A PruAus oneshot based on the episode 'I'll be waving as you drive away' from 'Little House on the Prairie'.
I'll be waving as you drive away
He remembered that morning he'd opened his eyes, but found out that it hadn't made any difference. He remembered he'd screamed that he was scared, that everything was dark. He remembered his brother embracing him, but that didn't made the suffocating darkness go away.
Blind, he wouldn't be able to live here. His eyesight had gotten worse and worse over time, but he had still be able to continue his studies to become a teacher. Gilbert had always been passionate about school, sucking up every word the teacher said, hoping to stand in his place one day.
Now, he could say goodbye to that.
When Ludwig decided to send him off to a blind school, he'd told him that it was for his own good. Gilbert had told him that he understood. In reality, he thought his brother just wanted to get rid of him.
The trip to the blind school was a long one. He and Ludwig had taken a seven hour long train ride and had traveled the last few miles by carriage. Ludwig told him it was a nice looking building. Gilbert didn't care.
They'd waited on a couch outside an office, until a man stepped out of it and told Gilbert that he had to speak with his brother and sign some papers. Gilbert waited in silence.
Before Ludwig could come back, however, he heard approaching footsteps that halted somewhere across the room. A man's voice called out: ''I'm looking for a… Gilbert Beilschmidt. Got one in here?''
''I-I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt,'' he said after a moment, hating the tremble in his voice.
''Aha, thought so,'' the man said. ''Allow me to introduce myself. Roderich Edelstein, your teacher, and I am here, mister Beilschmidt, to escort you to your room.''
Gilbert hesitantly stood up and flinched when he suddenly felt a hand at his elbow. The grip was steady, but soft.
''Please, follow me,'' Roderich said as he led Gilbert through the hallway to his room. They hadn't even been in there for a minute when the door opened again, followed by a ''Roderich, can I speak to you for a moment?''. The voice sounded familiar and Gilbert concluded that it was probably the man from the office earlier.
Soon the door closed again and Gilbert was left alone. Or so he thought.
''Hey, nice room.''
Gilbert jumped at the sudden sound and turned to the voice, a smile gracing his features. ''Ludwig! Oh, I-I didn't know you were here.''
A second passed. ''I'm afraid I can't stay too long. I got a chance to catch an earlier train,'' Ludwig said.
Gilbert's smile fell immediately. ''But I thought we'd spend the afternoon.''
''I was going to, but then this earlier train came up,'' Ludwig said again. ''I got a look at the place. It's seems nice. You'll be in good hands.''
The truth kicked in right that moment. Ludwig was going to leave him here, in a place he didn't know, with people he'd never met.
He heard his brother walk over to him and felt his arms around him. He returned the hug with a grasp as if his life depended on it, which, in a sense, it did.
''Ludwig, don't leave me here,'' Gilbert whimpered. ''Please, don't leave me here. Please.''
''I love you,'' Ludwig whispered, his voice strained. Then his arms were gone and he was out of the door in seconds.
Gilbert had no time to react, as Roderich came into his room again. ''You must be tired,'' he said. ''Your suitcase is on the bed. I'll leave you to rest and get your clothes unpacked.''
He had to unpack? He didn't even know his own room. How did they expect him to unpack? ''B-but,'' he stammered, ''I can't.''
''You have to. You're here to learn, so you might as well start now,'' Roderich said nonchalantly. ''Supper is at six, I'll see you then.''
He left the room and Gilbert was left alone once again.
Hesitantly, he put one foot in front of the other until he felt a wall. The room seemed to be big, as it took him more steps – more of a shuffle, really – than he expected to reach it. As he followed it into a corner, he found a large bed, probably made out of wood, judging by the polished feel of it. He felt the soft blanket of the bed under his fingers and finally found his suitcase. For some reason, this little victory made him smile a bit. He grasped the suitcase, which was the only familiar thing in the room. He still knew how it looked, with its brown, worn out leather.
Keeping his free arm outstretched in front of him and waving it around like a madman, he shuffled over to the other side of the room, where he found the door. Right next to the door, there appeared to be a desk or a dresser on which he put his suitcase.
His hand brushed past something flat and smooth. It felt like glass. Gilbert brought his hands up to it, feeling the cold surface beneath his fingertips. His hands balled into fists as he realized that it was a mirror. A mirror!
Who in their right mind would put a mirror into the room of a blind man? He'd have no use for it. He would never be able to see again, so why, why would they put a damn mirror in his room? It was as if they were mocking him.
He didn't even realize that he was crying until he'd made his way over to the bed again, not even bothered to get changed before falling asleep.
