Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I am just borrowing the characters for some fun.
Warning: This story will contain Swearing, Scenes of Torture and Sexual innuendo. Eventual Slash.
Summary: Nothing is going to plan. The order is three days late to pick him up and Lucius Malfoy has somehow managed to get out of Azkaban. Remus always wants to talk, but Harry can't bring himself to even think of what happened in June. It was time to face facts: Harry's life belongs to the cause and his own feelings don't matter. Begins after Order of the Phoenix. Eventual Slash.
Chapter One: Settling In
In the town of Surry, on a street called Privet Drive the lights had gone dark.
At number 7 Mr. Woodhouse had brought in his dog, after his final outing of the night. Up at number 10 the Hamilton's had finally fallen asleep warm in each other's arms. At number 2, Ms. Fig's cats where heading for a drink of milk before calling it a night and curling up next to their master in bed. And at number 4, Harry Potter had fallen asleep in a rickety desk chair that pointed towards the window.
He jerked awake with the suddenness that is born of someone who dreams in nightmares. Unfortunately the sudden movement only caused his muscles, which had been moments before resting in such an unnatural position, to groan in pain. He sighed and reached a hand up to rub his neck, before jumping up to look closely out the window.
"Damn it!" he threw his hand forward as if to punch the wall, but stopped just short for fear that the noise would wake his relatives . "Where the fuck are they?"
He spun to meet the unimpressed gaze of his owl. Hedwig seemed to sigh with frustration at her owner's demeanor. After 3 days of a high strung 15 year old Harry Potter, she was well used to this kind of show.
Harry was beside himself. 3 days late! 3 days late when Voldemort was on the loose, and ploting his demise! Three days without letters or information or any indication that the last five years had not, in fact, been some kind of crazy dream. Three days of dread, and time spent waiting on anything. For all he knew they had come to get him, but had been ambushed on their way over and everyone was dead. In which case it was probably a stupid idea to leave the house, but he could not stand to stare any longer at the bare walls of the spare bedroom of his relative's house. It was certainly not his room, and he was certainly sick of seeing the look of disappointment on his relations face every time he showed up for breakfast in the morning.
His uncle had taken to waving sausages about as he ranted about the timeliness of those Freaks. Harry could hear it now.
Boy! What is the meaning of this? Do they not even own a bloody calendar? Or do they keep to some freakish calendar? Probably mixed with some satanic ritual, I have no doubt! Bleeding freaks are probably off dancing naked at Stonehenge and forgot to take you with them!
His aunt always pursed her lips in such a way that Harry knew she was thinking something vile. Then, she ticked her spoon steadily against her bowl, until Harry had to fight the urge not the flip over the table. And the most sickening was Dudley's muttered agreements with his father as he dribbled his cereal all over the table.
No. Enough was enough! If they did not get him tonight, he was leaving himself. At this point he would rather be Avada Kedavra'd then spend one more day doing chores and being bullied by the other occupants number 4 Privet Drive.
It was 1 am, and if he did not see someone from the Order of the Phoenix within the next two hours he was getting the hell out of this place until next summer. They could all just fucking deal with it! And maybe the next time they set some plans, they'd damn well keep them.
He turned and almost knocked over Hedwig's cage when he heard some noise coming from the street. She chirped her disapproval as he rushed back to the window. But it was only two teens that were stumbling home drunk after an evening at the pub. They were leaning on each other heavily and walking down the middle of the street in a zig zag pattern. Harry could even hear some faint singing. He leaned his head against the glass and wished that he could have a nice glass of Firewhisky to calm his nerves.
"Hello Harry."
Harry spun and pulled his wand at the same moment. The chair tipped over in his haste and he winced at the noise. Standing in front of him was a shabby looking Remus Lupin holding his hands up in peace.
Harry's eyes narrowed. "What do I hear when a Dementor comes close to me?"
Remus looked sad for a moment and then squared his shoulders. "You hear Voldemort killing your parents. You could have picked a more pleasant item to question me on."
Harry's wand dropped to his side.
