Flash of Red and Black

Chapter I

That teme. He didn't even give me time to reply. Bastard. He'd always been that way, saying things and not giving me time to reply. I'm not that smart of a person damn it! I can't process what you're saying so fast that I can retort it while you're still spitting it out! Bastard.

My arm went up and roughly scrubbed away the moisture from my eyes. I refused to acknowledge it as tears. I could almost see that damn teme scowling and making some snide comment about it. And he totally wouldn't give me time to throw an insult in his face. The jerk. My hand scrubbed my sleeve against my face some more as I continued mentally cursing the guy with duck-butt hair.

I was in the middle of training. Sort of. I was taking a break because the moisture in my stupid leaking eyes made it hard to see. And not being able to see makes training difficult, so I was taking a break. I'd been at it for hours anyway so I figured that a little break couldn't hurt. Well, other than my eyes. They were getting a little sore from scrubbing my jacket against them so much. For a second I considered going to Sakura to see if she could keep my eyes from watering so much, but I quickly brushed that thought away. She would probably punch me for interrupting her work with something like that, or for training for so long, and that would bring real tears to my eyes. (Even Sasuke-teme would cry from getting hit in the head by one of Sakura's punches, so there was no reason to deny it.)

A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of incurring Sakura's anger yet again before I gave a sigh and heaved myself up. Break time was over. I went back to pummeling trees and posts, kicking up dirt and grass, slicing and dicing anything within my reach. I wasn't sure how long I'd been at it, but I knew that I had enough chakra to last me for days if I wanted to push myself hard enough. Longer, if Kurama was in an agreeable mood. (Not that I could count on it. The jerk fox always seemed to have something stuck up his ass unless he had a chance to help me rip apart someone that he had a grudge against, or if I was about to get ripped apart—not that it happened very often lately.)

So, I continued. The training ground came to take on a familiar look: a war zone. But there were no tangible enemies in the area. The world was relatively peaceful. The war was over. Relations were improving between the great nations, and the smaller nations were more open to the larger nations since they weren't threatened to be destroyed by another Great War anytime in the foreseeable future. Trouble still arose occasionally, of course, and there were still too few shinobi for too many missions, but all in all, life in the shinobi world was improving.

But there's no way that I would ever be caught off my game, dattebayo! After all, I still had to become Hokage! So I kept training. I worked on the amount of time that I could hold sage mode. I practiced chakra mode to get better control over Kurama's chakra (when he would let me), though I couldn't pull out that kick-ass move where I could ride on top of Kurama while in the village. (Baa-chan and Sakura both lectured me after they got their punches in when I practiced it inside the village last time. I don't remember much 'cause of the crazy-hard hits, but they said something about freaking everyone out and having too massive of a chakra for a small area. I understood what they meant more from the hits than the lectures. So, no full-sized Kurama in the village.) If I was really paying attention, I probably would have tried to do a little less damage to the training grounds since it ended up looking like Pein's whole Chibaku Tensei technique. But as it was, I just kept blasting holes into anything nearby until I felt some familiar chakra signatures approaching. I stopped and waited for the dirt to settle as Baa-chan and Sakura walked into what was previously training ground eight.

"Baa-chan! Sakura! What's up?" I asked, walking up to them and grinning as I tried to wipe the sweat from my face, though I could tell by Sakura's slightly deepening frown that I probably only made myself look worse. I guessed that I had dirt smeared across my face now, but I didn't really care.

"You've done quite the number on the training grounds here, Naruto," Tsunade said, sounding stern, but not angry.

It was only then that I really looked around and noticed the state of what once was a training ground filled with trees and bushes. Then I looked back at Tsunade and gave my signature sheepish grin and laugh, complete with scratching the back of my head.

"Ahaha… Sorry 'bout that Baa-chan. It'll be a great place for a spar now, though!" I suggested, hoping that I could avoid a punch from the two for the day.

