Disclaimer: I do not own Stephen King or David Keopp's Secret Window.
A/N: Sup!! I'm so excited! I've been planning this story forever. Oh btw= I kinda changed how the end of the movie was. I made it a bit different. And this is a VERY rangey song fic. It's not even a song fic really. It'll probably only have around one or two lines of Staind's new song, "Zoe Jane" in each chapter. Lines in italics are lines from the song. Later ---jamie!
Summary: Mort's daughter is so far from him and after fourteen years of being away from his own daughter is bringing past insanity back to him. He needs someone to hold and is overjoyed when she appears on his "mudstep", but she's not what he expects.
Here we go....
Chapter One
It was only a month after my daughter, Beverly Abigail Rainey, was born that I'd found out that her mother had put her up for adoption.
The phone rang, awakening me from another painful dream of mine. I felt around for it exhaustedly, and managed to croak out an answer.
"Mort? It's Lindsay. I just needed to tell you that I put Beverly up for adoption."
I almost dropped the phone in emotional agony. "WHAT?! Why? Why didn't you give me custody? Do you want our child to live with a foster family? Why couldn't I have taken her in? Why, Lindsay?"
She sighed and somehow I could hear her tears fall. "Oh, Mort, you know just as well as I do that you aren't exactly capable of taking care of a month-old baby girl."
"Yes, I can! Yes, I can! I really can!"
"No. You can't."
I guess those were two words I never thought I would hear my own girl say to my own face. She'd always been encouraging to me. Whenever I said I couldn't do something, she would pick me up. But everything changes after you have a baby.
I really tried to say something but my eyes began to water and it was choking me up. I began to wish I could really do something without shedding a single tear. "Okay. Okay. Just let her live her life with complete strangers. Let her grow up to be just like me! Let her go INSANE!" I dropped the phone back on the receiver and resisted the temptation to crack my jaw. Whenever I opened my mouth too wide, it became dislocated. Nothing major though. It just hurts for a while until I crack back into place.
Amy never made me do that like Lindsay did.
I never really figured out what happened to Amy. Sweet Amy...sweet, sweet Amy....I woke up one morning and she was lying in my yard, blood and death scribbled across her body. The only thing I could do at that moment was scream. So I did. I knew no one could or would hear me, so I screamed. I let her lie there for a while and I went back inside the cabin and found a new ending to my story, "Secret Window." Corn...corn...
I rearranged Amy's adorable little garden into a crop field of corn. Then, in the midst of it all, I buried her. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I had to bury my wife. I also had to bury my dog. I also had to get braces. I mean, ow. I got them removed half a month after I got them. I got too much corn stuck in them. I love corn. It's my favorite food now. I just love it.
Anyway, I met Lindsay at the post office. She took the place of Amy, the redheaded girl who used to work at the post office. No, not my Amy. My Amy is dead. I had to bury my Amy, remember? Anyway, I dated Lindsay for about seven months until things got pretty serious. We went out to my buddy, Derek's party one night and got really, really drunk. From what I can remember, we staggered back to my place, had sex, and after that, I guess we kind of drifted apart. I still don't know if I truly loved her. For all I know, she could have basically just been some slut I picked up. I don't really know that much right now. I don't even know if I'll ever find the answers to all these questions I have. Probably not. I have a lot of questions, but I can guarantee you, if Amy were here right now, she would have all my answers. She was my answers. She was my answers to my questions, my problems, and my prayers.
But...now she's gone.
Well, right now, all I can say is my heart is breaking. I want my little girl. I want her so much. There's really nothing I want more right now than a simple family that I can live a simple life with. I thought Beverly could give that to me, but once again, I lost everything due to a girl. Due to Lindsay, I lost my only child. Due to Amy, I lost everything. That's why I'm staying alone for the rest of my life. That's why I'm giving up. Right here, right now, I've decided that life isn't worth living if you can't share it with anyone you love. Yeah, I loved Amy- more than anything. And even though I have no idea what she looks like, no idea what her cry is like, what her laugh is like, or what looking in her eyes is like, I love my daughter.
I walked upstairs and flopped down at my desk. I open my documents folder and was not surprised to find it blank. Right then, the phone rang again, but I let it. Then I noticed that the answering machine had picked it up. Why did I have to buy that damn thing?
