Richonne 【confessions】

It had been a just a couple of days since the war broke out. There wasn't much time to rest, as everyone spent hours upon hours writing out plans, drawing more guns, and hunting for explosives. Rick wanted to help as much as he could, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Michonne's side. She had still been in the infirmary, resting her way to health. He knew that if she was awake, she'd say something like "Rick don't stay cooped up in here all day worrying about me. I'll be fine". But of course, Rick would still stay and still worry.

Her sleeping face was so precious. He loved to see her so relaxed without a care in the world, knowing shes safe laying by his side. Her beautiful brown skin still glowing while bruised. Rick's heart was aching to hear her voice. When she whispered, when she laughed, when she cried, even when she let out those sweet sensual moans. He had no choice but to wait until she was better, and until this battle was at an end. While in his thoughts, Rick felt Michonne move. Anxious, he peered close, awaiting for her eyes to open so he could greet her with sweet words. But that's not what he got. With eyes still closed, she looked troubled, almost like she was in pain. Was she still hurting? Body aching from laying down too long? Or maybe she was having a nightmare? That would only make sense, after everything they've been through. After everything they've seen. But could it really be? Rick nor Michonne have had nightmares for months. Even after all the shit Negan has put them through, it was rare. They were strong. Stronger than he could even imagine.

Michonne's breathing started to get faster. Sweat started to build and groans started to leave her lips. At this point, there was no doubt something was tormenting her mind.

"'Chonne?" Rick whispered, careful not to wake up Rosita that was lying in the next bed with a gunshot wound. Gently, he began to tap her shoulder, trying to get her to open those pretty, dark brown eyes. "Michonne? Honey can you hear me? Are you okay?". Still no answer, just rapid tossing and turning from her end. He couldn't let her suffer like this any longer. He had to wake her up as quick as possible. "Michon-"

"Andre!" Ricks words were interrupted as Michonne sat up in shaking to the bone in a cold sweat. She had the most terrified look on her face and tears streaming from her eyes. A look that Rick had NEVER seen before. Andre? Who was that? Friend? Brother? Possibly a past lover? No. Theres no way he'd just casually pop into her mind. Not when shes got this sexy, southern, used to be cop in her life now.

Michonne sprung out the bed, pushing the soft blankets off of her body. She opened the front door and ran next door to their home, turing the corner and rushing down the hall. She moved so fast, Rick didn't get a chance to calm her down and maneuver her back to bed. What was going on? Why was she acting like this? Rick shot up, following her frantic movements. It looked like she was headed towards Judith's room? Michonne almost broke the handle off the door, pulling down the lever and shoving the door open. She ran to the pink and white crib before her, popping her head over the opening to look inside. What was she expecting to find? The only thing that would be inside was..a baby? Why would she be looking for a baby? Rick couldn't help but stand in the doorway, confused.

She had been standing there gazing inside that crib, for what seemed like minutes. Shaking and gasping, she swiftly dropped to her knees. Tears streaming down her face. The strength of this woman is beyond words. Not scream escaped from her lips, just soft sobs. Again, Rick stood confused. He had never seen her act like this. The last time he saw her cry like this was when Carl got shot. But thats not this. He slowly began walking towards her, step by step, not wanting to be too sudden and startle her.

Bending down to her level, he wrapped his hands around her arms and spoke. "Michonne? What's going on? Are you okay?" She couldn't even bare to look at him. She knew this wouldn't go well. It's not like she was trying to keep Andre a secret from the love of her life, but the death of a child is not something you just bring up in an everyday casual conversation. How could she tell him now? She's so worked up, it'd be a suprise if she could even get a word out. Let alone tell the whole story. And what about Rick's feelings. Would he be mad that she didn't tell him sooner? So many thoughts were racing through he mind, it's a suprise she didn't pass out. "Michonne? Please talk to me. Who's Andre?"

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry Rick". Apologizing? Why was she apologizing to him? He just wanted to know what was wrong is all.

"What are you sorry for? Please Michy I want to help you baby" He whispered, sounding as sweet and gentle as a cool breeze. Ricks heart clinched when she looked up at him with her blood shot eyes and tear stained face. God it was so painful to see his Queen suffering like this. Whenever she got the slightest bit upset, Rick always took her to the bedroom and sweetly fucked it out of her, and there was no denying she felt relieved afterwards.

"I'm sorry for not telling you. Rick i'm so sorry". It's like she was pleading with him to forgive her for something that he had no clue about.

"'Chonne it's okay. You don't have to apologize to me, just tell me what's the matter."

"My baby. I lost my baby." The softest whisper of her confession hung in the air, Rick not sure if even even heard her correctly. She had a baby? As in gave birth to a child?