Tsunade gave a heavy sigh, but she wasn't yelling at least, so that meant no punch just yet. And Sakura was just looking the training grounds over, so she didn't seem like she was going to hit me yet either.

"Well, that doesn't really matter now, I guess," she said rolling her eyes a bit before focusing her attention back on me with a more concerned look. "But do you know how long you've been out here Naruto?"

I frowned, thinking. After a while I made there be so much dirt floating through the air that it basically blacked out the sun, so I really couldn't tell anymore.

"Dunno. A couple days, maybe? But I've still got tons of energy! I mean, I've gone longer than a day or two without sleep anyway, so what's it matter?" I said, grinning back at Baa-chan's frowning face.

But instead of leaving me to it or suggesting that I get some rest like I'd expected, she looked even more concerned and glanced at Sakura, who also looked worried. This time it was Sakura who spoke.

"Naruto…You've been out here for almost two weeks," she said gently. It was the same kind of voice someone would use to explain that your puppy died or that someone accidently tore your favorite jacket. I didn't get why she was using that kind of voice with me.

"Woah! Seriously? I'm going to have to stop by Ichiraku's after a while! But man, this guy is awesome!" I said, grinning and patting my stomach as I tried to assuage the worries of the two kunoichi in front of me.

Tsunade just chewed on her bottom lip, though, and Sakura looked at me like she was about to start crying.

"Why don't you get some rest, Naruto? You can train some more tomorrow," Tsunade said, looking at me again. She looked tired. I couldn't help thinking that she seemed like the one who needed rest. It wasn't surprising, though. War would affect a Kage more than it would most others. She really deserved some time to just relax.

Still, I just grinned at her.

"No way, Baa-chan! If I can do this much," I said gesturing to the training grounds, "and still have this much energy left, I want to see how much longer I can go! But if you want to find someone to spar with me, that'd be cool. Like Shika or Neji. There isn't much left to hit around here, after all."

Tsunade sighed again and sent another glance Sakura's way before looking at me. She seemed even more tired. I couldn't help wondering why Sakura was here with her telling me to get sleep when the woman next to her clearly needed it more.

"Alright, Naruto. Just try not to push yourself too much. If you get tired, just rest. I'll see if anyone is up to a spar with you," she said before backing away, Sakura following closely behind. "Take care, Naruto," Sakura said, tears evident in her voice, though I couldn't see her face as she walked away.

Seriously, people needed to be more observant. I mean, I always knew that I wasn't the sharpest, and I may have lost track of time, but for no one to notice that the Hokage needed rest just seemed ridiculous.

I just gave a sigh before brushing it off and going back into Sage Mode. I tried to figure how long I was able to hold it for since I was training for so much longer than I thought, but I really couldn't tell. I just shrugged and went back to my self-training, hoping that someone would be up for a spar.

A while later, I wasn't disappointed. I felt Sai's chakra approaching. I grinned. I was always glad to kick his butt and shove those comments of our first meeting back in his face. Sure, he put up a good fight, but with my awesome moves and stamina, no way would he be able to best me in a spar.

"Hey, Dickless," he said when he was within range. Really, he was much more normal than when we first met, but that didn't mean that he didn't warrant a punch to the face occasionally. But I didn't want to take Sakura's signature move, so I just made several bunshin and sent a cloud of shuriken his way. He used a substitution with what was left of part of a tree trunk, and then it was on. Again, I lost track of time, but I enjoyed it for what it was worth.

Still, after what seemed like too short of a time, Sai called out, panting. "Thanks for the spar, Naruto, but I really should go. I just don't have the same chakra reserves as you, and I've got a mission coming up."

I was a little disappointed, but missions came first after all, and he seemed pretty worn out. "Well, thanks for the spar, Sai! Good luck on your mission!" I said grinning at him. Sai nodded, but then paused, looking at me with slightly-widened eyes.

"Naruto…You're not breathing hard at all after that?" he asked, though the way that he spoke it seemed like a statement.

