Hello puckleberry readers... This is my first story and I'm so freaking nervous. My first language is Spanish but I hope i did okay. I don't have a beta. So if anyone is interested let me know. This very short one-shot is dramatic and sad oh a AU of course. Set after high school. I really hope you all like it. Please r&r
p.s. if you don't like it please don't insult me in the reviews thanks :)
I don't own anything Glee or whatever... If I did Puckleberry would be end game!
okay on you go...
Rachel looked out her window to her favorite view from her apartment. She had a beautiful view of central park. It was night and pouring. She loved watching over as if anything interesting would happen but she knew better. She thought that looking at central park would help her avoid thinking about her best friend but no such thing either. Her best friend, who in less than 24 hours was going to marry the man of his dreams.
She couldn't help it. That's all she was thinking about. The wedding of non other than Noah Puckerman and Elisabeth Hartz. If she said she was excited and happy for them, she was a total liar. Don't get her wrong. She wanted Noah, her best friend, to be happy but honestly she did not look forward to the wedding. One very important reason why.
She was completely and totally in love with him.
They have been friends for 10 years. And for all those years she has been in love with him. She didn't know until they graduated college but she always tried to suppress those feelings. Pushing them as far back in her mind as she could but it was always there. And she knew it.
When Noah and Elisabeth told her that they were going to get married, her heart broke into pieces. She was devastated but of course she didn't show it. In fact, she knows that he has no idea how she truly feels about him. Yea they tell each other they love one another but not in a romantic way, at least that's what he thinks.
He had asked her if she would be his best man but she quickly politely declined. She just couldn't do it. She made an excuse and told him that his other best friend, Finn, should do it. He would do a much better job. Noah was hesitant at first but he gave in and agreed.
Rachel couldn't help plan a wedding that wasn't hers. Especially when she would be planning a wedding where Noah wouldn't be marrying her, he would marry the love of his life. Funny how things work, isn't it?
As she kept looking out the window, she wondered how in the world she was going to get through the vows. One thing she knew for sure, if people saw her tears, they would think it was just a friend happy for the groom and bride to be.
None would be the wiser.
Suddenly she had tears in her eyes. This was a current thing in her life. It didn't matter how or when she would think about it, the water works would start. She hated it. She hated with all her might but she couldn't help it. It's not like she asked to fall in love with her best friend. It just happened.
She jumped when she heard a knock on her door. She tried to dry the tears and compose herself as she walked to her front door. She sighed shaking her head in disbelief when she saw who it was through the little hole on the door.
She took a deep breath and opened it. Non other than her best friend was on the other side of the door. "Noah what are you doing here? You're suppose to be getting some sleep before the big day."
He didn't hesitate; as he looked at her face her eyes wet and nose red. "You've been crying. What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.
She crossed her arms. "Don't change the subject."
He rolled his eyes and walked past her to sit on the couch. She closed the door and walked to the couch seating next to him but leaving at least four feet away from each other. She needed some space after what she had been thinking earlier, before he made his appearance. Even being this close to him affected her.
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked.
He sighed looking at the plasma tv and then back to her. "I can't get married."
She definitely did not see that coming. She was so taken aback from that, that she had to take a moment to actually speak. "What? No Noah. You're just getting cold feet. It always happens before the big day. Look you're restless and," she cleared her throat, "it's 3am. Come on go home and sleep." She insisted.
He shook his head and rubbed his palms against his thighs. "I can't. I am too young to get married. I have so many things I want to do before I get married. I'm calling the whole thing off."
She sighed knowing he was honestly freaking out. In the years they had known each other he never acted weak or vulnerable around her so she knew he openly was having a panic attack.
She took a deep breath and was able to speak. "Noah. Look at me. You love Elisabeth. You love her with all your heart. You two have been together for three years. You belong together okay? You two are soul mates. Isn't that what you always told me when you talked about her? You can still do everything you want to do, only you're gonna do it with the love of your life."
