Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
AN: I originally published this in 2008. There were far too many short chapters, so I decided to condense it into a three-parter. I want to say I was one of the first to ship CaB (I admit, I was a big Seb/Leighton fan) but we can all enjoy their inherent cuteness!
Baby ballerina's
Hiding somewhere in the corner
Where the shadow wraps around her
And our torches cannot find her
She will stay there till the morning
Crawl behind us as we are yawning
And she will leave our game
To never be the same
-Missy Higgins "Sugarcane"
Blair always paints her lips a different shade to commemorate the various moods she possesses. She brushes them in various shades of pink and red to justify how she is feeling, and the boys she passes always stare hungrily at them when she walks the streets of New York.
Today she suffuses her mouth in a deep ruby color by Chanel, and layers the French brand accordingly, spritzing her long neck with a generous dose of No 5. She always plays a starring role in the movie constantly playing in her head, and today she is Nicole Kidman.
Just like the Australian actress, she pulls her curls into a bun at the nape of her neck, pinning behind lose hairs. She buttons her white oxford all the way to the top, just to prove to the harsh world that she is still a Waldorf, that she will survive. Her navy skirt hangs delicately on her hips and she pulls a navy cardigan over her shoulders.
White tights that represent virginity long lost find their way haphazardly onto her slender thighs, and she slips her dainty feet into black ballerina slippers as she listens to the eerie voice of Missy Higgins on her iPod.
With her social standing having fallen lower than a meaningless Jenny Humphrey's, Blair finds herself gazing wistfully at the MET steps as she watches the Serena-wannabe try to fit in with her old friends. She uses the terms friends loosely, because what kind of friends did this to their queen? Her eyes blink back tears when she remembers dismissing Serena on those very steps, the only person truly speaking to her.
She silently thanks God that Christian Dior makes the best waterproof mascara in the world.
She's not hungry, not that she usually is, so she tosses her yogurt and the apple that matches her lips into the garbage in front of her and begins to explore Manhattan.
She walks past the girls that point and laugh into the Museum of Metropolitan Art in search of something meaningful. Looking around, she eyes an old couple holding hands, enjoying Hokusai's The Great Wave off Kanagawa.
She gazes tentatively at works by Botticelli and El Greco before a hand grazes her shoulder and she turns to glower at whoever has come to interrupt her lunch break.
"Do you mind?" she barks, before her eyes make out Nate's old friend Carter Baizen.
He lifts his hands in retreat when he says, "Sorry, Blair. Didn't know I was interrupting anything."
She sighs, tired, "You're not. I just—"
He looks at her knowingly before saying, "I'm kind of lacking in the friend department right now, too. Want to get lunch? Or do you have to get back?" He looks at his rose gold Rolex before continuing, "There's fifteen minutes left. Do you want a quick coffee?"
Blair gives in, and they have coffee. He pays, and she is not surprised, because it's not like he has forgotten his manners in the time he spent away from home.
It is nice to talk to someone other than Serena, though she is thankful to have her best friend, and Blair has to wonder why she never talked to Carter before. He can easily hold up to Chuck's wit, and he has so much more charisma than Nate. She finds herself swimming in his hazel-green eyes which keep changing shades in the January sunlight before he urges her to get back to class before it starts.
She looks at the steps of the MET once more, and Kati and company are lifting themselves up to walk back to Constance. Carter notices she looks reluctant to get up, so he takes her hand and says, "Hey, I'll walk you back."
She quickly utters, "Thank you," all polite manners and smile, before they walk hand in hand (he hasn't let go, Blair wordlessly thanks God again) back to the school.
The rest of the day flies by, and now the whispers are of her sleeping with the former king of the UES. She tries not to let the slut comments bother her, but when Iz bitchily tells her that, "Yale doesn't offer degrees in slut," while the girls pass her in the hallway, she retorts, "Really original for a girl that dresses like a matching transvestite in a Eurotrash club with her best friend."
Kati and Iz gasp like they're surprised, but everyone knows they are not, for their coordinated actions give too much away.
By the time February rolls around, Carter has made it a habit to wait outside the steps of Constance when school lets out. Blair smiles happily on Tuesday afternoon when she leaves.
"Why are you smiling?" Carter asks, and Blair replies, "Maybe I'm happy to see you."
Carter laughs, the dimple in his left cheek appearing, and he continues, "Now, I know that's not true, or you would've smiled at me like that every time that I picked you up."
Blair shrugs, saying, "No one called me any rude names today and I aced my French lit test."
"Of course you aced your test. Aren't you fluent?"
"I guess," Blair shrugs again, "but there's always more to learn."
He slides his arm around her petite shoulders as they make their way to her apartment and neither of them notices when Nate is standing behind a brick wall watching them, fists clenched in anger.
It is six days before Valentine's and they are lying entwined on Blair's bed watching Sabrina when Carter nudges Blair's head off his shoulder.
"Is something wrong?" she asks, puzzled by his behavior.