I just grinned and shrugged. Sai gave a slight sigh in return and walked away, muttering something about needing to work on stamina more. That just made me grin more.

"If you run into someone else, let them know I'm looking for a spar!" I called after him before returning to work alone. I was pleased with myself for being able to best Sai in stamina so much. He was right, I wasn't breathing hard at all. I was kinda sweaty, but that could have been from the weather as much as the spar. I grinned to myself more as I worked in chakra mode, wondering if I would be able to get another spar.

When I did notice another person coming close, though, this time I cringed a bit, but the approaching person was still much too far to see it, so I had time to shift my expression to something that would seem more natural.

"Yo!"

I couldn't help but crack a bit of a grin at the man. Even after becoming his student so long ago, he seemed exactly the same, though I supposed that the same could have been said of me.

"Kakashi-sensei! Are you gonna be my sparring partner this time?" I asked. Despite being anxious about being around him, I was glad to have a chance to spar with my jounin sensei. It had been a while, after all.

The man just gave me that same one-eyed smile as confirmation, though I paused for a moment to look him over.

"Are you sure you're up for it? Last I saw you were still recovering from chakra depletion," I said, eyeing him while trying to figure out how long ago it was that I saw him admitted to the hospital.

"Maa, I've had a few weeks to rest up. How about we get started, ne?" he asked as he got into a ready position and knocked his forehead protector up to reveal his colorful eye.

I shivered a bit at seeing the familiar red and black pattern, but not noticeably as I pulled on another grin and got into position, instantly going into sage mode again.

"Let's do it, dattebayo!" I shouted before we ran at each other, crossing kunai and creating sparks.

This fight wasn't silent like the one with Sai, though. Kakashi kept asking questions when we clashed.

"How long have you been out here, Naruto?"

More sparks, more of the screeching of metal against metal.

"Tsunade said it was a two weeks a few days ago, I think"

We darted away from each other readying ourselves again, though Kakashi threw a Katon just as we parted. I dodged easily, of course (I would have been dead long ago if I didn't learn how to dodge those fireballs that Sasuke seemed to love so much when we were young), and I threw some shuriken before dashing back at him.

"So maybe it's been two and a half weeks?"

"You started training right after we got back, right?"

More sparks.

"Yeah, why?"

Again we broke apart for more fighting and throwing and dodging before racing towards each other again.

"That was four weeks ago, Naruto."

"No wonder you were able to get back all your chakra!"

Sparks, metal clanging, and another Katon at close-range, though it posed no problem.

"I thought that seemed like a quick recovery!"

"I'm more curious about how you haven't run out yet."

I just shrugged before dodging a swipe from the other's kunai. As I dodged, I made some bunshin and had them all dive in, immobilizing him as I attacked. He used a substitution like Sai, though, and the fight and questions resumed.

"Aren't you tired at all?"

"No way! I can go on like this for a lot longer!"

More fighting caused a lull in the conversation, and I guessed that I was making Kakashi have to concentrate, but then I saw that red and black suddenly flash in front of me as one of his bunshin had a hold of me, and I was stopped cold. Kakashi tapped a kunai against my shoulder, signaling the end of the match.

"GAH! No way! I can take down Akatsuki but I still can't take down my own sensei! What the heck!" I yelled as I threw my arms about in the air, mobilized again.

"Ma, ma, I do have quite a bit of experience on you."

"Well that's bullshit! I took down Tobi and he was able to beat the Yondaime! I took down the guy that even your sensei couldn't take down! That's gotta make it so that I totally have more experience!" I shouted, still flailing as I pouted. I just couldn't believe that he was able to win. We were totally going to have a rematch

"Well, I wasn't going to be able to last much longer. Your chakra reserves are ridiculous."

I still frowned and glared, but I didn't argue the point.

"Anyway, I'm hungry, and you haven't eaten the whole time you've been out here, right? How about I treat you to some Ichiraku?"