He woke up by a knock on the door. He didn't know for how long he'd slept, but, judging by how tired he still was, it hadn't been very long.
His visitor let himself in. ''Supper,'' he announced. It was Roderich, of course.
''Sorry I'm late,'' he said, while closing the door with… a kick? Maybe he had his hands full. Gilbert decided to sit up. ''There was a little problem in the kitchen,'' the man continued as he made his way over to a corner of the room, where the sound of cutlery and the scraping of a chair could be heard. ''The students do the cooking here and one of the new ones mistook the pepper for the cinnamon. Needless to say, we had about two dozen of the hottest apple pies in the school's history.''
It was silent for a moment. ''Well, enough chitchat,'' Roderich said. ''Let's get to work. I'm at the table. You know where it is.''
He didn't. He only knew it was somewhere to his left, judging by the sounds he'd just heard. He was scared that if he got up, he'd stumble and make a fool out of himself, so he didn't move.
''Come on, I haven't had my dinner yet,'' Roderich prompted, not unkindly. Slowly, Gilbert got up and shuffled forward until he felt a chair beneath his hands. He sat down carefully.
''Your supper is part of your homework,'' Roderich explained. ''I hope you're hungry.''
''Not particularly,'' Gilbert mumbled.
Roderich continued as if he hadn't heard him. ''Roasted beef, peas and potatoes. Here's your napkin.''
Gilbert brought his hand up and found the hand of the other. It was a warm hand with soft skin and long fingers, but the touch lasted only a second as Gilbert's hand moved its way down to the napkin, which he snatched away immediately.
''Okay, let's begin,'' Roderich said as if it was normal for him to eat like this every day. It made Gilbert angry to think of how Roderich would watch him try to do such a simple task as eating and failing. Gilbert already knew he'd make a mess if he tried, so he said: ''I'd rather eat by myself.''
Roderich sighed. ''In the school dining room you can choose your own company, but for now, this is schoolwork, so you'll have to eat with the teacher.''
''I don't like people looking at me,'' Gilbert grumbled.
''Why, because you eat with your fingers?'' Roderich asked. ''Nothing to feel bad about. Almost everybody does until they learn.''
''Look, my brother didn't send me here to have you teach me table manners,'' Gilbert said through gritted teeth.
''Yes, he did,'' Roderich replied in the same tone of voice. ''It's all a part of learning. Now, just because you're blind, doesn't mean you have to eat like an animal.''
Gilbert slammed his napkin down on the table.
''Alright,'' Roderich drawled. ''Food is served on the plate clockwise: potatoes at two o'clock, meat at five o'clock and vegetables at ten o'clock. Your fork is to the left of the plate.''
Gilbert couldn't be bothered and had found the food with his hands already.
''Don't use your fingers,'' Roderich said sternly.
Gilbert threw the food back on his plate. ''If you don't like watching a blind person eat then why don't you just get out?'' Gilbert shouted.
''All you think about is being blind,'' Roderich said, sounding as angry as Gilbert. ''You happen to be a perfectly normal person who just happens not to be able to see with their eyes. When are you going to get on with living?''
''Get. Out.''
''Pitying yourself won't help. Blind people are just as good or as bad as everybody else. You're not special!''
''I told you to get out!'' Gilbert screamed, grabbing his plate and throwing it on the floor.
For a few seconds, Roderich didn't say anything. Then, with a sigh: ''That beef was good.''
He stood up and spoke in the same drawling voice he'd used earlier. ''You'll find the towels on the shelf in the closet. This is your room as long as you're here. You make a mess? You clean it up. See you in the morning,'' he added as he walked out of the door and shut it behind him.
''Walk towards me.''
Gilbert was seated on a couch, while Roderich was standing somewhere across the room.
''I don't want to,'' the Prussian said.
''Do it, Gilbert.''
Gilbert grudgingly stood up. He was scared as soon as he didn't feel the couch under him anymore.
''You can tell where I am by the sound of my voice,'' Roderich said calmly.
Gilbert couldn't see all the possible obstacles in the room. How was he supposed to walk if every step felt like a dangerous one? Very slowly, he dragged his feet across the carpet, hesitantly putting one foot in front of the other.
''Don't shuffle,'' Roderich said, his voice raised. Then, on a lower volume: ''Think of the people who'll be watching you. Walk with confidence. Shuffling looks helpless and sounds awful. Now walk towards me.''
Gilbert swallowed and took another step. Slowly, very slowly, he made his way over to the other side of the room. It seemed to take ages and he thought he must've looked ridiculous, with his arms outstretched in front of him.
He suddenly felt two warm, soft hands grasp his and let out a gasp.
