Davy stood nervously beside the table at the restaurant. He had gotten there at 3:00 just to make sure everything was perfect, so that he didn't fail this date and be disappointing like he had so many times before. This wasn't technically a date though…Maybe it could end up being one if he was lucky? He had written Peter that letter as a symbol to how their relationship first started. He wanted to talk about all the things he had been harboring these past three months since he had so much time to contemplate mistakes.

Now he had been playing the waiting game for 30 minutes. He was trying to keep his composure. If his nerves took over then who knows what kind of bumbling mess he would be. People usually didn't think of Davy as letting his emotions cause chaos around him, that was more of a Micky and Peter thing. The truth was Davy was just as much of an emotional wreck as everyone else and would be at risk for doing embarrassing things, if it weren't for the fact that he was so good at turning the emotions off. Well, he thought he was turning them off but maybe they were still around causing chaos or the emotional numbness was the one that was the true threat. Emotions caused him to do the dumbest thing he had ever done in his life. Lose Peter. And now he was counting on emotions to win him back.

Davy had realized what a mess he had made of things very early into his Peter-less sentence. He had taken for granted the fact that Peter was a constant in his life both during their relationship and beforehand. Peter was a comforting presence in his life providing him with optimism, laughter, a joyful spirit, and love. Davy missed that right away. Sure he still had Mike and Micky sometimes whenever Peter wasn't around but it wasn't the same. Mike had a more dry sense of humor and that was very scarce, other times he was doing his own thing. Micky did have a joyful spirit and was fun, but he was not Davy's biggest fan throughout this process. He was civil enough, but it was blatantly obvious that he was on Peter's side. He had to admit that he didn't blame Micky. Davy was just terribly lonely now.

The glimpses he would catch of Peter were a blessing and a curse. It gave him solace to see Peter and know that he was still fighting the good fight. Sometimes Davy could trick Micky into giving him some information about how Peter was doing. The curse was that those brief encounters made Davy long for Peter's touch. He was tormenting himself with memories of the times when they were intimate and of all the moments Peter wanted to show his love and Davy had rebuffed him. For what? For fear of what other people would think; when the most important person's thoughts were in front of his face the entire time. He was just too blind to see it. The memories really were the worst form of torture.

These were the reasons that Davy decided that he needed to make an attempt to move forward with things. If he never went through with this and waited for Peter to come forward then it may never happen. Peter was a gentle soul and it takes longer for him to process through pain. Davy was different. If there were qualities about Davy that were good, which he was having a difficult time believing that he had any lately, it was his persistence and self-assurance. The guy knew what he wanted and went after it. He usually got what he wanted though and this time he was less confident hence the nerves.

Davy had been bouncing up and down on his feet to get the energy out of his system, when he noticed a flawless specimen walk through the door. Peter was even more striking than Davy had remembered. His memories and dreams didn't do Peter justice at all. Davy took in Peter's perfect features and askew belt buckle from across the room. The only thing missing was that dimpled grin that Davy loved so much. Peter looked just as nervous as Davy was which was understandable. They hadn't had a conversation since Peter had let Davy have it and he had every right to do so. Davy held no ill will towards anything Peter said because he had every right to say it.

Peter had spotted Davy and was getting closer. Butterflies started forging combat in Davy's stomach. Cool it, he thought to himself. Panic was also setting in. How should he approach Peter? A hug? No that wouldn't be appropriate given the circumstances. A handshake? No way, what were they business associates. Pull out his chair for him? That might be a tad awkward. Maybe just a smile and nod and a greeting.

Peter approached and stood on the opposite side of the table from Davy. Davy could barely see with the stars in his eyes. He looked down so that Peter wouldn't see them and peeked back up with one of his famous smiles.

"Peter, you came."

"I did."

Davy was staring for what he felt was far too long. He shook his head to try to alleviate the fact that it was swimming. He motioned for Peter to sit down.

"I'm so glad you made time to see me. You're looking well."

"Thank you. You know you don't have to make polite small talk with me. I know you do that when you're nervous."

"It's crazy how well you know me," Davy laughed nervously. "I'm afraid I can't read you as well. What made you decide to meet me today?"

"It's curiosity more than anything. I'm willing to hear anyone out."

"I've always liked that quality in you. You give people the benefit of the doubt and are willing to give them a chance."

