Emotions are for weaklings.
It was a lesson reality had long forced him to learn.
It was a lesson he had long forced his heart to master.
His childhood was not something he liked to remember and even until now, he hoped that such memories would remain buried beneath the heavy cloak of shadows and time.
Defenseless and open for attack. The last thing he wanted to see was he being such a weakling.
He was forced to see reality at such a young age that he doesn't even know how to be a child like his teachers told him to be.
He grew up too fast.
Good. He thought back.
Every passing day, his old memories faded.
Yet, the pain remained.
He remembered the pain.
But now, it's nothing but a small sting that can easily be ignored.
Every hit.
He knows he could hit harder now.
Every broken piece of him discarded and abandoned until nothing but an animal remained.
He's more human now.
But is that a good thing?
Because, if that is the case he should thank him for that.
Pain is subjective.
What is painful to one person may not be as painful to another.
Over the years he had lost more than a few men due to a lot of things.
The kind of business he ran had more than a few health hazards.
In the line of duty or otherwise.
It was something he learned over the years as a boss. It was a lesson Reborn had told him over and over again. However, despite it all, when the real thing came knocking on him, he was still left unprepared.
The guilt.
It comes and goes, fading as the time passed.
Somehow, he had no choice but to forget even if he wanted to remember.
The pain of losing was something he grew accustomed to.
The pain of heartbreak.
He'd rather forget but it still his mind seemed to refuse such a request.
It was a pain he may not grow accustomed to.
But I have to move on some time right? He thought, ignoring the familiar sting in his chest.
He guessed he still have him to blame for this.
How long has it been? A year? Or longer? He mused.
They haven't spoken much since that night – that foolish careless drunken night.
"Come on, Kyoya. Just one dinner with me, I even made reservations of a private room at a nice Japanese restaurant since you don't like crowds and European dishes that much."
He deliberated on the words. True, he had not had dinner yet and somehow, a free dinner from the Bronco didn't sound so appalling than it normally would. Perhaps he was going soft, allowing such luxuries to tempt him to the point assent but for some unknown reason he wasn't that bothered with it.
I've been spending too much time with herbivores. He frowned in self observance as he gave a stiff nod indicating that he'll join the blond for dinner.
The young boss gave him one of those cheery bright smiles again as he encased his wrist and began leading him into the black car.
"You're going to like it Kyoya. I promise." He flashed another grin making something in him twist and his heart flutter. The reaction made him grit his teeth in frustration, such reactions were unacceptable and confusing and he didn't like them one bit.
Attachment is something he refused to have. No matter how much they claim him to be a part of something, he'll be unhesitant in denouncing such lies because he had long took the path of solitude and had no plans on turning the other direction no matter how tempting.
There it was again, such desires should have been dealt with years ago.
Loneliness is something he should not even feel.
In fact, he shouldn't he feel anything anymore except anger and bloodlust. So why, why is he being bothered by such useless inane things.
"Kyoya, we're here." He glared in reflex because an answer just presented itself voluntarily.
This is getting a bit old. He commented as he started playing with his Carbonara, twirling the pasta and drawing random shapes on the sauce and watched it disappear as the sauce began to seep back. It wasn't like he needed to force himself to eat it, he could easily tell the chef to make another dish that would sooth his taste buds.
Some thing oriental perhaps. Like sushi. He paused at the thought, clearly remembering why he doesn't deviate from the usual Italian menu anymore.
He was glaring at him again. Not that it was anything unusual but would it kill him to lay down on the killing aura for a sec. He had seen him turn it off, when he was talking to Kusakabe and spending his time napping while Hibird sang the Namimori school tune. Somehow, he felt a tinge of jealousy on that little detail which made his smile dim a little.
He let out a calming sigh. His nerves always seem to be frayed and alert when he was around the dark Skylark. One would be the fact that he tends to break some unwritten rule and end up getting into a fight and another would be that his heart rate had the strangest tendency to escalate making him heat up when he got far too close for comfort.