Telling him all this hurt her heart and soul, but she knew she was doing the right thing. And sometimes doing the right thing, sucked.
"You are freaking out right now, but I promise deep down inside you can't wait to marry her and spend the rest of your lives together." She looked at him and he was still hesitant. "Look…" She paused for a bit thinking what she would say next. "Just sleep on it. If you still feel the same way, then you call it off. But I put my money on the table and bet that you will go through with it."
She stopped talking to see if he would finally say something. They sat there in silence and she looked at him while he looked at the tv thinking through what she had said.
That gave her a chance to look at his profile and just take in his beauty. She knew that sounded corny but to her he was beautiful and very handsome. She shook her head and stopped staring at him to see if he was actually going to say anything.
Of course he wasn't.
She sighed and leaned back against the couch. "Why did you come here? Finn is staying with you. I know we live a block from each other but you could have easily have talked to him."
After she finished talking she couldn't believe that had come out of her mouth and by the look on his face he couldn't either.
"Because you're my best friend Rach."
God, she loved when he called her that.
He always suspected Rachel was jealous of his and Finn's friendship but never knew why. Now he knew for sure Rachel was jealous.
"I know I'm you're best friend but..."
"Rach you mean a lot to me and your opinion matters the most. When I started freaking out the first place I wanted to be at was here, with you."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"It's okay."
She smiled at him and got up from the couch to go to the kitchen and grab two glasses of water and walked back to seat next to him. He looked a lot more relaxed.
Once again they sat in silence as they drank water until she spoke. "Noah it's late. You should go home."
He smirked. "You kicking me out?"
She rolled her eyes and she shook her head. "Noah," she whispered again as she looked at him annoyed at his delicious smirk.
"I know, I know," he sighed.
They both got up and walked to the door and she opened it. "You're gonna be fine."
"Thanks." He smiled and hugged her and she inhaled his scent without him noticing as she hugged him back and he gave her a kiss on her cheek.
"Thank you again," he said.
"No problem." She smiled at him as he nodded his head and turned around but before she could close the door, he turned around again. "Why were you crying?"
She had hoped he had forgotten so she went with the easiest lie she hoped he would believe. "I couldn't sleep so I watched one of my favorite movies."
He nodded accepting it even though he had a feeling she was lying. "Night Rach. See you in a couple of hours."
"Night Noah."
She closed the door and leaned in against it trying to breath evenly. She had no idea how she got through that. Now she had to get through the wedding.
She's going to be fine.
She hoped.
She prayed to God she would be.
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When she arrived to the church, she saw all the guests arriving and guest already sitting and waiting. She waved and smiled to friends she knew as she walked to the back where the rooms were, where she knew he was going to be waiting.
She knocked and walked in smiling seeing his sister, his mother and Finn. "You all look amazing," looking at them. Her eyes finally landed on Noah and she got butterflies at the way he was smiling at her.
He quickly walked towards her and hugged her tightly. "You look beautiful," he whispered against her ear giving her goosebumps.
"I guess I was right huh?" She whispered against his ear which made him chuckled.
He winked at her when he pulled away as he kept smiling at her. She was going to have a heart attack if he kept looking at her the way he was right now.
"Can I have a moment alone with Rachel?"
They all nodded and left the room.
Rachel heart was beating fast wondering what he wanted.
"Rach I want you to stand next to me."
That was not what she expected to hear.
She shook her head trying to put distance between them but he held her where she was. "No. Noah we went through this already. Finn is your best man. Just because I'm a little (a lot) jealous of him doesn't mean you should feel bad and obligated to... No he worked so hard. He deserves it. I can't do that to him. He should stand next to you not me."
He rolled his eyes smirking at her. "Are you done?"
She rolled her eyes and tried to hide her smile.
"I want you."
Damn it. Goosebumps all through her body just by those three words. She needed to quit thinking about him this way. "I can't."
But she knew he wasn't going to give up that easily.
"We've been friends for 10 years Rach. I love you and I want you standing next to me as I marry the woman of my dreams."