"Yeah sometimes that's to my own detriment," Peter said looking down.

"Fair enough."

There was a long pause of silence. Davy had so many things he wanted to say to Peter, but he was having a difficult time getting them out. He feared he wouldn't be able to articulate anything right and that it would be a missed opportunity. Peter sat across from him boring a hole into his soul with those kind yet determined eyes. It was unnerving.

"So I hear you've been asking about me regularly," Peter broke the silence and was sounding more confident than Davy had ever heard him.

"What do you mean?"

"Micky says every once and a while you try to be sneaky and get some info about how I'm doing."

"I didn't think Micky was that perceptive."

"You know I thought the same way until this whole thing between you and I transpired. We always give that credit to Mike, but honestly Micky picks up on everything."

"Remind me to be more careful of what I say and do around him then."

They fell into silence again. This was more awkward than Davy had imagined it. In his mind he was suave and voiced his thoughts and feelings making Peter go weak in the knees. The reality was that he was so nervous that he was having difficulty remembering everything he wanted to say.

"Okay, I'll bite Jones. What did you want to talk about?"

Wow Peter was playing today.

"Okay here it goes," Davy breathed in. "I've been torturing myself these past three months thinking about everything. Scrutinizing every detail. The last time I saw you is burned and etched into my memory. You told me everything that you were experiencing and I feel like a fool for not noticing or taking into consideration how everything was affecting you. You gave me all your love and all I gave you was pain and misery. I can never forgive myself for hurting you like that."

Peter looked down as if he was trying not to imagine the way things had been. Like he had been doing the opposite of what Davy had. Pushing memories away.

"I thought I wanted and needed freedom from a relationship that felt like too much for me," Davy continued. "But it turns out that freedom is nothing but missing you and realizing what I had and have lost. I had to learn some things about myself during that time like what I'm not and who I am. I realized that I am someone that let's my fears get the best of me, and I'm not doing that on purpose. It got the best of me and made me act inappropriately. Now that is not an excuse for what I did to you. There is no excuse for that."

"There isn't."

"I'm sorry. I know from what you said to me last time that my apologies are meaningless. I kept apologizing and repeating mistakes over and over again. I guess what this meet up was for was to promise to do something different. To show you different. I'm swallowing my pride and saying I'm genuinely sorry for everything."

Peter sighed. "You know you really hurt me. And I don't even think that you will ever be able to fathom the amount of pain you caused me. And at the same time…I'm not one to hold grudges or let something stand in the way of someone making amends."

Davy smiled. "So what does this mean?"

"It means that I accept the apology and want to see you do things differently. I think it's time to talk to Mike and Micky about becoming a quartet again."

Davy's face lit up. "Does that also mean that I don't have to leave the room if you're there?"

"Let's do that on a trial basis," Peter laughed.

"Oh thank God. I was getting so lonely."

There fell another silence. Davy was mustering up all his courage to ask the next question. Was it too soon? Peter was willing to move forward as friends, would Davy be pushing the envelope by asking for more? He had to try. He'd never forgive himself if he didn't.

"Maybe this is wishful thinking and probably foolish to even think, but is there any way you would consider…us? If we loved again I swear I'd love you right. The way you deserve. If I had another chance, there isn't a thing I wouldn't do to get back on the right track. That is only if you're convinced that things can…will be different."

Davy looked at Peter expectantly. The bassists head looked downward and he was slightly shaking it. Davy waited with bated breath. His heart was pounding a mile a minute. It seemed like Peter was taking forever to answer him. Either he was thinking of what he wanted to actually do or choosing the right words to let Davy down easy. Davy knew that Peter had to have thought about this before he came too. There was no way the thought hadn't crossed his mind.

"You know, I've been spending the last three months thinking all love ever does is break and ache and end," Peter said sounding more deflated than he had the whole time.

Davy nodded. He was giving Peter his full attention.

"Recently, I began starting to believe again…"

Hope swelled inside Davy's chest.

"I met someone."

Davy felt those words rip through him like three bullets straight to the heart. This pain was worse than the pain about not being able to be around Peter.

"What do you mean?" the question was stupid but Davy couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I mean that a few weeks ago I was out somewhere and I met this guy, Paul. We really hit it off…and now we're together."

