A/N: Got this idea while talking to some kids I babysit. Btw I ship Ness. Just a bit. With a whole fleet of ships. Their sexual tension is the best. Please review!

"What in the hell are those?" Nick Miller gasped at the vermin his roommates were holding.

Jess gave him a weird look, scrunching up her nose and squinting at him as she stood up. "They're guinea pigs, Nick." She picked one up from the box next to her feet and held it up for him to get a closer look. "See?"

"Auuuugh!" Nick backed up three steps and half climbed on a barstool. "They look like overgrown rats!"

"They're not that bad man," Winston said from his spot on the couch. He had the calico one in his hands and was giving it Eskimo kisses. "They're so fuzzy!"

"I don't care they're nasty looking! What are they doing here?!" Nick was now crouched on top of the barstool, trying to stay as far away from the rodents as possible.

"One of the teachers at school had one named Mr. Cuddles," Jess said. "Turns out Mr. was a Mrs. And now she has a bunch to give away but her landlord has a one pet rule. She can't keep them in her apartment."

"So they're staying here?" Nick all but squealed. "The rat demons are staying here?!"

"They're not rat demons!" Schmidt chimed in from the other side of the couch. "Besides, it'll be a great wingman!"

"Wingman?" Winston asked as the calico crawled over his shoulders.

"Yeah! Girls love things that are small and furry. You should know Nick." Schmidt said with a raunchy wink.

"Jar!"

"Awh Jess what for?" Schmidt whined.

"Plans to exploit a poor animal's cuteness and unfairly comparing their adorableness to Nick's genitals."

"My genitals have come through worse," Nick said dryly as Schmidt grumbled and put a few dollars in the jar. "But do they have to stay here?"

Jess crossed her arms and pouted. "Yes. At least until they find homes. Remy loves me, so he won't mind."

"He doesn't know does he?" Nick smirked at Jess. As she stammered, searching for an answer, he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as well. She had a heart of gold that one, but sometimes she really didn't know where to draw the line.

"Jess they can't stay here."

"Why not? Don't tell me the great Nick Miller is afraid of a little cuteness?"Jess asked in her best baby voice.

"No!" Nick proclaimed indignantly. "I just don't like them so they can't stay."

"Since when do you have final say in who becomes a roommate?" Winston glared at him.

Schmidt cleared his throat. "All in favor of keeping the adorable, sweet, cuddly, cute, fuzzy…"

"We get it Schmidt," Nick rolled his eyes.

"…Creatures raise your hand."

Three hands, Winston's clutching his guinea pig, shot into the air. "All opposed?"

Nick glared at all of them. "This is a really bad decision."

*TWO WEEKS LATER*

Jess shut the door and sank down against it. "Phew, I'm so glad that's the last of them."

Winston nodded as he watched the Lakers on TV. "Agreed. Those adorable hellions are never allowed here again."

"Told you they were a bad idea!" Nick shouted from the shower.

Jess rolled her eyes and put her head in her lap. Suddenly, Schmidt burst into the living area-a panicked look in his eyes.

"Ok nobody freak out. I think I may have lost something highly valuable in this apartment." Schmidt started looking frantically everywhere-climbing on top of the counter, crawling under the table, and searching under the couches.

"Schmidt if you lost some weird ass knick-knack from Japan, I am so NOT helping you look for it." Winston continued munching on his chips.

"That handmade chibi-shaped gel massager was not a knick-knack! And it worked wonders on my calves!" Schmidt snapped defensively. He lowered his voice and whispered "I kind of misplaced Coco Puff."

"The cereal is in the cupboard Schmidt," Jess grumbled, not lifting her head from her lap.

"Not the cereal! The cuddly one!" Schmidt hissed.

"Cuddly one?" Winston turned around to look at him with a chip half hanging out of his mouth. "Oh no man…."

Jess looked up, blue eyes wider than usual. "You didn't."

Schmidt hung his head shamefully. "I did. She was so cute I had to keep her! She was like a limited edition of adorableness!"

"This is bad. Very very very bad," said Jess as Winston looked on in disbelief.

" And now poor Coco Puff is missing in this labyrinth of an apartment. She's going to get filthy! And after I just finished washing her fur with the all-natural mango-peach shampoo too!"

"Shut up Schmidt who cares if your furball is clean?" Winston snapped as he joined in the search, checking under the couch cushion.

"Oh no what about Nick?" Jess asked as she scrambled to her feet. "He was so glad to finally be rid of them all! Schmidt how could you keep one?"

"She was adorable ok? Let me have someone cute to pamper!" Schmidt huffed as he checked in one of the flower pots on the windowsill.

"Oh my god how are we going to tell Nick?" Jess cried.

"Tell me what?"

*LATER THAT NIGHT*

"I still don't see why this is necessary," Jess muttered from under the covers.

"There is a goddamn RAT crawling around this loft, Jessica Day, unsupervised and untamed. You cannot honestly expect me to sleep in my own bed. By myself. In the dark," Nick grumbled as he pulled the covers up to his chin, eyes warily watching the room around him. "Besides, Winston said no way was he sharing."

"Nick it's just a guinea pig," sighed Jess as she turned to face him. "It's cute and cuddly. And clean if Schmidt had anything to say about it. Why are you so afraid of them?"

He sighed and turned on his side to look at Jess. "You have to swear you won't tell anyone."

"That bad huh?"

"I mean it Jess!"

"Okay, okay. Out with it Miller."

"In seventh grade there was this guinea pig in the science lab. It was cute and we took care of it and observed it and stupid stuff like that."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"I'm getting to the bad part, hold your horses. One day, some of the JV football players were picking on me in the locker room. I know, it's hard to believe someone as charming and handsome as me could get picked on but hey, it happens to the best of us."

"And the turtle-faced ones too," Jess giggled.

Nick shot a goofy pretend-mad glare at her."Those too I suppose. Well, they were teasing me. I didn't like it so I told them to back off. The big fat one didn't take to kindly to that. One thing led to the other and I ended up locked in a gym locker with a guinea pig crawling and scratching and biting me for an hour."

"Nick! Oh my god that's terrible," Jess instinctively reached for his hand, to comfort him under the covers.

"Yeah it was," Nick let out a big sigh. "So now you know…."

"Thanks for telling me. I'd never have brought them home if I'd…"

"Hey don't worry about it Jess. I haven't told anyone that story."

"Sorry though."

"Hey," Nick put his free hand under her chin and lifted it so they were looking into each other's eyes. Jess' baby blues looking like they were comforting the scared seventh grader and the grown man in front of her."It's no big deal. We're cool."

They lay staring at each other, eyes both locked intensely. The atmosphere tensed around them, electricity sparking. Breath quickened just a tad for both parties; the entwined hands clasping the others' even tighter. Nick leaned forward just a bit as Jess half closed her eyes. Neither moved, not wanting to quite cross that line.

"Jess?"

"Nick?"

"Are you touching my leg?"

Jess' face became confused. "Uhm….no?"

Nick felt teeny tiny touches traipse up his leg.

He screamed like a little girl, as he toppled out of bed, blankets flying everywhere.

"OH MY FREAKING GOD!"