A.N.: I realized that I cannot resist Pezberry. Especially during Pezberry Week.
Disclaimer: Mi no habla español.
"Why are you digging through my panty drawer lezzie?"
"Well, because before this drawer was filled with with crotchless panties and stripper bras-ah!- it was my scented candle drawer." Standing to face her ex-roommate, Rachel continued.
"Elliot's lovely, but he seems to only know how to cook with cumin and curry." Santana tried to play off her nervous twirling of her hair by throwing in some famous snark.
"Okay can we just talk for a second about how you used to have an entire drawer dedicated to scented candles?"
"Maybe another time. You know, its funny, but I realized I don't have any other girl friends here in New York City and you were sort of my only one."
"Well, maybe you should take that as a sign of your horrible personality disorder." She was supposed to be apologizing, making amends, not digging the hole deeper with each sentence. Santana felt like she was the one with the disorder. Tourette's, Severe Word Vomit Disorder, something, anything...
"I'm sorry, but I don't see you perusing around town having cocktails with any of your gal pals."
"Okay. I guess we didn't have a lot of girl friends in high school. Brittany doesn't count because I was in love with her and I guess I had Quinn, but the fact that she lives an hour away and I've never thought about calling her since Schue's almost wedding should say something to me."
"Yeah.. sucks that we were all so competitive about boys and solos. I mean, you know, Kurt and Elliot are great, but it's just different having someone who really gets it." Candle in hand Rachel walked closer to Santana and asked the question she's been dying to know every since this whole things started.
"I just don't understand. Like, why my part? Why my understudy?"
"There was an opportunity, and I took it. You would've done the same thing. And then you would've fought to take down whoever was in your way, even if it was me." In Santana's mind, it was easier to tell the most believable lie than the actual truth.
"Okay, I know that this little arrangement didn't last very long, but I do know you Santana.
High school may be over, but I'm still as observant as I was then."
"Okay, and what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means, I know you're deflecting. This isn't about me, this is about your insatiable need to always be on top. So how about you tell me the actual reason and stop with all these games!" Rachel was frustrated and it showed through the force she used to slam the candle on the table.
"Broadway's made you cold, Berry." Santana snipped sarcastically.
"And you've always been cold, Santana." Those once bright doe eyes were now cold and calculating as if Rachel was always waiting for the next verbal, or physical, smack down.
"Ya see little Berry, it's a metaphor. You're the star. I'm the understudy. You're on top. I'm on the bottom like always. Nobody was more successful than you in high school. Except maybe Blaine, but he's been handed everything since he transferred to McKinley. My point is, you're kind of my success measurement. I figured that maybe if I can do what you do and be just as good as you, I'm not totally useless in this too big city."
"I don't understand. So, I'm your validation? That doesn't make much sense, Santana."
"It does when you're still stuck in your old high school mentality. At least that's what it started out as. It turned into something way more. Yeah, I admit I may have come off a little crooked in the beginning, but you just totally jumped out the window with this."
"Like I said before Santana, my feelings-"
"Shut up. You asked me why so I'm telling you. If I suddenly transferred to Yale, you think Quinn is gonna motion to get me kicked out? If I moved to L.A. and end up getting signed to Mercedes's record label, you think she's gonna stop talking to me? If I magically got into NYADA and enrolled in all of Kurt's classes, do you actually think he's gonna disown my friendship?" Santana's chest was heaving from the exertion of her speech and Rachel looked a bit cautious.
"Well, no. I suppose not."
"You suppose not? No, they wouldn't. They wouldn't do that at all. They'd encourage me, help me, work with me. At least make sure I had an equal chance, because that's what Glee Club taught us. Be there for those who were there for you." Santana calmly walked over to her preserved spot in front of the window.
"I thought we were close enough to where maybe we could have the same dream and not have to worry about one of us undermining the other. I thought you of all people would want me to get my chance. Guess not."
"Santana, it's just I've worked so hard, so hard and the only thing going through my head when you burst through that door with your charm and charisma was "welp, there goes my part". A lot has happened these past two years and I just wasn't accepting to the thought that my dream wasn't actually in danger with you around." Rachel sat in the only chair that faced the window.
"Can I ask you a question, Rachel?"
"Yeah."
"If it were Kurt would you have reacted the same way?"
"Considering Kurt is a man a Fanny is a woman-"
"You know what I mean."
"No. No I wouldn't have." They sat in thick silence for a while.
They had finally got everything out in the open, laid everything on the table, so what was next?