She couldn't help the tears that appeared in her eyes. Hopefully he wouldn't know the real reason behind them. "What about Finn?"
"I talked to him. He understands."
"I don't..."
"Please say yes. I need you there. It would mean so much to me."
Every single word that came out of his mouth was affecting her so much. She took a deep breath and nodded. As soon as she nodded he gave her a hug squeezing as hard as he could.
"Listen..." she chuckled. He stopped hugging her but kept his hold on her elbows and she held his arms. "I'll stand next to you but Finn still stays as the best man."
He chuckled. "Okay."
"Okay."
He hugged once again whispering in her ear. "Thank you. I love you. You're the best."
"I love you too."
God I love you more than you will ever know.
There was a knock on the door and they moved away as they saw Finn smile next to the door. "Time to get you married."
They smiled and laughed as they joined him.
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Rachel couldn't believe she was standing next to him while he exchanged vows with someone else that wasn't her. She had tears in her eyes and tried so hard blinking them away but it would just get worse. She looked to the first row across from her and saw her other best friend, Santana looking on with a smile.
Santana looked at Rachel and she knew Rachel was trying her hardest not to break down. She was the only one who truly knew how Rachel felt about their mutual friend. Santana smiled at her and winked trying to make her feel better and give her strength to keep going. She sighed in relief when Rachel nodded lightly not to obvious and kept looking at the back of Noah's head and at Elisabeth.
It was time to exchange the rings, and he turned around to face her so she could give her the ring. He winked at her and she smiled back at him. He did look happy and excited.
Her heart broke into more little pieces than it already was as they kissed and the priest pronounced them husband and wife.
Everyone applauded as they kissed once again and then Noah looked at her giving her a kiss on her cheek mouthing the word "thank you". She winked and he and Elisabeth walked down the aisle together.
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At the reception Rachel hoped that Finn would keep his promise that he would be the only one to give a speech but as Finn looked at her and smiled, she knew better.
"And now Rachel will give a small speech. I mean they have been friend for 10 years after all." Finn smiled.
The guests applauded as Rachel stood up and grabbed the microphone and faced Noah and Elisabeth. She cleared her throat. This is where her true acting skills came in handy. Well they have been coming in handy all her freaking life, especially today. Anyway. "Hi, um... what can I say that hasn't already been said?" She took a deep breath no one could notice. "I love you." She looked at Noah who in return winked at her. "And Elisabeth you know I love you too." Elisabeth smiled.
Here goes nothing.
"I am so happy you two found each other three years ago. Elisabeth you have brought out a side from Noah that I had never seen before until you came into his life. And it's definitely a good side." She chuckled to herself. "Trust me I know. He was always a hard nut to crack and for you to be able to do it, well I just knew you were the one. You two were made for each other as simple as that. It just is." She waited a few seconds. "Anyway this is just the beginning of the rest of your lives and I'm so honored to be a part of it. I love you both and congratulations. To Noah and Elisabeth."
She raised her glass and everyone else did the same. Noah got up from his chair followed by Elisabeth and they both walked over to Rachel and took turns giving her a hug.
"Love you Rach." He kissed her and then Elisabeth hugged her as well.
"Thanks honey that was so beautiful." Elisabeth said.
Koralys smiled and winked at her. "Time to party."
The music began and the guests made their way to the dance floor.
"Actually you guys go ahead. I'm going to the restroom. Be right back."
Rachel walked away before they could say anything.
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Rachel had her arms resting against the edge of the counter with her head down trying to get a grip of herself as the tears ran down freely from her eyes. When she heard the door opening she was ready to make an excuse until she saw that it was Santana. Rachel let more tears fall as Santana grabbed a small towel and ran it through the cold water. "You did really good."
Rachel laughed sarcastically. "Yea well I don't have those awards for nothing."
Santana gave the towel to Rachel who in return cleaned her tear stained cheeks from the make up. "So what now?"
Rachel sniffled as she got herself together and sighed. "I'm gonna make an excuse to leave when I'm done here and walk away from his life."
