A/N: Consider this my closure. Who didn't love Kutner? He was kind of the only reason I watched the show.
Anyway, I don't know who's point-of-view this is. Whoever you want.
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
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Damn you, Richard Cory.
You had me. You had us. You had everyone. People who didn't even know you that well are torn up about this, man. Everyone liked you. Even if they didn't act like it-they liked you. Oh, someone said they didn't like you?
They liked you.
But more importantly than that, they loved you. And you deserved it, too. I never knew anybody else like you. Ever. You were amazing. You know what made you amazing? Because I do. I could go on and list everything about you that made you so amfreakingazing, but eventually, as much as I don't want to, I have to go back to life, so I'll stick with one for now.
You were unselfish. Ask most people what would make them the happiest, and they would say "a new car" or "a better job" or something. Or maybe some people would say that they wanted to meet their soulmate or they wanted to bring someone back from the dead.
Yeah. That last one is sounding pretty good to me right now.
But you? No way. You just wanted everyone else to be happy. You were willing to do everything and anything for someone, just so they were...happy...
It's all starting to make sense now.
That's why. That's why, isn't it? Yeah. It's all making sense now. You gave too much, buddy.
IDIOT.
You gave too much, you put everything you had into making other people happy. You didn't have anything left, did you? You didn't have anything left for yourself.
So...why did you give so much, anyway?
Most people are so opposite to you. It's almost human nature to think of ourselves first. What made you so unselfish?
Maybe it was your parents. Maybe you were compensating for High School. Maybe this, maybe that, who the hell cares? You're gone. You're gone.
No. I'm sorry. To continue.
You know...you know, in movies, people like you get taken advantage of. That's like, the one thing Hollywood gets right, am I right? Yeah. We totally took advantage of you. Even if we didn't mean it. I know I did, and I'm sorry. That doesn't mean I didn't genuinely care about you, though, because I freaking loved you, damn it, we all did, and you didn't even notice?
But...back to movies. I'm talking the bad ones, the teen chick ones. The ones you don't like, not the cool ones. But bad movies. Right. Well, the nice person eventually stands up for themselves and says "Stop it! I'm doing something for myself for once, and back off!" And everybody...
Backs off.
You listen to me. And I know you can hear me. I didn't think people could before, but I can't believe that you'd just...cease to exist. You're too...good to cease to exist. You, Kutner, disappearing? That's like the grandfather paradox, man. It's something the Universe wouldn't allow. Or, my sanity wouldn't allow. Whichever. There's gotta be something, you know? Because I'm not talking to myself here-
Oh, and by the way. Some crazy shiz has been happening since you...left. Like, I've been hearing voices. Well, correction-I've been hearing one voice. Yours. I'm gonna go ahead and assume you knew that, assume it's not all in my head. To continue.
Anyway,
you listen and you listen good. You are the cliché teen chick movie
character here man, and you didn't follow the damn script. The hell's
wrong with you? Because you never asked if you could do something
selfish like everyone else does. You just did, you sneaky little
punk, and by the time we found out it was too late. And if we're
continuing with the analogy, then it was a smart thing to do, because
we would NOT have backed off. We would have closed in, caging you
like an animal, forcing you to talk things out. Did you honestly
think we'd be okay with this? That we'd be bummy for a day and move
on? Idiot!
But the analogy doesn't carry over that far. Because
nobody asks if they can commit suicide, if that's alright-not even
you. And it wasn't a smart thing to do, it was a freaking stupid
thing to do because now you've broken me down and I don't know if I'm
coming back up, man. I don't know.
I know you're somewhere safe. Somewhere happy. Lucky freaking you.
Maybe I shouldn't be mad. I don't know what you were thinking, what you were feeling right then-what kind of friend am I? Ugh.
I'm thinking about the anti-Kutner. His name is Richard Cory. Yeah. You remember. You've heard of him. Of course. He's got everything that everyone wants-the big house, the fancy car, the style and grace, the money. The only thing he's missing is someone to care about him. He's well liked, but not really well-loved.
And you? You were an overly optimistic, quirky little geek, the total opposite of Cory, and we all loved you for it.
And both your stories ended the same.
It's just one of those things that's never gonna make sense.
And everything I just said, all of this, it totally pales in comparison to the bottom line:
We miss you.