodbye. Sally Po was the one who told her. Relena felt betrayed. She always thought that Noin was her friend. But, now the respect that Relena had is now gone. 'She's just a lovesick lackey for my brother. I just my brother's little sister who needs protection. I am dying here from the suffocation of having so many guards and security around,' thought Relena bitterly. The truth was she really didn't have any friends. The Gundam pilots weren't really friends. Duo was the jokester that made her laugh, but he had other things to do. Quarte was whom she would meet with regularly to conduct business. Wufei showed up during public events because he was dispatched by the Preventer Offices to protect her. Trowa was the quiet person who was good listener. But, the point was they were never there for her when she needed them the most. This was not when her life was in danger. It was when she felt as if she had wasted her life.
Heero. She thought of him often. She thought of him most of all. He left her behind after the war. Some might say she loved him. Relena convinced herself that it was merely fascination that held her interest in him for so long. Heero could just leave without caring. Just like Millardo. Heero was very much like her brother. The two men she cared the most about were also the coldest beings on Earth and on the Colonies. Both couldn't stay for her. Things were different now. Relena was tired of being the one left behind and abandoned. But, of course there's nothing she can do about it. Or can she. She was sick of being the pillar of peace around here. She was just plain tired of everything. Relena has to find a way to pass the time. No one likes to be left behind or abandoned. Now Relena had to think about her mother. She decides to keep her mother's illness a secret. It wasn't anybody's business. Relena decided to cancel her upcoming appointments so that she can see her mother. 'Why do I always lose the ones I love? Why do I always get left behind? I would like to just leave, and let them see how it truly feels like. That's what I'll do. I'll just leave. But, I have to be careful. I'll let Heero be my guide. That's how I'll do it.' She thought.
* * *
It's been three long months. Relena kept seeing her mother before she died. Something in Relena had broken. She also spent the last three months planning her escape from this prison. Relena learned how to use the computer system inside and out in the Paris offices. Relena even learned how to hack into the system. She had plans to infect the system with a virus to scramble the system. Furthermore, she had plans for the virus to systematically search and destroy any information on her. All the work she had plan to do to the systems, seemed like something Heero would do. As a way of showing that she was starting over. Relena had place money in a Swiss bank account for later. She had plans to leave with nothing. There were already forged documents: a new birth certificate (making her a year older), her grades with a different name placed on them, a new passport, in sort very thing one needed for a new identity. A whole new life. Relena was proud of the fact that she had forged the documents all by herself. Relena was proud that she did all the work herself. It sort of became a hobby to pass the time. Which was something she really want to do. It kept her sane. She had already chosen the college where she would enroll. It was a university where almost all the students were at a genius level. Relena was a genius it was that she never had a chance to figure it out for herself.
Relena was indecisive when it came to actually living. There were so many times over the last three months where Relena just thought she should just accept her fate and be happy that things weren't any worse. Relena's mother's death however did something else. Relena couldn't even be with her when she died. This give Relena no end of guilty. The work load just wouldn't let up. Her mother died so sudden after one of the many radically treatments that her mother underwent. Since, Relena told no one about her troubles, everyone assumed that she could stand to do more work. That was another problem Relena had: everyone assumed too much about her character.
'How could they assume they know me? When I don't even know myself. I never had a chance to explore who I was. My mother also said that I should find myself. Now is my time to do so. I have to before I lose what little control I have. Besides, the true test of peace is to see if it can stand without someone always reminding people to stand up for it. I am person, not a symbol,' thought Relena finalizing her decision to leave once and for all.