He wondered and pondered on the occurrence for months now and it always landed him to a very unfortunate conclusion.
He's actually falling for the guy.
He had already imagined a considerable number of possibilities and none of them was good because the chances of the stoic Cloud actually reciprocating his feelings is highly improbable. That was what he told himself in an effort to convince the suicidal masochist in him to cease and desist.
For God's sake, I don't even know if he's gay!
Is he? He pondered on the words.
He never did get his student's sexual preference, in fact he never saw him give the slightest inclination to either sexes.
Does that mean I have a chance?
He immediately smashed that little piece of hope because he can't afford to have even a semblance of it because it'll hurt even more when he receives the much predicted strike of rejection.
"So what do you want to order?" he asked as he looked up from the menu, the only reply he got was a shrug probably indicating him to order for him.
He decided to play safe and order some sushi and sake.
"Too much playing safe is bad for you."He could distinctly hear Reborn's words ringing in memory as if in warning of the events to come.
He was a man of pride.
It's a fact none could dispute unless they have plans of being bitten to death.
He is not one to let anything pass, so even though it was true he'll bite anyone who dare mention his low tolerance for alcohol.
Stupid Bronco. He thought as he reeled himself back to that night once more as dismissed the flight attendant asking him if he would want an alcoholic beverage.
The food was delicious, but it would be a cold day in hell if he'll tell Cavallone that. He refused to take a sip of the sake though, he never had alcohol so why start now. He vaguely recalled that his original father was a violent drunk so he already knew no good would come of it.
Besides, he had no desire to follow that man's footsteps.
He was sure of that.
"Come on Kyoya, one sip won't hurt. Besides, I'm here for you." His words were bold and a bit slurred, from the way he was violating his personal space he could tell the man was going to be a clingy drunk.
"I'm underage." He reasoned as he gave him another glare which the man merely brushed off as he took another sip of the sake.
"You just turned 22." He pointed out, he couldn't help but detect a certain smugness hidden beneath the intoxicated exterior.
He felt his right eye gave an involuntary twitch of annoyance because he was yet again right although he preferred to keep facts about him confidential. One main point would be that people have an idiotic tendency to act far to close to you once they think they 'know' you, and he seemed to be having dinner with one of them.
"Come on, one sip. Unless you have a weak tolerance for it then I guess I understand." He did not miss the little emphasis.
It was a challenge.
They both knew the outcome of it.
He gritted his teeth as he snatched the cup from the blond Italian while he reluctantly drank all of the cups contents. Even if it was just supposed to be a sip, his pride demanded that he finished the thing in one gulp.
He didn't like it.
The way the liquid traveled down his throat was irritating.
He decided then and there that he doesn't like anything with alcohol except antiseptics.
"Boss." The familiar voice roused him from this contemplative stupor.
"What is it Romario?" he turned to the aging right hand who seemed to wear a look of reluctance that made him curious.
"A call." Simple but heavy, the answer hung awaiting a retort.
"From who?" he raised a brow of curiosity.
"From the Vongola Decimo." Answered Romario as he handed the phone to his boss who gave him a nod indicating he preferred to have a more private conversation with the young boss.
"Hey, Tsuna." He greeted, a genuine smile gracing his lips as he waited for his little brother to reply.
"Hey, Dino-san." The voiced seemed tired with a reluctant tinge that told him how the boy was adapting with things.
He was getting there.
"So? How's it going, being boss and all." He asked nonetheless.
"You already know the answer to that. I honestly can't believe you actually had the free time to do Reborn favors." Answered the Vongola Decimo with a weary sigh that eventually faded into a joking manner.
Yeah, it seemed Vongola would do just fine with him as their boss.
"You'll get used to it." He reply hoping it would ease the young boss who all but willing took on the mantel of Vongola.
He noted the silence, the lack of an all too familiar beep told him they didn't get disconnected.
"Hello? Tsuna, you still there?" he asked a bit worriedly considering there are more ways than one that could silence the person on the other end.
