No word in any form of dictionary published on a parchment or on a vellum could described how infuriately pissed-off Leliana Cousland was.
First of all, she happened to have the world's most annoying companions, self-proclaimed 'best friends' who incidentally happens to be a band of shameless cheeky persons,
who were also uncles and aunts of her child and also happens to be the number ones source of her irritation at this very moment.
She just wanted a nice evening with her husband...Alone!
And to cut the long story short...
Within twenty-four hours.
All of her husband's companions from the previous blight.
Saviors of Ferelden.
Organized a party.
In The Cousland's home.
Without Their permission.
-Later-
Someone was at the front door.
She didn't want to open it but since Aedan insisted...
After opening the door.
"..." Glare.
"..."Glare.
"Bard..."
"Witch..."
Door shut violently.
"Who was that?" Asked her husband, who was wondering why his wife was locking the front door.
"Nobody..."
"LELIANA! Open the door! NOW!"
"...Doesn't that sound like Morrigan?"
-Later-
Someone was at the front door...AGAIN...
She didn't want to open it but since Aedan insisted that it could be someone important...
After opening the door.
"..." Glare with promises that your death will be slow and painful.
"..." A delightful smirk that would melt a young girl's heart. (Which is not the case here.)
"Leliana! My dea...!"
Door shut violently.
"Who was it now?" Asked her husband, who was wondering why his wife was still locking the front door and this time making a lot of traps and putting them on the door.
"The bread seller..."
"At night?"
"IT'S ALRIGHT LELIANA DEAR! I have Wynne's bosom for comfort! Wynne may I..."
"For the last time, S.T.O.P talking about my bosom! Or I'll have to petrify you!"
"...I think Zevran and Wynne are here, dear." indicated Aedan to his wife, who was cursing in the corner.
-Later-
"Maker, what are YOU doing HERE? !" Demand Leliana while pointing Morrigan.
"I got the chance to get a bit more out from the Korcari Wilds." Replied Morrigan.
"You were here last week," Leliana muttered darkly.
"The inn was a bit too expensive."
"So?"
"I thought I could stay a while here, to see my only worthwhile friend. How are you Aedan?" asked Morrigan with a rare smile when she saw Aedan Cousland.
It didn't do any better when he answered her also with a smile.
"I am fine, thank you for coming Morrigan, You know you are always welcome here."
Leliana lost count of how many times she twitched.
"If the inn is that expensive, you could go to the Chantry. The Chantry provides succor and safe harbor to all who seek it..."
"Surely you jest." Bitch…
"No I don't." Whore…
Both women glared madly at each other until they were mere inches away from one another.
"Uhm...Leliana I'll go get some drinks for our visitors." Aedan suggested. And some poison…
If Aedan would have turn around to look at Wynne, he would have saw the look on her face that said : "Maker's breath..."
Wynne sigh deeply and looked back to Morrigan and Leliana...Who were glaring at each other...AGAIN.
And Zevran was...Well...Still Zevran. Always encouraging cat fights. Especially if it's between two women.
Both women turned to each other and their hair practically bristled like a cat going on a full-out cat fight.
A short while later:
"That's the third glass you break tonight." Wynne observed.
"I can always buy a new one," Leliana didn't look at her.
She was still looking at her husband who was talking with Morrigan.
"I know you can, Leliana, but there aren't that many crystal-smiths in Denerim."
"I can afford them."
"But those belonged to Aedan's mother. Fergus Cousland gave them to him as wedding gifts."
"Maker's breath!"
-elsewhere-
"Aedan will be mightily upset when he finds out you broke his glass, Oghren." said Zevran.
"He can afford it."
"I know, but there aren't that many crystal glass makers in Denerim."
"That's a good idea, elf." Oghren reaching for another glass and crushed it.
"And did you know that belonged to Teyrna Eleanor Cousland? Fergus Cousland gave them to Aedan as wedding gifts."
"Sod it, I am fu****."
"Yes, you are."
"Wouf!"
Barkspawn the dog approves +100.
A while later, Singing contest :
Young Bryce Cousland looked just like a little prince in his cloth, he sat next to his royal uncle Alistair and clap to the tune of his uncle Zevran singing.
Although Zevran might be a professional assassin, singing was most absolutely not his forte. Especially the choice of the song.
Alistair couldn't help but grimacing at every word coming out from his perverted friend's mouth. Plus, He had to cover Bryce' ears at some distasteful words Zevran screeched out.
Next to Alistair was the ever-stoic looking Sten, dressed remarkably plain and simple, nothing too flashy and gaudy that Sten would rather be caught dead than alive wearing something that would even outshine Oghren and Zevran put together.
Staring ominously at his giant friend, Oghren snorted disdainfully. Trust that skunk-died-in-his-ass Sten with his sense of Qunari creativity. And Oghren isn't going to ponder any further. Not worth his dignified time. But he did wonder...
What is that pole-up-in-the-ass Sten going to sing?
Then, like being hit by one of Wynne's lightening spell, Oghren came up with a brilliant idea. I'm so intelligent that I make myself sick. Oghren giggled to himself. Rather loudly.
-Back to alistair and Bryce-
"Is uncle Oghren alright?" Asked a worried young Bryce Cousland.