"Don't you think that's a little extreme?" Santana crossed her arms leaning against the counter.
"Yea well I have no choice."
"He's gonna be so hurt."
Rachel was frustrated. "Santana I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much. Today was…" Her voice started to brake. "I just can't. Yea he'll be hurt but he'll get over it."
"Rach..." Santana said unsure.
"No I've made up my mind. Once I'm out of his life, I'll be able to get on with mine."
"Then what?"
"Nothing. I won't hurt anymore. Loving him has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life."
"Aren't you being a little selfish?"
"Well what would you have me do? It's good that for once I'm doing something for myself."
Santana knew that once Rachel had her mind made up, there was no going back. "Okay then."
"You can stay longer and get a ride from someone or you can leave with me."
"I think I'll stay a little longer."
Rachel nodded. She looked at herself in the mirror one more time to make sure she was at least presentable and walked out of the restroom leaving Santana shaking her head.
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Rachel took a deep breath as she approached Noah and Elisabeth who were having fun dancing. She saw Noah smiling even more when he looked her way. "Rach come one. Join us."
She smiled but shook her head. "Actually I don't feel to good so I'm gonna head out."
He stopped smiling and walked closer to her. "What's wrong? You've been crying again."
Sometimes he knew her but obviously not well enough.
"I'm fine. I promise. It's probably a 24-hour bug. S is gonna stay longer though."
"Okay are you sure you're okay?"
"I just need some rest."
He nodded and hugged her. "I'll call you when we get back from the honeymoon."
Rachel smiled and nodded when Elisabeth gave her a hug. "Feel better."
"Thank you. I'll talk to guys later. Have fun and congrats once again."
They both smiled as she waved and turned her back from them walking away towards the exit. Walking away from the love of her life. She couldn't wait to get out so she could cry freely.
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As soon as she was out the reception and into the street she saw the valet employee calling for the town car. The car got closer to them and the employee opened the door for Rachel.
"Thank you." She whispered.
She got in and as the driver began towards his destination, she broke down. She cried the whole 15 blocks to her place. She didn't care if the driver could hear her. She just needed to let it all out and unfortunately she couldn't wait till she got home.
Once she arrived, the driver opened the door for her and she smiled thanking him and walking inside her building.
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Santana was cooking when she heard a knock on her door and went to see who it was. She smiled seeing Noah on the other side. "Hello married stranger."
"Hey."
Santana quickly knew something was wrong with the tone on his voice and the serious look. "What?"
"Have you heard from Rachel?"
"Why?"
"I haven't seen her since the wedding and we only talked twice after I got back from the honeymoon. It's been two months. I went to her apartment and the landlord told me she doesn't live there anymore. I know you know where she is."
Santana knew she couldn't hide it from him but she did make a promise. "Yes I know where she is."
Noah looked at her like "well aren't you gonna tell me?"
"I can't tell you."
"What the hell? Why not?" he asked trying to keep himself in control.
"Because I promised her."
"What?" he was confused.
Santana went back to the kitchen resuming her task.
He was annoyed now and beyond pissed. "Santana tell me."
She kept stirring the rice biting her bottom lip and then looked at him. "She um, doesn't want to talk to you."
"W-What? She doesn't... What do you mean she doesn't want to talk to me?"
"She doesn't want to talk to you." Santana shrugged her shoulders like she was telling him the weather or something.
He hit the kitchen table annoyed. "Stop with the suspense and tell me what the hell is going on?"
She stopped cooking and faced him. "First of all chill the fuck out. Don't take you're anger out on me and second of all I promised her I wouldn't say anything."
"I don't understand. I just want to know if she's fine."
"She's fine. I promise."
"Please. Tell me something anything. She's my best friend."
Santana sighed and she knew she was about to break. "She's not in New York anymore. She moved to L.A. last month."
"What?" he was shocked.
"She had been planning on moving for a long time but then the wedding happened so she postponed it."
"How come I don't know this?"
