Matchmaker, a x-men: evolution fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men: Evolution

A/N: This would be so much funnier if I had attempted to put in some actual humor.

"Don't you think Rogue and Gambit would make a perfect couple?

"Jean." Scott Summers glanced up from the newspaper he was reading and admonished his wife. "No."

Jean Grey-Summers pouted, "But Scott—"

"No, Jean. Last time you played matchmaker, Shadowcat ended up in the medical wing with a concussion and Colossus had a hair-tie imbedded in his leg." He reminded her, going back to his reading.

"Scott." She whined, walking up behind him. Instead of hitting him in the head with a frying pan, she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Rogue and Gambit have good chemistry. All they need is a catalyst."

"Leave them alone, Jean." Scott set down the paper and began to talk in his stern fatherly voice. "Remember what happened when you tried to play the catalyst for Magma and Berzerker? Amara ended up getting electrocuted and Ray couldn't sit down for a week."

"Nothing but details." Jean muttered as she started to nibble on his ear like a good wife who wanted something from her husband.

"May I also remind you of Wolfsbane and Sunspot? Wolfsbane ended up with gum in her fur coat and Sunspot chipped a tooth."

"That wasn't my fault." She reminded him with a frown. "I didn't know they'd be so jumpy in the dark."

"What about Iceman and Jubilee?" He asked with a heavy sigh at the deranged memories. "Jubilee got frostbite around her lips and Iceman got scorch marks on his legs. Mutants here have sustained so many injuries when you try to help."

"Amanda and Kurt are perfectly happy!"

"That's because you didn't try to 'help' them."

Jean's face deadpanned, "Oh yeah." She unwrapped her arms from around his neck and let out a wail, "I'm a failure!" She then proceeded to sob into her hands.

Scott sighed, getting up. "No, you're not Jean. Just think—you left them with memories." He set a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Just think, they have you to thank for those wonderful memories of getting rushed to the medical wing—together." She stopped sobbing but still whined like someone easily took her candy from her. "Gambit and Rogue would probably be honored if you played matchmaker with those hearts." He sighed, shaking his head.

Jean turned and looked at him, her green eyes sparkling with happiness. "You think so?"

He nodded, clenching his teeth together. "I think so."

The telepathic red head heard what she wanted to hear was now thrilled. She threw her arms around him. "I love you, Scott!"

"Love you too, Jean." He patted her back, feeling future sympathy for two certain Southerners.

"Spandex is quite good to us." Gambit observed, standing outside the Danger Room, leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest.

"Then why don't you wear it?" Pyro asked, making a face as his spandex outfit once again, gave him a wedgie as she shifted his weight from one leg to the other.

"I'd rather watch it. Not wear it."

"Why?" The pyromaniac asked, confused.

As if to demonstrate, Rogue walked passed the two. Pyro watched Gambit check out the fiery Southerner, his eyes glued to her hips and what lies beneath.

"Ah." Pyro said as the door shut behind them but the Cajun's eyes still remained locked on the door, where Rogue had gone through. "Earth to Captain Blow-everything-up. You're droolin'."

Gambit blinked, wiping off the drool with the sleeve of his trench coat. "I ain't droolin'."

Pyro nodded knowingly. "Your coat is leakin' then."

"Shut up."

Pyro just reached up and pinched his cheek. "You're so cute when you're swooning over a girl who would rather eat your gumbo then talk to you." And with those words, he skipped merrily into the Danger Room.

Gambit just mouthed the words 'eat your gumbo' and with confusion, he entered the training room.

Ah, if only Rogue would eat his gumbo.

"This spandex doesn't leave much to the imagination." Rogue made a face as Kitty zipped her up in the back.

"It is nice to see the tracings on guys though." Kitty grinned, "My little Piotr looks cute in his outfit."

"Thank god Jean opted for leather. Heard she was sick of all the jokes about her uniform." Rogue adjusted her belt so it hung loosely on her lips.

Kitty blinked dumbly. "What jokes about her uniform?" Of course Shadowcat wouldn't know since a belt, which didn't make her purple thong stick out like Marilyn Monroe in a crowd, masked her uniform.

Rogue just shook her head, "Nothin' Kit. Nothin'."

"I'm going to go get Piotr. He waits for me so we can walk to the Danger Room together. Isn't he romantic?" Kitty sighed happily as she hurried out of the room.

"Does he cut up your steak for ya too?" Rogue called after her, rolling her eyes as she walked in the other direction to the training room. Muttering things in a Southern slur, Rogue walked passed Gambit, sucking in air as she felt his eyes on her.

If only she could eat his gumbo.

"Blasted!" Jean said quietly to Scott, "Why did everyone have to show up? Why couldn't Gambit and Rogue just show up?"

"Because everyone else has this session too." He reminded her, resisting the urge to roll his eye[s]. "Don't mess with them while they do the exercise, Jean. I don't want to pick up their pieces off the ground."

Jean frowned. "You have no faith in me."

"They're two stubborn Southerners who hate each other. It's a waste of time."

