Chapter 1

Diane had been standing at a distance for a few minutes watching Alicia. She thought she would be the only who would come visit the gravesite this early in the morning. Kurt was out of town, and it seemed like the thing to do before she headed off to the office on the one year anniversary of Will's passing. She hadn't expected to find Alicia. Despite the date, Alicia had an important trial she was finishing up today and would likely win.

She would have made herself known, but something stopped her. There was something about seeing Alicia there that caused her to pause. Alicia looked so, she didn't know what. In a way she didn't want to disturb Alicia's thoughts. She figured Alicia was probably thinking about Will. She and Alicia had become quite close over the past year. Even more so the past six months since she had joined Alicia's firm. Her thoughts turned to the past year as she continued to watch Alicia.

Alicia and Cary's firm. She chuckled to herself. Boy if anyone would have told me seven years ago that the women who had shown up at SLG late for her first staff meeting on her first day of work. A person who as I stated and truly believed was an "entitled" junior associate who didn't think she was a junior associate would be such a close friend now, I would have laughed in their face. I've come to really respect her despite the fact that she and Cary being fired had cost me my chance at becoming a judge. I hadn't wanted to vote Alicia out. I didn't think that Will would react the way he did. I was just trying to protect the firm by voting with everyone else. But I didn't like how it was "handled".

Like she told Alicia after he died, he was running fast on a lot of fronts. Not to mention Will had been upset with her just a few weeks before he found out about Alicia. His whole reaction made sense. Both of the women he probably cared most about in the world, other than his mother and sisters, were both leaving him to run the firm on his own.

She knew how he had felt about Alicia, and she knew that was part of why he reacted the way he did. She knew even more so after going through work files on his laptop after he died. She had found a file titled Ms. Georgetown. After opening it she realized it was a journal he had written about him and Alicia. She had saved it to a thumb drive and deleted it off his computer. She didn't know if there would ever be a good time to give it to Alicia, or if it would ever be read. The whole "bad timing" thing seemed to still linger even with him gone, but she kept it just in case.

She just wished Will and Alicia had been able to mend the fences a bit more before he died. She knew Alicia felt guilty. She told Alicia one year ago that she couldn't blame herself, but she knew Alicia had never really put the guilt to rest. They had never talked about it after that day. Ever since whenever they had discussed Will they kept it to happy memories. But it always seemed like Alicia wanted to say more, wanted to ask more, wanted someone to tell her it was alright.

She had seen Alicia improve overtime. After Alicia had been "sick" for a few days after the funeral they had to go up against each other in court. At that point it seemed like Alicia had started to breathe again. She started fighting for her clients again, Alicia had seemed to be happier over the next months, and now she figured Alicia had probably put most of it to rest. But standing there watching her now she looked like she was about to break. Yes that was it. She could finally put a word to it, broken. Maybe Alicia had not put as much of it to rest as everyone had thought. At that moment it seemed as though touching Alicia would cause her to dissolve and slip away in the wind. Diane decided to hold back a bit longer.

Alicia pulled her coat more tightly around her to keep the cold breeze out. She had just had one of the longest nights of her life, again. There had only been two other nights she could recall that had been so long, so draining, and so maddening compared to this. The first night had been nearly seven years earlier. The night she had sat in her home in Highland Park for hours watching the news of Peter's scandal. That, after she'd finally consoled and comforted Zach and Grace enough to get them to sleep.

The second had been four and a half years ago on the night of the States Attorney's election. Peter had slept with her best friend. She again spent hours packing up his things and finding an apartment for him.

Now the third longest night. This one had been even longer than the one she had exactly one year ago.

How could he? What was he thinking? There's no turning back, and no way to hide this for long. Peter has really done it this time. She thought to herself.

Peter had come to the apartment to "explain" with Eli. They had to start the damage control.

Eli, the one constant over the past six years. She thought again.

She and Peter had argued and yelled at one another for what seemed like an eternity. Eli had finally gone after an hour. Peter had stayed for another. But then he had left. Left her alone to stir and cry, and not sleep the whole night.

Deep in thought she didn't notice the eyes that continued to watch her a small distance away. How long before the press will be on the doorstep at home and at work? The phone will be ringing off the hook. Instead of getting the "Hey, isn't she the Governors wife?" look, I'll be getting the same looks I got seven years ago. The, "How could you stay with him?" looks. There will be the quieted whispers as I pass people at work, and everywhere else. He is the Governor, what was he thinking? How will I tell the kids, again? How will this affect the firm? How could he do this to Cary, and Diane? He knows this will affect them too?

To top it all of this has been one long year. A whole year… My whole world was flipped upside down when Will... I hadn't realized until then how much I loved you. I hadn't let myself acknowledge it before then. But I did, I think I always loved you. I still do. I've never said the words out loud, and I probably never will. I thought I had moved on over the year. It wasn't easy. Life seemed to spin for months not making a whole lot of sense or progress. But I made it through. I thought I had finally found some peace with Will being dead, but not now. Now I'm angry. I'm angry at Peter. I'm angry for not savoring and appreciating all the moments with Will, all the looks, all the...

She looked up hearing footsteps nearing. As soon as she saw Diane her whole countenance changed.The downtrodden person Diane had just seen had snapped right back into the confident one everyone knew.

She's gotten even better at hiding everything including her emotions over the year. Diane thought just before she spoke.

"Can you believe it's been a whole year?"

"No," Alicia said, turning her gaze back to his headstone.

"You know Alicia, we should have done this later in the day when it wasn't so cold out!"

"Yes, but we won't have time with the trial against Canning. I think we are going to win this one, finally."

They had been working on this case for five months. It had gone on and on with hours of depositions but to no avail. They ended up going to trial anyway. There had been some discussion as to whether Louis Canning would live to see the end of the trial. His health had gone downhill quickly, but he still put on a pretty good show in the court room. Today they might actually win. And the reward would be great. With any luck it would be one of their biggest wins of the year.

"Will would have loved to have seen Canning go down!" Alicia said.

"He would have! Are you ready?"

Alicia smiled. "You have no idea! Kalinda found one more damaging piece of evidence late last night. It will be the final nail in the..." She paused and they both stood there for a minute staring at the headstone.

"I know we have plans for a toast in his honor this afternoon with everyone, but Alicia, Kurt is out of town. Why don't you come to my place for dinner tonight? It would be nice to spend some time with someone who loved him as much as I did. And quite frankly I'd rather not spend the evening alone thinking about him."

Alicia thought only for a brief moment then turned to with a smile to Diane. "Okay, I accept. Peter is in Springfield, and Grace is still on her school trip to D.C."

She wasn't about to get into discussing the mess with Peter, and she wanted nothing more than a distraction from last night. Deep down she knew she needed to talk to someone, but this was an uneasy feeling because wanting to talk about personal things was not like her. She had perfected over time the "Alicia front". Maybe talking would help her move on. But it needed to be with someone she trusted and respected. Someone she knew would keep her secrets. Someone who could be objective, and know how to respond. Diane might just be the key.

"Good! Come by around seven," Diane said smiling.

"I will. We should probably both get to work." And they both turned and walked back to their cars.