''Alright,'' Roderich said, a smile audible in his voice. ''Alright,'' he whispered again, giving Gilbert's hand a little squeeze. ''You see, it's not so hard.''
''No,'' Gilbert snapped, suddenly feeling angry again. ''No, I don't see. That's the point. Who cares about all this? Who cares about walking across the room when there's nothing to see when you get there?''
''I care,'' Roderich said slowly and clearly, obviously irritated. ''Because it's my job to teach you. If I don't teach you, I don't get paid. So you can sulk if you want to for about five minutes. Then, you're going to wash up and see if we can eat without throwing it.''
He walked away. ''I'll be right back.''
Gilbert could hear Roderich's footsteps halt on the stairs. He heard a voice – the man from the office again. ''Roderich, how is it going with Gilbert?''
The reply came quick. ''Just fine, sir. Just fine.'' The footsteps went further up the stairs until they went out of earshot.
Roderich kept pestering Gilbert about tasks that were once so easy.
One day he learned how to make the bed, which basically consisted of Gilbert getting the blanket on the bed, getting happy about it, Roderich pulling it off again and the Prussian doing it over and over until it he did it perfectly.
Another day, he learned how to write. They'd take a ruler and fold the paper over it, so the creases would indicate where he should be writing.
He'd finally accept to eat supper as well, for he did have to eat and if this was the only way, then so be it. He used his cutlery and his napkin and to his surprise, he'd never once made a mess. He didn't have to eat with Roderich in his room anymore, but was allowed to have his dinner in the dining hall with the other students.
''Alright,'' Roderich said one day, leading Gilbert to a classroom. ''You've done really well this week. Now it's time to really start the hard work. Today you'll learn to read.''
Gilbert stopped dead in his tracks. ''Huh?''
Roderich let out a chuckle, turned to him and put his hands on the man's shoulders. ''Gilbert Beilschmidt, today you'll learn to read. I told you before that you can see with your hands. Well, thanks to Louis Braille, we can read with them.''
They both sat down behind the same desk. Gilbert could feel the fabric of Roderich's coat against his arm. Before them lay a very large book, which was opened on one of the first few pages.
''Touch the book in front of you,'' Roderich instructed.
Gilbert reached out and felt the pages. They had small bumps in the paper, which made him frown. ''What's that?''
''Give me your hand,'' Roderich said, taking Gilbert's hand in his and moving it to the top left of the page. He moved both of their hands over the paper as he spoke.
''The greatest and noblest pleasure which we have in this world is to discover new truths, and the next is to shake off old prejudices.''
He stopped and let go of Gilbert's hand, putting the book away and getting another. Gilbert heard him flipping through the pages as he sat in awe. He'd recognized the words Roderich had read. It was a quote from Frederick the Great. It must have been a history book.
His thoughts were interrupted as Roderich took his hand once more and brought it up to the book. He could feel the bumps under his fingertips.
''The six dots in this square are your alphabet,'' Roderich explained softly. ''Every dot, or sequence of dots, presents a letter, number or punctuation.'' He moved their hands over the page, settling them on a part where Gilbert could feel only one dot.
''This,'' Roderich announced, ''is an 'A'.'' They moved to the next letter, where Gilbert felt two dots above each other. ''This is 'B'.''
Their hands moved to the next letter, which felt like two dots next to each other. ''And 'C'.''
Then, three dots. '''D','' Roderich concluded as he moved their hands again. ''Okay, stop there. Now, what letter is this?''
Gilbert concentrated on the dots. There were two and they were next to each other. ''C,'' he said confidently.
''Correct,'' Roderich said. ''And this?''
Three dots this time. Easy. ''D.''
''Excellent, you're learning fast,'' Roderich said, sounding impressed. Gilbert couldn't help but smile.
''Were you a good student in school?'' Roderich asked.
''Not particularly,'' Gilbert said. ''But I've always liked reading.''
''Right. Me, too.'' Gilbert could hear the smile in the others' voice as he said: ''Let's go on.''
They were walking to another classroom, Gilbert's hand resting on Roderich's arm, when someone walked past them.
''Good afternoon, Elizabeta,'' Roderich said.
''Hello, mister Edelstein. Afternoon, sir,'' the girl responded, moving on.
''Nice girl,'' Roderich told Gilbert. ''One of our best students. You should hear her play the piano.''
''She was blind?'' Gilbert asked, astonished. ''But she said hello to me. How did she know that I was there?''
Roderich stopped walking. ''Listen to yourself. All she had to hear was the sound of your footsteps and the rustle of your coat.''
Gilbert frowned. ''I never thought of that.'' He thought back to the sound of the footsteps of the girl. ''Her walk sounded… strange.''
