Hello there children it's been a while, plus I've stopped receiving any form of emails from fanfiction.
This here is a little comedy that I had an idea for, which I'd like to make a skit out of it my idea, no steal , but I know we'd never get round to doing it so I thought I'd write it as a story instead. That way I get to share it.
And Laura, you can read this as there is no yaoi
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Excuse me, your attention please, well yes I shall begin. Once upon a time there was a young girl who always wore a red hiding hood and so she came to be called little red riding hood, and one day…
"Yeah hello? Narrator"
Yes Sasuke?
"I am not playing a girl, it's bad enough I'm wearing this - thing, and it's blue, I don't wear red"
But the story is based off little red riding hood, and you do look lovely in your outfit. Sasuke is dressed in a pretty pressed white button top with a frilly blue pinafore and a beautiful dark blue riding cloak, with a hood. And also a-
"Yeah that's enough, it's bad enough I'm playing this part you don't have to describe what I'm wearing, they could have just been oblivious, and then maybe I could be wearing trousers"
But you're not wearing trousers
"Well they didn't have to know that"
Yes anyway, on with the story. Once upon a time there was a boy called Sasuke, who wore a dark blue riding cloak, and so came to be called little Sasuke riding hood.
"That is the gayest name ever"
Shut up, or you won't come out on top!
"As long as Naruto doesn't end up being the woodcutter who goes all super hero on me"
…
"Oh God he is isn't he! Didn't you talk to my agent?"
Yes well never mind that now. Once upon a time there was a boy called Sasuke, who wore a dark blue riding cloak, and so came to be called little Sasuke riding hood. And one day little Sasuke riding hood set off to see his big brother Itachi, with gifts of cupcakes and strawberries, as he had became blind through a serious case of pink eye.
"Yeah? Why would I go see my brother? He killed my entire clan? Can't they at least be poisoned cupcakes and can't I just kill him instead of helping him, after all, that's pretty much what I've been trying to do through the whole Naruto series."
Sasuke, you're in the manga how can you not know what's changed between you? You know what never mind, yeah poisoned cupcakes, your going to kill your brother while he's blind, aren't you tough.
"Just get on with the story"
And so little Sasuke riding hood set off through the forest to the small cottage where his brother lived, with his basket of - poisoned - cupcakes and strawberries in aim to kill his dastardly brother while he was incapacitated.
…
And so little Sasuke riding hood set off
"You already said that!"
Well you're not leaving
"Fine, I'm gone"
But unbeknown to little Sasuke riding hood he was being followed by the fiendish Orochimaru who had taken a liking to little Sasuke riding hood, and wanted him as his little pet, and not the good kind.
"Wait what? Orochimaru is in this"
For goodness sake didn't you read the script? And you're not in this frame go set off already.
"…"
Little Sasuke riding hood set off, through the forest, but as he was skipping through the forest, yes skipping he accidentally tripped over a tree root, grazing his knee. Orochimaru who had been hiding in the shadows chose at this moment to come out of hiding, a smile upon his face, which only a paedophile could have.
"Why dear little Sasuke riding hood, you seem to have grazed your knee, here have my hankie"
Little Sasuke riding hood, touched by the mans compassion, gratefully took the hankie and thanked him.
"Back off Orochimaru, I know what you want, so get lost before I kill you!"
Sasuke, the script, you're supposed to be oblivious, are you not hearing what I narrate?
"Unfortunately I am"
So shall I continue? Little Sasuke riding hood, touched by the mans compassion, gratefully took the hankie and thanked him.
"Why thank you kind sir" said little Sasuke riding hood gratefully - stop growling Sasuke!
"It's alright dear child, but what are you doing all alone in the forest?"
"Like hell I'm telling you! I mean, urm. I'm just going to see my brother, he lives in the cottage in the middle of the forest, he's gone blind through a serious case of pink eye, so I'm bringing him cupcakes" said little Sasuke riding hood sweetly.
Orochimaru smiled "That's so very kind of you. Please allow me to escort you, I know a short cut"
This short cut of his was actually the journey to Orochimaru's own hideout, where he planned to capture little Sasuke riding hood.
"That's very kind of you, but I don't need any help. I must be going now, thank you and goodbye"
As little Sasuke riding hood skipped away through the forest to his blind brother's cottage with his basket of poisoned cupcakes; Orochimaru stood with a evil grin on his evil face thinking of an evil plan.
"I know, I'll dress myself as a wolf, and then frighten poor little Sasuke riding hood, and be able to capture him. Muahahaha!"
And so the evil Orochimaru donned himself in a wolf costume and trailed after little Sasuke riding hood through the forest.
- - -
A while later little Sasuke riding hood was still skipping along through the forest to his blind brother's cottage with his basket of poisoned cupcakes. Only an hour from his brother cottage, when a big scary wolf jumped out in front of him, with a loud "boo!"
The wolf howled at Sasuke baring his teeth and claws. "Hahaha" though the wolf was actually Orochimaru in disguise, "Little Sasuke riding hood will never know it's me"
"I know it's you Orochimaru, you're still standing on your feet"
"Yes" thought Orochimaru "He will never know it is me"
Little Sasuke riding hood stood shocked and scared for a moment, staring at the big scary wolf in front of him.
"Oh please, I'm taking over. Until he pulled out a kunai from his basket and threw it at Orochimaru, severing his head, killing him instantly, leaving Sasuke to be free to get the hell out of this stupid dress!"
No, he can't die yet, but okay. Until he pulled out a kunai from his basket and threw it at Orochimaru to defend himself. The wolf howled as the kunai pierced his arm, as he saw little Sasuke riding hood draw another kunai, he ran for cover amongst the shadows of the trees, in hope to think of a new plan.
