Elena climbed into bed, numb to everything.
She wanted to sleep because when she slept she didn't feel the pain.
In a matter of minutes she watched as he slipped from her fingers. A night of magic destroyed by a simple sentence.
"If I let myself care, all I feel is pain."
Elena clutched her teddy bear to her chest, willing the tears that appeared behind her lashes not to fall. She saw a glimmer of hope tonight. She saw a crack in his armor, but she wasn't strong enough to break through.
"Show me," she had begged. "Anything is better than pretending you don't care."
But he isn't pretending. He doesn't care.
Which is why she longs for sleep to take her so that she can return to the time when he did care, when she was all he ever care about.
She shut her eyes tight, a few tears escaping, and escapes into her dreams.
xxx
She isn't too happy when she feels someone nudge her around midnight.
"Elena, wake up," she hears someone whisper. She groans, reaching out to feel who was trying to get her to come back to the real world, the place where nothing was right.
She audibly gasps when she realizes it's him.
"Stefan?" she asked, sleep seeping in ever syllable.
He smiles, his face inches from hers.
"Come with me." He whispered softly against her ear. She closed her eyes and inhaled him. He slowly moved away and took her hand, pulling her out of bed and towards the window. Shyly she looked down at her pink pajamas, a blush creeping over her cheeks. She glanced back at him.
"I'm not really-" He put two fingers lightly to her lips and smiled.
"Go change," he said pointing towards her bathroom. "It's a little cold out and I don't think your favorite pair of pjs will keep you as warm as your favorite sweater."
Elena was officially in shock.
She glanced between him and the bathroom, lingering in her place for a moment. This was all so different to her, this new Stefan she was seeing. He stood there watching at her, amusement shining in his eyes, as she contemplated if he would disappear the moment she turned around. A small laugh escaped his lips before he could stop it. Her eyes snapped to him.
She had missed that laugh.
Stefan cleared his throat.
"I'll still be here when you're done."
She still didn't move.
"I promise." He vowed, pushing her in the direction of her bathroom. She eyed him once more before grabbing her jeans and shutting the bathroom door.
He silently cursed himself for giving her so many reasons not to trust him.
xxxx
"Where are we going?" she whispered, a laugh escaping her lips as he pulled her towards his car.
He had missed that laugh.
He didn't respond. He only smiled as he pulled open her door and helped her in. Elena shook her head as she watched him walk around the car, smoothly sliding in beside her.
"Buckle up," he said, glancing slyly at her before throwing the car in reverse and backing out. She cocked an eyebrow at him, ready to release a witty comeback, but decided to let it go.
She settled for watching him drive instead.
xxxx
Elena fell asleep somewhere between Richmond and DC, her head pressed gently against the passenger side window. Every now and then she would make little sighing noises.
Damon used to tell him how much he hated the noises she made when she slept. It drove him crazy when he would have to 'babysit' her.
But Stefan didn't mind.
He simply turned the radio down and listened to the steady sound of her heartbeat.
xxxx
Around 10am Stefan put the car in park and gently nudge Elena.
"Wake up, Elena. We're here." He brushed a strand of hair out of her face, lingering on her cheekbone before quickly drawing away.
"Where are we?" Elena blinked, adjusting her eyes to the sudden brightness.
"I wanted to show you something." Stefan smiled, jumping from the car. He was on her side in record time, opening her door. He offered her his hand. She took it.
When she stepped out of the car she stifled a gasp. They were surrounded by foliage, a lake gently stretching out in front of them stopped only by the harsh stretch of mountains in the distance. The sun shone high about them, undisturbed by the wisps of clouds that hung idly in the sky. She turned around slowly, taking in everything. They were completely alone.
"We're in the Adirondacks….uh….Upstate New York." Stefan explained, "This was one of the first places Lexi took me when we met. She told me I needed to see some real beauty." He chuckled at the memory, recalling how Lexi had stripped him down and thrown him into the lake.
Elena's eyes snapped to Stefan who was standing a few inches from her. She was so unaccustomed to his laugh. It startled her every time.
"I come here sometimes," he continued, "when I don't want to pretend anymore…when I just want to forget." He kicked a stone that was near his foot before his eyes found hers. "Do you like it?"
Elena closed the distance between them, unafraid for the first time in almost a year. He staggered backwards, startled by the sudden movement, but she placed her hands gingerly on his face, sweeping her thumbs across his cheeks.
"I love it," she whispered before wrapping her arms around Stefan's waist. She closed her eyes and inhaled him in deep.
Stefan closed his eyes as well. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer.
"I love you," he thought.
xxxx
She kissed him around noon.
He let her.
xxxx
"Why did you leave me, Stefan?" she asked, running her hand through his hair that was now wet with lake water. For so long she has wanted to ask that question, but been too afraid to hear the answer. He caught her hand, drawing it to his lips and kissing it tenderly. He held her gaze with such adoration it almost made her believe things never changed. She watched as tears began to hide behind his eyelashes.