"Honey...Mort, honey, please pick up. I'm really sorry. I just know how you are and I don't think you'd be able to survive as a single parent. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry. I really didn't." She sniffed and I knew she was getting a little depressed about all this. I wish I didn't feel so guilty right now.
I ran downstairs, almost falling flat on my face as I turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs. I picked up and not meaning to, but almost yelling into the phone. "Lindsay, I love you! Okay, but I love this child more. You know why?! Because she won't leave me! She won't just take the love of my life and run!"
"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" Tears poured; I could just tell.
I sighed, thinking so hard, I was producing my own headache. I ran my fingers through my thick hair, which was darkening again; I needed to do my roots....Wait, what am I doing?! I just told Lindsay I loved her! No, no! I don't love her! Amy is the only girl I will ever love! Ever. No one can take her place and I know Lindsay didn't try to, but, well, she did.
"Lindsay...it's okay. Okay? Please...please don't cry. Don't cry."
She attempted to steady her sobs, and I stood there with the green cord phone held to my ear, just listening.
Lindsay then gathered her breath and said in almost a whisper, "I'm sorry, Mort."
She hung up.
My mind was splitting. I didn't know what to think. Do I really love her? Do I really want this child to be mine- all mine? Well, I already know the answers. No...and...yes. See, I knew Amy could give me my answers.
I walked outside into my crop field and looked around for fresh ears of corn. I stepped over a patch of soft topsoil, and knew this was the spot where my wife was buried. I pushed up my glasses between the lenses and turned my head to look at the shovel that was placed against the house. It was then that a strange feeling came over me....I wanted to dig. I wanted to dig her back up. That was my wife. That was the love of my life underneath my feet. I ran toward the house, grabbed the shovel, and ran back, not bothering to be aware of my precious and fragile crops. I rammed it in the ground, hitting something solid. I became light-headed and fought back tears. Then I plowed topsoil out of the spot but the solid material I had felt had only been rock. I dug my way up and only found more rock. She was gone.
Then it hit me. I remembered everything as if an enchantment or spell was put upon me.
Well, I want you to notice...
It was me. I killed her. I am a murderer.
A/N: Sup!! I'm so excited! I've been planning this story forever. Oh btw= I kinda changed how the end of the movie was. I made it a bit different. And this is a VERY rangey song fic. It's not even a song fic really. It'll probably only have around one or two lines of Staind's new song, "Zoe Jane" in each chapter. Lines in italics are lines from the song. Later ---jamie!
Summary: Mort's daughter is so far from him and after fourteen years of being away from his own daughter is bringing past insanity back to him. He needs someone to hold and is overjoyed when she appears on his "mudstep", but she's not what he expects.
Here we go....
Chapter One
It was only a month after my daughter, Beverly Abigail Rainey, was born that I'd found out that her mother had put her up for adoption.
The phone rang, awakening me from another painful dream of mine. I felt around for it exhaustedly, and managed to croak out an answer.
"Mort? It's Lindsay. I just needed to tell you that I put Beverly up for adoption."
I almost dropped the phone in emotional agony. "WHAT?! Why? Why didn't you give me custody? Do you want our child to live with a foster family? Why couldn't I have taken her in? Why, Lindsay?"
She sighed and somehow I could hear her tears fall. "Oh, Mort, you know just as well as I do that you aren't exactly capable of taking care of a month-old baby girl."
"Yes, I can! Yes, I can! I really can!"
"No. You can't."
I guess those were two words I never thought I would hear my own girl say to my own face. She'd always been encouraging to me. Whenever I said I couldn't do something, she would pick me up. But everything changes after you have a baby.
I really tried to say something but my eyes began to water and it was choking me up. I began to wish I could really do something without shedding a single tear. "Okay. Okay. Just let her live her life with complete strangers. Let her grow up to be just like me! Let her go INSANE!" I dropped the phone back on the receiver and resisted the temptation to crack my jaw. Whenever I opened my mouth too wide, it became dislocated. Nothing major though. It just hurts for a while until I crack back into place.
Amy never made me do that like Lindsay did.