Davy's jaw dropped. It was silly of him to think that someone as fantastic as Peter would remain single. It was just that Peter wasn't exactly a hit in the relationship department. His relationships never seemed to last. Maybe it was because before Davy he was trying to make relationships work with women even though he was into men.

"Congratulations," Davy managed to squeak out.

"Yeah he's in the military so I don't see him too often. We've been writing though. So we don't have to worry about the uncomfortableness of the new relationship being there as we navigate bringing you back into the band. This won't change anything about that will it?"

Um, of course it will!

"No, no," Davy was trying to sound convincing. "I should have known that someone as great as you wouldn't be available for too long. You really are the ideal partner."

Peter offered a friendly smile. "Thank you. I actually didn't think this was going to happen. You know what they say, when you least suspect it."

Davy was looking down at the table and trying to smooth out creases in the table cloth with his fingers. He couldn't bear to let Peter know that his heart was breaking in two. He was trying to will the tears back down. Peter's gentle soul must have sensed that Davy was struggling.

"You know I do have to admit that moving on from you was…," Peter trailed off.

Davy waited for Peter to finish, but it seemed as though it was too difficult to continue. Davy was afraid of what the response may be, although he knew all too well what was awaiting him on his journey to get over Peter.

"Was it painful?" Davy asked.

"Letting go?"

Davy nodded.

Peter sighed and chose his words carefully. "Not as painful as holding on to something that wasn't real."

This cut Davy deeper than the rest on the conversation ever could. That relationship was real. The feelings were real. The effort was real, could have been better, but it was real.

"It was real," Davy said quietly.

Peter started to look uncomfortable and shifted around in his seat. "Sure... Hey listen, I've got to get going okay. I'll see you at home. And we can talk to Mike and Micky about everything tomorrow. Are you going to be okay?"

Davy nodded.

"Good. Thanks for this." With that Peter walked out of the restaurant, leaving Davy with nothing but his emotions to keep him company.

It had taken Davy quite some time to even allow himself to leave the restaurant. It felt like if he walked out those doors then the conversation he had with Peter would be all the more real. Eventually, with help from an impatient busboy, Davy sulked out onto the street.

Peter's words towards the end of the conversation had been sharp and excruciating. It was bad enough that Peter was in a new relationship, and on top of that he was talking about the relationship that he and Davy shared not being genuine. What did that even mean? As Davy walked, he tried to wrap his head around what Peter was insinuating. That Davy was pretending to have feelings for him? How could that possibly be true? Davy couldn't pretend to care for someone like that. It would have been crueler when added on to what he had actually done.

Davy was struggling with feelings of guilt mixed with feelings of hurt. He thought that he had been hurt before but nothing quite left the stinging impression that Peter just had. Those words had cut so deeply that Davy was surprised that he didn't need resuscitation, although he was very sure that his ego and heart would need proper mending. He felt like he couldn't breathe and he was shaky. Davy was hoping for his typical numbness to overtake him but the relief wasn't coming. Perhaps he had used it all up for his lifetime, or maybe it was just that certain things could never be forgotten.

The ache he felt was nearly unbearable. Aching from the verbal exchange, but not only that. Davy was aching and longing for Peter. The more contact they had and the more Davy couldn't have him was just gnawing away at him. Even though Peter's words were hurtful, dammit Davy still loved him. And he absolutely didn't hold it against Peter for having that opinion. Davy wasn't exactly sure if wouldn't have felt the exact same way.

Davy wasn't sure how everything was going to play out now. He had been so thrilled to be welcomed back into normalcy at first. However, now this wasn't normalcy. This was getting back into a work and friendship routine with an ex-boyfriend who had a new boyfriend. And Davy couldn't help but imagine what this new guy was like. As confident as Davy was with his own appearance, he was now thinking about how much better this guy must look than him. And he was positive that the compliments Peter had about how this Paul or whatever treated him was spot on. Davy couldn't compete with that, especially with the black mark on his record.

So, Davy was dragging his feet getting home. There was no sense in rushing back to nothing exciting. The conversation with Micky and Mike would be tomorrow, since Davy assumed Peter was giving Davy time to process new information. God that man was so thoughtful. And Davy wasn't particularly in the mood to be around Peter now, which he didn't think would be the case. He tried to think of somewhere to go, but nothing was appealing and everything reminded him of the situation in general; Peter, Daisy, and the mess that he created. So he just walked aimlessly, he had become good at that. Eventually he would make his way home.