A/N: A Code Geass oneshot. Yay. Ugh, I am so tired. It's 2:30 in the morning, so it's hard for me to be as excited as I normally am. So, its Gino x Suzaku and, well, its pretty angsty. I've been obsessed with writing angst stories lately; it's become a time-consuming hobby.
Once you get to the part about Gino, there's a key:
Italics stuff is Gino's thoughts/inner ramblings
Bold and italics stuff is Suzaku's thoughts/inner ramblings
Disclaimer:
Gino: Heartache-chan does not own Code Geass! 3
ENJOY!
For Suzaku Kururugi, love was such a painful word. Rarely had he been told that he was loved. For this he was thankful, because it seemed that he always lost everyone whoever claimed to love him.
It started with his mother. Suzaku could remember her faintly from his childhood and he still owned a few pictures of her. Dark brown hair with peaceful green eyes. As a young boy, he could just barely recall a pair of warm lips upon his forehead and a sweet lilting voice in his ear. Every night before bed, she would stroke his unruly curls away from his forehead and whisper those three special words.
"I love you, Suzaku."
Suzaku would smile up at his mother and wrap his short arms around her waist. "I love you too, mommy."
It was a shame, really, that such a wonderful, powerful woman was cursed with such a weak fragile body. One night in particular, she held her darling boy in her arms and told him how much she loved him and would always love him.
The next day, she died.
For the funeral, her hair had been adorned with pale pink peonies. Her soft folded hands rested lightly against her pale yellow dress. Even in death, Suzaku couldn't help but think that his mother shone brightly like the sun.
I love you, Suzaku.
Next, there had been his father.
Suzaku's father had never been a particularly affectionate man. He loved his son dearly, but rarely if ever, told him this. Sometimes, he would pat his son about the head or hold him in his arms but, these simple gestures often reminded him of his deceased wife; the pain was too great for his heart to bear.
Nevertheless, Suzaku was his pride and joy and his reason for living. He would protect his son and do whatever it took to make him happy. Because of this, he did not mind dying by his son's hands.
Genbu smiled up at his darling son. He weakly placed a hand against Suzaku's cheek and said what he'd never been strong enough to say.
I love you, my gentle Suzaku.
Suzaku had always been curious about religion, never having abided towards a particular faith himself. He often noticed Nunnally praying and sometimes at seemingly random times of the day. Before meals, when she woke up in the morning, before she fell asleep, when she was happy, when she was sad. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to this habit of hers.
Curious, Suzaku asked the young girl what she prayed about. The question caught her off guard, but she did not hesitate in answering.
"I pray for my siblings' well-being and happiness. I ask God to heal me and to keep me safe and to guide me through life. But most importantly, I thank him."
Suzaku's face twisted in confusion. "For what?"
Nunnally told him how she thanked him for the two most important people in her life – Lelouch and Suzaku. Needless to say, the green-eyed boy had been bewildered. Why on earth would she thank God for him?
Nunnally's clasped his hand and a warm smile lit up her kind face. "Because I love you, Suzaku."
It broke his heart to know that the one person to ever be thankful for his existence was also the one person he would hurt the most. He would hurt Nunnally more than anyone he'd ever cut with his blade or shot with his gun. Suzaku would take away the one person she loved and needed the most. For both Lelouch's and Nunnally's sake, he would never forgive himself.
I love you so much.
Suzaku had always been uncertain about the existence of angels but, Euphemia would remove all doubt from his mind.
Over the past seven years, Suzaku couldn't recall having meant someone with such a gentle soul as hers. She comforted the pain in his soul and eased the guilt lurking in his mind. He could forget, if just for a little while, and he was eternally grateful for this. Euphemia gave him such a sweet reprieve from all the terror in the world and he would not hesitate to give up his life for her sake.
With her genuine smiles and her confidence that Suzaku could only do right, the delicate princess would lead Suzaku into the warmth. She would nurture the sweet young boy that had been locked within. Most importantly, she would love him.
However, it seemed that the darkness in the young knight's heart was too great. He would taint her with his worthlessness, unable to save his princess the evil that threatened her life.
In their final moments together, Suzaku would utter words he'd only spoken to his mother. Euphemia would intertwine their fingers and look at her knight with so much sweetness in her eyes, that Suzaku was sure that he would shatter and cease to exist. He held his breath and the princess's lips parted to speak the damning words that would seem to seal both of their fates.
"I love you, Suzaku."
More than you will ever know.
In Gino, Suzaku could see all the things he had been. All the wonderful characteristics that made Euphy love him – the warmth, the strength, the kindness – all of the things that no longer existed in him, were all reflected in Gino. In those endless blue eyes, he was all the things he had ever been and all the things he would never become.
In Suzaku, Gino saw all the feelings he'd never wanted to acknowledge. He saw the desperation, the fear, and the feelings of unworthiness. All of the darker parts of his soul – the pain, the loneliness, the failure – were all reflected in Suzaku. In those endless emerald eyes, he saw all the emotions he tried to hide. He didn't want to see these things in Suzaku's soul. Because of this, Gino became determined. Maybe with enough patience and determination and…
"I love you, Suzaku."
Suzaku stared at Gino, allowing the words to crash through him. His green eyes were unfocused and incredibly distant. Gino cupped Suzaku's cheek as confusion filled his own nervous blue eyes. Uncertainty coursed through the blond's body. And Suzaku was reminded of all the things he'd lost.
In Gino's ever-present smile, he could see his mother's tenderness. In Gino's slightly calloused hands, he could feel his father's compassionate palm. In Gino's jubilant voice, he could hear Nunnally's sweet honesty and earnestness. And most heartbreaking of all, in Gino's unguarded blue eyes, he could feel the warmth of Euphy's steady lilac gaze.
Suzaku turned and walked away before Gino could see the tears in his eyes.
Can I love you?
It did not stop there.
Determined to get his feelings across to the brunette knight, Gino continuously confessed his love to Suzaku. In the hallway, in the garden, after a meeting, before a meeting, in the morning, before bed, before school, after school, anytime, anywhere. Every time he saw Suzaku, he would say the words that hurt him deeply.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Don't be afraid of my words.
But now, things are different.
Suzaku was sick of hearing the affectionate words that managed to reduce him to tears every time. He couldn't stand to hear them anymore. The frustrated knight took refuge in the garden outside. But there, waiting for him, was Gino.
"I love you."
Suzaku felt like he couldn't move. His senses were filled with the taller knight. His scent, his eyes, his hair, his smile, all of it. All of it was purely Gino. This time, Suzaku cried for another reason.
I will love you…
Because this time, he didn't see his mother or his father or Euphy or Nunnally. There were no unpleasant memories that were dredged up. Suzaku would no longer hide alone in the darkness of his heart. He would run to these strong arms, when the memories got too close. He would stay near Gino's sweet warmth until those wonderful words tore them apart.
I love you, Gino…
…until fate tears us…
...and I am ripped from your arms.
A/N: And…it's done! I feel like I should do a victory lap around the block…
Screw that, I don't run. I do think a victory nap is in order, though.
Please, please, please REVIEW! Pretty please with e-cupcakes on top? *bats eyelashes* Let me know if you liked it or hated it. And if you hated it, please be nice when you tell me why it sucked. I'm emotionally sensitive, so I'll probably start screaming if I get an evil review. I…*falls asleep*
Gino: *tosses Heartache-chan over his shoulder* -sigh- we need to put her on a leash. She's always running off and falling asleep in random places.
SEE YA NEXT TIME!