Things The Way The Were. "Clare, you've got to stop" i thought to myself as i took a razor blade and slid down my arm, with tears running down my cheeks i let out a sigh of relief. "Clare!, almost time to leave!" i heard my mother yell from down stairs "Almost ready" i yelled and took a wet wash cloth and wiped the blood, i looked at myself in the mirror. i knew what i was doing was wrong but i couldnt take it anymore, my parents are devoriced, Eli and i hardly speak anymore i have no one.. I stared at the picture of My Ex-Boyfriend K.C. & I, man did i miss him he's the only that ever helped me with anything but since jenna took off to new york with his baby he hasn't been the same either. i couldn't believe K.C. was a dad, but jenna didn't want him around the baby til he new how to be mature i can see the hurt in his eyes when he can see his baby girl, but who knows maybe it was for the best. When i got to school things seemed normal, Degrassi wasn't always normal but it was normal for us students, i didn't have anyone to talk to i sat at lunch alone almost everyday or the days that Eli wasnt talking to me. When Lunch time came along i didn't like sitting alone inside so i went outside and ate, "Hi clare" i looked up to see Someone i didn't expect to come sit with me "hi k.c." i looked as he sat down "how are you?" "i'm good i guess, you?" i looked down "oh me? im okay..." he half smiled "K.C. You know if you need anythin-" "i know, it just hurts not being able to see ambur" i knew K.C. Had a heart but i knew he wasn't responsible to handle a child at his age but he knew how to learn from his mistakes. "I know it hurts but soon, Soon K.C. you'll be able to see her" i smiled as he looked up "thanks clare, do you wanna hang out sometime? if that's okay with eli?" i sighed "yeah it's fine, but eli, we hardly speak so i think it'll be okay" i smiled when he stood to his feet "okay so the dot? tonight." "yeah sounds great" i smiled as he hugged me, for once i felt... happy. Later on after school i was finishing up an assignment when i got an im...from Jenna. nevershoutjennax: Hey ClareBear, How are you! SimplyClare: Hey Jenna. im pretty good i guess. you?
nevershoutjennax: i'm amazing, ambur is the cutest thing ever!...so uh how is K.C.?
SimplyClare: He's good i actually talked to him today, we are meeting at the dot later on.
nevershoutjennax: oh... are you two?
SimplyClare: ? Going out again? no. why?
nevershoutjennax: do you still have feelings for him?
SimplyClare: Jenna where is all this coming from?
nevershoutjennax: nothing.
SimplyClare: jenna spill please.
nevershoutjennax: god clare can't you just keep your nose in your own buisness.. .
SimplyClare: My Buisness? you asked me if i still had feelings for K.C. And last time i knew my feelings is my buisness.
nevershoutjennax: fine basically what im saying is, i still like K.C. if i find out you and him are an item again you better watch your back, Edwards.
SimplyClare: Whatever jenna, is that all you did was im me to start something?
nevershoutjennax has logged off.