Relena was listening to the voice mail message from the her mother's doctor stating how and when her mother died. She had played it over and over again. Relena felt numb and dead inside. Her heart was broken. Her mother had died without Relena there to at least hold her hand. This was too much for Relena. She deleted the message from her computer. Relena found the old letter that her mother had sent her three months ago. Relena put it through the shredder. She shredded the letter twice and place the pieces in her coat pocket to get rid of the letter later. After all that, Relena took out a CD and loaded it into her computer. After the program was set to run, she took out the disk. Relena put on her coat and pushed in her chair. She looked at the computer monitor. With her right index finger, she pressed the enter key. The virus was now entered into the network. Relena went to the door of her office, and turned off the lights, and locked the door like usually. She made it a point to be the last person to leave the offices that night. It wasn't that late, but it was a Friday night. The offices were already empty at seven. It was now 7:30. She had sent the car that was waiting at six to pick her up home earlier. She had told Pegan that she would call when she needed to be picked up. They would be waiting for her. So, she had to move quickly.
Relena simply walked out of the office. She never even turned back.
Author's Note: Tell me what you really think. I always thought that Relena was kind of lonely that's why she followed Heero like she did in the anime. The position of maintaining peace for Earth and the Colonies is hard work for someone so young. It's sort of like the pillar in Magic Knight Rayearth. Not one person can do it on his or her own. You can see my website for more anime fun: HTTP://WWW.DREAMWATER.ORG/ANIMELUNACY. Also, could someone please suggest a title for this on going piece. I have a story, but no title.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Gundam Wing. I am just borrowing. There will be some upcoming new characters.
Pre-Author's Note: This is the same fic for those of you who have read it before. Grr. It's the new system's fault! Urgh! @!$%#$@
Author's note: To better understand the nightmares that haunt Relena at night go see my other story Nightmares. This is a different spin on Relena. Takes place sometime after Endless Waltz. So, everyone's pretty much seventeen.
'I've had enough,' thought Relena. As she glanced outside the window of her hotel room in Brussels. She spotted a group of teens about her age going off together. 'I wonder what they do? Do they have fun? I feeling like am seventeen going on thirty. I am doing the job of a middle age person. My father was more than ten years older when he started this job. Why am doing a job that is slowly killing me through boredom? There isn't even a war going on. I feel like am just watching the world pass me by. Oh…there's new mail. Well, at least that's something new. I might as well open it."
Relena took out her letter opener and opened that mail that was forwarded to her from the Paris offices. These letters were different from any of the others. They would open the door to something Relena never thought was possible.
"Dear Ms. Darlian,
Congratulations, on being in the top 5% percentile in this standardized test…"
All the letters said how well she did on the tests to go to college. Relena was taken back in her chair. 'I never thought that I was that smart. Maybe, it's a fluke. No, there are too many tests results here. Some were taken with only an assigned number,' mused Relena. "Wow," she said to no in particular in the room. Relena decides to open the last envelope. It's a letter from the only mother that Relena has ever known: Mrs. Darlian. Relena read the letter and by the end was close to tears. Her mama had breast and ovary cancer. Mrs. Darlian told Relena in the letter to continue on with the business that Relena had to do. 'They are nothing, but a bunch of meetings. I guess Mom knows that it's my job. She knew from Dad's work. I hate this I wish there was someone to talk to,' thought Relena.
She stood up again and walked to a window. There was no to talk to since the end of the last war, last Christmas. Everyone she had know had left. Noin left to join her brother. Just like that…without even giving a reason or saying goodbye. Sally Po was the one who told her. Relena felt betrayed. She always thought that Noin was her friend. But, now the respect that Relena had is now gone. 'She's just a lovesick lackey for my brother. I just my brother's little sister who needs protection. I am dying here from the suffocation of having so many guards and security around,' thought Relena bitterly. The truth was she really didn't have any friends. The Gundam pilots weren't really friends. Duo was the jokester that made her laugh, but he had other things to do. Quarte was whom she would meet with regularly to conduct business. Wufei showed up during public events because he was dispatched by the Preventer Offices to protect her. Trowa was the quiet person who was good listener. But, the point was they were never there for her when she needed them the most. This was not when her life was in danger. It was when she felt as if she had wasted her life.
