Part One: Broken

"I have been in love with my best friend for as long as I can remember. And... it's hard. It's extremely hard, because I know that she doesn't feel the same way. I know that. That knowledge is always with me. It sits on my chest, like a weight that will never be lifted. It's always there. She... she ruins my life. And I know how that sounds, but it's true. She ruins my life. And she has a smile on her face while she does it. She just sits there, with her perfect face, and perfect voice, and perfect everything, just... ruining me. Breaking me, and killing me, and she doesn't even know. She has no idea what she does to me."

I take a deep breath after finishing my speech, and look at the woman who is sat across from me.

The woman stares at me. She's thinking, I can tell that much. Thinking about what? I don't have a fucking clue. You would think I would know, by now, what my therapist was thinking. But, I have learned that not knowing what to expect with this woman is a normal thing.

As the silence continues to envelop us, I glance over to her therapist's desk.

I look at the name plate. It reads: Dr. Jenna Young. I look back to my therapist.

She doesn't really look like a Jenna. I don't know what a Jenna looks like, but she sure doesn't look like one.

Jenna is young, and she doesn't like to be addressed as Dr. Young. That's what she told me on out first session together. She has brown hair, and green eyes. I like green eyes, but I've always preferred blue over everything else.

"Okay," Jenna sits back in her chair. "Have you ever thought about telling her?"

"Every day," I shrug. "I probably think about telling her at least ten times a day."

"And why don't you?" Jenna tilts her head.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"You're scared."

"Yeah, that's true. And because I know she doesn't feel the same way."

"How do you know that?"

"I-" I stop. "I don't know."

"You know, what you're going through, it's not uncommon. There's a word for it, do you know what it is?"

I shakes her head.

"It's called unrequited love. It's when you love someone, and they don't love you back. In your case, you assume she doesn't love you back. Which still makes it unrequited because in your mind, you're the only one who's in love."

I have never thought about it like that before. I swear, this bitch makes me think way differently than I ever would.

"I know what you're feeling; it was very easy for me to relate to what you were just talking about. I know about it firsthand, actually."

"You do?" I'm surprised.

"Yeah," Jenna nods. "I was in love with my best friend, too. All through out high school, he was... everything to me. And one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of keeping it a secret, sick of pretending to like his girlfriends, and pretending to be just his friend, when in reality I wanted to be so much more."

"You told him?"

"Yeah. In a very bad way, but I told him."

"How did you tell him?"

She sighs. "We were at some party, I believe. He was with his girlfriend at the time, and me? Well, I was drunk mess," She laughs. "He... left his girlfriend, because I was just being an idiot, and took me back to his house. I don't remember much of that evening, but I do remember waking up the next morning in his bed, fully clothed, and him watching me."

"He was watching you sleep?"

"It sounds creepy, but it was very sweet. He had taken care of me all night, and slept on his floor. Wooden floor."

"Wow."

"Yeah, and he informed me that the night before I had told him something. Something that he wanted to know if it was true or not. According to him, I had said, 'I hate your girlfriend. But, I love you. I am in love with you, and I have been for such a long time.' And, then I passed out." She laughs.

"What did you say?"

"I told him it was true."

"So, what happened?"

She smiles, while looking down at her left hand. She holds it up for me to see.

There is a small, but very beautiful diamond on a gold ring.

"We've been together ever since."

I smile softly. "Don't give me hope like that."

"I'm not giving you hope; nor am I telling you to go out and get drunk and confess your love for her, but I am telling you this. There is no way you could know for sure how she feels about you. For all you know, she could be feeling the same way you are. Hopelessly in love, but too scared to admit it to the only person that matters."

I sigh.

"You have to tell her."

"I can't."

"Tell me why. Tell me exactly why you can't tell her."

I bite her lip. It's so hard to talk about her like this, but I know I have to. "Sometimes... I think she feels the same way, just by the way she looks at me. Those are the times I want to tell her the most. Those are the times I just want to grab her and kiss her and never stop. But, right when I get the nerve, it goes away. Because I think about what could happen if she doesn't feel the same way. I could lose her."

I run a hand through my hair. "She is... everything. I wake up, because of her. I do mostly everything in my life for her. I can't go a day without speaking to her. So, if I tell her, and she doesn't feel the same way, it could... destroy us. Ruin our friendship, and I don't what I would do if that happened."

"Well, then I think you need to think about something: Is she worth that risk? Is the potential of being with her, worth the risk of losing her friendship?"

Instead of answering, I look at my watch and notice that my session is over.

"Well... were out of time, so..." I stand, and watch as Jenna roles her eyes.

"Okay, I'll see you next week, and I expect an answer then."

"I'll work on it," I mumble, and head for the door to her office.

I say a goodbye to the secretary on my way out of the building, and when I get outside, I stop for a second.

I sigh and squint into the LA sun, as I adjust the strap of my messenger bag that's around my shoulder.

I look around on the busy street and all I see is her.

She's everywhere, really. Everything I see usually reminds me of her.

Speaking of her, her personal ringtone is flooding my ears, so I know that she is calling me.

I take out my phone and stare at the face on the screen a minute before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey you." She says, sweetly.

I close my eyes, inwardly sigh at everything that is her, and then start to make my way down the street.

"Hi."