I, Cornelius Oswald Fudge, Respectfully Dedicate This Autobiography Sixteen Ways:
To Robert, for inspiring my love of playacting and overall lust for life. I wish at times I had followed your path rather than emulate it.
To Oswald, for inspiring my desire to change the world. You deserved so much more credit than you were given.
To Timothy, for inspiring me to become a politician. I wish we had spent more time together.
To Sydney, for inspiring my desire to read. I do hope you like it.
To Horace, for proving to me that not ALL Slytherins are bad and setting up the necessay connections. Expect some crystallized pineapple coming your way real soon.
To Millicent, for believing in me. If anyone deserves a good retirement, it's you.
To Toggy, you've always been there for me and my family through everything. Thanks for helping me write this, it's like having my Mother around.
To Amelia, sweet Amelia, for standing by me when no one else would. You fought so bravely.
To Percy, you were the best assistant I've ever had, no wonder Crouch liked you. Please don't make the same mistakes I did when you make the dream I once had come true.
To Kingsley, for saving my life. I know you'll do a better job than I ever could.
To Albus, I should have listened to you. You just wanted to help.
To Harry, I know this is inappropriate and you don't owe me anything, but know that I am filled with deep remorse for the horrible way I treated you. It's unfair to expect your forgiveness, I don't deserve any.
To The Muggle Prime Minister circa 1990-1997, I am so grateful you didn't throw me through the window like your predecessor.
To Zackary, while we'll never be best of friends I'll always owe you one for saving my skin at The Canadian World Cup.
To Julian, for giving me some of the best advice I've ever heard in my life. I really should have tipped you more.
And finally, to My Star, I miss you every single day and I tip my hat to.
Consequently, if Dolores and Lucius are somehow reading this, then I have nothing to give them but two of my fingers raised simultaneously. Trusting you two snakes are easily two of my biggest mistakes.