"I guess I am not feeling in a particularly pleasant mood." He whispered. "Don't talk so loud you'll wake my uncle."
Remus gestured at his wand and smiled. "Silencing charms."
"Oh in that case...WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS!?"
"We ran into some difficulties" said Remus, completely non-pulsed by Harry's attitude.
"DIFFICULTIES is being late ONE DAY! I would call this a fucking CRISIS!" Said Harry
"Harry, I am sorry. The day watch detected some potential problems and we could not risk it until tonight." Remus explained. "Since when did you get such a mouth on you?"
"Since I had to wait 3 F-ing days for news that the whole Order had not been blown to smithereens! I have been out of my mind with worry! And not one shred of news! You would think that someone on the day watch could poke me and tell me that Voldemort had not won while I was stuck in this muggle hell!" Harry turned abruptly, to hide the wet feeling that was coming to his eyes. He had never been so relived.
"I'm sorry Harry." Remus righted the knocked over chair that was in his way and walked up behind Harry, so he could rest his hand on his shoulder. "I know you must have been terribly worried. But we don't have time to talk about it now. Fred and George are waiting for us. I promise to explain everything when we get to our safe location,"
Harry nodded and blinked several times. "Alright, I guess I can't say that I am not eager to get out of here. What's the plan?"
Remus dangled a pastry in front of his face and Harry turned to face him properly.
"You just need to eat this pastry and I will be on my way. One of Fred and Georges creations actually. It transforms you into a canary. Canary creams I believe they call it?" Said Remus "This is actually an improved formulation that will have you keep that form long enough for us to get to safety."
Harry's mouth dropped open. "You're joking!"
Remus gave a genuine smile for the first time that night and looked entirely too pleased with himself. "Nope."
"What are you going to do with a canary? Stuff it in your pocket? That sounds a bit uncomfortable." Said Harry
Remus's smile grew to alarming proportions. "That's the general idea. Of course, it also knocks you out so don't worry about any discomfort. When you wake up you will be safe and sound in bed. I thought it was rather brilliant. "
Harry laughed somewhat hysterically. "Of all the ways wizards can travel and you lot choose this?"
"Unfortunately most of those ways are also tracked by the ministry." Remus said matter-of-factly. "We are not too keen on them at the moment."
Harry thought back to that night at the ministry...he shook his head. Not now! "Apparition?"
"Not possible within the bloodwards."
"Seriously?" Harry whined, starting to give in. "Could we not just fly?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh yes and make you perfect target practice for Voldemort. If you travel this way, we also have the advantage of him not know that you are with me. Normally one does not conceal a person, under their robes. Anyone watching will just see me and I will be apparating once out of the wards, for a quick getaway. Hopefully Voldemort will continue to assume that you are residing under the protection of the blood wards. "
Harry was still not exactly pleased by the proceedings, but seeing as he could not offer an alternative, he succumbed to his fate. "Fine. Hand it over."
Remus handed over the pastry almost vibrating from mirth, and Harry was reminded that he had once been one of the most famous pranksters of Hogwarts. "Tell me if it tastes as good as it looks."
It did in fact look pretty good. It had a nice puff pastry on the outside, that seemed to be brushed with some kind of glaze and someone had sprinkled hard sugar on the top. As he picked it up he felt, what promised to be a delicious custard cream filling. Harry took his first bite not knowing what to expect, but he was pleasantly surprised. It was not half bad for a poisoned pastry.
"S'not bad at all." He mumbled.
Remus was making himself busy shrinking Harry's trunk. He also released Hedwig into the night and shrunk her cage to fit into his pocket.
Harry started to feel a bit light headed a few bites to the end. His head felt so heavy, and he had to talk himself into eating the last bit. Suddenly the need to sit was overwhelming. Luckily the room was small and he was able to turn and plop onto the bed. His last thought was that he hoped he had a softer mattress wherever he was headed...
Harry woke up alone in a dark bedroom. It was a bit disorienting to feel like he had missed a step in his journey, but it did not take him long to recognize the dreary decor of number 12 Grimmauld Place.
