Disclaimer: As always,if I had a million dollars, the first thing I'd do is to buy out Masashi Kishimoto's franchise and immediately rewrite, repackage and rename the show as "Kakashi". But until then, I definitely don't own Naruto, or any of its characters. All descriptions, names, places and references are the copyright of the owner, and everything else is simply a figment and work of my imagination.
A/N: Yet again, the story completely refused to follow my original plot line and insisted that it needed to live life its own way. My first attempt at KakaSaku humour.
Also, it's a little bit AU compared to the usual Naruto world (I'm not entirely sure if there are bakeries in Konohagakure or if Naruto & co. eat bacon and eggs for breakfast). Oh and I apologize in advance for the Bleach references, I just thought they added to the overall comedic effect.
Breakfast Banter
It all started because Haruno Sakura was late.
Even in her head, the words sounded strange; it was like saying that Sasuke-kun was smiling.
She couldn't believe he hadn't even twitched that time Naruto had choked and fallen off his stool at Ichiraku's when he had a ramen noodle stuck up his left nostril.
And not even when they'd had to call the Konoha Emergency Medical Squad after he'd ended up stabbing his nostrils with a pair of chopsticks. Luckily, they'd managed to salvage the right one (the chopstick, not the nostril).
But just as Sasuke had admitted yesterday he couldn't remember the last time he had laughed at anyone or anything, Sakura couldn't remember the last time she had sprinted through the village like a mad woman, knocking down villagers like toy soldiers as she desperately raced to the hospital, praying that the village clock hadn't yet struck nine.
Even back when she was a genin, Sakura couldn't remember ever making the team wait for her, eventhough she felt somewhat annoyed that she wasn't entitled to take her own sweet time brushing her hair once in a while, what with being a girl and all. Ironically, it had always been her teacher who was late to class and missions. Team 7 had long since construed the meaning "underneath the underneath" of meeting at "9'o clock" and Sakura found that even by setting her alarm clock up to an hour later in the mornings, somehow she still managed to always make it to the training ground before Kaka-sensei.
Sakura felt a small pang of longing at the brief reminisce of her earliest years as a shinobi. Everything had been a lot less complicated then; the world had been bright and colourful without the black stains of evil and the red stains of blood. The dangers and brutalities of the ninja world seemed so distant, they were almost mythical. Everyone was still friends with each other, and the biggest worry of Sakura's day was whether Sasuke-kun would let her sit next to him during lunchtime.
But there was no time to be feeling sorry for herself; right now she had to get to work on time or risk facing the wrath of the Head Medic-Nin! Glancing up at the village clock, she noted with a slight panic that the minute hand was but a centimetre away from the number 12. No, she couldn't bear the thought of having to take an extra month of nighttime shifts just for being 10 seconds late to work!
Puffing a little as she rounded the last corner, she breathed a sigh of relief as she spied the familiar silver gates of Konoha's Medical Hospital. It looked like she would be able to make it on time after all.
10 m...7 m...4 m…1m…
"OW!"
Sakura bit back a growl of pain as she felt herself land butt-first on the hard ground, legs splayed in what was surely an ungainly position. She cursed. It was such a cliché situation; it just had to happen to her. Sending her best death glare up at the culprit; she started with shock upon seeing that she was staring right into his face!
Or rather, what she could see of his face.
His lone dark eye crinkled with amusement.
"Well now Sakura; of all the times to meet! You weren't rushing because you knew I'd be here for my medical appointment were you?" She could hear the faint amusement in his voice as he extended a gloved hand towards her.
Grasping it tightly, she pulled herself to her feet, cheeks lightly tinted from embarrassment. Before she could start brushing some of the dirt off her now-stained white robes, she heard the chimes of the village clock behind her. She sighed. Oh well, now that she was already condemned to haunting the white corridors of Konoha Medical at midnight for the next lifetime, she might as well spend an extra few minutes making someone else miserable as well.
Smirking, she replied, "Well, when I saw that you had made it to the hospital alive, well and walking without a single ANBU in sight, you must forgive me for getting a little excited. Why, if I didn't know you better I'd say that you're not the real Kakashi, just a really good Kage Bunshin!"
The last time it had been time for Kakashi's regular six-month check-up, Tsunade had had to send 12 ANBU captains, 5 jonin, one whiskered ninja, one sulky Uchiha, one annoyed medic-nin in training and 6 kilograms of sedating drugs before they managed to tie him up and drag him to the hospital in a heavily-guarded arms truck.
And he'd still managed to escape. With both hands still strapped to a trolley bed.
He lifted his arms in mock innocence. "Who said I was planning to go there? I was just passing by the hospital on my way to the bakery for a quick breakfast."