Jean laughed, rolling her eyes. "I could make them fall for each other in less than twenty-fours hours."

"That a bet?" Scott asked, cocking a brow at his wife.

Jean held out her hand. "You bet."

"'Ello cherie. Havin' fun?" While dodging razor blades, ammo, flying objects, and walls popping out from the ground, Gambit found time to talk to Rogue. A paper airplane flew past her head as she twirled around.

"Oh yeah. I'm havin' as much fun as I had when I got a root canal." She snapped, blowing single strands of white hair out from her face.

"If you think that's fun you should come to my room after the session." He offered with a wink.

Up from the control room, Jean heavily frowned. Such frowning would cause wrinkles later on in life, but she could complain about that to Scott later. "They're fighting again."

Scott leaned back in his chair, his arms folded behind his head. When he wasn't the instructor, he'd be the leader in the Danger Room. Now, he was the instructor therefore he relaxed while the other's had their little training session. He now got back at them for all the 'what's shoved up his ass' and those one eyed jokes by upping the levels. Scott Summers hold a grudge? Never! "Let them be."

Jean stuck her tongue out at him as she glanced back down. Settling her eyes on a rock, she used her telekinetic powers to pick it up and hurl it at Rogue at about ninety miles per hour.

Gambit saw the rock magically float up in the air and then hurl towards them. Without as much as a word, he pushed her to the ground, covering her body with his.

"Jean, you're not supposed to kill them." Scott was now standing up, staring down at the scene below them.

Jean just shrugged sheepishly at him.

"Remy.." Rogue groaned from under him. They were in a very suggestive position in the middle of a war.

"Rogue." He whispered breathlessly, staring down into her wide green eyes.

"You're.." She whispered, picking up her head. "Crushin' my liver." How romantic. With a grunt, Gambit got off her, helping her to her feel. He scratched the back of his head, smirking.

"Get sliced by any razors?"

"No." She answered curtly, "But there's a razor blade comin' towards you that looks like it wants to be embedded in the back of your head."

Gambit whipped around, throwing a spike at the razor blade and then a card at the dispenser that was shooting them off.

Jean snapped her fingers. "Dang-it!" She cursed, turning to Scott, "Pardon my French."

He waved his hand in the air, chuckling. "There's nothing you can do. Those two are as stubborn as can be."

"I will accomplish it, Scott. I will make them fall each other."

"You can't."

"Just watch me!" She walked out of the control room, leaving him as he smiled coyly.

Jean laughed evilly as she walked down the hall, clutching Gambit's trench coat to her chest. She had borrowed the coat while he took a shower. With an evil grin on her face, she slipped into Rogue's empty room and threw the clothing on the Southerner's bed. "She will have to return it to him! Then they will touch gloved hands as she hands him the trench coat and they will fall in love!" She then proceeded to tiptoe out of the room.

Rogue stepped out from her closet, holding an article of clothing while cocking a brow at what she had overheard. Her closet door had been opened, but the redhead hadn't noticed.

"And she thinks I'm weird."

"Gambit!" Jean had observed when the Cajun had walked out of the bathroom, clad in only the towel that was wrapped around his waist. "Is your trench coat missing?"

He stared at her, slowly raising one brow. "I last saw it in my room." He answered, unsure. "When I took it off." Yes, girls, Remy had taken off his trench coat. He didn't want to get it wet in the shower.

"I saw Rogue with it." Jean stated, talking quickly. "She was hugging it."

Gambit smirked. "Was she?"

"Yes. She even kissed it."

"Did she really?"

"Don't you wish it were you?" Jean stood on her toes, leaning in towards him with wide curious eyes.

"Maybe." Gambit had squeaked, moving back.

"Do you not want to?" Jean asked, moving in closer. "Do you not want Rogue to hold you close to her chest and kiss you dearly as if you were the trench coat? Do you not want to?"

"Jean, stop harrassin' the boy." Rogue stood a few feet away, holding Gambit's trench coat.

"Rogue!" Jean hissed, "Remy was just telling me how much he adored you!"

Rogue smiled, handing Remy his coat. "That's good. I'd hope he say that since tonight is our two week anniversary." She winked at Gambit, "I'm goin' to go get changed. Meet ya downstairs in fifteen minutes."

"Can't wait." Gambit had purred, staring at her luscious hips as they swayed back in forth on her way back to her room. Gambit looked at Jean and smiled. "Takes for the extra brownie points. 'Specially today in the Danger Room when I saved her." He offered her a wink as he walked away, leaving her there speechless.

"Scott!"

A vase flew off the table and smashed into the wall.

A nervous Scott walked out from a room down the hall. "Yes, Jean?"

"You knew!"

He immediately ran back into the room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He would get killed for leaving out some helpful facts when trying to give his wife something to do.

"Jean sure has become psychotic since she found out she was pregnant." Gambit's arm wrapped around Rogue's waist as he greeted her in front of the door in the main hall.

Rogue nodded, "Poor Scott." She made a face, "Poor us." They both sighed as they left the mansion after hearing a loud crash and a girlish scream.

I.. don't.. know. = Don't ask.