What the hell was wrong with her? another thing to upset me. "GOD I HATE MY LIFE!" I screamed at the top of my lungs since of course no one was home anyways so it didn't matter to me. "clare you still coming? .K.C." i looked down at my phone i realized it was almost 7:00pm so i got up and headed to the Dot. "Hey" i smiled and sat down "hey clare, so i wanted to talk.." K.C. Looked at me "about?" i looked back "Well. about us, i miss you clare, seeing you almost everyday makes me think of the guy i wanna be again." What was talking about? did he really want me back? But jenna would kill me. "K.C. i can't, What about jenna" "About jenna? we're over. she doesnt want me. all i want anymore is you and my baby girl. Please Clare" He was looking me straight in the eye what was i supposed to do, Tell him my true feelings and jenna will kick my ass, Tell him no and have all these feelings locked up for good. My mind was running all over the place what was i supposed to tell him.. "K.C., I.." I sighed before finishing my sentence "i miss you too." i looked up and saw a big grin on his face "you really do?" he continued smiling "yes, i do.." i can't believe i did that...but jenna can't control my feelings. A Week Went by i hadn't heard from Jenna, but Adam returned from his Vacation with the family so i had someone else to talk to about all this mess. He was suprisingly understanding about everything even he had noticed the change in Eli and wasn't surprised he and i were over. "I talked to eli a few days ago after you called me. He said he's happy for you, he also told me the reason why he was always quiet is because he just needed time alone. i told him he should just stay away from relationships for a while." Adam took a sip of his Pepsi Maxx "Your right though, i mean don't get me wrong i still love eli but just not that way anymore." i smiled softly and threw away my garbage from lunch "Hello Beautiful" i felt someone hugg me from behind i looked up and it was k.c. obviously "hey" i smiled as he kissed me on the cheek "So i was thinking Me..You...Pizza...Movie...Your Place?" I giggled as he walked backwards in front of me Almost running into his best bud Drew "Sounds good to me!" i yelled as he ran into the boys locker room. "So Things back the way they used to be?" Adam smiled "Sorta, he seems sweeter and more wanting to be around me than he used to be" - "That's good. atleast your happy. Well i gotta get going home see you" Adam Hugged me and Left out the door. *beep* i looked down at my phone "One New Text Message" it read. "Clare.. Nice trying to hide you and k.c. dating again? wow..your low. you used to be a good friend. -Jenna" Why in the Hell was she doing this? what did i ever do to her! "Honey, I'm Home!" i Giggled when i heard K.C Barge in the door "In the Living room" i yelled back "ah, i missed you" he kissed my lips softly and suddenly ran to the fridge for food "Uh, Missed you too" i laughed "What? i was at basket ball practice half the day..im starving" He smiled Pulling out a Soda and Bag of chips from the Pantry "I'm Thinking i'll Order the pizza at 8?" i looked at the clock which said 7:30pm "That's fine" he sat on the couch sipping his drink.. I had to tell K.C. about Jenna... "is something wrong clare?" k.c. sat up and looked at me "Actually, there is...K.C. jenna and i talked on the computer the other day and she kept asking me all these questions well..mainly just one if me and you were dating again and this was right before you and i talked about getting back together. she just starting threatening me if i was and then she texted me after school saying she found out i was with you and said i used to be a good friend." I just blurted it all out and sat next to him he just looked at me for the first few minutes "clare..since you came clean i have too.." he stood up and started pacing back and forth "...i love you clare & i mean it. really i do.. when i found out jenna was pregnant i didn't know what i was going to do. and then she left i was finally accepted the fact i was going to be a father not mattering if i liked it or not. I held that baby girl in my arms for not even fifteen seconds. ever since then i didn't get a picture or a letter telling me anything about ambur. So..since we are graduating this year.. im going to fight for full costudy of ambur... and i want you to go to new york and help me...please clare." K.C. Just Poured his heart out too me...Littarly. What was i going to do? Stay at home and be k.c's none helpful girlfriend and not care about his daughter... Or Go with him to Rescue his little princess?
nevershoutjennax: i'm amazing, ambur is the cutest thing ever!...so uh how is K.C.?
SimplyClare: He's good i actually talked to him today, we are meeting at the dot later on.
nevershoutjennax: oh... are you two?
SimplyClare: ? Going out again? no. why?
nevershoutjennax: do you still have feelings for him?
SimplyClare: Jenna where is all this coming from?
nevershoutjennax: nothing.
SimplyClare: jenna spill please.
nevershoutjennax: god clare can't you just keep your nose in your own buisness.. .
SimplyClare: My Buisness? you asked me if i still had feelings for K.C. And last time i knew my feelings is my buisness.
nevershoutjennax: fine basically what im saying is, i still like K.C. if i find out you and him are an item again you better watch your back, Edwards.
SimplyClare: Whatever jenna, is that all you did was im me to start something?
nevershoutjennax has logged off.