Breakfast. Her heart sank as she felt her stomach growl in hungry reproach. She hadn't had time to grab anything to eat because she'd been so late this morning.
He quirked an eyebrow somewhat amusedly.
"Breakfast, Sakura; didn't your mother ever tell you it's the healthiest meal of the day? Might want to think about stopping there," he jerked his head towards the bakery she knew was on the main street of Konoha. "… before that stomach growling scares off all your patients. Speaking of which…aren't you a little um…late for work?'
She snorted. "Still earlier than you are whenever it's time to leave for a mission. Or a training session."
He gave her another mock-doleful look, to which she responded by sticking out her tongue at him.
"Please, I've seen Pakkun give better puppy-dog eyes than that."
"Of course he should, he's actually a puppy."
"Ninken-dog actually."
"Hang-dog look then."
"Look who's being lame now."
"And look who's actually late now."
"Shut up, I would have made it on time if not for you."
The bickering continued all the way to Hiruzen's Bakery Café (named, supposedly after the Third Hokage) whereupon the verbal sparring was temporarily halted as the wonderful smell of fresh dough mounted a ferocious assault on their senses as soon as Kakashi pushed open the battered wooden door.
Dropping down onto the nearest umbrella-covered table, Sakura eagerly grabbed the menu from a somewhat stunned Kakashi. Belatedly, he realised that the only thing worse than a hungry Naruto…
Was probably a hungry Sakura.
"Three scrambled eggs, two pork sausages, five tomatoes and a large bowl of miso porridge please," she chirped brightly to the short, balding old man who was taking their order. "Oh, and a strong black coffee with two sugars."
Kakashi felt his jaw drop under his mask.
"A little girl like you can't possibly eat that much!" he'd insisted after the old man had repeated their orders and left, promising that breakfast would be ready within 15 minutes.
Sakura gave an annoyed huff. "Watch me. And in case you haven't noticed Kakashi-sensei, I'm not that little anymore."
She had a point.
He squinted a little at her, noting how the soft, roundish contours of her face had long faded into more angular, almost feline features. Her once-long strawberry-pink hair had been chopped off and replaced with a shorter, neater shoulder-length bob that was a lot more fuss-free and somehow suited her new no-nonsense demeanour. But she'd still retained the delicate, porcelain complexion and big jade eyes that gave her face an almost doll-like quality.
With a jolt, Kakashi suddenly realised that his student (okay, ex-student) had really grown up.
And had grown up to be quite the looker too.
Coughing a little to hide his sudden embarrassment (yet another reason to be eternally grateful for his mask), he changed the topic abruptly. "So what went wrong this morning? Hit the snooze button a few times too often? Massive hangover after a wild night with Ino? Or perhaps a cosy companion in bed you were reluctant to leave?"
He could have slapped himself for saying that. What the devil had possessed him to say such a thing?
The familiar red blush on her cheeks said it all.
"Kakashi-sensei, don't be such a perv," she snapped. "And since you're so curious, I overslept after watching Bleach reruns until 3 in the morning."
He grinned. "Salivating over Ichigo again?"
"A girl can dream!" She couldn't resist pouting a little.
"Forget Ichigo! The way Genma was looking at you the last time we were at the bar, I was thinking he might have managed to make you his permanent ahem, bedtime companion," he teased.
The adorable blush on her cheeks deepened a shade or two.
"Genma would be the last person on Earth I'd make my cough bedtime companion, yes even behind Naruto!" she retorted.
"Sounds like I'm ahead of the queue," he quipped, a mischievous glint entering his eye. "Maybe we should…OUCH!"
"Oh sorry, did I spill my hot coffee all over your hand? I'm so sorry sensei," apologized Sakura, all big doe-eyed innocence as she passed a yelping Kakashi a huge bunch of tissues.
Half an hour later, a visibly relaxed (and stuffed) Sakura leaned back on her chair, sighing in contentment. "This beats doing the morning patient-run any day."
He took another long sip of his jasmine tea, before commenting nonchalantly. "It's almost a quarter to ten."
Sakura waved a hand somewhat dismissively. "Give me a break, I'll be working 12 hour all-night shifts for the rest of the month after this, I might as well enjoy what precious little free time I have left." She stabbed her fork a little moodily, feeling her sense of contentment starting to evaporate. "Who knows, this might be the last time you actually get to see me before they dig up the corpse of poor Zombie Sakura."
Snickering a little, he replied, "No worries then Sakura, you should be right up Ichigo's alley…"
"I swear Kakashi, sometimes your sense of humour is lamer than a one-footed duck! And he's a Soul Reaper, not a Zombie Hunter. You just hate Ichigo because he beat you in the Mr. Hair competition at the last Anime Convention!"
