Mac sent up a brief silent prayer of thanks as Will ended the broadcast smoothly, as opposed to the train wreck of a sign off he'd stumbled through the evening before. The show had gone well, considering her anchor was still working on next to no sleep. Will looked pretty good but she knew that it was more the expertise of the makeup staff than the hour long nap he managed to squeeze in that afternoon. She watched as he performed his usual post show ritual of straightening his papers before tossing them and his pen on top of the laptop to his right and pulling out his earpiece. Tugging at his tie, he stood up, stretched a little and walked off the set. A glimmer of disappointment came across Mac's face as she realized he wasn't heading in her direction.
"Stop acting like a teenager," she muttered, chiding herself for being disappointed in the first place. She'd already congratulated him on a good show through the headset. There was really nothing more that needed to be said between them. Besides he was probably getting ready to go on a date with some leggy, too young blond with whom he would never have a future.
"Mac…Mac," Jim said, bringing the EP back to the present.
"Sorry," Mac muttered as she put her headset down and smoothed her hair. "Do you need something?"
"I need 5 minutes, but not here," Jim said as he pointed in the general direction of her office.
Happy for the distraction, Mac followed him out of the control room, chuckling to herself as Jim looked carefully in both directions before getting too close to the glass door.
By the time he got to his office Will had his tie and jacket in his hand and the top 2 buttons of his well starched white shirt undone. He tossed the tie on the desk, the jacket on the chair, kicked off his shoes and all but collapsed in his chair. After wearily rubbing his eyes he reached for the half empty bottle of water by the phone and the bottle of Advil in the top drawer. He pulled on the drawer twice before remembering he'd locked it to keep the ring safe. Finding his keys next to his desk phone, where they always were when they weren't in his pocket, he managed to open the drawer despite his shaking hand. He downed 3 pills and finished the water. He made a half hearted attempt to toss the empty bottle in the wastebasket but missed by a good foot or so.
Will's Blackberry vibrated from where he'd left it on the credenza. He let it go to voicemail, not bothering to even look at it. Turning the chair slightly he propped his feet up on the corner of the desk. He admired the lights of the city for a few minutes before reaching for a cigarette. It was a bad habit, he knew it. But he allowed himself one every night after the show, plus another 2 or 3 scattered throughout the day. Although as he lit the cigarette he thought back over the day he realized he'd hit his self imposed quota by the time he and Lonnie had made it to the office after his appointment with Dr. Habib.
Fifteen minutes later, the cigarette long gone, Will was still sitting in his office chair, still staring out over the city. Despite trying his best not to dwell on any details of his appointment that morning he kept rerunning portions of it in his head. Perhaps the young doctor had been right, maybe deep down he did go see him because he wanted to go back to therapy, or more correctly, knew he needed to go back.
Of course the real reason he felt he needed to talk to someone was Mac. She'd come back in his life nearly a year earlier and he still had trouble wrapping his mind around it. If he listened to his heart, he was still in love with her. If he listened to his head, he had no idea what the hell to think or feel.
But for whatever reason, he went back, although to a different Dr. Habib. Sure he was young and way too eager but Will had to admit it was kind of fun going toe to toe with him. He wasn't as easy to misdirect as his father had been. But Will always liked a challenge, he was up for it, at least he thought so, only time would tell.
Jim's idea of 5 minutes in the conference room had turned into nearly half an hour. Mac fidgeted through his explanation of….she honestly had no idea what he was trying to explain. Maggie had been watching their exchange from the assignment desk where she had been lurking, half waiting for Don and half waiting to see what Jim was doing now that the work day was over. Sensing Mac wasn't listening at all, she knocked on the glass door, startling Jim. He ran his hands through his hair and gave up trying to keep Mac's attention. With a grateful smile in Maggie's direction she left the conference room, intent on just gathering her things and heading home. She wasn't in the mood to see anyone, let along talk to anyone.
Her plan to just run out ended when she caught sight Lonnie sitting at an empty desk, thumbing through a magazine. He smiled in her direction and gave an almost imperceptible nod in the direction of Will's office.
Suddenly, and annoyingly like a smitten teenager, Mac smiled to herself and headed for Will's office. She was about to knock but stopped short when she realized she had no idea what she was going to say. Things had been better between them, more relaxed, ever since Valentine's Day, and the hug they had shared had been replayed in her mind way too many times.