"Hold on." Santana went to the room and when she came back she had a letter on her hand and gave it to him.
"What's this?" he asked.
"She left it for you." He opened the letter. "Before you read it, please keep an open mind and don't judge to harshly. To her she's doing the right thing."
He was so confused and didn't know what to think of all this. He walked to the couch and sat as he began to read the letter.
Hey Noah
If you are reading this then it means I actually went through with it. You are probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about? Well, the move really. I have been planning on moving to Los Angeles for a long time due to my career but there was only one thing that stopped me every time. You. But I had to leave. I couldn't stay and watch the love of my life spend the rest of his life with the love of his life.
Yes Noah. I'm in love with you. I have been in love with you since we were 16. I tried to suppress it for the longest time and for a while it worked but the longer I spent time with you the stronger my feelings would get. I stayed hoping that you would notice how I felt and that you would reciprocate my feelings. Wishful thinking, right?
Don't get me wrong, I love Elisabeth and she is an amazing person. But I always hoped to be the one marrying you. I finally made the moving arrangements once you went through with the wedding. Standing next to you watching you marry someone else was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, besides being in love with you. I was so devastated and my heart was so broken that I was getting sick because of it. You can ask Santana. She went through all that with me.
Noah looked at Santana who in returned looked at him with sympathy and the he went back to reading the letter.
We have been through so much the two of us and it was always interesting the way things turned out in both our lives.
I don't mean to make you feel bad or awkward or anything. I just felt like I needed to tell you and that you should know the reason why I can't be around you anymore. And selfishly I feel better putting my feelings on paper.
Noah you mean the world to me and I don't want to hurt you, but I can't be around you. It hurts too much and I think I've hurt enough. You know how I always was things too much. I mean that's 10 years of hidden feelings. I'm sorry for dropping all of this on you now. And I know you will be mad at first but in time I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me.
This move is good for me. My career has been really good so far while I lived in New York, but moving to L.A. is a whole other level.
It's up to you if you want to tell Elisabeth if she asks about my whereabouts. If you do, tell her I'm sorry.
I tried really hard to get over you, but I guess it's true what they say. You can't help whom you love. You don't ask for it, love just happens. It hurts me real bad to do this. You probably don't even know how much.
Don't be mad at Santana. I made her promise to not say anymore than what I've said in this letter. She doesn't even know my address because I know you would do anything to find it and look for me.
Again I'm so sorry and I hope you can forgive me for hurting you the way I did.
Take care of yourself and Elisabeth.
I love you so much.
R
Noah looked over the letter a couple times trying to understand.
"She's not in there." He jumped a little at her words even though she whispered. "I'm sorry Puck."
"How long did you know?" he finally asked.
"Know what?" He didn't say anything. "I've known how she felt about you from the moment we became friends and I've known her plan of leaving for about a year and a half."
He shook his head and stood up still gripping the letter.
"I'm sorry."
He looked at her and walked towards the door opening it and slamming it behind him making Santana jump. She sighed in relief and grabbed her cell phone.
"Hey what's up?"
"He knows." There was silence for a minute until Santana spoke. "You okay?"
"What did he say? Are you okay?"
"He might be mad at me for a while but I gave him the letter. He came here asking questions and you said to give him the letter only if he got desperate and he did."
"What did he say?"
"He didn't say anything. He just left with the letter." Santana heard sniffling. "Rach?"
"It's okay. I knew this was going to happen. I just can't believe he knows how I feel now."
"Hey are you sure this is the best thing for you two?"
"Yes. Moving here has been a great decision. Yes I miss him so much but I feel a lot better and honestly it doesn't hurt to breath."
Santana nodded understanding how Rachel felt. "Okay. Do you miss me?"
"I miss you too S. Actually I was thinking that you should take a couple of days off and visit me."
"I think that's a great idea."
"I have to go. Filming starts soon but I'll call you soon."
"Okay.
"Bye." Rachel said.
FIN
a.n. this is a one shot and the reason i stopped here is because I don't know if I should keep writing... thanks for reading...