A/N: Okay, this is how I am gonna do this, I am gonna switch my stories and letters from showing Scriabin as innocent, Edgar as innocent and same for Johnny too…however innocent you can make a homicidal maniac! Anyway, enjoy and review pleeeeeeeeeeease…
Dear Edgar,
I can write now and say that I am truly happy, but if I were with you now, could you say the same? I know the stabs of loneliness and low self-esteem have gotten to you, I know more about you than you do about me. I believe that you can be happy, be confident, comfortable in your own skin and not reliant on pathetic shots at happiness that don't often last longer than one night.
I do think that happiness does start with the company we keep, I have extremely supportive friends to look out for and who look out for me. You, on the other hand, have Johnny and Scriabin, although half of the time they are friendly towards you, the other half, they find themselves arguing with you and trying to score points off you, do you really think that is true love and care?
There's an expression I've heard used a lot, 'to sever all ties', this, I think could help you a lot, I know how much you love Nny and how much you think you need them both, you really don't, and you can't deny that they are bad for you, you were always a great person but they took over your life.
No matter what has happened, you can take and learn a lesson from every experience, Scriabin, although in a strange way, did help you to get out more and give you more of a life, the fact that your life was tiresome and tedious before though, did not falter your good nature, which I find quite inspirational. Scriabin helped put a character to that nature.
Nny, I would say, is harder to learn from, but, if not from Nny, take something from your experience with him, you needed happiness, love, consideration and attention and in the long run you got none of those things, a pretty damaged heart, though. You thought you could change him, although I don't see Nny as completely 'beyond redemption' as his old friend Mr. Fuck called him, I think he will never change his selfish, ignorant ways because he simply doesn't want to. A man can change but another cannot do it for him; this must make sense to you, you know you can have other friends. You were introduced to a genuinely nice and thoughtful person. Remember Jake? You more than likely don't, but I knew Jake, he was one of those people with good intentions, do you remember those? That night when Scri took you to that bar…well, I think it just proves that you have the capability to be a normal, decent guy, Jake wanted to be YOUR friend and it wasn't either yours or Jake's fault that Scri took over, trying to control you…again.
You need to stop letting him control you, if you want to sleep, SLEEP, don't let him rule your life! It's not safe for you either, you can't tell if or when he's lying or not, he could be spinning tales like he spins that red yarn.
It doesn't feel like it but it will be easier to separate from Nny, it's a well known fact that he's not exactly the patient type, but it's also true that many people 'in love' end up finding that it was pure infatuation and they only thought that it was something more and I cannot begin to imagine the countless number of hearts that have been broken due to this common misinterpretation. Please don't let your heart be completely smashed to pieces because of the people around you, your unfortunate company.
I do get the distinct feeling that you have never really liked yourself as a person which is exactly what your goal should be, to like yourself. But, the saddest part of your life, more sad and depressing than the job you had, that boring office, more than having no family, no friends is that the only two people that you have ever seen as and considered as friends and are your 'friends' now, know how much of a struggle there is in your head and know that you are so unhappy, but they don't seem to care, at all! They even go so far as to make life even more difficult for you. Scriabin and Nny are extremely selfish when it comes to friendship, everyone I know, including me, has had a problem with a 'friend' who just takes and never gives and they solved that problem by getting rid of that friend, which usually makes them realise that they need to change. To get rid of Scri and Nny would be the best thing to do not only for you, but also for them too, hopefully.
Do you know it's nearly Christmas? I know what you're like, you always forget dates and months. Please, don't let yourself have another lonely, unhappy Christmas…try and remember it this year, go out, meet some new people, some nice, kind people and enjoy the festive season, don't end up like you were last year, in tears all day because you and Scri had had one of 'those' fights. What had happened? Oh yeah, you had a busted nose and was sat on the kitchen floor while Scri had a pretty bad busted lip which was swollen for three days and had slammed the door in your face pretty hard because of it. Whatever happened to sing-a-long Jingle Bells? Roasting chestnuts? Eating turkey? Opening presents? It's okay to go back to your childhood once in a while, that excited little six year old who jumped for joy when it came to his birthday and Christmas! Do you remember your date of birth?
I'm not saying that all of your problems are directly connected to Nny and Scriabin because your life wasn't much to be happy about before them. However, I think that most people would agree that a pair of selfish, only-in-it-for-themselves guys would help matters. Sure, maybe you do need to change, but I do have to say that you're not the only one, don't think you're alone, I stand by what I said earlier, you're inspirational, after all you've been through, you're still here and, although you may not think it, fighting. Please hear what I've said and best of luck for the future, I have every faith that you'll manage.
Lots of love and well wishes,
Charlotte
xoxoxox