Mac quietly slipped in the room, watching Will unnoticed for a few minutes. What she saw worried her. It wasn't that Will was sitting quietly or hadn't moved. It was that his jacket was thrown over the chair, the tie was half hanging off the desk and an empty water bottle was on the floor. That wasn't like Will at all. He was usually meticulous, hanging things up, returning things to their proper place. For years she'd teased him about his OCD tendencies.
"You don't have to hang out by the door," Will said with a small smile, startling Mac. He pointed to her reflection in the window, answering her unspoken question.
Mac returned the smile and walked into the room more nervous than she cared to admit. Will didn't turn around, instead went back to staring out the window. Slipping off her own shoes, Mac slid onto the credenza, sitting behind Will. He had other chairs in his office, but she wanted more than anything to be near him at the moment. Another teenaged feeling she tried to brush off.
"Good show," she said as she nervously tucked her hair behind her ears, a habit she'd had for many, many years.
"So you said," Will muttered. In the reflection of the window he saw her face fall a little at his clipped reply. With a deep breath he laced his hands in his lap. He moved his foot a little, bracing it against the desk so he could lean back towards Mac. "Thank you," he whispered sincerely, still not looking her in the eye.
"You're welcome," Mac whispered back as she reached towards him, tentatively dropping her hand on the top of his head, ruffling his hair just a bit before letting her hand slide down to his shoulder. He didn't flinch at her touch, as he had in the all too recent past. "How did things go this morning?" she asked. "Sorry, that's really not any of my business," she added quickly as she pulled her hand back.
"Got the script I was looking for," Will said as he motioned towards the bag from the drugstore which sat on the credenza next to Mac. He dropped his feet to the floor and swiveled the chair around so he faced the credenza. Saying nothing, he picked up the bag and placed it next to his keys on the desk. Mac had known him long enough to know there was certainly more to the story, but she knew that deep down it wasn't any of her business. "He's dead," Will muttered as he finally made eye contact with Mac.
"Who is dead?" Mac asked, completely confused.
"Abe," Will explained. "Heart attack, apparently two years ago."
"So you've been paying a dead man for the last two years?" Mac asked.
"No, I've been paying his son for two years. Who, by the way, looks like he's a teenager. But apparently he's been to medical school and everything," Will explained as he grinned a little and became slightly more animated.
"Wow, that must have been awkward," Mac replied, doing her best to stifle a chuckle.
"You can go ahead and laugh," Will said with a sincere smile. "I kind of enjoyed it. Can't quite bullshit my way through a session as I could with Abe. Guess that's a good thing," he said with a tinge of something in his voice Mac couldn't quite place.
"So I assume you weren't in and out in 10 minutes."
"Stayed the whole damn hour," Will admitted as he carefully rolled up his sleeves.
"Talked the whole hour?" Mac asked, unsure of how much she could or should press him.
"More or less," he said before turning to grab another cigarette. Normally Mac would have rolled her eyes at his habit, maybe even reached to take the lighter before he could use it. But she ignored it, even when Will caught her eye, basically daring her to stop him. Mac didn't flinch, deciding instead to keep eye contact, waiting to see what would happen next.
"Screw it," Will muttered as he tossed Mac the lighter, pulled the cigarette from his lips and stood up abruptly. His move startled both of them. He paced around the room for a minute, clearly having no idea what he wanted or needed.
Mac continued to sit quietly on the credenza as Will moved towards the window. He raised his hand to smack it against the window but at the last second he stopped himself from making contact with it. She watched as what little energy he seemed to have in him disappeared. He slumped forward, resting his head against the cool glass.
It was all Mac could do not to jump off the credenza and run across the room to take him into her arms. But at that moment that wasn't who they were and that wasn't what they did.
"Do you think I'm a bully?" Will asked quietly, still standing with his back to Mac.
The question caught her off guard but she managed to quell her first reaction which was to assure him he wasn't. "I, uh…." she hesitated.
During her second of hesitation, Will turned around and slid to sit down on the floor, pulling his knees up, gently bouncing the back of his head against the window. Mac just stared at him, pretty shocked at seeing Will sitting on the floor, especially while still dressed in studio clothes. "Am I?" he repeated his question.
Mac took a minute to focus. She decided the best course of action was to be honest, brutally so, if need be. She took a seat in one of the chairs in front of Will's desk, tucking her feet under her. "On an everyday basis, no, you are not a bully."
"But?" Will pressed.
"You can be, when bullying is called for. When it's for the greater good," Mac tried to explain. She knew what she wanted to say but just wasn't sure how to say it. She was counting on the mind reading ability and Will had once shared coming back to both of them at that moment.