"It will forever be my greatest mistake."
She nodded, placing her head against his chest. His arms wrapped around her, tracing idle patterns on her exposed back. She sighed, closing her eyes.
If this was a dream, she didn't want to wake up.
"Why didn't you give up on me?" he whispered into her hair. He heard her pulse quicken as she processed what he had just asked her. He didn't know what to expect, but he was leaning towards anger.
She didn't answer right away though. She only sat up so she was looking him straight in the eyes. She held his face in her hands, compassion and understanding creating an ocean in her deep brown eyes. She searched his face, making sure she had his full attention.
"My best decision will always be choosing you, Stefan," she explained. She leaned her forehead against his. "I will never stop fighting to get you back."
He stared at her in disbelief before pulling her into a hug.
They stayed like that until Elena was sure they had melted into one.
xxxx
Around 6pm Stefan pulled out a basket containing all of Elena's favorite foods. She smiled as he set it out.
"What's all this?" she asked, surprise lingering in her question.
"Well dinner of course," Stefan laughed. "Couldn't let you go hungry now could I?"
He patted the spot next to him and enveloped Elena in his arms as she sat down. She began picking at the food as the sun began to set. It felt nice.
"Thank you," she sighed. Stefan nodded, kissing the top of her head.
"I love you, Elena," he whispered, pain and guilt coloring every syllable. "I always have."
She turned in his arms, abandoning her food, and pushed him to the ground. She straddled his waist and, leaning down, she pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. She chuckled at the startled expression plastered on his face.
"I love you more than anything in this world, Stefan," she declared, "Hold on to that."
Stefan felt the lump growing in his throat so he simply nodded, and cupping her face brought her down and claimed her lips as his own.
And together they slid into their own piece of heaven.
xxxx
Around midnight they packed everything up and headed back to Mystic Falls.
Stefan held Elena's hand the whole way.
xxxx
When they pulled up to Elena's house he felt more alive than he had since the day of the sacrifice. Suddenly…the pain, the guilt, the hate….it didn't seem so unbearable anymore.
He stood there with her outside the front door, like he had done so many times before. It felt natural.
It felt good.
"Thank you, Stefan," she said, smiling up at him.
"You're welcome, Elena," He said, smiling back. He brushed some of her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. His eyes were drawn to her neck, at the smooth contours of her beautiful skin. How he kissed it so tenderly, with no trace of want or need for blood.
But then he saw something that made him stop short.
The two small puncture scars that would forever plague her skin.
"Perhaps you'd like a drink from the doppelganger's neck."
He bit her.
He dropped his hand from her face, her screams instantly filling his head as he took one step away from her. He watched as confusion and then understanding filled her eyes. Her hand flew to her neck, covering the spot.
"Stefan," she pleaded, "please don't do this."
She took a step towards him.
He shook his head. Suddenly he reached out towards her neck and ripped her necklace off. She gasped in surprise. He grabbed her face.
"No," she pleaded, tears filling her eyes, "no Stefan, don't make me forget. I don't want to forget that you finally came back to me." He caught the tears that threatened to spill; kissing away each trail that was left behind.
"You have to, Elena," he whispered, pleading with her now, "you have to forget."
He caught her gaze, tears filling his own eyes as he spoke.
"You will forget this day happened. You will only remember that we drove for a little while and talked. We admitted that we love each other but decided it would be best to go our separate ways." He drew in a shaky breath, contemplating stopping and just falling into her arms. Letting her take away the pain like she had done so many times before. But he couldn't. He willed himself to continue.
"You will go on with your life, Elena, and you will live. You will live like any other teenage girl should and you will get married and have children and be happy. And you will remember only how we loved each other with out reservations, and how all I ever wanted was for you to be happy."
She gazed at him with a look that absolutely killed him.
"You wanted me to be happy," she repeated flatly.
He smiled sadly, tears spilling from his eyes, "Yeah, that's right. I love you Elena. And one day, I hope we meet again. But until we do, you are to forget everything other than what I've told you. Do you understand?"
Elena nodded blankly and Stefan released her gaze.
He kissed her one last time, and replaced her necklace.
Then he was gone.
xxxx
When Elena graduated high school she moved to Upstate New York to live in the Adirondacks.
She didn't know why, but she felt like she had been there before.
When Caroline asked why she was leaving her to go to some mountain village with no cell phone service she had laughed.
"I need to see some real beauty," She answered.
She never looked back.
xxxx
Elena pushed her shopping cart through the small New York grocery store unable to decide what to cook for dinner. She wasn't the best cook so it was between a plate of pasta or a TV dinner.
She decided to go for the pasta.
As she left the store, she dug through her purse to find her keys. She had been living here for five years now, and yet she still hadn't figured out the streets well enough to just walk home. Suddenly she slammed into something rather large.
