Total Eclipse Of The Heart
MS Set after S3 'Raising Shane'. There could only ever be two women in Mac's life and those positions were already taken.
Disclaimer: My Muse, my imagination and my dreams are all mine (but can be rented for a high fee). I'm sure if I owned the cast and characters we would have an enormous amount of fun (but I don't. I'm just borrowing them).
A/N:- I felt the need to write some Mac/Stella for this episode but I personally find it very hard to write these two in-character, especially Mac so I hereby acknowledge the OOC-ness in this and I apologise in advance for it.
'Total Eclipse Of The Heart' – Bonnie Tyler
Mac stood waiting for the bartender to finish pouring out the six different drinks he had ordered and leant back on the bar looking back at his team.
Danny and Lindsay were sitting in the corner a little detached from the rest of the group. She was speaking animatedly, no doubt trying to get Danny's mind off of his encounter with Shane and by the way he was looking at her and the way his hand gently grazed hers as he reached for his bottle of beer it seemed to be working.
Hawkes, Flack and Stella were sitting a little way away and Stella was doing what she does best and trying to make Hawkes feel better and forget about his days in prison whilst Flack, ever the comic genius, was trying to lighten the mood. Then Flack motioned over to the pool table and he and Hawkes headed over there whilst Stella turned round and caught Mac looking at them.
"Hey." She said, heading over to him with a relaxed smile on her face. "Aren't you meant to be paying us enough so we can afford our own drinks?" She laughed, nodding to the drinks lined up on the bar.
"These are just for me." Mac said with a dry smile.
Stella laughed and pulled up a bar stool before settling herself on it and joining Mac in his observation of the room. "Tough day eh?"
"Yeah. Though there was nothing we could have physically done to prevent Shane coming up with this elaborate plan to put Hawkes in jail I still feel responsible for him having to suffer what he did." Mac sighed.
"It's over now." Stella said patting his thigh lightly but looking across at her friend she still noticed the look of worry on his face. "And yet you still have that patented Mac Taylor frown on your face …." She quipped, cocking her head to the side and waiting for him to tell all.
Mac shook his head, annoyed with himself for not covering up his discomfort about what had happened between him and Peyton better. "It's nothing." He said.
Stella looked away and dropped her eyes to the floor. She was probably sure Mac wouldn't want to talk about it with her but at the same time she felt oddly guilty that she hadn't made it clear to him that she had known about him and Peyton for a long time. "Peyton?" She asked quietly.
Mac's eyes darted to her, his brows knitted together. "What?"
Stella looked up and met his gaze unflinchingly. "Is it to do with you and Peyton?"
Mac was the king of keeping his emotions hidden and revealing nothing but it took all his self control to stop him from showing his surprise that Stella knew especially after he had done everything in his power to make sure no one in the lab knew about his relationship. "Guess you're not a CSI for nothing. How long-"
"I've guessed for awhile but the way Peyton acted when I walked up to you in the corridor today really gave it away. Sorry if I interrupted something …."
Mac sighed. "No, no it was nothing." He didn't say anything for a long time and Stella took it as a sign that he was not comfortable with talking about this with her when suddenly he spoke again. "She didn't want it to be a secret anymore and I was never comfortable with letting anyone know about us from the beginning."
"I'm sorry things didn't work out. You seemed happier since you were with her." Stella said evenly casting him a sympathetic look.
"I called her Claire." Mac said suddenly, reaching behind him and picking up his beer and taking a sip.
Inwardly Stella cringed as from a woman's point of view she could have easily seen how hurt Peyton would have been. "You can't beat yourself up about that Mac. You were with Claire for a long time. You care for Peyton like you care for Claire and you never had a chance or reason to ever start caring any less and …"
Mac smiled slightly, thankful that even though a lot of things in his life had changed recently, his Stella was still the same. Caring, sympathetic, rambling to make him feel better….. And strangely enough he always did feel better having her around. No matter what the case or what turmoil he was going through at the office, or in his life generally, being with Stella and knowing that she was there beside him just made it all seem better. The only other person who had given him so much inner strength had been Claire but even she hadn't fully understood some of the stressful things he had gone through at work. No, only Stella had ever been his rock. "I was looking through Claire's stuff the other day for photos to show her son and I found her letter again."
Stella looked at him quickly. "Oh." She said quietly. She knew what letter he was referring to immediately but he had never spoken of it since the first time he had found it five years ago ……….. Claire Taylor had always been prepared for every occasion and every year she used to write a letter 'in case some unforeseen circumstance happened'. Stella had always found it rather creepy but Mac, having been in the army, seemed to understand and appreciate the concept. After 9/11 the only bit of closure Mac got to have was through this letter and it just so happened that in it Claire had written half-jokingly that after she had gone the only ever woman she ever imagined Mac being with was Stella. Mac had shown her the letter at the time and they had both laughed sadly at Claire's quirks and humour but then the whole thing had been forgotten….. Why was Mac bringing it up again now?
"I wasn't fair to Peyton at all. I knew somewhere deep down that this relationship would never work so I should never have pursued it."
"You wouldn't have known that for sure if you hadn't tried." Stella said.
Mac shook his head. "No I knew." Shifting positions, he turned to face her. "There's only two women I've ever fully trusted and cared for: Claire. And you."
Stella was completely thrown hearing such things come from him, her eyes darted all over his face and she didn't know what to say. "Mac…"
"I've tried to let other women in, especially Peyton because I really liked her but I physically can't. I just can't be at the same level of comfort and trust with them as I am with you." Mac said, frowning at the fact he seemed to be using up his word quota for the entire week in this one conversation. "I think I've come to realise …." Mac paused, realising that he had probably said too much and probably had too much alcohol at the same time. "I think I've come to realise that if I can't be with you, I can't be with anyone else."
Stella's eyes locked with his and she was beginning to think that that last glass of wine was causing her to hear things. She had always known that her and Mac's relationship ran deep and she did care for him in a way that she had realised was probably stronger than friendship but having Mac say things like he just did …….. She could barely find the words to speak but at last she managed it. "You can be with me." She said quietly and she placed her hand gently over his. "Not now. But when the time's right …."
Mac looked at her deeply, feeling a huge weight that had been there for a long time be lifted off of his chest. "I have some things to sort out. Peyton needs time, I need to clear my head but when the time's right how does dinner sound?"
"Dinner sounds great." Stella said softly with a nervous smile.
Just then a loud noise came over from the pool table. Danny was leaning over Lindsay, showing her how to hold the cue properly but she kept trying to wriggle out of his grasp, insisting that she knew perfectly well how to play pool and that the Bozeman way was just as right as the New York way. Hawkes and Flack stood by trying their best to look irritated at the disruption of their game rather than amused.
"It looks like things are getting back to normal over there." Stella said smiling.
"Hey Stella, Mac!" Flack called. "Come over and start a new pool game with Hawkes and I – I'm fed up with hearing about Monroe and Messer and the way he wants his stick held."
The whole bar went silent then and Lindsay looked mortified before she regained her self control and deftly swept the cue from out of Danny's hands and leaning across the table she hit Don over the head with it.
"Shall we go over and join them?" Mac suggested.
Stella nodded and gave him a smile. "I think Lindsay needs some feminine support over there."
Mac reached for the tray of drinks but hesitated for a second. "I haven't made things awkward for us have I?"
Stella flashed him one of her dazzling smiles before saying coyly. "You didn't say anything that I didn't already know deep down."
Mac smiled and they shared a moment before they headed over to the others safe in the belief that things for them would gradually change for the better.