"I trust you."
The words felt bitter on his tongue as he said them. In all honesty, he had done everything except trust at the time, especially when the person in question was Joshua. The boy was the most likely suspect for his own death after all. Yet, his ideas and perceptions slowly changed as the week progressed and more of the memory revealed itself in the scans of his partner's head.
For a while there, Neku actually did find himself trusting the arrogant ashy haired boy, feeling guilt and sorry for his supposed death. Other than the fate of the people of Shibuya, the guilt of Joshua's erasure pushed him through that third and final week.
His emotions had been a storm then. Worry for his city and newly found friends, guilt for the sacrifice made to keep him alive, an overwhelming surge of protectiveness and determination to save these people he had pegged for stifling and tedious… He had spent so long convincing himself that he couldn't feel, couldn't get close to anyone, that having it all bring brought back at once and in such a force, it almost overwhelmed him. But, somehow, he managed.
It might have just been having a goal that kept him from completely going into shock, but it also might have been a heart – so cold, closed off, and deprived – welcoming back what it had been missing all this time.
Which must have been why this sudden betrayal hurt so much.
He had finally learned to let others in, finally started caring, finally opened up to a small special group of individuals only to have the knowledge of being used by one of them thrown into his face.
Now, Neku was staring down the barrel of a gun for the second time while that stupid mask of a smirk hovered behind it. Emotions swept through his veins like fire and a scowl replace tears. His stance lifted to level the gun at the person in front of him.
Anger, hurt, sorrow, sadness, guilt, loneliness, betrayal…
There were the very things that he had tried to lock out for so long and for a short while, he had succeeded. They were the reasons he kept everyone at an arm's distance, the reasons he became who he was at the start of this endeavor. However, the walls had been torn down and smashed to dust clearing the way for everything to come flooding back with the force of a tsunami.
Amusement, ease, happiness, hope, friendship…
No. No! The anger began to crumble as his finger and arms began to tremble. Flashes of the banter and playful teasing shot through his mind. The feeling of a smile, however small, ghosting across his lips for what seemed to be the first time in forever tugged at his mind. The warmth that came with knowing that he wasn't alone anymore…
Gosh dang it.
Stupid feelings. Stupid world. Stupid life. Stupid smirk. Stupid Joshua. Stupid Game. Stupid everything that led him to actually open up and call the little prick a friend. He couldn't just shoot and probably kill the very person who he had been forced to call a partner and eventual friend. He wasn't entirely sure when the words became voluntary rather than forced but the moment had come back to bite him in the butt.
His stance fell and the gun clattered to the ground. For once in his life, he actually cared too much. The one time it probably really mattered, he couldn't sever the bonds, couldn't lock away the emotions, couldn't ignore everything to crawl back behind his walls. He couldn't. This was his friend. Some way, some how – Neku had no idea when – but this little butt of an individual had wormed his way in.
"I won't forgive you… but…"
He didn't know what prompted the words and with his lowered head and broken heart, he couldn't see the confusion that faded into surprise and shock as the words were overtaken by the final shot.
Pain blossomed in his chest as awareness began to fade. Somewhere someone cried his name. Maybe another tried to stop the bleeding. He didn't know. It all started to blur until there was nothing at all.
"I trust you."