"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!" she apologized, embarrassed at her lack of coordination, "I am such a –"
She stifled a gasp.
"It's quite alright," the man said brushing it off. Elena nodded politely as he began to walk away. She had to be hallucinating. She turned around slowly, watching the man walking away from her. He looked so familiar, he had to be….but it couldn't be.
"Stefan?" The name slipped from her lips before she could think to stop it. The man stopped, tensing at the name. He stood there frozen.
Her heart stopped.
Stefan slowly turned around, unable to process what was happening. It had burned him worse than the sun to see her again after all this time; to watch her look at him like he was just another stranger on the street. But he had pushed the feelings down and walked away.
She had called out to him.
She remembered him.
"Stefan?" she called again, moving closer to him. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply to calm his nerves. He opened them again and let a gentle smile spread over his lips.
"Elena, how nice to see you," he greeted her, "it's been a while."
She nodded, shock spreading through her body.
"I didn't know you lived around here. What brings you here?" he asked, keeping his tone light.
She shrugged, laughing nervously, "I, uh, I wanted to see some real beauty."
His smile disappeared.
"What did you say?" he asked, moving closer to her. He couldn't have heard her right. There's no way—
"I wanted to see some real beauty," she repeated with conviction this time. "I wanted to see something I couldn't see in Virginia and I felt like I could see it here." She shrugged shyly, "I don't know what brought me here really; it just felt like I could call it home."
Stefan nodded slowly.
She remembered.
"We should catch up sometime," he told her. He watched as a smile spread across her face.
"I'd like that."
Xxxx
He took her out to dinner the next night.
He fell in love with her all over again.
"I know this is going to sound weird," she confessed, "but sometimes I would think about our relationship, and I would miss you."
He shook his head, "That is not creepy in the least."
She nodded. She understood. She always did.
She told him she wanted crème brule, so they shared one.
"You never could eat it all," he teased. She laughed and swatted his arm.
He forgot why he ever let her go.
xxxx
He snuck into her bedroom around dawn on their four-month anniversary.
"Wake up," he whispered, kissing her check. She sighed turning over into him, smiling at her discovery.
"Hi," she greeted, "What are you doing here?"
He nuzzled her cheek with his nose.
"I wanted to give you your anniversary present early."
He laughed at how fast she sat up.
"Okay I'm ready!" she proclaimed, a toothy grin breaking out across her face. He laughed at her child like appearance.
He then reached behind her neck, unclasping her necklace and holding it in his hand. She looked at him in confusion. He shook his head, begging her not to ask. She complied.
He gently cupped her face, catching her gaze.
"Elena," he whispered, "now you remember."
Her eyes closed and she gasped.
She remembered everything.
The pain, the joy, the good, the bad; Everything.
Her eyes snapped open, searching desperately for him.
Stefan was startled by the emotion he saw reflecting in her eyes. She looked like she had been lost for so long, and he was her home. She reached out and touched his face. Tears began to form in her eyes, spilling over in silent protest.
"Stefan?" she choked. He gave a short laughed through his own tears that were now building up behind his eyelashes.
"Yeah baby, it's me," he cupped her face, "It's me, I'm here."
She was in his arms before he even finished, sobbing into his shirt.
"Stefan, why did you leave me?" she asked suddenly pulling away to look him in the eye. Her words rang in his head, bringing him back to that day five years ago.
She searched his face, desperately trying to understand what was going on. Every memory was flooding back to her and her head was spinning. She needed answers.
He cupped her face, sweeping his thumbs over the tears that were streaming down her face. He leaned his forehead against her own, looking deep into her eyes. He quickly replaced her necklace before moving his hands back to their spot on her face.
"It will forever be my greatest mistake," he whispered. Elena's eyes went wide as the words echoed in her head.
Suddenly more tears fell, causing her to collapse into Stefan's chest. He rubbed soothing circles into her back.
"I promise you, Elena," he vowed, "I will never make that mistake again."
She pulled away from his chest slowly looking him in the eye. She stayed like that for a few minutes, searching his face for any trace of deceit. When she was satisfied she slowly moved towards him, pushing him backwards until he was flat on the bed. She straddled his waist, leaning down to press her lips to his.
"My greatest decision, Stefan," she swallowed as a sob began to work it's way up her throat, "is still and will always be deciding to be with you."
Stefan felt a smile spread across his face as he reached up and brushed the hair out of her face.
"I love you, Elena Gilbert," he whispered before pulling her down and reclaiming her lips as his.
xxxx
Later that night he traced idle patterns on her skin while she slept against his chest. He looked at her and wondered how he found someone so perfect, so kind, and so loving.
She was his, and he was hers.
The real beauty he needed to see was in her.
She stirred a bit, and he hugged her closer.
"I love you, Stefan," she whispered.
He kissed her head.
She was his perfect thing.
"I love you more."
She fell back asleep in his arms around 3 am.
He never let her go again.