What the hell was wrong with her? another thing to upset me. "GOD I HATE MY LIFE!" I screamed at the top of my lungs since of course no one was home anyways so it didn't matter to me. "clare you still coming? .K.C." i looked down at my phone i realized it was almost 7:00pm so i got up and headed to the Dot. "Hey" i smiled and sat down "hey clare, so i wanted to talk.." K.C. Looked at me "about?" i looked back "Well. about us, i miss you clare, seeing you almost everyday makes me think of the guy i wanna be again." What was talking about? did he really want me back? But jenna would kill me. "K.C. i can't, What about jenna" "About jenna? we're over. she doesnt want me. all i want anymore is you and my baby girl. Please Clare" He was looking me straight in the eye what was i supposed to do, Tell him my true feelings and jenna will kick my ass, Tell him no and have all these feelings locked up for good. My mind was running all over the place what was i supposed to tell him.. "K.C., I.." I sighed before finishing my sentence "i miss you too." i looked up and saw a big grin on his face "you really do?" he continued smiling "yes, i do.." i can't believe i did that...but jenna can't control my feelings. A Week Went by i hadn't heard from Jenna, but Adam returned from his Vacation with the family so i had someone else to talk to about all this mess. He was suprisingly understanding about everything even he had noticed the change in Eli and wasn't surprised he and i were over. "I talked to eli a few days ago after you called me. He said he's happy for you, he also told me the reason why he was always quiet is because he just needed time alone. i told him he should just stay away from relationships for a while." Adam took a sip of his Pepsi Maxx "Your right though, i mean don't get me wrong i still love eli but just not that way anymore." i smiled softly and threw away my garbage from lunch "Hello Beautiful" i felt someone hugg me from behind i looked up and it was k.c. obviously "hey" i smiled as he kissed me on the cheek "So i was thinking Me..You...Pizza...Movie...Your Place?" I giggled as he walked backwards in front of me Almost running into his best bud Drew "Sounds good to me!" i yelled as he ran into the boys locker room. "So Things back the way they used to be?" Adam smiled "Sorta, he seems sweeter and more wanting to be around me than he used to be" - "That's good. atleast your happy. Well i gotta get going home see you" Adam Hugged me and Left out the door. *beep* i looked down at my phone "One New Text Message" it read. "Clare.. Nice trying to hide you and k.c. dating again? wow..your low. you used to be a good friend. -Jenna" Why in the Hell was she doing this? what did i ever do to her! "Honey, I'm Home!" i Giggled when i heard K.C Barge in the door "In the Living room" i yelled back "ah, i missed you" he kissed my lips softly and suddenly ran to the fridge for food "Uh, Missed you too" i laughed "What? i was at basket ball practice half the day..im starving" He smiled Pulling out a Soda and Bag of chips from the Pantry "I'm Thinking i'll Order the pizza at 8?" i looked at the clock which said 7:30pm "That's fine" he sat on the couch sipping his drink.. I had to tell K.C. about Jenna... "is something wrong clare?" k.c. sat up and looked at me "Actually, there is...K.C. jenna and i talked on the computer the other day and she kept asking me all these questions well..mainly just one if me and you were dating again and this was right before you and i talked about getting back together. she just starting threatening me if i was and then she texted me after school saying she found out i was with you and said i used to be a good friend." I just blurted it all out and sat next to him he just looked at me for the first few minutes "clare..since you came clean i have too.." he stood up and started pacing back and forth "...i love you clare & i mean it. really i do.. when i found out jenna was pregnant i didn't know what i was going to do. and then she left i was finally accepted the fact i was going to be a father not mattering if i liked it or not. I held that baby girl in my arms for not even fifteen seconds. ever since then i didn't get a picture or a letter telling me anything about ambur. So..since we are graduating this year.. im going to fight for full costudy of ambur... and i want you to go to new york and help me...please clare." K.C. Just Poured his heart out too me...Littarly. What was i going to do? Stay at home and be k.c's none helpful girlfriend and not care about his daughter... Or Go with him to Rescue his little princess?