Ziva walked slowly down the aisle, the music playing softly, her arm linked with Gibbs. She was nervous, her opposite arm tensed. Gibbs could feel this. She didn't want to marry Ray. She loved someone else. She glanced at him with Tim, Palmer and Ducky. He was smiling. Tony's smile felt genuine but it wasn't. She knew it wasn't. Abby beamed from the front. She was her maid of honour. Then she looked at Ray. He was smiling, wearing a crystal clean black suit and a perfect white shirt, his black hair carefully combed back. She looked at Gibbs. He was smiling but eyeing her strangely. He knew how she felt.
"You can always turn around." He whispered almost silently to her.
She wouldn't have believed he had spoken if he wasn't still looking at her firmly. In the next second it took to reach the front he let her go and stood further to the side. She felt more alone than ever now.
"We are gathered here today…"
She toned out the minister. All she could do was think over everything she and Tony had gone through. He was so supportive of her engagement and he helped her make the choice to accept his proposal. But he didn't know the truth. Tony didn't know that she loved him. She just felt so disappointed in herself that she hadn't told anyone. She was ashamed she hadn't told him. She loved him.
"Ziva I'm home," He calls from the front door.
She shifts off of the seat and places her new novel on the window ledge smiling as she hears a little girl scream in delight as her father throws her over his shoulder. As he comes in he kisses her and hands over the little bundle. She had long brown hair and sweet green eyes with a lush green dress to accompany it. As she places her daughter on the floor her hands reach a little bump on her stomach where a new life is forming.
"Ziva, I'm so happy you chose me."
"So am I," She whispered back as she kissed him.
As she pulled away she took him in completely. He was everything she had ever wanted. He was Tony.
As she pulled herself out of her fantasy she realised exactly what she wanted. She didn't want Ray or his money or his CIA. She wanted Tony. She wanted plain old Tony with the love of movies. She wanted to be standing here with him gazing longingly into her eyes. She wanted to marry Tony and she wanted to have his children. It took her another glance before she began paying attention to the ceremony.
"Ray Cruz, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?"
"I do," he pledged smiling.
But could she break his heart? Could she really leave him at their wedding? Leave him at the alter? She had broken hearts before, she broken a lot before. But Ray didn't deserve it.
She sighs as another load of dishes are left at the table and she hears the pounding of feet rushing up the stairs. She picks up the dishes and puts them in the dish washer before going up the stairs. Each step pains her as she realises her mistake. She popped her head round and into her daughter's room. She is smiling as she plays with her dolls. It takes her a minute to realise her mother is there.
"Ima," She mumbles sheepishly as she drops her doll, "When'll daddy be back?"
"Yeah," Her son adds, pulling on her shirt, "Daddy has been gone for almost a month."
"Hold on I'll check," She replies as she picks up her phone and dials Ray's mobile. He answers.
"Hay baby how are you doing?"
"Um, fine. The kids are wondering when you will be home."
"Sorry I've been delayed again. It'll be another month."
She suddenly realised she couldn't live like that. She couldn't make that mistake. She knew it was selfish but she couldn't. It wouldn't be right.
"Ziva David, will you have this man to be your wedded husband, to love him, comfort him, honour and keep him, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto him, so long as you both shall live?"
"I, I…"
She could feel eyes narrowing on her as she stuttered with her words. She just needed one more. She just needed to say a two letter word but she couldn't. As much as she wanted to she couldn't make herself say it. Her NCIS family's eyes widened in disbelief. They didn't know she would have problems. Tony was slightly relieved but he felt bad. Had he wanted this? It took her a moment to get the words out.
"I…I can't."
She turned and ran despite the difficulty with the high heels. She didn't look back as she pushed open the doors and ran round to the side of the building, slouching down and holding her head. It took Gibbs less than a few moments to catch her. He pulled her into him and whispered in her ear,
"It's all right, Ziva. It's all right, you did the right thing."
And for once she believed that. For once she believed she hadn't made the wrong decision and this time she was proud of herself.
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