"Yeah. Dino-san, can I ask you a favor?" the tone of hesitance on the boy's voice was crystal clear denoting that what he was to ask was no joke.
"Sure. Name it and it shall be done." He grinned still, hoping to lighten the tone of the conversation.
"I don't mean to impose but Yamamoto is still on a mission and Gokudera and I have a meeting with the Borcelli at that time. I clearly can't ask Lambo and especially Chrome considering – " he trailed off in his excuses and reasons only to be cut off.
"Just tell me Tsuna, I assure it's no trouble at all." He assured hoping to place Tsuna at ease. It wasn't like he was asking for the impossible.
"Can you pick up Hibari-san from the airport?"
Silence came once more, awkward and quick.
He should have known by now not to give his word before hearing the whole bulk of the conversation.
His head was buzzing and his vision was getting a bit hazy, could he really be that weak when it came to alcohol, from the way things were getting, the Bronco was yet again correct in his guesswork.
It continued to perturb him how the man seems to know him so much when he had told him so little. He could understand the standard facts like his age and birthday. He even let the fact the man knew that his was adopted by the former board director pass because despite its confidentiality, it was still attainable data. What bothered him was how the man deals with him, he knows for a fact he was never easy for someone to get along with. In fact, it made him wonder how Kusakabe could stand him after being by his side for so long.
"What's your secret?" he muttered more to himself as he took on a pondering mood.
"Huh?" the reaction caught him, it seemed the Bronco heard him.
"You're secret." He repeated as he watched the blonde's caramel eyes cloud with confusion.
"You have to be more specific than that Kyoya. I have a lot of secrets." He chuckled as he leaned forward, whispering the rest of the statement with an impish knowing smile he was all too familiar with.
"I know." He whispered back, his voice was husky and light when he caught himself a bit too late.
"How much did the baby paid you?" he continued not bothering to give the blonde a chance to voice or react to his actions.
"Eh? Reborn doesn't pay me. It's more of a favor really." He gave him one of those grins that seem to reveal nothing and hide everything because contrary to popular belief, Dino Cavallone was anything but open.
He may smile and chat but no more than necessary.
He hides his secrets so well behind the smiles and clumsy attitude that one would think there was nothing in that head of his.
However, he had seen Sawada and if what Cavallone truly went under the same treatment then he might not be as harmless as he had allowed people to think.
He frowned at the assessment, the man was a danger and a threat.
"Is something bothering you Kyoya?" the words were worried and sincere but somehow he couldn't help but sense the sheer covering that hid the truth beneath it all.
"You read me far too easily." The words spilled before he could stop them and for some reason he doesn't really mind being this loose tongued.
He heard the man guffaw in his remark as if his statement was a joke, it made him growl in turn, demanding an explanation.
"Okay, first of all, you are by in any chance easy to read. Second of all, when did you get so talkative?" he was grinning again but he could still note the calculating glint within those darkened orbs.
He shrugged in reply, he obviously had no wish to elaborate.
"Kyoya are you drunk already?" the man came closer leaning over him.
"No. I'm perfectly somber." He denied as he stared at the man squarely in a challenging manner.
"Is that so." The caramel eyes narrowed in observance as if discovering something interesting and amusing at the same time.
"Kyoya, did you like the dinner?" he shifted the conversation, instantly backing off as he leaning back into his seat.
"It's… acceptable." He provided in reluctance as he grasped for a more appropriate term to use.
"I'm glad you like it." He smiled warmly in comment.
"There you are again." He remarked in observance not noticing how open he was.
How vulnerable.
"Eh?"
"Reading through my words, even Kusakabe doesn't know me that well." He confided in nonchalance as he watched the man's eyes light up.
"Lucky guess." He joked still wearing that annoying grin once more.
He was getting annoyed. He preferred the man's truer smiles over the cheesy ones he had been sporting when he is under the scrutiny of the public eye.
"If that's the case then I suggest you buy a lottery ticket, you'll probably win it." he retorted sharply as he sent another glare at man.
"I'm guessing you really like the dinner then." he didn't even blink under the intense gaze as he made his own conclusions.
