Esme sparkled as the sun peeked through the trees, lightly caressing her skin until it glittered like a thousand diamonds. She stopped suddenly, slowing from our run as we passed the stream. She had caught her reflection in the water and was perplexed, gliding forward as if being pulled by some unknown force.
"Carlisle?" she gasped as she peered into the water.
The sound of my name on her lips made my insides tremble with sheer desire. Her voice called to me, gentle and musical like the song of the wind, and yet feathery light as if she were floating. I responded automatically to that sound, my body moving before my mind had even processed the question she hadn't verbalized. I shifted to her side, catching her reflection in the murky water. It didn't do her justice so I breathlessly took in the real thing. She was a vision, her light blue dress hugging her curves in all the right places, her diamond hard skin glittering in the sunlight. I had to swallow the mixture of venom that was building up inside my mouth.
Forcibly and with a great amount of effort I pulled my eyes away from her hips and they automatically found her lips. Her mouth was pulled into an adorable 'O' as she took in our reflections in the glassy water surface. Her caramel coloured hair fell across her forehead as she tilted her head, her eyes no longer scanning her reflection but mine.
This was the first time she had seen a vampire in the sunlight and as I should have expected, she was amazed. Her head snapped up suddenly as if she was breaking from a trance, but instead of recognition, her eyes got lost again as she looked at me. I reached out for her, taking her forearms in my hands, gently squeezing her elbows. Slowly I pulled her closer to me, breathing deeply just to take her in. She was glowing and it was making me dizzy.
She shook her head back and forth and I furrowed my eyes. "What is it?" I asked suddenly.
"You're beautiful," she whispered, her eyes finding mine for a moment before pulling away. She had spoken without thinking and was now embarrassed. I chuckled under my breath and her eyes snapped back to mine. In their depths I could see her questioning. She thought I was making fun of her.
"Carlisle, please don't laugh," she murmured, turning her head away from me.
I took her chin with my thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look at me. My other hand snaked its way to the small of her back and forced her body closer to my own. I could feel her shiver with desire as she clung to me. My eyes raked over her face: its heart shape, her delicate features which were prominent but not as angular as either Edward or I. She was softer in a way, more rounded. Maybe it was simply a female thing. Her eyes were a warm, orangey-brown colour, not quite the golden topaz they would come to be in a few months, but the vegetarian diet was working its magic. Even with her little hiccup yesterday, there was very little difference in their tone. She had perfectly pink, kissable lips. There was a drop of blood pooled below her lower lip from our earlier hunt.
I smiled again.
She was still learning to hunt neatly. It really was an art, one that would improve greatly with practice. Soon she would be able to take down a fully grown grizzly and walk through town just minutes later, no one being any wiser. She was a quick learner too, and eager to let me show her things. She liked asking questions, liked knowing about vampires and where we came from. She liked knowing about me and I was excited to tell her. It had been different with Edward. He seemed to rebel against me in the beginning. But Esme was the exact opposite. She seemed thrilled to finally have found some peace in her life, even if it was an immortal one. I still wanted to know more about her but she tended to shy away from those questions and changed the subject often. Sometimes just a bat of her eyelashes made me forget what I had even asked her. She was quickly learning to use that to her advantage, but I was curious about what her life had been like for the last ten years.
"Esme, please forgive me. I am not laughing at you. I am simply spellbound by you. You take my breath away."
"Oh, Carlisle," she murmured, as if she didn't believe what I was saying. Maybe she just wasn't used to being told that she was breathtaking. Well, I would have to change that. I would make it a rule to remind her of that at least once every day, but it would probably be more. She pouted adorably at me. Yes, it would definitely be more.
I chuckled, stroking her hair with my thumb. She watched me with a content look on her face.
"Here I am thinking you were speechless after seeing your reflection in the water. I expected questions like why or how we sparkle in the sunlight, but the first thing out of your mouth is how beautiful you think I am."
I shook my head in amazement. Was it possible Esme felt the same way about me that I felt about her?
My reaction to her had been immediate. I knew I loved her the first moment I treated her in Ohio, ten years earlier. But she was a fragile human then, with a life and a future, and I couldn't be that selfish and rob her of that. When she had shown up in the morgue, broken and beaten I knew. I couldn't live without her anymore. Even at that moment, bruised and battered, she had been beautiful. Now she was simply awe-inspiring and I didn't think there were enough moments in eternity for me to possibly take it all in. I was glad I had an eternity.
"Well, can you blame a girl," she said shyly, her lips quivering. Our embrace was making her nervous, but in a good way. She rested her palms on my chest and I could sense her excitement. It matched mine, each hot pulse of energy radiating out and grabbing a hold of each other, forcing us closer together until there was no space left between us, no room to even breathe.
"Esme, you are stunningly beautiful. I can't stop staring at you."
Her smile was intoxicating as her eyes fluttered downwards, thick black lashes sending tiny bursts of air my way. Her scent was warm and homey, like orange blossoms and cinnamon. It was intoxicating to say the least.