"No, he is not." Alistair drink his beer.
"Oh…is he sick?"
"Yeah. In the head."
Finally Zevran was over with his...dirty songs that would even made An archdemon nosebleed...If it had a nose.
It's at this moment that Oghren announced the next singer.
"And now, It's time for the little hero of the party to sing : Bryce Cousland!"
Everyone was clapping their hands, encouraging Bryce to go sing something, while knowing full well his shyness.
"Go ahead, boy, choose your partner for the song."
And 'not so subtly' Oghren whispered something in Bryce's ears.
His eyes widen and had a big grin on his face. And pointed with his finger the one he wanted as his partner for the song.
As you can imagine, everyone's reaction was the same...basically :
"Maker's breath!"
"Oh dear!"
Barkspawn is whining.
"Tis most unusual choice."
"I didn't see that coming."
"Sexy!"
"You make it sound worse!"
A little while later :
Sten glared at everybody. Challenging anybody who would dare to laugh, or even dare to crack a smile. But so far so good, it doesn't seem that luck is on his side either.
Suddenly he felt a tug on his arm.
Looking down only to see Bryce.
Sighing deeply and cursing the idiot,-cough-The dwarf-cough-, who decided to make a singing party, Sten accepted anyway, he didn't want to upset the adorable young Cousland.
Bryce grinned at him and spoke softly, "W-will uncle Sten sing too?"
Resistance is pointless.
No matter how cold and strong you are.
You. Can't. Resist. The. Cuteness.
" 'sigh'...Yes..."
Bryce was looking into the list of songs until the evil demon of the cursed hell, right now the worst enemy of Sten said : "Bryce, my boy, How about this song?"
"This one?" asked the young boy.
"Yeah, this one." The demon pointed out a song.
Sten peered from the top of Bryce's little head and stiffen. Parshaara! Of all the accursed songs...No way in hell !
Sten whirled around towards the Dwarf warrior. Killer intent brimming Sten and everybody present could feel the spiking animosity except for Bryce.
The Dwarf must die…The Dwarf must die…The Dwarf must die… Sten chanted in his mind. Murderous look glaring obscenely at Oghren.
Until...
Everyone was shocked, they thought that Sten would kill Oghren with his bare hands (since he let his sword Asala over the front door) but instead he was grinning like mad.
Which was really scary to see by the way.
Then he turned down to be face to face with young Bryce Cousland and said.
"I accept to sing but to one condition."
Oghren smirk suddenly disappeared.
"What...?" asked Bryce.
Sten faced Oghren and said.
"Dwarf tossing while we sing."
...
"WHAT!"
A few minutes later :
"B-but uncle oghren, you are the only dwarf here."
"That not true! I'm not the only one! Hey Bodahn! Take my- Wait- Where is he?"
Wynne answered to her friend question :
"As soon as he heard the two words 'dwarf tossing' he left with sandal."
"Sod it."
"Beside there is no one here who has enough strength to toss the dwarf." added Morrigan.
"My Kadan and the king will do it." Answered Sten.
"What? Why us?" Whined Alistair.
"Because if you don't, I'll toss you myself." Replied a dead serious sten.
"I...Yes sir..."
"Good."
Leliana had felt Sten's hostility.
So she decided that only Alistair, Aedan, Sten and Oghren should sing.
Beside, the song was a bit too hard to understand for a young child like him.
Bryce was a bit disappointed but he could still listen to his daddy and uncles sing so he was still happy.
"Maker forgive me for being ridiculous." Said Alistair while praying.
"That won't change much you know." said Aedan with a small smile.
"What?"
"Quiet both of you and start singing." Threat Sten.
"Yes sir..."
"Song begin."
Sten: "Ooohh, I've heard of dwarves who get in fights 'bout every time they drink,
And those who need to have a woman just to help them think,
(Everyone is clapping their hands.)
(Alistair toss a ill looking Oghren to Aedan.)
Alistair: Uhm... And if you want to see a dwarf whine and beg and plead,
Just pour out all his ale and take away his mead!
(Everyone is clapping their hands.)
(Aedan toss a vomiting Oghren to Alistair.)
"Oghren!"
"Sorry about that...uhm hope that the carpet wasn't expensive..."
"Actually it was..." Muttered darkly Leliana.
Aedan: There's never been a Paragon of Wisdom or of Thinking,
And though I tried a time or two, I ne'r got raised for stinking,
(Alistair toss Oghren to Sten.)
Aedan: But hang around here long enough and don't you go a blinking,
'Cuz someday I am gonna be the Paragon of Drinking!"
(Sten violently toss Oghren outside the house. New record, 244 meters)
"Oghren!" exclaimed Aedan.
"My window!" exclaimed Leliana.
"You'll get over it my dear." Said Wynne.
END...?
Bonus:
Somewhere outside the city of Denerim , a dwarf covered in mud and a mabari hound were having an argument.
"I suppose you won't drag me home, like Felsi?"
Barkspawn disapprove -100
"I founded a lamb bone, while I was tossed here."
Barkspawn disapprove -50
Barkspawn doesn't trust you anymore and leave the group.
"Ah sod it."
END