Heero. She thought of him often. She thought of him most of all. He left her behind after the war. Some might say she loved him. Relena convinced herself that it was merely fascination that held her interest in him for so long. Heero could just leave without caring. Just like Millardo. Heero was very much like her brother. The two men she cared the most about were also the coldest beings on Earth and on the Colonies. Both couldn't stay for her. Things were different now. Relena was tired of being the one left behind and abandoned. But, of course there's nothing she can do about it. Or can she. She was sick of being the pillar of peace around here. She was just plain tired of everything. Relena has to find a way to pass the time. No one likes to be left behind or abandoned. Now Relena had to think about her mother. She decides to keep her mother's illness a secret. It wasn't anybody's business. Relena decided to cancel her upcoming appointments so that she can see her mother. 'Why do I always lose the ones I love? Why do I always get left behind? I would like to just leave, and let them see how it truly feels like. That's what I'll do. I'll just leave. But, I have to be careful. I'll let Heero be my guide. That's how I'll do it.' She thought.
* * *
It's been three long months. Relena kept seeing her mother before she died. Something in Relena had broken. She also spent the last three months planning her escape from this prison. Relena learned how to use the computer system inside and out in the Paris offices. Relena even learned how to hack into the system. She had plans to infect the system with a virus to scramble the system. Furthermore, she had plans for the virus to systematically search and destroy any information on her. All the work she had plan to do to the systems, seemed like something Heero would do. As a way of showing that she was starting over. Relena had place money in a Swiss bank account for later. She had plans to leave with nothing. There were already forged documents: a new birth certificate (making her a year older), her grades with a different name placed on them, a new passport, in sort very thing one needed for a new identity. A whole new life. Relena was proud of the fact that she had forged the documents all by herself. Relena was proud that she did all the work herself. It sort of became a hobby to pass the time. Which was something she really want to do. It kept her sane. She had already chosen the college where she would enroll. It was a university where almost all the students were at a genius level. Relena was a genius it was that she never had a chance to figure it out for herself.
Relena was indecisive when it came to actually living. There were so many times over the last three months where Relena just thought she should just accept her fate and be happy that things weren't any worse. Relena's mother's death however did something else. Relena couldn't even be with her when she died. This give Relena no end of guilty. The work load just wouldn't let up. Her mother died so sudden after one of the many radically treatments that her mother underwent. Since, Relena told no one about her troubles, everyone assumed that she could stand to do more work. That was another problem Relena had: everyone assumed too much about her character.
'How could they assume they know me? When I don't even know myself. I never had a chance to explore who I was. My mother also said that I should find myself. Now is my time to do so. I have to before I lose what little control I have. Besides, the true test of peace is to see if it can stand without someone always reminding people to stand up for it. I am person, not a symbol,' thought Relena finalizing her decision to leave once and for all.
Relena was listening to the voice mail message from the her mother's doctor stating how and when her mother died. She had played it over and over again. Relena felt numb and dead inside. Her heart was broken. Her mother had died without Relena there to at least hold her hand. This was too much for Relena. She deleted the message from her computer. Relena found the old letter that her mother had sent her three months ago. Relena put it through the shredder. She shredded the letter twice and place the pieces in her coat pocket to get rid of the letter later. After all that, Relena took out a CD and loaded it into her computer. After the program was set to run, she took out the disk. Relena put on her coat and pushed in her chair. She looked at the computer monitor. With her right index finger, she pressed the enter key. The virus was now entered into the network. Relena went to the door of her office, and turned off the lights, and locked the door like usually. She made it a point to be the last person to leave the offices that night. It wasn't that late, but it was a Friday night. The offices were already empty at seven. It was now 7:30. She had sent the car that was waiting at six to pick her up home earlier. She had told Pegan that she would call when she needed to be picked up. They would be waiting for her. So, she had to move quickly.
Relena simply walked out of the office. She never even turned back.
Author's Note: Tell me what you really think. I always thought that Relena was kind of lonely that's why she followed Heero like she did in the anime. The position of maintaining peace for Earth and the Colonies is hard work for someone so young. It's sort of like the pillar in Magic Knight Rayearth. Not one person can do it on his or her own. You can see my website for more anime fun: HTTP://WWW.DREAMWATER.ORG/ANIMELUNACY. Also, could someone please suggest a title for this on going piece. I have a story, but no title.