Nanoman94 and AwkwardUnicorn proudly present…

Of Science and Friendship

Chapter 1:
I'm not in Amestris anymore…

I wasn't sure where I was. Well, that might have to do with the fact my eyes were closed. I heard the sound of the birds in the trees, the wind rustling through them, the sounds of nature all around me. I could feel the breeze too. I wonder where my pants went… but the smells. The smell of dirt, the smell of fresh air, the smell of… cotton candy? That wasn't right, the last thing I remember I was in a cave near the Northern Wall of Briggs… there shouldn't be cotton candy around here…

I open my eyes to see the world's most pink-themed horse. Its eyes were blue, yeah, but its body was a pure, girly pink and the mane a slightly darker color. It was even shaped like a mass of cotton candy, and it seemed to be giving off the smell. The whole creature was standing above me, as I laid back on the grass. "Uhh… hey there, horsey…" I said to it, unsure of what to do.

"Hi! My name's Pinkie Pie, what's yours? And what's a horse, are they like ponies, because I'm a pony!" It said in an extremely bubbly, girly voice. I cried out in shock and surprise, jumping up and away from it. "What? Too creepy?"

"Y-Y-You're a… a…" I was at a loss for words. But then, my brain clicked. This was a chimera. A talking chimera. My memories of Nina floated to my head. How could someone do this again? This abomination, this complete and utter act of murder?

"Are you okay, mister?" She asked me. She didn't seem to be in pain like Nina was, though. Maybe she wanted to be a human chimera? Maybe I should play along, see what this chimera wants. Maybe it's a guard of some kind.

"Sorry, lost my bearings there. My name is Edward Elric, but you can call me Ed for short." I introduced myself. I still laid on the ground, staring up into her big, blue eyes.

"Hi Ed!" She exclaimed loudly. "I'm Pinkie Pie, but you already knew that!" She bounced around me, hoping on her hooves. Now that I could get a good look at her, she seemed to be equine in appearance at least, but unlike any horse or pony I've seen. Her muzzle was too short, her legs too uniform in length, with no discernable hoof. I smiled and tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell. Pinkie snorted. "What's wrong, Ed? Got four left hooves?"

"Four left hooves? I've only got…" I trailed off my comment when I looked down and saw my own body. My red coat met my eyes, but not the coat I was used to. It was a coat of red fur, covering my now-equine body. My tail was a golden color not unlike my hair, which I felt had turned into a long, braided mane on my head. The curious thing was that the insignia on my coat, the Flamel Symbol, was printed on both my sides (flanks?) in black fur. "WHAT THE FUCK?" I screamed.

"Uhh… are you okay, Ed?" Pinkie asked for the second time.

"I'M A PONY! A TALKING, WALKING PONY, NOT A HUMAN LIKE I SHOULD BE!" I took one more look at myself, comparing me to Pinkie. "AND I'M STILL NOT TALL! AUGH!" I stomped around, somehow knowing how to walk on four hooves already.

"Ed!" Pinkie screamed, grabbing my shoulders and steadying me. "Calm down, there's nothing wrong!" She walked a few paces from me, and I did calm down a little. Her expression turned into one of curiosity before long. "Why are two of your legs made of metal?" She asked, "They look silly!"

I glanced down to where my automail should be. Surprisingly enough, the metal limbs had undergone the same transformation as my body, becoming metallic legs and hooves. "They're my automail. I lost my… legs in an accident, so a friend of mine made these for me." It took a lot of willpower to not say 'arm,' as that could only confuse her more. That's something I don't need.

"Oh! What kind of accident? No, wait! Let me guess!" She said in a breath, followed by, "A science experiment! No, wait… magic! No, that's not it… you were trying to raise the dead!" She guessed finally. My mouth fell in shock a little.

"Well… you got two out of three right." I said. "Listen, is there anyone I can talk to who's in charge? Someone who can help me with a problem I have concerning my brother?" Pinkie Pie simply raised her hoof into the air, jumping up and down. "Uh… Yes, Pinkie Pie?"

"You can talk to my bestest friend Twilight! She knows a lot about magic!" Pinkie practically screamed.

"Pff. Magic. Probably just prayer to her phony baloney god." I said in my head. But, let's tag along with this… as awkward as being next to a cotton candy pony is. Ugh. Lost some masculinity there. "Sure, let me go meet this… Twilight- ACK!" Pinkie Pie was suddenly behind me, grabbing my hoof and dragging me in a direction that was seemingly random.

