As selfish as it may seem, in some ways I wish not to save Shirley.
I will, of course, as promised to the Calm Nerifes. If the Cataclysm occurs, the chaos that would ensue would probably lose the respect I've earned from Coolidge. Though the details of the Merines and her Wings of Light are hazy in my mind, I am under the impression that if that great disaster comes forth, the Merines' life – Shirley's life – would be ended, as well as the lives of those "Orerines" on the mainland. None of us would be safe from the terror such a horror would cause, but most of all Coolidge – Senel – would suffer.
It is my duty as a Knight to save those in need. The people of the mainland do not deserve to lose at best their homes and at worst their lives. If, somehow, Shirley manages to live through the ordeal, she does not deserve to live the rest of her life with her hands so blood-soaked, no matter how her brain has been altered by the Rite of Accession. If it kills her, she certainly does not deserve such a fate.
However, if we stop the Cataclysm and save Shirley, she will almost certainly steal Senel's heart… no, steal, is not the word. She already has it; I am the one who wishes to steal it. I am the one who's been by his side this whole time! She has caused him nothing but trouble, yet… yet…! Yet he wishes to tell her "how he feels".
It is my duty as a Knight to save those in need, but it is my duty as a woman to tell the one I love how I feel! How can I do so, though, when I am helping the one I love to tell the one he loves how he feels? Ah, such a conundrum… I'm getting a headache.
I have one who understands my heart, though I have never confided in her. She is my strange cheerleader, and though she has given me more headaches than one could need in a lifetime, I appreciate her fighting spirit. Unfortunately, though I want nothing more than to agree with her, her words do nothing but make me think my motives and actions over more carefully.
To be in love… what does such a thing mean? If I were to confess my feelings to Senel, I would, of course, wish that he would have such feelings for me in return. I know, though, that his feelings are for Stella first and Shirley second. If there were a distant third I could only hope to be it! Even if, somehow, we were together, he would be unhappy, hoping against hope for Shirley to return to him, pining quietly for the Rite of Feriyen that escaped him with Stella's death. In the end, neither of us would be happy.
When this is all over, and peace has returned to the Legacy and the rest of the world, I will continue to pursue my womanly duty! If there is ever a time when Shirley Fennes makes you unhappy, Senel Coolidge, I will be there for you.
So, partly to save the world, but mostly to calm my guilt, I will save Shirley. I will do what I can to make Senel happy, though it breaks my heart a little more each time I think of it.