I inched closer, letting my thumb wipe the drop of blood from her mouth. I let my thumb settle against my tongue for an instant, the tangy spice of animal blood mixing with the sweet honey taste of Esme. I knew in that instant that I wanted more, I needed more. I wanted Esme. My mouth found hers with a hungry passion.
"Esme," I murmured as my own lips pressed anxiously against hers. My hands fell to her waist, squeezing and running hungrily along the silky fabric of her dress.
Esme leaned into the kiss, only making me want her more. She sighed contentedly as my lips covered hers, moving from her face to her throat and down her neck. I could feel her swallow beneath my tongue as I traced a line from her chin to the hollow base of her neck. She began breathing heavily, pushing herself against me. Her hands ran around my shoulders and down my back, hugging me close to her, tearing at the fabric of my shirt. She knocked the wind from my lungs as she forced us together, getting a little carried away with her newborn strength.
I chuckled under my breath. She was unbelievably perfect and I couldn't ask for a more perfect moment. I felt my body responding to hers, molding itself around her but as suddenly as our passionate entwining began, it stopped. Esme put both her hands against my chest and pushed back, again with more force than necessary since she was still getting used to the power she had, and I flew back into a tree which shuddered convulsively from the impact. The sudden change of tone shocked me and I didn't know what had inspired it. I thought things had been going quite well. Perhaps I had done something wrong, but it had felt so right. Everything about Esme just felt right.
I stepped forward tentatively, shocked but too involved now to be apart from her. I moved to where Esme was standing. She was completely still, her arms loosely held across her chest. Her eyes were closed, as if she was focusing all her energy on something.
"Esme, what's wrong?" I asked, taking another step. I wanted to close the gap between us. I wanted to hold her, feel her hand in mine. I never wanted to be apart from her again.
"Nothing's wrong," she said shaking her head extremely slowly, the tips of her fingers moving to rest against her lower lip, where my mouth had been a second ago. "In fact it is because this is so not wrong," she gestured between us, "that I'm having a problem," she muttered, tilting her head as if contemplating her own words.
I reached my hand out for hers but her eyes snapped open suddenly and she dodged my touch. "Please don't," she whispered. She must have seen the hurt in my eyes because she tilted her head, an explanation playing on her lips.
I crinkled my forehead waiting for her to speak.
"If you touch me again, I am going to lose my resolve," Esme began. She swallowed nervously.
"What are you talking about, Esme?" I asked lightly. What was she so determined about?
"Carlisle, I can't…I won't be able to control myself," she started to say. Her hands flew to her cheeks as if expecting them to turn a merry shade of red, but they didn't. She spun away from me, but I was faster and appeared in front of her once again. Her eyes found mine but then quickly shifted to focus on something else in the brightly lit forest.
"Esme, there is no reason for you to be embarrassed. Please tell me what you are thinking. I do not possess Edward's ability, though I wish I did because your silence is driving me crazy. You don't have to hide anything from me."
"Oh, Carlisle, it's just that you and Edward have been so good to me. You've taken me in, taught me about this new life. You are helping me transition but sometimes the desires I feel are too strong for me to control just yet."
"Is this about the other day, Esme?" I asked quietly. "Know I don't blame you. It is in our nature to hunt humans. It was a mistake. It's my fault; I should have gone with you. Edward wasn't prepared for your reaction."
Esme sighed. "That's part of it," she said biting her lip. "But there are other feelings too, other emotions that spin out of control when I'm near you and I obviously greatly lack the required self-control to curtail those feelings so when I feel them coming on I have to stop whatever I'm doing or else I might do something that is not very lady-like to say the least," she explained in a quick breath.
She ducked her head again, shielding her forehead with the palm of her hand so I couldn't see her eyes. Since vampires didn't blush, her body language was the only way to gage her reaction or feelings. I looked blankly at her. This was all because of feelings she had for me? I felt as if my head would explode.
"I'm sorry Carlisle, but when I look at you I lose my train of thought, everything about you leaves me almost speechless," she murmured.
"It is exactly the same way with me Esme," I assured her, stepping forward again. We were close to each other again but still not touching.
She smiled widely but swallowed compulsively at the same time.
"It makes me happy to hear that, Carlisle."
"You make me happy," I said. "Please don't shy away from me."
"Carlisle I can't. I can barely hold my head straight when I look at you. How do you think it affects me when you touch me, not to mention kiss me," she whispered.
My lips twitched as she spoke.
"Do you know how hard it is for me to not just throw myself at you?" she sighed burying her face in her hands once again.
I laughed softly. I could understand that. It was probably worse for her though, with all the newborn emotions and strength and bloodlust and power running through her system. It was sending her thoughts and feelings into overdrive. But I wasn't complaining. On the contrary, I liked the sound of her throwing herself at me. I was usually patient, but Esme was making me weak in the knees. I couldn't wait any more. I wanted to touch her, hold her. I wanted her to be mine.
"So when I do this?" I whispered in her ear, running my finger along her jaw line. I felt her arms tighten across her chest as her entire body shuddered at my touch. It was a pleasant feeling knowing I made her feel that way. It was almost infectious. I continued my little experiment, eager to see her reaction to me. It was a new experience, having someone to share your existence with. Not that I had asked her yet, or really even talked about it, but I knew; Esme was the one. The only one.