"Let me take you to Ponyville so you can meet Twilight!" Another manly point lost. "Well, Twilight happens to be a princes, but she's just like you or me, and meanwhile my OTHER bestest friend Rainbow Dash controls…" the rest of it was lost as I zoned out, trying to figure out just what the flying fuck happened to me.

Number one: I have hooves and fur.

Number two: I can see a muzzle every time I roll my eyes. With Pinkie near me, that's a lot.

Number three: I'm surrounded by candy colored horses… wait, when did that happen? We were in the middle of a forest! Taking a look around, I seemed to be in a town, seemingly too rustic to be in Amestris. That house even looked like a gingerbread building. Now I'm hungry, damn it! All the other ponies around me are smiling and laughing. Why are they smiling and laughing? "Hey, I'm kind of being dragged against my will, here. Someone help, please?"

They only laughed more. Apparently, I can't trust these ponies farther than I could throw my brother. "WE'RE HERE!" Pinkie screamed at me, dropping me in front of the biggest damn tree I've ever seen. The bark was made of sparkly crystal. A castle could be seen in place of most of the branches, also made of the crystal. Is this one of Mustang's daydreams?

~Central Command~

Roy Mustang suddenly stood up, looking confused. "Uh, something wrong, sir?" Hawkeye said.

"No… I just thought someone mentioned one of my inner fantasies." He said, before shrugging and sitting back down.

~Back to Ed~

Pinkie was leading me into the castle, making sure I followed. Apparently I was being reverse-stalked by a pink horse. I could hear the echoes of voices (all female, one more man point lost – still more than Mustang) from down the hall, originating from giant, crystalline doors. Horsey-girl proceeded to say, "Here we are! Let me just go in and introduce you first!" She opened the door and bounced in, and I couldn't get a good look before the door slammed in my face.

I'll be honest, sitting as a horse is different than being a human. I really couldn't sit right, and when the doors opened again, the first thing a purple unicorn saw was me clutching my man parts. "Oh, uhh…." She said. I noted a crown on her head – ah, fuck. "Hi there… little guy… what can I do to-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO FUCKING SHORT THAT THEY CAN'T REACH THE DOORKNOB!?" I screamed at her, shoving my automail foreleg in her face.

"I… I never said that! And foals shouldn't be using that kind of language!" She said back.

"I CAN TALK HOWEVER THE FUCK I WANT, YOU PRISSY PURPLE PONY PRINCESS!" I screamed back. Note to self: probably not the best idea. But it was worth it. Totally worth it. All of a sudden, I felt weightless, and I was thrown against the wall. Miss Pony Princess's horn was glowing purple – alchemy? – and she looked pissed.

"Nopony should talk like that at your age, let alone to a princess! (Even though I rarely go by my title…) You're in a time-out, mister!" it was at this time I had the most brilliant idea: kick the prissy princess's ass. I clapped my… hooves… together, creating a spark of blue lightning and slamming my hooves against the wall. Numerous other hooves (I had intended to make hands, but whatever) shot out of the wall, aiming for her.

"AH!" she shouted, dropping the glow of her horn (and me) and took flight with previously-unknown-Mary Sue-wings. "But… what… how?" She asked in disbelief. "Earth Ponies shouldn't be able to use magic like that!"

"This isn't magic, it's alchemy!" I shouted, clapping my hooves together again. This time, I ran my flesh forehoof along my automail one, converting the end of it into a blade similar to how I did with my hand. I jumped off of the stone hooves I had made, headed for the princess. However, I was stopped by a burly-looking winged pony, red fur and purple armor covering her body, while her mane fell out in pink curls.

"Stand down!" she cried out. "My name is Steady Rook, Captain of Princess Twilight Sparkle's Pegasi Guard." This pony was massive. She could easily dwarf Alfonse and his metal suit if she reared up on her hind legs. She used that weight to her advantage, grabbing me and sending us both to the ground, pinning me under a single hoof. Without my arms available, I couldn't use alchemy. "And I will not let any harm befall the princess!"

"Rook, stand down!" Twilight said. "Dangerous as he may be, he is still a foal." My anger welled up again, but a snort from the massive Pegasus above me cause me to rethink my plan of action. "Restrain his hooves, but leave him otherwise unharmed." Rook nodded, and proceeded to tie me up with a rope, restricting all four of my limbs. How she was able to do so with no hands was beyond me. Twilight walked over, looking me in the eyes. "I believe we got off on the wrong hoof." She said. "My name is Twilight Sparkle. What's your name?"

I composed myself as best I could. "Edward Elric. Call me Ed." What would happen next would only get stranger. I just hope my brother is okay…

-Chapter End-