"…"
That is the best you are going to get. And so little Sasuke riding rood kept on skipping to his brother's house in the middle of the forest. However the evil Orochimaru, had come up with a new plan, he would take a short cut though the forest to Itachi's cottage, and capture little Sasuke riding hood there.
- - -
Soon Orochimaru arrived at Itachi's cottage, he grinned as he crept up to the door, and slowly opened it to find the blind Itachi in bed in his Akatsuki dressing gown and night cap, fast asleep. Orochimaru snuck up to Itachi quiet as a mouse and grabbed him, clamping a chloroform soaked rag over his mouth. Once Orochimaru was sure Itachi would not wake up he removed the Akatsuki dressing gown and night cap and tied him up.
"You're nearly as pretty as little Sasuke riding hood, I may keep you too, I could start a collection" Orochimaru laughed as he placed Itachi into the wardrobe to hide him when little Sasuke riding hood arrived.
No sooner had Orochimaru closed the wardrobe door then he heard a knock at the front door, it was little Sasuke riding hood here to see his dear blind brother and give him…cupcakes.
"Hello Itachi, it's me you brother little Sasuke riding hood" said little Sasuke riding hood innocently, having no idea that inside the cottage was the evil Orochimaru, who had captured his brother.
"Yo narrator, you do know I can hear everything your saying? And no duh snake dude is there, I have read the story"
Moving on… Orochimaru quickly donned himself with the Akatsuki dressing down and night cap and settled into Itachi's bed, picking up a pair of black glasses on the bedside table and putting them on.
"Come in dear little brother of mine, it is I, Itachi, gone blind through a serious case of pink eye"
Little Sasuke riding hood came through the door and walked over to Orochimaru who was disguised as his brother.
"yeah great disguise snake man, only a moron would not know, he still has the wolf ears on"
Little Sasuke riding hood sat down on the bed with his basket of cupcakes, unaware that his brother was not indeed his brother, for the dressing gown had a high collar, and the night cap was tilted low, and Orochimaru's eyes were hidden by Itachi's dark glasses. But still little Sasuke riding hood asked curiously.
"Why Itachi, what dark glasses you have"
"All the better to try and see you with"
Little Sasuke riding hood leaned in closer
"Why Itachi, what weird ears you have"
"All the better to hear you with"
Little Sasuke riding hood leaned in closer still
"Why Itachi, what a long tongue you have"
"All the better to molest you with" and with that Orochimaru leapt up pining little Sasuke riding hood to the bed.
"Now lets show you what this tongue can do" said Orochimaru as he bared his long tongue
"No incest, me no likely. Wait your Orochimaru, gross that's even worse" little Sasuke riding hood struggled against his grip calling out for help.
"somebody please he- No freaking way, I told you, I'm not going to be saved by Naruto, just let me kick his ass"
NO, I'm the narrator, what I say goes, Naruto shall be entering shortly, Little Sasuke riding hood continued to struggle against the evil Orochimaru who began to bind little Sasuke riding hoods hands together.
"Muahaha! Now I have you little Sasuke riding hood, and you shall be mine for all eternity"
"Oh no. Will somebody please save me, oh my oh my" screamed Sasuke apathetically…wait, oh never mind. All of a sudden as if hearing little Sasuke riding hood's cry a brave young woodcutter came charging through the door.
…
All of a sudden! As if hearing little Sasuke riding hood's cry!
A BRAVE YOUNG WOODCUTTER came CHARGING through the door!
CHARGING! WOODCUTTER!
NARUTO!
"You see, this is why you should have let me fight back, and not rely on Naruto to rescue me, he should be wearing the dress; he's more of a girl than I am, "
Says the emo prissy boy, in a dress
"The narrator is right Sasuke-kun, you are a beautiful prissy emo boy I've rather have you and your smooth slender features than Naruto. I want your body Sasuke-kun"
"Holy crap I think I'm going to throw up"
"Haha! I'm here the great Naruto Uzumaki the brave young woodcutter"
Finally. All of a sudden as if hearing little Sasuke riding hood's cry a brave young woodcutter came charging through the door. He was dressed in an orange shirt and black trousers held up by breeches, he was handsome and brave, and the sunlight glistened through his golden hair, as it was swept by the wind.
"Enough with the L'Oreal advert, either rescue me, or let me kick ass"
The brave young woodcutter Naruto leapt forward and threw the evil Orochimaru off little Sasuke riding hood.
"Orochimaru? But isn't that Itachi. He's got the Akatsuki dressing gown and night cap on"
"See what I said narrator, only a moron."
The brave young woodcutter towered over Orochimaru, his axe held high over his body as he brought it down to chop off Orochimaru's head.
"Until little Sasuke riding hood, took it from him and did the deed himself. Chopping off Orochimaru's head killing him instantly."
But Naruto was supposed to do that
"I don't really mind if Sasuke does it, I just came here for the free food. Oh boy cupcakes"
The young brave woodcutter eagerly ate up all the cupcakes in Sasuke's basket, congratulating himself on a job well done, he had saved little Sasuke riding hood, and killed the evil Orochimaru.
"Yeah thanks Naruto, oh and by the way those cupcakes are poisoned. I'm out of here and out of this dress. Bye!"
…
"What! Poisoned! Argghhhhackkkkk!"
Oh dear, it appears the brave young woodcutter is dying.
"My only regret, is that I haven't seen Paris"
…
Erm, and so our tale ends, of the sweet innocent little Sasuke riding hood who was rescued by the brave young woodcutter. And they lived, erm, happily ever after. I guess, oh man, I am so fired.
- - -
"Will someone let me out of this wardrobe, I can't see anything!"
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Yay, done!! Hope you liked it, it was a rather odd style of writing, no real narration or description, I've decided I will perform this one day! So no stealidge
Review please
Gi xxx