Roderich sighed. ''That was a crutch. She has a bad leg. It was an incident with a wagon and her parents were killed.''
''And I used to think nobody suffered like me,'' Gilbert whispered, more to himself than to Roderich. He straightened his back. ''I'll be sure to recognize her next time.''
''Right,'' Roderich said as they began walking again. ''Only do say hello. She can't hear you smile.''
As the days passed, Gilbert got better accustomed to his new life. He had less classes to attend as he got better at doing simple tasks like cleaning and cooking. He was able to navigate himself through the long hallways of the school and occasionally, he interrupted Roderich's classes by pretending he'd gotten lost. Roderich would scold him in front of the students, but once they were alone, their conversations were actually quite pleasant. Gilbert found himself enjoying the others' company.
When he had some time to spare, he usually sat in an empty classroom, reading. Most of the books were for studying purposes, but Gilbert didn't mind. He was getting faster at reading and he found that he enjoyed learning as much as he had when he'd still had his sight. It reminded him of his old life and his old study. Soon, Ludwig would come and take him home.
The thought was both exciting and scary. He'd return to the place where he'd lived his whole life and see his friends again, but he was afraid that that place wasn't as he remembered. He couldn't just go back to the way it was and he found himself thinking it over every day. Did he really want to go home?
Gilbert, Roderich and Elizabeta were seated in the music room. Gilbert was sitting next to Elizabeta on the piano bench, who was playing the piano.
''You play so well!'' Gilbert said after the song was finished.
''Thank you, Gilbert,'' she said, standing up and getting her crutch. ''I better go now. I was going to help baking.''
''Alright,'' Roderich said as Elizabeta left the room.
''I've always loved music,'' Gilbert said. ''I remember listening for hours as my grandfather played the flute.''
''Do you play any instruments?'' Roderich asked.
''Me? No. I never learned.''
''Would you like to?'' Roderich asked as he seated himself right next to Gilbert on the bench. ''I'm not the best teacher, but Elizabeta has got to do the baking.''
''I could never learn…'' Gilbert mumbled, suddenly feeling a bit flustered with Roderich this close to him.
''I wish you'd forget about that,'' Roderich said. ''Some of the greatest writers, artists and composers in the world were blind. Have you ever heard of John Milton?''
''Well, of course. He wrote Paradise Lost, one of my favorite books.''
''He was also blind.''
Gilbert's jaw dropped slightly. He never knew.
''Now, do you want to play the piano, or not?''
For a moment, Gilbert really longed to. He'd be able to show Ludwig–
Right. He was going home in a few days. ''There wouldn't be enough time,'' he said, unable to hide the disappointment from his voice. ''You know my brother is coming to take me home. He'll be here in a few days.''
Roderich was quiet for a moment. ''It's been a long time, hasn't it? Since you've seen him.''
Gilbert took a slow breath and murmured: ''Seems like a lifetime.'' He swallowed. ''Roderich… I'm so scared. I mean, I know I'm ready to go home… But here i-it's easy. And I've always got you to help me.''
''Gilbert,'' Roderich said softly, ''You can't depend on me forever. A-and… I'll be leaving, too.''
Gilbert's breath hitched. ''Where are you going?''
''Vienna. To start a new blind school.''
''Why didn't you tell me?''
He could hear Roderich fumble with his coat. ''I don't know, I… It just never came up.''
Gilbert frowned. ''Then I'm glad I'm going home.''
Roderich made an exasperated noise. ''Gilbert, it's not that much different out there. Not really.''
''Yes, it is,'' Gilbert whispered. ''But I wouldn't expect you to understand,'' he huffed. ''How could you?''
''Gilbert–''
''The world isn't like the blind school! It's a huge, dark place filled with hidden obstacles and s-strange sounds and voices coming from faceless people. Even you…'' He turned his head towards Roderich. ''I've never even seen you.''
''Well, then look at me,'' Roderich said, turning towards Gilbert as well and taking his warm hands in his, bringing them up to his face.
Gilbert gasped at he felt Roderich's smooth hairline, thick hair soft between his fingers. Moving down, he felt a small scar on his temple, like a dent. His brows were thin and he smoothed the fine hairs of each brow, smiling at their neatness. When he reached his eyes, he found that they were covered by thin-rimmed glasses. Roderich mumbled something about looking plain without them.
Gilbert continued down his face, noting Roderich's straight, sharp nose that was upturned at the very tip. He let his finger slide down it, smiling in amusement when it twitched slightly. He moved his hands over the soft, smooth cheeks to his chin, which rounded softly at the bottom of his jaw. He let a single finger slowly move towards his mouth until it brushed his bottom lip. It was soft and warm and he could feel the corners lifting upwards.