"Just because the judges had a preference for colour over style."
"You're absolutely insufferable and determined to hate him."
Chuckling, he said lightly, "Maybe. But honestly, Sakura-chan, it doesn't have to be the last time."
He looked steadily at her as he said that, and Sakura suddenly felt very awkward.
"I'm in constant danger of getting my head ripped off but believe it or not, I actually like spending time with you."
The sudden intensity in his voice was doing something funny to her insides. A pleasant feeling had spread over her body at his words, warming her like chocolate but a nagging, nervous sensation was lurking behind it. Kakashi wasn't usually so direct when it came to personal insights and feelings. He had also gotten a strange sort of look in his eye, and Sakura got the feeling that he was about to say something momentous. Something that might just change everything about who they were and what they meant to each other.
Not just change, but also possibly ruin it.
Feeling somewhat reluctant to confront her feelings so early on a Monday morning, she swiftly changed tack. "I saw Naruto and Hinata together at Ichiraku's yesterday."
Thankfully, he took the hint. "Really? Alone?"
She pursed her lips a little. "They were sitting at the counter with Shikamaru, Ino, Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei."
"My my, even little Naruto seems to part of the "Couples Crowd" nowadays. Pretty soon, you and I will be the only ones left sleeping on a single bed."
Maybe he didn't get the memo after all.
Why did he have to bring the topic round to the both of them again? Kakashi seemed unusually keen to pursue the subject today. Was it something in the tea? She prayed the old man had dropped something in the tea that was causing him to suddenly feel like spilling out his inner guts and feelings. Sakura mentally berated herself for not choosing another conversation topic that was worlds, no galaxies apart from the current one. A random thought crossed her mind that Kakashi was assuming that everyone in their circle of friends had someone to pair off with. Except the both of them.
All the better. Kakashi can share our bed anyday.
Gah! Inner Sakura, stay away from this.
Tsk tsk, absolutely not. Don't mind me, I'm just here to find out all the latest gossip.
You already know the gossip.
Duh! From Kakashi himself of course. And while we're on this subject, what do you think: Boxers or briefs?
Knowing his cheapskate nature, he probably sleeps in his birthday suit to save electricity and underwear costs.
All the more reason to go double bed hunting with him!
What are you implying here?
"Sakura-chan?"
"Huh?"
Kakashi was staring at her.
Inner Sakura giggled evilly. She must have gotten so caught up in her mental tussle with Inner Sakura that she had forgotten she actually had a real-life conversation going on.
"Uhh what were we talking about again Kakashi-sensei?"
"The very tragic prospect of you and I remaining the sole survivors of the recent "Couples 'r' us" pandemic."
She swallowed. Now he was making it sound like it was some sort of disease to be avoided at all costs.
"Kakashi-sensei, have you ever thought about getting married?"
"Eh?" The question seemed to have caught him off-guard.
OMG I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
Inner Sakura crowed triumphantly. Sakura mentally made a note to douse herself in flames the moment she got home.
The silver-haired jonin looked curiously at her.
"Sakura, did you want to ask me somet…?"
"Oh look at the time!" she quickly cut across him mid-sentence. "It's 10 o'clock, Head Nurse Shizuka will really have my head for this. Thanks for having breakfast with me Kakashi, but I'd really better be going."
He stood up. "Now wait a second Sakura, you can't just l…!"
But she'd already gathered her things and was quickly making her way to the exit.
Kakashi ground his teeth in frustration. "What about the bill?" he tried desperately.
She whirled around and he caught an unmistakeable grin plastered on her face amid her flushed expression. "I forgot to mention…you are treating me aren't you Kakashi-sensei? After all, you are the one that did make me late for work."
And right on cue before Kakashi could do his infamous disappearing jutsu; the short, elderly gentleman appeared at his side, waving what was unmistakeably a bill for what was sure to be a monstrously expensive breakfast.
Just as she swung open the door, he swore he heard her giggle to herself, "I wouldn't have ordered such a big breakfast otherwise!"
A/N: Apologies for the lack of KakaSaku fluff, but I'm really tired of reading fics where Kakashi and Sakura end up having sex after the obligatory 4 or 5 chapters. Not to say I don't like them, but I just thought I'd try something a little lighter and funnier.
And for the non-Bleach watchers/readers, Ichigo is the main character from Bleach and has hair colour that is fiery orange.
Hate it or love it, please drop me a review nonetheless! Also, one-shot or longer? I was thinking of keeping it short and simple but something tells me that judging by this episode, Kakashi and Sakura have a little unfinished business that needs to be resolved over further sessions of croissants and coffee…
I've also written an alternate version of this story, which will be uploaded soon.
Until then..:)