He sighs, stating, "It's six days before Valentine's."
"Thanks for reminding me," she says sarcastically, playfully hitting him over the head with her periwinkle pillow.
"So you don't want to do anything?" he asks.
This time she sits up, because this time she finds she cannot breathe. "What?" she asks. She never thought she was as oblivious as Serena.
He runs his fingers through his thick brown hair and she finds her eyes drawn to the tuft that is sticking out in the back. She finds him endearing and tells him so.
"I don't want to be endearing, Blair. I want to take to you dinner." He looks up at her and asks, "Is that okay?"
She gulps, saying, "That's okay," before he turns back to the television screen, seemingly upset with her. She raises her hand to his cheek before turning him to face her. She says, "I'd love it," and once again his left dimple greets her.
He places the smallest of kisses on the nape of her neck and finds his eyes drawn to the pale pink of her lips. She sucks a breath in when he gently slides his hand behind her head and pulls her in closer to him. He doesn't ask her permission, yet he doesn't take without asking, because when he drops his tongue into her mouth, she feels like she is coming home.
They spend the next few minutes just kissing, until Blair hears Dorota clearing her throat loudly in the background.
"Miss Blair," she begins.
Blair sighs before turning, "Yes, Dorota?"
Dorota looks at Carter with disapproval before turning back to Blair and saying, "Your mother home, Miss Blair. She want to have dinner at seven. It six thirty right now."
"Ah," Blair groans, "I guess that's fine. Dorota, will you set up a place setting for Carter and tell my mom that he's here?"
"Yes, Miss Blair."
When the maid exits her bedroom, Carter looks at Blair with sincerity when he asks, "So, dinner with your mother already? You must really like me."
"Oh, shut it you," Blair says, hitting him lightly on the arm.
Eleanor is the happiest Blair has seen her since the Archibald family came by with the Vanderbilt diamond ring.
"Carter, how have you been?" Eleanor asks, trying to smile through her recent Botox.
"I'm fine, Mrs. Waldorf," Carter replies, kissing the elder Waldorf lightly on the cheek, before settling into his seat at the dining room table next to Blair.
Eleanor turns to her daughter, chastising her, "Blair, you didn't tell me you were hanging out with Carter again."
Blair shrugs, "You're not really home, mother."
"Don't talk back to me, Blair. And don't shrug," Eleanor replied, before facing Carter once again. "Call me Eleanor, dear. How are your parents? And the company?"
"My parents are doing well, thanks Eleanor. The company is doing even better than that. In fact, the stocks just rose by two percent."
"You're just charming," Eleanor smiles, "I can just see how Celia adores you so."
Blair doesn't suppress an eye-roll as Carter meekly smiles at her mother.
Blair finds herself shaking when she is at Serena's hotel room. She paces in front of the door before Lily lets her in and asks her if she is okay.
"I'm fine, thank you," Blair assures, and Lily lets her into Serena's room.
Serena flies out of the bathroom ten minutes later, asking, "What's wrong, B? Are you okay?"
"I need to ask you something," Blair begins, and she crosses her legs, placing her folded hands atop them.
Serena rolls her eyes, "Did Carter ask you out? Because I don't care."
"Are you sure?" Blair asks, and she winces, because the last person who asked her if she was sure ultimately destroyed her, inside out.
"I'm positive. You can have him," Serena ensures her. "He was actually slightly clingy," she continues, remembering Santorini.
Blair honestly replies, "You were probably just flighty."
"Whatever," Serena shrugged, "you can still have him."
"Thanks. So, do you want to go Valentine's dress shopping?"
Serena squeals, "Yes!"
Blair blows air gently onto her Chanel Vamp-stained nails, which contrast perfectly with her little black dress. Her hair is done up in an Audrey Hepburn-like style and her feet fit daintily into strappy black Jimmy Choos.
She ignores the urge to place a tiara atop her head, instead making her pout pop in a deep shade of red. She throws on her initial Alex Woo necklace just as the elevator opens with a ding, signaling Carter's arrival.
He stands in the parlor of her penthouse with a bouquet of white hydrangeas.
"You look beautiful," Carter says, and Blair blushes slightly. It's just Carter, she reminds herself, but the devil on her shoulder tells her that yes, it's only Carter, Carter you had a silly crush on for years.
She regains her composure with a light, "Thank you," as she descends the stairs, her four-inch heels clicking as she approaches him, step by step.
"I hope you like the flowers," he smiles sheepishly, "as I vaguely remember them being here last time I was here."
Last time he was here, her boyfriend's best friend had bought her favorite flowers, but she fails to mention this fact as she gives him a small smile and takes his hand as he leads her downstairs into the waiting cab.
Officially dating Carter Baizen does wonders for Blair's reputation.
She half expected the opposite, given the nature of the UES, but she remembers that there are those still loyal to Carter, the St. Jude's boys always trying to emulate him.