"It was delicious." The words slipped out once more immediately bringing a curtain of shocked silence.
It seemed that Hell just froze over.
"Well that makes me really happy." He smiled even brighter while the prefect tried in vain to stop the sudden rise of rhythm with his heart.
He said nothing in turn, he no longer trusts himself when he is under the influence.
"There's nothing wrong with what you said you know." He sighed in a weary tone he could sometimes catch whenever he chose to stop and ignore the man.
This time was no different.
"Come on, don't tell me you purposely spent years mastering the art of antisocialism so that you could deprive yourself of – "
A beat passed.
Realization dawned brighter than sunrise.
"Is that why you act like that? Keeping yourself from society and friends in order to keep yourself from feeling." His voice sounded different now, it seemed sharper as it eventually turned into a reprimanding conclusion.
"That's not right, Kyoya." He voiced as an unfamiliar frown marred his handsome features revealing just how different he can be from his cheery personality.
Somehow, Hibari found himself preferring the bright cheery idiot.
Hell really must have frozen over.
"Sir, since you don't like any of our offered cocktails, may I offer you tea instead?" a small female voice roused him from his musings.
"Green tea. How long before landing?" he answered not bothering to turn away from the window on which he was gazing.
"About an hour or so. I'll be right back." She replied politely as she excused herself from his presence.
It has been a long flight and news of finally landing on stable land seemed to have placed him at ease.
He was not a fan of flying.
It was quite ironic considering his namesake.
Maybe Italy wouldn't be that bad. He sighed in thought as he allowed himself to recline back and rest.
I never thought he's such a lightweight. He concluded the moment the man actually started talking to him civilly.
He briefly pondered on the thought of taking advantage of the man's current state but somehow his prospective plans went all down the drain when he voiced his own opinions on how the man should live his life.
Did I not learn anything at all?
"Who are you to tell me what is right and wrong?" the young man glared at him in increasing intensity, it seemed that he could only manage to get a small compliment from the guy and ended up on his wrong side in no time.
Again. He couldn't help but inwardly groan as he took a breath of calm.
"Your tutor." He pointed out only to incur a dismissive snort from his unwilling student.
There was nothing new there.
"I don't see anything good could from socializing. Kureno Hibari made that clear for me." the voice seemed different, and somehow he couldn't help but note the tone of wistfulness that invaded the prefect's normally menacing voice.
"Of course, Kureno himself was a social recluse. Why not pass on the trait." He mused aloud only to realize too late he had spoken too much.
Somehow, life was cruel enough to make his conversations with Kyoya end up with blunders, offences and broken bones.
I'm not that bad of a guy. Do you hate me that much? He sighed, contemplating on whether he was forever cursed to being a clumsy oaf.
"I'm tired." He stood without warning only to wobble a bit indicating his intoxication.
"Careful! Kyoya, you're drunk." He called out standing up to steady the intoxicated man.
"I can handle myself. Let go." He glared back narrowing his icy blue eyes as he waited for the boss to do what he had ordered.
"At least let me drive you back." He said obviously unwilling to let him go considering how unstable he was.
"Let go of me Bronco." His voice seeped though him like cold air, he felt his heart quicken in pace while pumping a heady does of adrenaline through his system in reaction to the killing aura that was being sent his way.
Do you hate me that much?
"Kyoya, please." He tried to reason only to be met by a flash and blur of silver.
He took a step back instinctively taking out his whip.
"I'm leaving." He turned, not bothering to hide his weapons of choice.
Okay, that is it! Something snapped.
He was by far extremely patient with him.
He allowed himself to be beaten up.
Physically and emotionally.
He was injured.
Insulted.
And most of all, hurt.
Dammit, I'm tired too! He seethed as he grabbed on to Hibari's shoulder and spun him around effortlessly.
"Listen here you sadistic antisocial brat, I'm getting tired of this. So let's finish this shall we?" he said, his face mere centimeters away from the raven-haired man who seemed to me looking at him with a pair shocked gray blue eyes.