"..What? I couldn't hear you honey, speak up for me". He lied. He heard her secret. But he couldn't process it. He needed her to say it again. He needed it.

"I lost my baby. My baby boy. My Andre". She put her head back down, tears threatening her eyes again at any moment. So she did have a baby. Rick had absolutely no clue what the feel, think, say? He was speechless. He had always suspected she had some experience with babies because of the way she took care of Judith, but he never would have suspected that she had her own child. She never threw any hints, she never accidentley said his name, nothing to make him conclude that she had a child. Even when mothers day came around, he never saw any clues. Maybe this had something to do with Michonne disappearing for hours on mothers day last year. He thought she was just spending some time with Carl, as he had been absent as well. But now that he thought about it, Carl said he wasn't with Michonne that day, and that he couldn't find her either. Thinking back to when she looked at Maggie's sonogram, he should have known. The way she looked at it. She had such a bright smile, but it vanished in an instant and was replaced with a look of sorrow. Was this the reason?

"A baby". Rick managed to sigh out. "Y-you had a baby?" He tried not to, knowing she hated any type of pity, but he couldn't help but look at her with such sad eyes.

She swallowed her pain before she spoke. "Yes. Andre Anthony. He was 3 years old when he died. He was my everything. My little peanut". She said with the saddest smile. Rick changed his position and sat down against the crib, and took Michonne in his arms. She shifted to sit in between his legs and his arms embraced her gently from behind. He kept quiet, awaiting her story. He didn't want to pressure or rush her to tell him. They stayed silent for a few minutes, nothing but nervous breathing filling the air.

"It was just about a few months after the turn. Me, Andre, Mike and Terry. We were scavenging, moving from camp to camp, doing what we could to stay alive". She took a pause and started again. "I went out on a run to find food, because we were practically starving. I fought so hard to scrounge up all the scraps i could find. I almost got bit for christs sake. My pack was filled with about 5 cans of food, not much but i felt good about finding something. When i got back.." She stopped. Rick could feel her starting to shake again. He didn't want to speak, and interupt her in anyway, so he rubbed her arms up in down in a soothing motion. She loved when he tried to calm her down. It made her feel so special. Like she was his and only his. Michonne closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and started again. "When i got back, Mike and Terry were being eaten alive, all while still holding those stupid fucking pill bottles. They were getting high around my baby!" As she got further and further into the confession, her voice got louder. Her sadness was gradually turning into anger. She needed to let this out. "At that point, i couldn't care less about them. If you're dumb enough to let your guard down in the world we live in today then you deserve to get eaten alive. All i cared about was finding my baby".

This was a suprise. He had never heard her talk like this. Sure she sometimes had built up anger that would come out with words she didn't mean, but this was new.

"I was in such a panic. Searching and searching for him. I spend about 15 minutes looking for him and then.." She stopped. Rick knew what she was about to say. It was here. He hugged her tighter to remind her that he was there, and always would be. "...I found him. Or what was left of him. Being eaten. Right in front of me".

Seeing Michonne this way was starting to make Rick angry. How could someone be so stupid to neglect a child in this world. Especially to the point where they've been ripped apart by the dead. And the fact that someone would do something to hurt his Warrior Queen made him want to fault back to his insane days when he was accompanied by the caveman beard. He was so protective over her, even though he knew she didn't need that.

"'Chonne baby i'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that happened to you. No matter how much longer we're stuck in this shitty world, it will never happen again. I can promise you that". He spoke with a sure tone.

Rick could feel dropplets of tears falling onto his arms, but didn't mind. He would kiss all her tears away if he could. They had been sitting in silence for a while, still on the floor against judiths crib. Rick's warmth seemed to have put Michonne to sleep, because her eyes were closed and her breathing was steady. Taking slow, shy movements, he slid from behind her. He put his arms under her legs and back, picking her up bridal style. Rick really didn't think it was possible for her to get any more adorable than she was right now. Sleeping in his arms with the softest face and the cutest cheeks. This was his girl right here, his one and only, and he'd be dammed if he ever let her go through all the pain shes been through again.

He made his way to their bedroom with his wife in his arms. It was still daylight out, and the sun rays shone gracefully through the open window. It was alarming to think that these beautiful days would soon turn dark when Negan decided to strike back. Not knowing who was going to survive and who wasn't. But he couldn't think about that right now. No good will come of it.

Rick lightly layed Michonne down onto the soft white bedding and moved in after her, cuddling her from behind.

"Rick?" She said in the cutest sleepy voice, eyes still closed. Always aware of his presence.

"Yeah. I'm here Mich" he whispered. Just his voice alone was enough to put her into a deep sleep. It was so soothing. He put his lips next to her ear and sweetly whispered

"I'll give you another one".