"Or this," I said kissing her neck slowly. I let the devilish smile graze my lips as she let out the tiniest moan. It was music to my ears and fueled my desire. I continued tracing a path from her collar bone, up behind her ear, burying my face in the billows of soft caramel-coloured hair. I inhaled deeply and she sighed, still fighting for control of her emotions. I didn't want to say anything, I was taunting her enough, but this is one time I wished she would just let go and let the newborn senses take over. I wanted her to just respond. I wanted her to freely take what I was offering. But it had to be her choice. I would be as persuasive as I could though. I couldn't help it.
Being near Esme was freeing. I didn't have to keep my composure or be the epitome of calm. With Esme I felt like I could be adventurous and even just a little bit bold. She brought out another side of me; one that I never knew or even recognized was there. I wasn't taking the way she possibly felt about me for granted, I just loved the fact that I could love her and make her happy, that there was something more for me waiting in this life. I had always thought that medicine and saving lives would be enough, but now that Esme had walked into my life I knew there was more. Love. I wanted love. I wanted her love and I wanted to give her mine, all of it. She had me. She had my heart. I would forever belong to this beautiful woman and I hoped one day she would feel the same. Maybe she already did.
"Carlisle, please," her voice quivered and she stepped back but I caught her around the waist and pulled myself close to her.
"Esme, you won't hurt me, you can't hurt me," I promised.
She shook her head. "I'm afraid of not being able to stop. You had a much longer time to build up the required self-control; I can't say the same thing."
"Esme," I whispered. "I don't want you to stop."
Her eyes snapped open and in them I could see the wild fire of hunger and passion mixing into a need so deep and primal that it both excited and scared me.
"Carlisle," the voice called out. I could hear him clearly though he must have been yelling from the front yard.
"Oh, thank god," Esme murmured and she spun on her heel, heading towards Edward's voice, thankful for the distraction.
I raced to catch up with her, finding my stride beside hers. Her hands swung determinedly beside her, fists clenched. I couldn't help myself and I reached out and took her hand, unclenching her fingers. She looked at me questioningly.
"I'm sorry Esme. I never even considered how my presence would affect your highly sensitive feelings. I never had to deal with things like that from Edward," I joked lightly. "This is a new experience for me as well."
She smiled at me and my heart seemed to flutter.
"If you wanted to, I mean I never even asked what your feelings were towards me, I just assumed, but if you wanted to, we could move slower, until you had more control over yourself," I offered awkwardly. Slow was the last thing I wanted when I looked at Esme, but I also knew I wanted her enough that I would wait. I would wait years, decades if I had to, until she was ready; until she felt comfortable enough with her new existence. As long as she would be mine I could wait forever, but I really hoped she didn't make me wait that long. I was desperate to hold her, show her the world, teach her all there was to know about living the life of an immortal. I wanted to give her everything, make her life everything she had ever wanted and provide her with everything her human life couldn't. Whatever she wanted she would have. I would move mountains to get it for her. She was my reason for existing now. The only one and without her I would be lost. My world now began and ended with Esme.
Esme stopped suddenly, pulling me towards her. Her lips found mine and for one second she crushed them desperately against mine before her hands flew out again and forcibly separated us. My breathing was heavy, as if her kiss had winded me and so was hers. Was that a yes then? Did she have feelings for me? Obviously Carlisle, you idiot, I mentally said to myself. I grinned exuberantly at her.
"How was that?" she asked with a coy smile.
"Wonderful," I said, pulling her close again, my forehead resting against hers.
"No, silly, I meant my control," she said seriously, though her eyes were playful.
"Oh, I wasn't paying attention. Maybe we should try it again," I pressed, moving to find her lips once more.
"Please don't tempt me Carlisle," she said moving her head back. "I'm really trying here."
I sighed. "I know. And I'm making it more difficult on you. Maybe I'm the one that needs to learn some self-control."
I moved to pull away but she trapped my hand in hers. "That's far enough," she said which made me smile. Apparently she wanted to hold on to me as much as I wanted to hold on to her.
"I like you Carlisle," she whispered suddenly. "You wanted to know what my feelings towards you were." She stopped again, taking both my hands in hers. "I like you more than I thought possible. The feelings I have are so new and completely different from anything I've ever experienced, it's almost like you were made for me," her voice had gotten really quite. "Maybe it's more than just like. I know it seems crazy. I mean, I met you once in Ohio as a mere sixteen year old girl, and now again our paths seemed to cross, like…like fate. And I think that maybe I am…"
"Yes," I breathed eagerly. I waited with so much anticipation that it actually hurt. Was she going to say it?
"I'm in love with you," she whispered, not knowing whether she had crossed a boundary or not.
I just grinned and pulled her close, spinning us until the feelings of uncontrollable joy wafted from around us.
"I love you too," I whispered back, both of us clearly seeing the line we had just crossed and neither of us wanting to turn back. Ever. These were the first steps to our forever.