Here goes my first House fic. The chapters will be short, and I apologize. I also apologize for any typos that may occur. Unfortunately, I own nothing.
"Bye House! I'll be back at one."
The door closed. How wonderful. Another day alone for the brilliant yet unemployed drug addict. I wonder what Cuddy would do if I went to the hospital and pretend to be a psych patient. I could tell everyone that she had drugged and forced to watch her pole dance. No… I think I've used that one before. I could buy an iguana to bug Wilson. Or I could take a picture of him to the gym and make everyone think we're gay.
I could eat all of the food in the house. Or at least leave it out to rot. I could put the milk and other dairy products in the door of the refrigerator, replace all of the toilet paper with empty rolls, dirty all the dishes and just leave them there, hide porn in Wilson's room and set him up on a blind date with a dud. But that requires standing. And my leg… Not worth it. I'll watch some TV and concoct a more complicated plan.
Oranges. I crave oranges. Why? I hate oranges. I wonder if the neighbors are home. They could listen to me test out my new amp. I feel the need to bother Taub about his abnormally large nose and short stature. I'm having all sorts of weird cravings today. Oh my gosh. I'm pregnant! I have to call Wilson!
Ok, I really do feel the need to do something today. Something that will shock people. Shall I go to the store and buy twenty pregnancy tests? Buy ladybugs at the nursery and let them loose in Wilson's room? I could always go back to the iguana idea… I miss Steve McQueen. Actually, that doesn't sound half bad. I'll just pop on the internet and do some quick research.
Ok, iguanas… Print checklist… Done. Cage, food… Other boring stuff. I'll just grab Wilson's credit card and car keys and I'm off. Oh wait. Wilson has the car. Dammit!