"I'm not even going to pretend I know what to do here."
"Well, what did you and Mercedes do after you had your little diva spats?"
"Admitted we were wrong and then sang a song together."
"Sorry Fanny, but that's a little too sappy for Snix."
"Okay well how about we just apologize or say something we wish we did differently?"
Santana turned from her reflection in the window and actually looked at Rachel for the first time since this began. The girl's face wasn't as expressive as it usually was. She was obviously tired if the poorly covered dark circles were anything to go by. Santana was sure she looked no better. She knows the shorter girl hasn't been sleeping, because Kurt always complains to her about how Elliot complains to him about insomni-Rachel. If she's being honest herself, she's memorized every crack in her ceiling in the past three nights.
"Sure." Santana complies with an emotionally drained look.
They sit in front of the coffee table, but instead of on opposite sides like when Kurt tried to diffuse the situation, the sit on different ends of the same couch.
"Ya know, this is like a metaphor of our relationship." Rachel says with that look whenever she's done some soul searching. Santana just tilted her head and quirked her eyebrow in interest.
"Different ends. Same spectrum." Santana almost chokes on the irony of having her words thrown back at her.
"I should've talked to you before I did that."
"I should've listened and understood before I acted."
"I'm sorry for being such a bitch about everything."
"I'm sorry for dismissing our friendship."
"I'm sorry for pushing you to do that."
"I'm super sorry for slapping you."
"I'm sorry for pushing you to do that too."
"I'm also sorry for talking about your weave. You do an excellent job with it. You really can't even tell." This made Santana smile fondly. She knew the moment Rachel said it that she was just desperate to attack her. She could never actually take anything to heart with the broadway actress.
"I know." She heard Rachel expel a heavy shuddering breath.
"We can't fight like this Santana."
"I know Rach. I'm just so lost. I feel like I'm running in circles or chasing someone else's dreams."
Rachel opened her arms and motioned for Santana to come hug her.
"I don't even want the part to be honest. Just needed a way to be seen for what I'm good at. Oh, the irony just pours from my soul," Santana growled sarcastically, "And to think I was grilling Finn, accusing him of riding on your coattails for the rest of his life." Santana froze forgetting the present and who they were for a moment. All her muscles collectively settled when Rachel let out a light and husky giggle.
"Yeah, you two were so similar, but neither of you would believe it if I had told you. You're talented Santana; you just don't believe in yourself. I had the same problem until I came here. For crying out loud, Finn died with that problem. You need something to put you in the right mindset." Rachel suddenly moved away from the comfortable position they'd gotten into and walked toward a box that Santana had never noticed atop their bookshelf.
"Is that the reason Elliot and I couldn't find your sheet music?"
"When you spend years hiding the important things like they're treasure, you get used to it." Getting down off the step stool she used to get the box, Rachel walked up to Santana and clicked the small chest open.
"What's this?"
"A list I kept of all the upcoming acting/singing gigs and their audition dates in case Funny Girl didn't work out for me. Neither of us know what you want to do, but that doesn't mean I can't help you figure it out."
"Thanks, Rach."
"Don't thank me, San. Think of it as my way of apologizing and asking for my NYC bestie back." Santana chuckled and placed her arms around Rachel's neck.
"She never left Rach, she never left." The heavy loft door slid open at that moment revealing Kurt, Dani, and Elliot who were shocked silent by the scene before them.
"Look at you two, in the same unsupervised room together! And look, no bloodshed! How sweet. Isn't that great, guys?" Kurt said enthusiastically as he looked at his bandmates that were giving the pair hopeful smiles.
"Ya lose some and ya win some Kurtsie. I just chose not to lose some this time." She looked at Rachel with a cheeky grin that was returned with a bashful smile.
Dani took a seat on the couch and gave her girlfriend a huge kiss on the cheek.
"That is immortality, my darling." The blue haired girl whispered to Santana.
"I'm just happy to not be in the middle of this anymore." Elliot spoke clearly relieved.
"How about some good old fashion Smash to wind down the day?" Rachel stated more than asked which cause Santana to throw crumbs of the cronut Dani had gotten her at her. Which then resulted in them having a mini food fight on the couch over Kurt and Elliot.
Kurt didn't even have the heart to be aggravated. He just turn to his two favorite girls and asked,
"Does this mean I get my roomies back?" It was quiet for a while before Santana and Rachel replied in tandem.
"Duh!"
A.N.: Late! Late! I know, it's late! But you should review it anyway. Thnx for reading.