A/N: Everyone, I have third-chapter-syndrome. *GASP! CHOKE! COUGH! BURP! Dudley: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRTTTTTTT!* It's where you have this awesome story, and you post the third chapter, and halfway through writing the next chapter your mind says 'STUFF ALL!' and you either get hell bad writer's block, or you add it to your 'Lost Causes' file, like my METMA challenge. Yes, METMA Mandy, I have sinned.
Anyway, I have decided to write a fic about Snape's Comb! One word, as in the summary: CREMATION! Oh yeah! Rock on! LoL!
This will be told from the ****'* dust's point of view. Snape was a strong believer in cremating objects, as you will learn…
::no offence to Snape lovers!::
Oh, and the Rock-a-Bye Ralph is an inside joke, LoL Emily!
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Severus Snape was one weird, twisted boy.
He cremated objects. Oh yes, I should know. I was his right hand; I was always there by his side when he cremated them. I was there when he cremated his sister's comb who was my girlfriend Sarah, and my little brother ShoeShine. I was cremated by him t… oops, more about THAT later…
It all started when Severus was only a little boy and just admitted to Hogwarts.
There, in the Slytherin common room, his 'class mates' used to burn Mrs. Norris alive, and when she was on the brink of death, they brought her back again. Stupid… when I was in one piece, she used me as a scratching post to get back at Severus for not helping her out…
Anyway, Severus was fascinated, and, as I'm told by his desk, he used to stroke him when he got home at night and tell him all about his cremating experiences.
Severus really liked that desk. But I was his all time favourite. Even Desk won't admit it, but he gloats now because all that's left of me is d… whoops, there I go again, almost spilling the beans, as Sarah used to say. *sigh*
Severus used to tuck me in bed first, even though everyone teased him to no end. Honestly, what were they sniggering at? At a single sound in the night, that Lucius Malfoy guy would wet his pants, and Crabbe and Goyle wore fluffy pink underwear, with a doll called Rock-a-Bye Ralph to sleep… "Snore snore snore! Sleep sleep sleep!"… *shudder* Ever heard of Insomniac Items Anonymous? I'm a member for life.
Well, one day, Severus was dared to cremate his favourite item. This had been after Crabbe and Goyle had finally decided to cremate their Rock-a-Bye Ralphs, and Lucius had cremated his 'soothing scarf' which left diahorrea fumes in the room for a week. Apparently, Lucius lacked the intelligence to find toilet paper when it was on his lap.
So, he cremated me. Me, who was at the mercy of five-year-old Severus Snape and his drool. Me, who was there longer than his trusty desk. Me, who almost lost all of my teeth running through Severus' hair. Me, who'd been through everything with Severus, even the time when he combed his pubic hair daily.
And I hated him for it.
Fortunately, he realised the errors of his ways, and apologised, scooping my dust form up and putting me in an urn. I am still in his room today.
I was and will always be Snape's comb, in a way. Because I am a part of him; my tooth is in his hair, the pieces of varnish that flecked off me when he was little.
But I can't hate him forever. Through the diahorrea, and pubic hair, and cremating of my girlfriend and little brother, the snogging of his desk, the time when he had a bet about how many quills he could shove up his nose… I still belong to him.
Which is better than belonging to Lockhart.
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You can tell by the ending that this is going to be a series in a way, only, it won't be in chapters: my brain's allergic to that.
Be prepared for very few fics from me. I'm trying my hardest, but my brain says 'STUFF ALL!' It's its new fave saying, and I'm hoping it gets off vacation and helps me out ::brain: get real!::
REVIEW PLEASE! LoL
Ginny .H. Potter