Someone had obviously tried to spruce up the room a bit for him. A vase sat on his bedside table with fresh flowers and clean crisp sheets lined the bed. His trunk was placed on a small stand at the end of his bed and Hedwig's cage sat on a desk in the corner of the room. These little touches, while pleasant, did little to calm the churning of his stomach.
This house just held too many memories. Sirius singing Christmas carols, Sirius fooling around at dinner, Sirius pranking the twins relentlessly...
Even the happy memories where tinged in regret now. Sirius had hated this house, and ultimately, it has been his need to get away that had lead to his death.
Anger surged inside Harry and he did not know how to calm it down. How could they bring him back here? He had assumed that he was headed to the Burrow or some other location. Dumbledore certainly must have other safe places hidden away somewhere. There had to be somewhere else he could go besides here. It could not have escaped anyone that this place would hold painful memories.
But Dumbledore had never been one to minimize Harry's pain. In fact he would probably babble on about how it would be good for him to confront these feelings. After all hadn't he said something like that after the Triwizard Tournament? Now that Voldemort was back, the resounding message seemed to be that Harry Potter simply had to get used to feeling like shit. Sometimes he wished that the killing curse on his head had worked. I definitely would have been less painful.
He sighed to himself. That wasn't true. If he had been killed on October 31st 1980, then that would only mean that Voldemort had, if the prophesy was to be believed, won. Which would definitely mean that all his friends would be dead by now. If only Trelawny had given that stupid prophesy while she was in the shower, or someplace equally solitary. If only Voldemort had never heard that a prophesy even existed, because now he had forced the prophesy to come true. There was something terribly tragic in how different things could have been had he prophesy been kept totally secret.
Feeling restless Harry threw open the door of the bedroom. The house was silent and Harry poked his head into each door along the hall way. Each bedroom proved empty, but that did not mean much. Grimmauld place was a huge mansion that used to accommodate one of the oldest pureblood families in Great Britain. The Black family had certainly wanted to show off their wealth in the house. Despite living here last summer Harry had not been able to see all of the house itself, but he did know that it had a library, 2 dining rooms, a potions lab and a separate den area for the man and lady of the house. Petunia and Vernon Dursley only dreamed about this kind of money.
He walked down the main staircase quietly so as not to wake Mrs. Black. Unfortunately the house elf heads still stared down at him as he made is way down to the main entrance. The first dining room proved empty, but Harry found Remus Lupin seated quietly reading a book in the ornate living room.
"Ah! Harry you're awake. I hope that the journey over was not too disorienting." Said Remus, closing his book and placing it on the table next to his chair "You're not supposed to have remembered anything, but this was the first time this...umm...method of transportation was really put to test."
Harry inched into the room, feeling like he was walking into an antiques shop. "No I don't remember anything. It felt like I just had a really deep sleep. How long was I out for?"
" Well it is now..." Remus waved his wand to display the time in smoky numbers that hung in the air. " 6: 48 am. You regained your form after an hour. Luckily we had already arrived and I had taken you out of my pocket, or else you would have made a nasty hole in my favorite robes."
Harry gave a courtesy smile at the attempted humor. He just did not particularly feel like laughing. "I'm quite glad that I kept my clothes. You never quite know what Fred and George will throw at you."
Remus laughed. "They really do take after the Marauders more then they know! One time James and Sirius..." Something on Harry's face must have made him stop. "Harry I'm sorry."
"No its fine." He said his lips tight. "I just don't know how you can talk so casually after...after...what happened."
Suddenly the carpet became intensely interesting. It was decorated in green and grey with an ornate pattern running throughout. Harry bitterly thought that it was the type of thing that his aunt Petunia would like, which made him hate it. Remus also seemed to have become entranced with the delicate patterns weaved in and out.
When Remus finally spoke his voice started softly and then gained in volume "I was very upset about this Junes events Harry. But I like to remember the good times. I need to remember the good times."
Harry scoffed. "What good does it do to remember a different time when all that lies ahead is more of ...June?"