"Greater good? What the hell am I, the Robin Hood of bullying?" Will muttered with a little smirk.
"Robin Hood? Okay, that's about right," Mac agreed with a smirk of her own. "Is that what you talked about this morning…bullying?"
"Among other things," Will said, purposely keeping things vague. He waited to see if/how Mac would respond to his answer.
She didn't.
"Not going to ask?" Will teased, his mood clearly improving a little.
"No, but I have my guesses. And for now I will keep those guesses to myself," Mac teased right back. "It's getting late," she said with a smirk of her own.
They were both silent and reflective for a few minutes. Will wrapped his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest. Mac fidgeted with her cell phone in her hand.
Without asking, Mac was pretty sure his childhood was a topic of conversation that morning.
Mac knew some things for certain about his relationship with his father, and she had her suspicions about other aspects of what had gone on in his childhood. She knew Will kept an unopened bottle of Dewers in his liquor cabinet. And she knew the meaning behind it. She knew the chaos of his childhood fueled his need for order and precision in his adult life. She knew he mother meant the world to him and that he missed her each and every day.
Mac's ringing cell phone brought them both out of their thoughts. Like Will earlier, she ignored it. They both took the ringing of the phone as a signal that the conversation, brief as it had been, had come to an end.
It was getting late. Mac was tired and Will was beyond exhausted, in fact she was pretty sure the ringing phone actually woke him up.
With a sigh, Mac slid off the chair, crossed to the window and knelt in front of Will. She reached to tip his chin up to get him to look her in the eye. "You are a good man, Will McAvoy, don't ever forget that." She leaned forward just a little, kissing his forehead.
"Thank you," Will whispered as he tucked her hair behind her ears and smiled a small tired smile. Mac stood up and held her hand out to Will to help pull him to his feet.
Stumbling a little as he stood, Mac reached to steady him. When she was sure he wasn't about to end up back on the floor she let go of his arm. She slipped into her shoes as Will found his over by the bookcase. For a split second he considered changing back into the jeans and plaid shirt he'd worn to the office that morning but decided he lacked the energy. He carefully hung up his suit coat and tie before reaching for his jacket as Mac picked up the water bottle and dropped it into the wastebasket.
Will grabbed the bag with his pills, put his keys in the pocket of his jacket and turned out the desk lamp. He casually threw his arm around Mac's shoulders as he guided her out of the office. Will's "shadow" jumped to his feet, also eager to have his evening end, uneventfully.
"Bye," Will whispered with a dip of his chin and a genuine smile on his face.
"Good night, Billy," Mac replied, using the nickname he hated hearing from anyone but her.
Mac headed for her office, turning to glance one last time at Will as he wearily went through the door and stepped into the elevator lobby.
Just before 11:00 Will stood in front of his refrigerator, dressed in a t-shirt and plaid pajama pants. He'd taken a quick shower and was looking for a snack. He looked at the package of bacon with a little snort. Deep down he knew the bacon wasn't the main reason for his bout of insomnia, but he had to admit it made for a slightly more interesting story than the truth. He reached for the milk, deciding on a bowl of cereal. He bypassed the semi-healthy stuff, which by the way was unopened, instead he grabbed the box of Lucky Charms.
Sitting at the island in the kitchen he didn't turn on the television, didn't retrieve the Blackberry from his bedroom and didn't open the newspaper to his left. He had to admit to himself, that at that moment, safe and sound at home in his pajamas was where he really wanted to be. Most nights he wasn't even thinking about getting ready bed at 11:00. But for the first time in almost a week he felt he would sleep. Certainly the sleeping pill he'd taken with a handful of water when he got home was going to help but there was something else. Something he couldn't really put into words. Hope…relief….clarity?
"Whatever, doesn't matter," he muttered as he slid off the stool. The pill was starting to kick in and he was past the point of trying to make sense of his day. He quickly washed his bowl and spoon. A quick check of the alarm system and he flicked off the lights, heading for bed.
After brushing his teeth, Will turned out the light and crawled into bed. He smiled at the smell and feel of the fresh clean sheets the cleaning lady put on the bed that afternoon. His Blackberry vibrated on the nightstand. With a sigh he pulled his arm out from under the covers and reached for it.
A text from Mac.
Goodnight Robin Hood
He chuckled to himself as he put the Blackberry back on the nightstand and pulled the covers up.