*A/N- YEY! we come back again! After a very long time of not writing any fanfiction, the demented squirrel and crazy pixi have returned! This time, for Harry Potter! It's a self-insertion, except we're not inserting ourselves. We're inserting a person that will be the child of Gina and Butler Cheaters in The Sims. His name was going to be Pocket, and his sister was going to be Lint. Pocket is short for Pocktholemough, and Lint wasn't short for anything. So yep, we're putting Pocket into a Harry Potter story, and he likes to ramble....a LOT....and avoid the main point. If you like getting to the point right away, then please hit the back button at this time. Have a nice day.*
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CHAPTER 1
My name is Pocket. My real name is Pocktholemough Memosonic, but I don't like it. It's weird. I wish I was an Animorph, like in the series Animorphs, but that's not going to happen. I'm just a wizard...just like everyone else in my family. It's very sad, having to grow up listening to my parents telling me how much greater Harry Potter is than me. He's my fifth cousin, three times removed. On my father's step-sister's side. (Or so they claim...maybe they made that up. My parents are kind of...off...if you can't tell from my name.)
I'm starting my fourth year over at Hogwarts. I'm actually transferring from a school over in some weird country I can't pronounce the name of. That country is irrevelent. No body likes them, that's why we moved. Really sucks to be universally hated. (Trust me on this...mooooooole....moley-moley-moley.) Sorry if I trail off or make weird noises now and then, I have a very short attention span. (Hey, look at that 3-winged bird over there!)
THE NUCLEAR PLANT IS GOING IFFY AGAIN!! Sorry, see? What did I tell you. I think I also might have schizophrenia, but we can't really tell. I'm also a thoroughly diagnosed klyromaniac. (This is a very technical term that you wouldn't understand if I had to explain.) BEND TO MY WILL! Sorry, there I go again.
Anyway, I'm starting my fourth year at Hogwarts...My goal this year is to get my revenge on the so called 'fifth cousin three times removed on my father's step-sister's side'. He doesn't deserve all of that attention. It's MINE! ALL MINE! When will everyone finally recognized Pocket Memosonic? The fifth cousin three times removed on his father's step-sister's side of Harry Potter? And you can believe the pressure of being the fifth cousin three times removed on my father's step-sister's side? Everyone expects me to be just like him! "Why don't you have good grades like Harry?" "You should kill evil wizards like your fifth cousin three times removed on your father's step-sister's side." "You should be a good flyer like Harry." THEN I WOULDN'T BE LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT ALL OF THE TIME! Someday I will bring an end to ALL BASEMENTS! The use of all basements will stop NOW...On the day of my birth, September the 1st! The day I go to Hogwarts to seek my revenge on my fifth cousin three times removed on my father's step-sister's side! This day will live in infamy! I shall call it.....GINGHAM DAY! Behold the power of cheese. Cheese will someday shape the world, once I die.
CHAPTER 2
So, right. We keep getting distracted. At this point you might start to wonder if there is any real point to all of this. WELL HA! SUCKS TO BE YOU THEN! Sorry. He doesn't like you. I do. Oh no! There is a little glowing green man on your head! Beating you with a stick! STOP THAT! HAHA, made you look. Oh right, about the point of all this! I've come here to tell you all about my plan to take over the world. It involves cheese, getting rid of all basements in the world, and getting rid of my fifth cousin three times removed on my father's step-sister's side. I might need glue too, but I'm not sure. And a muffin. Blueberry, if that's at all possible.
SOMEDAY I SHALL GET RID OF ALL THE BASEMENTS IN THE WORLD! And everyone shall eat cheese and be merry.
Have you ever had cheese? SWISS cheese? That's the best kind. It's got all of the holes, it's so much fun! You cut into it, and OH! There's another one! This one is bigger, this one is smaller! It's so....incredible! It's like reading a mystery novel...except I can't read. Maybe it was Rudy that can't read...I can't remember anymore. My mom always said that when you get old, you lose your memory. But I think mine was just stolen....by Rudy.....because he wanted to read. But he can't read. Sucks to be him. He shouldn't have stolen my memory! SERVES HIM RIGHT! HE'S GONNA DIE SOMEDAY! So are you. So am I! OH NO! I'm gonna die some day! I don't wanna die...did you know that 'dur' is a fun sound to make? Dur dur dur. Dooey! DOOOOOOOOEEEEEEYYYY!!!!
So, the plan. The plan which involves cheese, basements, and glue. Maybe. Maybe the glue should be blue. Do you think that would help? NO! NO IT WON'T! YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT! Always giving me bad advice. Aye ya. Oh right, and it involves Harry too. My fifth cousin three times removed on my father's step-sister's side, whom I despise...in every conceivable way. Did you figure that out yet?
Did I ever tell you about when I was five and set our house-elf on fire? It was great! He didn't like it very much, but I did. I got in a lot of trouble though. I think... Maybe it was the house-elf that got in trouble. He was always doing stupid things like running out into the street when a car was coming and acting like it was hit. Maybe that was me? I always get the house-elf and I confused. We look so much alike. Except that he's short, and I'm not...he's short, and I'm not...he has big eyes and ears, I don't...he has green eyes, I have brown...my mom has red hair, I have black...my dad has black hair too. That's where I got my black hair from. I don't think the house-elf has any hair.
I had a llama once...do you like llamas? I rode mine to the Quidditch World Cup once. Everyone threw rocks at me, and it hurt very badly. The llama didn't like it either, and threw me off its back and ran off. Very quickly.
So anyway, my plan! My plan is to lure Harry onto the train tracks with cheese, where he will step in the glue and get stuck, therefore getting hit by the train when it leaves the station. Hmm, blue glue wouldn't really work. Because then he would see it and think it was gum and not step in it. Nobody likes gum on their shoes. That's just gross.
Oh, wait....we've already left the station...I can't lure him to the tracks with cheese where he will step in the glue and get stuck! I'VE BEEN FOILED AGAIN! MY PLAN IS RUINED! I'll never get rid of Harry Potter, my fifth cousin three times removed on my father's step-sister's side! No one should ever have to live with the agony of having a fifth cousin three times removed on their father's step-sister's side! It's JUST NOT FAIR! Now I can never get rid of basements! And people will never truly understand the joys of cheese! I feel so terrible!
So, do you think it's at all possible for me to get that muffin? Please? My plans for world domination have been quashed, I've had a bad day. I think I deserve at least a muffin, don't you?
Blueberry? Please? I'll give you some cheese!
THE END