"Harry, don't say that." Remus reproached "We all need to remember what we are fighting for. I may never have my friends back, but one day I know that you and your children will be able to live with the same carefree attitude that a teenage James and Sirius had. I know those days will come."
Harry scoffed. "Fine."
Inside his mind was screaming 'Were they ever really good times? Because from what I can tell, there was just a traitor lying in wait. Someone who pretended to be your friend for years just waiting for his chance to finally be the big kid on campus. Oh and when he wasn't around, it seems like James and Sirius were always around to make other people's lives miserable, weren't they? Just great big bullies. Sure maybe their lives were care free, but they sure made sure that other peoples weren't.'
Outwardly he only glared at the carpet.
"I really feel like we should talk about some of this..." Said Remus in such a soft voice that Harry chanced a look up from the rug.
His former professor was looking at him like he might break into pieces any second. Dumbledore had probably mentioned something about his fragile state after his office had been all but destroyed. Suddenly Harry felt tired; Tired and much much older than 15 years old. "No its fine."
"Harry-"
"It's fine." Repeated Harry in a tone of finality.
Remus sighed. "We really are getting off the point of things. All I simply meant to say was that I am fighting for that time back before wondering if someone was an ally to Voldemort even existed. I suppose that you have never really had that, so you will have to find you own reason to fight."
Harry let out a dark laugh. "From what I can tell, I am stuck fighting reason or no."
"Harry you mustn't think that way..."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Really Harry we should-"
Harry looked up from the carpet. "I really don't want to talk."
Once again Remus must have seen something in his eyes because he finally sighed and nodded. "Then I think a change of subject is in order."
Harry gave a hollow smile. "Yes please!"
"You should know that Kreacher has been moved to a different location and you will not encounter him here, we thought it best. Also, Dumbledore has asked that you not inform Ron and Hermione where you are staying for the remainder of the summer."
"Sure." said Harry, not wanting to even pause to think about the fucking house elf, "It's not like they won't figure it out. This is kinda headquarters."
"Well..." Said Remus "I must admit I am not sure how much I can divulge seeing as you are not yet of age...but... this is no longer headquarters. We have a new headquarters building. Some of Voldemort's followers came a little too close to discovering our location, so we have staged that we have 'fled' and only a select few people know that we are still using this location. Molly and Arthur do not know that this house is still in use, let alone their children."
"That's the most..." Harry stated, trying to think of words as he spoke. "Why are you putting me in a place that Death Eaters are close to finding? How does that make any sense?"
Remuse smiled as if he knew something Harry didn't, which Harry thought he most definitely did " Don't worry we would not place you somewhere we thought was unsafe."
That he did believe, so he nodded his ascent. "Fine. But it is a bummer. I was looking forward to having my friends to pass the time."
"Well I suppose you will have to busy yourself with me, and the few other Order members who will be stopping by. You could always clean and do homework? Make Hermione proud."
The glint was back in Remus's eye, and Harry couldn't help but give a small genuine smile. "Yeah right! It's only a few weeks into summer! I have plenty of time to do my homework. What could you possibly do to entertain me?"
Remus's eye brows went up. "I can be quite fun you know. How about we start with a challenge? I bet I can beat you in Exploding Snap 2 times in a row. If I can't I'll make breakfast. If I do, I get to taste your lovely cuisine."
Harry narrowed his eyes. "You're on."
"Well I have to say Remus, you do make a mean breakfast." Said Harry helping himself to more toast.
Remus smiled. "I am not the best of cooks, but as a single man I managed to figure out a few recipes. Every single man should be able to prepare a decent breakfast; it proves advantageous in the case of unexpected morning guests."
Harry chocked at the sexual innuendo and Remus winked at him.
"I can also make a pretty decent curry." He continued. "But anything more complex then that you will have to make yourself."
Harry took this as his cue to get a little payback. "Well I think I'm a pretty good cook. I have been able to cook a decent breakfast for quite a while now."
Remus eyed him skeptically before continuing without missing a beat "I suppose that it is time I teach you the contraceptus charm. One Harry Potter is more than enough. But I must say I am surprised that prissy Cho Chang let you "scramble her eggs". "
Harry's went absolutely red and he regretted joking around so freely. Professor Lupin had been known to have an exceptionally wicked tongue during his third year and it appeared that had certainly not changed.
