Coding: Terry/Ramani, Ramani/Saul

Spoilers: 375 (Christmas episode)
A/N: The characters belong to someone who isn't me and I pilfered the title from a Tom Waits song.

In-Between Love

By Socket

The bar is quiet for Boxing Day, a jukebox plays Christmas songs in the background and the lighting is soft, very intimate, very romantic and the effect is not lost on Ramani.

They sit opposite each other and De Costa tries to concentrate on what Saul is saying, but her thoughts wonder back to Terry and that moment on the stairs. Something in his eyes made her feel as if she were betraying him by meeting Saul, as if she had no right to be with anyone but him.

She sips her beer and nods at Saul, pretending to listen, but Terry's soulful grey eyes pierce her memory and she can still feel his fingers pressing into her hand on the staircase rail… and she hadn't expected that… she hadn't expected him to touch her and she certainly wasn't prepared for the reaction it caused within her, the stirring of feelings she thought she'd purged herself of long ago.

Saul laughs and she's suddenly brought back to the present, she grins, not knowing what at. Saul is an amusing man, but tonight, she's confused… suddenly Terry was behaving like the man she knows him to be, the man she fell in love with… but their recent game-playing has worn her down, now she wants something uncomplicated, someone like Saul, someone who doesn't shut-down on her, someone who doesn't let his past dictate his future, someone she can trust completely.

She'd do anything for Terry, without question, anything but give him her heart… she'd taken that chance once and he'd hurt her, he'd turned from her and gone off with Lucy… and no matter how much she rationalises it, no matter how much she understands why he did what he did - she can't forgive the betrayal. She can't forgive, but she can't stop thinking of him either…

Ramani focuses on Saul; he's handsome, smart, funny… but he's not Terry and her chest tightens. Maybe this is what it feel like to be in-between love, Ramani thinks… caught between wanting, wishing, hoping and regretting.

"Are you alright?" Saul enquires. "You look distracted."

Ramani smiles. "Sorry – I had a hectic day and I'm still winding-down from it all."

Saul looks relieved. "I'm glad that's what it is – I thought I was boring you! I do tend to rabbit on when I'm nervous!"

Laughing, Ramani shakes her head. "I'm not bored in the least and you don't rabbit on! You're very apt at telling a good story."

Saul indicates her empty glass. "Another?" he offers.

Ramani nods, grateful when he leaves her and goes to the bar. She needs to clear her head of Terry, it's not fair that he's always foremost on her mind; influencing everything she says and does…

And yet… part of her wishes she'd stayed in the office, maybe gone for a drink with Terry - he needs her support right now. But she'd already postponed a date with Saul because of Terry and she refuses to sacrifice any other part of her life for him, not this time.

And isn't it better this way? Aren't they better off as friends? Whenever it's gotten serious between them, whenever they've shared a moment, jealousy, misunderstanding and resentment quickly followed.

Saul returns with their drinks, he puts them on the table and sits beside her. Ramani's first instinct is to move away, to keep some distance between them… but she doesn't, because Saul is looking at her in a way Terry never has, he's looking at her as if she were all that mattered, and so she forces Terry from her thoughts – he isn't here and even if he were, he has no claim on her.

Saul leans in close to speak to her and, this time, she pays attention – all thoughts of Terry take flight. And it's so nice to forget it all, to lose sense of herself…

*****************************

When they leave the pub, they stand on the street looking at each other and she knows that Saul would kiss her, if she let him.

"We should do this again," he suggests.

"Yes, it was fun," Ramani replies.

"How about this Wednesday? Fancy going out for dinner?" he asks.

Ramani hesitates for a moment, she thinks of Terry's hand caressing her face last night, of the sensations that tore through her… but she isn't ready to deal with him or her feelings for him, not just yet.

Enthusiastically she answers. "Wednesday works for me."

Saul grins. "Good, I'll see you then," he leans forward and kisses her cheek.

He draws back from her and they smile at each other, then turn and go their separate routes home.

The End