Everybody Loves Falcon
A pro Captain Falcon fic!
Captain Falcon skipped through the kitchen delightedly.
"Good morning fellow Smashers!" He cried joyously. "I just have time to eat my toast, then I'll have to leave to do my charitable charity work!"
"Oh good lord…" Peach groaned, placing her coffee cup on the table. "A pro Captain Falcon fic this early in the morning? Has the whole world gone mad?"
"No…" Mewtwo sighed, taking a swig from his hip flask. "Just the author."
"Oh…" Peach said, before picking up her faithful Avon catalogue and flipping through it.
It was a blustery, cold day, winds whipping like big huge tentacles and the snow dropped gently onto the ground.
Captain Falcon walked through the deserted neighbourhood of the 'bad-side' of town. This was actually quite a misnomer, as this neighbourhood was colourful and bright and smiling faces peered out of the frosted windows.
But trouble was brewing.
Captain Falcon heard voices coming from the alley beside him. Quietly, he ducked behind a wall and listened.
"You got the bag?"
"Yeah, I got the bag."
"Good, cuz I ain't doin' the job until I get the bag."
"Well, I got the bag, so you can do the job, right?"
"You got the bag, I can do the job."
"Well, you can do the job because I got the bag."
"I'm glad you got the bag cuz now I can do the…"
"Oh for Gods sake!" Captain Falcon screamed. "Just tell him you'll do the job!"
The two men turned to look at him.
"Okay, okay!" He snapped. "I'm doin' the job!"
"Thank goodness!" Captain Falcon said. "Now, I must be on my merry little way, gentlemen. I have to be helping build the homeless shelter in exactly half an hour, and it's a long drive. Well, farewell. I hope we meet again someday. Because, I am Captain Falcon, good Samaritan and helper outer dude!" And with that, Captain Falcon leapt into his racing car, and zoomphed off.
The two men looked at one another.
"Does he know the job was to assassinate him?" One of them asked.
"I don't know." The other said.
"Ah… but Tony, it's Christmas… Couldn't you just…?"
"What…? Ah! No way, man. I gotta do what I gotta do!"
The other man placed his hands on Tony's shoulders.
"Please, Tone? For… For me?"
"Oh alright… I hate it when you do dat, you know."
"I know." The man said, smiling.
And so Captain Falcon arrived in time to help build the homeless shelter, with enough time to spare to cut down a tree and decorate it.
You know, not everyone loves Captain Falcon.
But he really is, truly, one in a kind.
As Tony would say, 'You got dat?'