Remus smiled at his reaction. "Don't play with fire if you don't want to get burned."
Harry looked back at his eggs and started eating again as he tried to dull his blush. The kitchen at Grimmauld place, which had always been so busy every other time that Harry had been there, was quiet. He had never actually eaten in either of the dining rooms, much preferring the small cosy felling of the table and chairs crammed into the kitchen. It had not really been meant to be an area to eat, and one side of the table was almost directly in front of the fire place. Remus had not bothered to clean as he cooked, and the counters were littered with plates, pots and crumbs. The sink had a charm on it to clean the dishes, but it seemed like it had been cleaning the same pan for the past 15 minutes.
"Well." Said Harry, clearing his throat. "I will definitely keep that in mind. But ...umm... me and Cho broke up after she defended Marietta."
"Young love: nothing is ever as complex or as simple as that." Remus said. "However, don't think I won't be teaching you that contraceptus charm. I once was a young man who attended Hogwarts as well, and I know very well what kind of things happen in long forgotten classrooms."
Sensing that this was one embarrassment that he was not able to get out of Harry did the next best thing: procrastinate. "You know I am feeling rather tired. I did not get a lot of sleep last night between waiting for you and everything. I was hoping to have a bit of a lie in later."
"Definitely a sound idea. I myself was planning on having a nice nap."
Harry sighed in relief, hoping that Remus had only been trying to wind him up. It would be nice to have a nice lazy day not worrying too much about the Order having been completely obliterated without anyone left to let him know. Speaking of which...
"I have been rather out of the loop, think you could fill me in?" Forestalling all of Remus's objections Harry held up his hand. "I know I am too young, and not truly a part of the Order (because you all won't let me be he thought) and blah blah blah. But it does rather concern me."
Remus nodded. "I cannot, as you know, tell you everything but I did have a talk with Dumbledore about being more forth coming with you about developing events."
Harry would have loved to have been a fly on that wall. By the set of Remus's jaw it looked like he had had less of a discussion and more of a telling. He felt calmed knowing that Remus at least was looking out for him and not just following what the headmaster said any more.
"I know you have not been able to get The Prophet, but its reports have reflected that the ministry of magic has definitely acknowledged that you-know-who is back. Fudge is in the middle of a rather vicious battle to keep his title as minister, and will probably be pushed out any day now. The order is doing everything it can to make sure that one of our people, or at least someone in our camp becomes the next minister. Predictably, you-know-who is doing the same. Whoever controls the ministry at this point would definitely have the upper hand."
Harry nodded, that all made sense. If Voldemort could legally take the ministry it would almost make things too easy for him. He could pass all sorts of difficult laws and would have a whole army of aurors at his disposal to implement them. Fudge had been a raving idiot and was clearly serving neither parties needs anymore.
Remus continued as Harry's brain started to hurt imagining the complex political dance for the new minister. "I have kept a few copies of The Prophet for you to look though if you would like. There have been a few attacks on small muggle villages and some random acts of terror against some known pureblood families that oppose you-know-who. As things go pretty minor stuff. All signs point to you-know-who trying to amass his followers and solidify his hold. True Death Eaters have been working for him for the past year, but this presents him a chance to get some new recruits. Many of his old Death Eaters were weakened by their stay in Azkaban, so he needs to replenish his army. Fortunately, 13 years of anti-Death Eater rhetoric has weakened the pool he can draw from."
"So it is harder for him to get followers then last time?" said Harry, feeling confused. It had seemed like there had always been a group of Death Eaters in waiting at Hogwarts.
Remus smiled. "Most definitely. When you-know-who first rose to power he was a rather public figure. He gave speeches, petitioned for law changes and basically worked within the legal structure for several years. While a radical in his views, he was also charismatic and presented some good arguments."