"Wh – " he didn't even let him finish as he seal the words with his lips.
He was getting far too close for comfort.
He getting to close that it made something in him flutter and churn.
He was also angry.
Not upset.
Not disappointed.
Not even annoyed.
The way those caramel orbs burn and still told him Dino Cavallone had reach his limit with him.
It wasn't like he didn't expect this.
He had after all purposely did everything in his power to be difficult and it actually made him wonder if the man was a masochist or something because he was quite sure even the loyal Kusakabe wouldn't last that long with the attitude he sported.
So for the man to confront him wasn't that much of a surprise.
What he didn't expect was for the man to kiss him like that.
It was dominating and hard.
Hungry and wild.
His whole being was getting consumed by his fire and heat. He felt himself slip and fall into the nothing but pure instinct and pleasure when Dino pried his lips apart and invaded his mouth.
A moan.
A whimper.
From whom, he did not know.
All he did was react and feel.
Logic and thought had long left him.
They parted.
A gasp for air.
His hands wrapped around his torso.
Clinging and desperate.
Their eyes met once more.
"Answer me, Kyoya." He leaned in to whisper upon his ear, it took all of him and more not to shiver in response.
Slowly.
Reluctantly.
Painfully.
Reality set in.
Panic and denial mixed.
A punch, signaling rejection and more.
He turned to leave only to be held back once more.
The next thing he knew, the words left him before he could even understand them.
But whatever he spoke made the grip on him go limp giving him the chance to run.
Coward. The word echoed with every step he took to distance himself from the fallen man.
"Tsuna was busy." He supplied when he was met with a familiar glare.
He inwardly prepared himself for a hit but it seemed nothing came his way. The prefect said nothing as he entered the car fully intending to ignore him.
This is going to be a long drive. He inwardly groaned as ducked back into the vehicle.
"So… you finally decided to come to Italy huh." He remarked lightly in an effort to lighten the atmosphere.
All he earned was a curt nod of affirmation.
Well, it could be worse.
"You know the Vongola Estates is a bit far. Is there anywhere you'd like to stop by?" he questioned not even expecting a vocal answer this time.
"No."
A, he speaks!
"How you've been Kyoya, really?" he took it as his cue, and began to question the man.
"Fine."
"I heard you considered taking on the position in heading the CEDEF." He supplied only to see him shrug in nonchalance.
"Talk to me Kyoya." He sighed finally resorting to an all too familiar form conversation where he practically had to drag out every damn word from those sinfully delicious lips.
"I'm answering you aren't I Bronco?" the retort was sharp and cold as ever.
Some things just never change. He frowned in thought as he tried to rouse a reply once more.
"It's been more than a year, are you still angry?"
He might as well take the plunge.
Angry. He asked himself if he really was angry the answer came quick and unhesitant.
No.
Was he angry? He wondered, going back to that night.
He doesn't know the answer, even until now.
"Answer me, Kyoya. Are you still angry, do you hate me that much?" he pushed on, clearly unwilling to let things go.
"Hardly." He answered.
"Then what's wrong? It feels I just went back to square one with you." he voiced with frustration and stress clear in his voice as he stopped the car on a nearby parking spot.
How convenient.
"You tell me. You left, just like that." he snapped immediately regretting his words once more.
"You told me to. You told me I quote, 'I don't want you.'" caramel orbs darkened and stained with hurt at the memory.
So that's what I said. he thought, gritting his teeth in frustration.
"I was drunk." He reasoned out, inwardly realizing whatever events that may occur between them now would leave him with no excuses considering he doesn't have alcohol intoxication to fall back on.
He had to make a choice.
The path of solitude he had long taken or him.
Both come with dire consequences that would push him into unfamiliar territory.
Strangely enough, he didn't care one bit.
"That's beside the point. Your rejection was clear enough. You even ignored my calls when I wanted to apologize."
You idiot. That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted –
What did he want?
"I know a relationship with you isn't attainable but could we at least be civil with each other?" he said, his tone was grating on his nerves because the last thing he wants is to see him like this.