"Ehh, I'm really not tired yet. Maybe I'll just—"

I was cut off by a glove-covered hand covering my mouth.

"I didn't mean that you had a choice in the matter," he said, giving a slightly dark flare of chakra before releasing his arm from around my shoulders and letting go of my mouth to give me a shove forward. "And besides, you haven't had Ichiraku ramen in a long time, right?"

I gave an annoyed huff, but followed after him anyway. He said he would treat after all, and who could, in their right mind, say no to free Ichiraku?

So, I followed him and had a bowl of miso ramen. I enjoyed it thoroughly, but I was totally stuffed after just the first bowl. I blamed military rations. My stomach would take time to handle the amount of food it used to, I guessed.

As we walked out, though, I felt a little dizzy and my eyelids felt heavy. "Guess training for four weeks wasn't such a good idea," I said, just before everything went black.

oOo

The red was everywhere. I couldn't see anything but red and black, and only his words could be heard. They kept reverberating through my head, and I never had a chance to retort. I was too stunned by the red flowing all over black. I saw nothing else. I heard nothing else.

But suddenly, I couldn't see anything but black and something warm wrapped around my stomach and a different familiar voice rang in my ears.

"Naruto! Calm down. We have to fight right now."

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

I sat up in a flash, yelling, screaming, ready to put a hole through the first thing that came close.

As I came fully awake, though, I noticed the annoying beeping in the too-white room. I groaned, mentally scolding myself for taking up Kakashi's offer (demand). I knew that if I relaxed, those stupid memories would flood back, and I had no interest in them. I just wanted to train.

I flopped back onto the bed, and I finally noticed the silver-haired figure in the room, looking at me with concern. I groaned again and turned on my side away from him, pulling the sheet up more.

"Well, it's good to see you awake, Naruto," that familiar voice said. I cringed a bit as he spoke, not wanting to be pulled into that voice from my memory.

"'Morning, Kakashi-sensei," I muttered, frowning. I wondered if I would be able to get out soon. From experience, I knew that Sakura and Baa-chan were both overly cautious when it came to my health, and often forced me to stay in the hospital longer than necessary. Way longer, in my opinion. I sighed and settled into the bed a bit more, deciding that as long as I had to be there, I might as well be comfortable.

"Naruto…"

I knew that tone. I hated that tone. That was the tone for prying questions that were frustrating to dodge. It wasn't the same tone as when he was asking while we were fighting. That was a tone of curiosity masked by nonchalance. Those are easy enough to be brushed off since he's usually not trying to push hard for an answer anyway. This was the tone for prying, annoying questions that weren't so easily brushed off because his voice betrayed his genuine concern. And I've never been very good at ignoring people when they really care (unless it's during a mission. Mission first… usually).

I gritted my teeth in preparation and looked at the man over my shoulder, waiting for the inevitable questions. Still, I couldn't help but notice that he seemed tired too. Man, I wasn't the one that needed a bed. I still couldn't believe that Sakura or Baa-chan weren't doing something about it.

"What was that dream about?" he asked, cutting straight to the chase. His voice still held concern. And guilt. Enough of it to make my stomach hurt. I turned away again.

"You already know. Why bother asking?"

I heard him give a sigh, and I couldn't help glancing back at him. I immediately regretted it. Worry, guilt, pain, empathy. They were all dripping from his features and his aura. My stomach clenched again.

"'S not your fault, you know. I was the one who decided to take him on," I mumbled quietly into the blankets. I really, really didn't want to talk about it, but not trying to get rid of that look on his face would have been worse.

Then I felt a warm, gloved hand in my hair, moving softly. I tensed for a half second, but relaxed again.

"It's not yours either."

My jaw clicked shut and I gritted my teeth together, trying to will away the sting in my eyes. That teme would have definitely made fun of me.

"It's not your fault, Naruto."