"What!? How can you possibly-"
"Relax Harry." Said Remus "You know I don't support his views, but the fact remains that there was a reason people followed him. Thankfully, the past 13 years have done so much damage to his reputation that almost a whole new younger generation has grown up with him being seen as the enemy, at least in the eyes of the press. No one has written a positive article in the Daily Prophet about Voldemort in a long long time. Even children of Death Eaters, who grew up espousing the pureblood beliefs, knew that it would be very much against the political tide to outright state their views. It means that all recruiting for Death Eaters has to be done behind closed doors and whispered conversation. That is much more time consuming then say...holding conventions at the three broomsticks."
"Voldemort used to hold conventions at The Three Broomsticks?" Said Harry faintly, feeling like the whole world had turned upside down.
"Most definitely." Remus paused. "But we are getting quite off topic. Right now the most important thing for you to know is that you-know-who is trying to gain followers, but it is taking him a lot longer than it used to. This has left him pretty much relying on his loyal Death Eaters to poke around at the Ministry while he poses attacks to try and spread a feeling of terror throughout the community."
Harry picked up the three Daily Prophets that were lying on the table, starting with the one that had today's date on it. He pursued the titles of the articles: 'Terror in Kent- 10 muggles killed' , 'Is Gringrotts safe? Did you-know-who give the goblins an offer they can't refuse?', 'Wizardmont meeting- what will they be discussing?', 'Lucius Malfoy allows Aurors to search Malfoy Manor'.
Harry smiled feeling a little giddy. "Malfoy Manors being searched? I'm sure Malfoy is positively fuming. Finally getting what he deserves."
"Yes, the Prophet had done nothing but publish Lucius Malfoy's firm arguments against the invasion of his privacy. Two days ago, there was something about one of his lawyers sighting the statute of Wizarding Space act from 1312." Remus said blandly as he pursued his eggs.
"Wow. He can give comments from Azkaban? How is that possible? Shouldn't he be batty by now?" Said Harry
"If he were in Azkaban, he may well have been."
Wait. Hold on. Harry's stomach sank. "What do you mean were? How can he not be in Azkaban? He was at the Ministry of Magic that night- in June!"
Remus sighed, as if he had known this would come up. "Lucius Malfoy has many friends in very high places, more blackmail material in his little pinky then Rita seekers quick notes quill and several Gingrots vaults packed to the brim...the world is not a fair place."
"That's-That's..." At a loss for words Harry finally just threw out the first things that had come to mind. "So ridiculously fucked up! I can't believe this!"
To his surprised Remus simply agreed and offered no more words of encouragement. Harry glared back at the news paper as if it had personally offended him. All those day dreams of rubbing it in Malfoys face shattered by a big pocketbook. When he got back to school he was sure that Malfoy would be entirely insufferable, more than usual. What kind of corrupt system was this? Giving up all faith in humanity, he looked at the next most interesting article. "Should I be withdrawing all my money from Gringrotts?"
Remus glanced at the article. "You've nothing to worry about. The Goblins could not care less about what is going on in the wizarding world and will remain firmly neutral. Nobody would be stupid enough to try and take control of Gringrott's from them." He pointed at the author's name. "Jacob Mckinley is a Death Eater. This article is meant to give you-know-who's supporters a 'legitimate' reason to remove large sums of money from their accounts. This money will then be 'donated to the cause' so to speak."
Harry nodded. If there was one thing he had learned from the Dursley's and the Malfoy's it was the money meant power. Suddenly he felt nervous and his hunger evaporated. He pushed his breakfast away. "I think I am going to go settle in, suddenly not so hungry."
Remus looked mildly concerned. "Alright. Go unpack. You will be here all summer." Harry stood and walked his plate over to the sink.
"And Harry?"
He turned back just before leaving.
"Come and find me if there is anything you would like to talk about."
Out loud he muttered the appropriate "Thanks Remus," but couldn't help scoffing at the suggestion internally. He knew they all expected him to be crying on peoples shoulders or yelling (like he had last year), but now was the time to suck it up and deal with it. After hearing the prophesy and the loss of his Godfather Harry had finally come to the hard to truth that there was no room for his own feelings in his hectic life.