Weak.
Vulnerable.
Begging and broken.
"I'm not biting you to death. Isn't that enough?"
"Then what's bothering you?" his eyes narrowed in scrutiny as he took on a more somber look.
"What makes you think there's something bothering me in the first place?" he snapped once more as he waited for the reply.
Until now, you still read me far too well.
His choice was clear.
Instincts. He wanted to supply but refrained because it would mean he was claiming to know inner workings of Kyoya's mind and such assumptions would eventually lead him back to square one.
Our relationship is like a game of snakes and ladders – just when I thought I was finally getting there, I do something wrong that would only push me back further.
"You're right. I'm sorry." He reluctantly let it go with a sigh as he allowed silence to reign over them.
They were only a few kilometers from the estates when the dark prefect decided to break the silence.
"You give up far too easily sometimes."
"Eh?" he slowed down a bit as he tried to digest the words properly.
"The first time we met I asked you to leave. Why didn't you? I even told you after the battles, yet you remained. So I asked myself why you took my words more seriously more when I was drunk." He said not bothering to face as he continued to gaze out of the window.
"I don't understand." His brows furrowed in confusion as he dared turn to the brooding man.
"Then you truly are an idiot." He faced him squarely, icy grayish blue eyes steady and calculating as they assessed his reaction.
"It's not like you were playing hard to get. I'm not a mind-reader, Kyoya." He felt himself freeze at the spilt concluding words.
Crap.
He was going to get bitten death.
He braced himself for the incoming blow.
"What? You expect me to fall for you like some woman?"
It wasn't the reaction or the reply he expected.
"Hug me and you die, Cavallone." He glared at the man who seemed to be frozen in a state of shock that eventually melted into an expression of pure joy.
"I'll risk it." he smiled as he engulfed him in a tight warm embrace.
"Ti amo, Kyoya Hibari." He whispered roughly against his ear, sending shivers down his spine.
He tried to make it by struggling against the tightening hold only to find himself surrendering into the welcoming warmth and the scent of citrus.
"Don't expect too much out of this." he muttered.
"I don't care. I'm not giving up on you this time." He replied, loosening his hold as he faced him.
Stupid Bronco. He thought as he watched how the caramel hues dance with life.
"Your Bronco." He whispered in turn making the blood rush to his cheeks.
"You're quite adorable, when you blush." He commented observantly only to meet a glare and a swift strike to the face.
He could only glare harder when his punch was deflected, the next thing he knew both of his hand were restrained over his head bound by a familiar looking whip.
"Step by step, I'm going to teach properly this time, Kyoya." he said rather roughly as he trailed a finger across his face and down his neck revealing a small expanse of his pale skin.
I'm going to kill him. He seethed as he tried struggling against the bonds only to feel his wrists burn against the roughness.
"Let's start with this." he said as he leaned down and kissed him hot and deep.
His breathing and heart quicken at his touches and words. He was engulfed by heat and the heady scent of him and he knew right there and then that nothing will ever be the same again.
He had chosen, and it was far too late to go back.
Emotions are for weaklings.
Pain is subjective.
It was a lesson reality forced him to learn.
What is painful to one person may not be as painful to another.
It was a lesson he had forced his heart to master.
A lesson he had learned over the years as a boss.
But somehow he still managed to cut corners and defy them.
The pain of heartbreak was a pain he may not grow accustomed to.
Since when did he get so undisciplined?
Yet the joy of love requited made it all worth it.
-END-
A/N: Okay… It's been a while and it's good to be back. So, how was it? This is my first D18 and hopefully the fans of this pairing would like the story. This is for dreamgirl96 who requested a D18 fic… I'm not really that familiar with writing Dino and Hibari but… I did what I could… this would have been published earlier but since I had summer classes, I couldn't really focus on my stories. So thank you for reading and please leave a comment.
P.S. I don't own KHR Amano Akira does…
Extra: Updates for 'Changes' are coming soon…thank you for the patience. ^^,