I never really figured out what happened to Amy. Sweet Amy...sweet, sweet Amy....I woke up one morning and she was lying in my yard, blood and death scribbled across her body. The only thing I could do at that moment was scream. So I did. I knew no one could or would hear me, so I screamed. I let her lie there for a while and I went back inside the cabin and found a new ending to my story, "Secret Window." Corn...corn...
I rearranged Amy's adorable little garden into a crop field of corn. Then, in the midst of it all, I buried her. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I had to bury my wife. I also had to bury my dog. I also had to get braces. I mean, ow. I got them removed half a month after I got them. I got too much corn stuck in them. I love corn. It's my favorite food now. I just love it.
Anyway, I met Lindsay at the post office. She took the place of Amy, the redheaded girl who used to work at the post office. No, not my Amy. My Amy is dead. I had to bury my Amy, remember? Anyway, I dated Lindsay for about seven months until things got pretty serious. We went out to my buddy, Derek's party one night and got really, really drunk. From what I can remember, we staggered back to my place, had sex, and after that, I guess we kind of drifted apart. I still don't know if I truly loved her. For all I know, she could have basically just been some slut I picked up. I don't really know that much right now. I don't even know if I'll ever find the answers to all these questions I have. Probably not. I have a lot of questions, but I can guarantee you, if Amy were here right now, she would have all my answers. She was my answers. She was my answers to my questions, my problems, and my prayers.
But...now she's gone.
Well, right now, all I can say is my heart is breaking. I want my little girl. I want her so much. There's really nothing I want more right now than a simple family that I can live a simple life with. I thought Beverly could give that to me, but once again, I lost everything due to a girl. Due to Lindsay, I lost my only child. Due to Amy, I lost everything. That's why I'm staying alone for the rest of my life. That's why I'm giving up. Right here, right now, I've decided that life isn't worth living if you can't share it with anyone you love. Yeah, I loved Amy- more than anything. And even though I have no idea what she looks like, no idea what her cry is like, what her laugh is like, or what looking in her eyes is like, I love my daughter.
I walked upstairs and flopped down at my desk. I open my documents folder and was not surprised to find it blank. Right then, the phone rang again, but I let it. Then I noticed that the answering machine had picked it up. Why did I have to buy that damn thing?
"Honey...Mort, honey, please pick up. I'm really sorry. I just know how you are and I don't think you'd be able to survive as a single parent. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry. I really didn't." She sniffed and I knew she was getting a little depressed about all this. I wish I didn't feel so guilty right now.
I ran downstairs, almost falling flat on my face as I turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs. I picked up and not meaning to, but almost yelling into the phone. "Lindsay, I love you! Okay, but I love this child more. You know why?! Because she won't leave me! She won't just take the love of my life and run!"
"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" Tears poured; I could just tell.
I sighed, thinking so hard, I was producing my own headache. I ran my fingers through my thick hair, which was darkening again; I needed to do my roots....Wait, what am I doing?! I just told Lindsay I loved her! No, no! I don't love her! Amy is the only girl I will ever love! Ever. No one can take her place and I know Lindsay didn't try to, but, well, she did.
"Lindsay...it's okay. Okay? Please...please don't cry. Don't cry."
She attempted to steady her sobs, and I stood there with the green cord phone held to my ear, just listening.
Lindsay then gathered her breath and said in almost a whisper, "I'm sorry, Mort."
She hung up.
My mind was splitting. I didn't know what to think. Do I really love her? Do I really want this child to be mine- all mine? Well, I already know the answers. No...and...yes. See, I knew Amy could give me my answers.
I walked outside into my crop field and looked around for fresh ears of corn. I stepped over a patch of soft topsoil, and knew this was the spot where my wife was buried. I pushed up my glasses between the lenses and turned my head to look at the shovel that was placed against the house. It was then that a strange feeling came over me....I wanted to dig. I wanted to dig her back up. That was my wife. That was the love of my life underneath my feet. I ran toward the house, grabbed the shovel, and ran back, not bothering to be aware of my precious and fragile crops. I rammed it in the ground, hitting something solid. I became light-headed and fought back tears. Then I plowed topsoil out of the spot but the solid material I had felt had only been rock. I dug my way up and only found more rock. She was gone.
Then it hit me. I remembered everything as if an enchantment or spell was put upon me.
Well, I want you to notice...
It was me. I killed her. I am a murderer.