I could hear my teeth grinding together as his hand continued to softly rustle my hair.

"I just regret that you were the one to do it. It's a sensei's job to protect his students."

"I decided to do it," I grit through my clenched jaw.

"You shouldn't have had to make that decision."

The teme would have scoffed and called me pathetic.

"Well, I did. And it's done. And he's dead. And he'll never come back. No one can come back when their heart is ripped out of their chest. And I felt his stop in my hand. So it's done. And he'll never come back," I choked out, anger mixing in my voice with the obvious sound of unshed tears. But I would be damned if I were to cry there. There was nothing to cry about anyway. I was just stating a fact. No different than the weather.

"Naruto…"

"Just say what you're going to say, damn it!"

I felt my gut twist again as soon as I said it. He didn't deserve to be lashed out at, but silence prevailed in the room. At least until I suddenly found myself, blankets and all, being pulled into a tight, warm embrace. His hand was still in my hair while the other was wrapped around my back.

"It's okay to be sad, Naruto. You don't have to be strong for everyone all the time. I couldn't protect you before, but I'm still your sensei. I am supposed to be strong for you. So just let it out," he said quietly, gently against my hair.

I grit my teeth again. I was supposed to have surpassed Kakashi. I surpassed his sensei. The Yondaime. My own father! I was supposed to be stronger than anyone. People called me the Hero of the Shinobi World. I was supposed to be stronger than everyone!

"Fuck," I grit out. But then I started to yell. I screamed. I shouted. I cursed. I cried to the point that any normal person would have been worried about dehydration. I only stopped to gasp for air before I started screaming more.

Kakashi said nothing, but he tightened his grip and his hand in my hair gently stroked from the back of my head to my neck and back again. I was grateful that he didn't make any stupid promises that were supposed to comfort. I probably wouldn't have heard them above my own screams anyway, though.

"I killed him! I fucking killed him! The damned bastard didn't even give me a chance to reply! Just fucking, 'I guess I would have been stronger if I went with you,' and then gone! Fucking gone! His heart just stopped! I fucking felt it stopin myOWN FUCKING HAND!And I didn't even get a chance to say anything! He just left. In the middle of all that, he just left me there, with his dead heart in my hand! He always just leaves without time for me to do anything to stop him! I couldn't stop him! I was supposed to go with him this time! I made another fucking promise that I would go with him! Another promise that I'll never be able to keep! How the hell am I a hero? I killed my own fucking best friend and I couldn't keep a single fucking promise!"

More cursing. More screaming. Most of it unintelligible. What could be understood were just more angry, painful screams.

Again, I had no idea how much time had passed, but eventually I was exhausted. I was more exhausted than four weeks straight of training could ever make me, and I was panting harder than either spar made me.

Kakashi continued holding me and stroking my neck even after my breathing had evened out for the most part. I was too tired to give a damn what that teme would think. It's not like it mattered anymore anyway.

After a while longer, I finally pushed myself away from Kakashi a bit, only then realizing that I'd gripped his flak jacket so hard that there were holes from my nails in it. I wanted to apologize, but my throat was too raw to make a sound. (But I knew that would be fixed soon, thanks to Kurama.)

Kakashi guided me back into the bed and pulled the crumpled sheet over me again, letting one of his hands stay, resting on my arm as his thumb ran across my skin softly. Almost instantly, I fell asleep again, without any memories plaguing my rest this time.

When I woke again, Kakashi had his head resting on the bed, asleep with his hand still resting on my arm.

I smiled just barely and was careful not to stir him. I still just had the urge to occupy a training ground for a while, but maybe not for weeks. A few hours a day would be enough. My mind felt lighter after all that, though there was still plenty weighing me down. But that wasn't anything new. I could handle it myself, and I had for most of my life. But killing him, killing Sasuke, like that… That I couldn't carry. Not alone. But I wasn't going to ask for help. Ever. But especially not when the rest of the world was celebrating.