Gilbert smiled as he felt – no, saw Roderich's features. ''What color are your eyes?'' he asked.
''Purple.''
''And your hair?''
''Brown.''
Gilbert reluctantly let go and put his hands back in his lap. ''Thank you, Roderich.''
No one said anything for a long time and Gilbert began to feel slightly awkward, until Roderich shattered the silence by asking:
''What do you look like, Gilbert?''
What? His head snapped back to the man in an instant. Had he heard correctly?
Roderich audibly swallowed. ''I've never seen you, either.''
Gilbert didn't know whether to laugh or cry as he brought Roderich's hand up to his face. He closed his eyes as the man's soft hands examined his hair, brows, eyes, nose, mouth, jawline – everything.
By the time he was done, Gilbert really was crying.
It was a beautiful day. Gilbert could feel the sun shining as he stood before the window in the hall. He heard the door open and heavy footsteps coming in.
''Ludwig?''
''Gilbert!'' He got pulled into a hug as his brother told him how much he'd missed him, Gilbert telling him the exact same thing, laughing all the while. He stepped back after a while, calling out. ''Roderich? Meet my brother.''
Roderich stood up from the couch he'd been sitting on and walked forward to shake hands with Ludwig.
''Ludwig, this is Roderich Edelstein, the most wonderful teacher in the world,'' Gilbert said.
Roderich let out a laugh. ''Good to meet you, mister Beilschmidt.''
''Pleasure meeting you, mister Edelstein,'' Ludwig returned.
''Please, it's Roderich.''
Gilbert was too exited to wait any longer. His brother was finally here! He couldn't stop smiling. ''Lud, I wanna show you my room. I'll lead the way. You can easily get lost around here.'' He started walking as he heard his brother follow him, chuckling all the while.
''I hope you're hungry,'' Gilbert continued. ''I made a big dinner for us!''
They were sitting in the dining hall, enjoying lunch. Gilbert got dessert from the kitchen as Roderich excused himself from the table. ''I'd love dessert, but I've got a class. I'll see you all later.''
Gilbert got back and sat down at the table with Ludwig. They were currently the only ones in the hall and in the distance, they could hear Elizabeta playing the piano.
''Well,'' Gilbert said, ''You've been here a whole day. What do you think?''
''It's as if this whole thing never happened,'' Ludwig said. ''It's like we'll be going home and nothing will have changed.''
Gilbert's smile fell. ''Things do change, though. That's what I wanted to talk to you about.'' He took a deep breath. ''First of all, I-I want to thank you for sending me here. If I hadn't come to this school, I'd probably still be sitting in the darkness, feeling sorry for myself… And I never would've met Roderich.''
When his brother didn't interrupt, he continued. ''He saved my life. He helped me… And now I'm going to help him. Roderich is going to Vienna to open a blind school. He's asked me to come there and teach… It's what I want to do. It's a chance to do for others what Roderich did for me. Ludwig… I'll be a teacher, just as we always planned. He'll be leaving next week. He'd like for me to get there as soon as I can. I thought I could go back with you and see everybody and get my things together.''
He heard Ludwig made a strangled noise, which got him worried in an instant.
''Ludwig? I-I was hoping you'd understand.''
''Oh, I do,'' Ludwig gasped. ''It's just… A teacher… It's a dream I made myself forget. Now it's coming true.''
Gilbert let out a laugh and stood up to embrace his brother once more.
The following day it was raining, but Gilbert didn't mind. He was standing under an umbrella with Roderich, while Ludwig was putting his suitcase in the carriage. He would be going home today, but he would see Roderich again in a month. He would manage.
''I miss you already,'' Roderich mumbled. ''A month never seemed so long before.''
''I know,'' Gilbert sighed. ''I'm really exited about the new school… And you. You know, it's hard to believe the way things change. I hated it when I came here, then I never wanted to leave here,'' he chuckled. ''Now it's just a whole new life…''
Roderich gently took Gilbert's chin and lifted it up, pressing their lips together. Roderich's lips were warm and firm, and they moved so fluently and sweetly against his own that it made his knees weaken. When they parted, Gilbert could still feel a tingling sensation on his lips.
''I'll be waving as you drive away,'' Roderich whispered.
Gilbert smiled and gave Roderich's hand a little squeeze. Then he called out to Ludwig to tell him he was ready, so he could help him into the carriage. ''Take care, Roderich,'' Ludwig said as the driver motioned for the horses to start walking.
Gilbert only stopped waving after they'd driven around the corner, knowing that Roderich had done the same. He was still smiling when they got home.