The last week of February the slut and whore and skank comments subside, and all Kati and company do are glower at her until she breaks into an enormous smile, radiant teeth shining brilliantly in the sunlight.
She starts to regain the pieces of her crown when Elise runs smack into her on her way to AP French. The little blonde stutters at the former queen, not meeting her eyes as she apologizes profusely for running into her. Blair gives the girl her best Regina George smile and makes her way into her classroom.
Blair is standing in the kitchen of Carter's Upper West Side apartment trying to Google the difference between a skillet and a pot (she honestly doesn't know) when he unlocks the door, walking in.
"What are you doing?" he questions.
Eyes still furrowed at his MacBook Air carelessly thrown on the counter, she doesn't look up when she says, "I'm trying new hobbies."
"Why?"
This time Blair looks up, hands on her hips, "Serena's too busy with Dan to go shopping with me all the time, plus Daddy put a limit on my AmEx."
"So you decided to learn how to cook?" he asks again, still dumbfounded as to why his girlfriend would want to learn to cook.
"I'm trying to be domestic," Blair retorts, "Just go with it."
He walks over to her and puts his arms around her waist, taking her coral-stained lips into his. She sighs into his mouth and he breathes in the scent of Bvlgari's Omnia Crystalline.
"I like you how you are, Blair," he says, "Come on, baby. If you want to be domestic, the takeout menus are in the drawer by the phone. We can eat on the china if you want."
"Really?" she asks, her head still on his shoulder.
"Really," he replies, placing a light kiss on her forehead.
"Thank God," Blair sighs, "I don't think I could've mixed all those ingredients. Looking at raw food makes me sick."
Blair was whining profusely at Serena's room at the Palace.
"Blair, shut up," Serena said, "You're giving me a headache."
"But I'm so horny!" Blair nearly screamed. Erik looked up from the other room and Serena quickly shut the door.
"My brother can hear you," she muttered.
"So?" Blair continued, "Everyone should know. Ugh, why won't my own boyfriend sleep with me, S?"
"Maybe he likes you and wants to wait for the right time," Serena replied, rolling her eyes.
Blair looked up from her spot on Serena's bed and came to a realization, "You know what? You might be right, wise one."
"Of course I am," Serena smiled, "I'm a van der Woodsen."
Carter's midterms take up most of his time the first two weeks of March, but he makes it up to Blair with a four day stay at Atlantis in the Bahamas for their spring break. He invites her to welcome Dan and Serena. The latter agrees immediately as the former worries about money.
"Don't worry about it," Carter says, "My dad's got the room paid for and we can take the p-j to Paradise Island."
"I don't know," Dan says, fidgeting with his thumbs.
"Come on," Serena kisses him, "Just come! It'll be so much fun. Blair and I had such a good time there in eighth grade!"
"I guess," Dan concedes, as his girlfriend proceeds to squeal. "Thanks," he adds to Carter, who responds with, "No problem, man," laughing kindly at Serena.
It is their third day in the Bahamas and already, Blair's limbs are golden brown from the sun and her hair shines in the light of the dining room at Nobu.
Her hair smells like pineapples and the white BCBG dress she wears hangs delicately off her shoulders. When she tosses her head back in laughter, half the room turns to look, and Carter smirks at them all.
She eats exactly five pieces of salmon sashimi before she claims she is full and he has to wonder how she has so much energy after consuming so little food.
When she downs her third mojito in the course of thirty minutes, he stops wondering as he consumes the rest of his spicy yellowtail rolls.
Blair clings to the bed as Carter pounds into her, every bit of him filling her.
She would be lying if she said she hadn't imagined it, but this was fulfilling more than her wildest dreams. He is gentle with her, caressing her hair every once in a while, and telling her she is beautiful.
His kisses grow more fervent as they get close to finishing, and when they are done, he whispers, "You're — amazing." He is still panting when she looks up at him with wide eyes and he chuckles slightly, asking, "What?"
Blair shakes her head, repeating the mantra amazing, amazing, you're amazing, over and over. She is still shaking her head when she responds, "Nothing."
She snuggles into the crook of his shoulder and finds she fits perfectly. He puts a muscled arm behind her neck to nestle her closer to him. He rubs small circles in her back and she fumbles for the remote control.
It is nearing five a.m. and Gone with the Wind is playing, so Blair leaves it up, glancing wistfully at Clark Gable as Carter lulls her to sleep.
Carter stares blankly at the whiteboard during his management class as he pretends to listen to Dr. Epstein drone on and on about the various CEOs of several Fortune 500 companies as he texts Blair over the phone.
"What are you doing, man?" asks Tristan DuGrey, a transfer from Harvard and fellow fraternity brother.
"Texting my girlfriend," Carter replies, not even looking up from his phone.
"You just spent the entire week holed up in a hotel room with the girl. You can't let up for class?"
This time Carter looks up, "Since when do you care about class?"
Tristan laughs, "Since my girlfriend is in town making sure I go."
"Tell Rory I say hi," Carter says, but Tristan interrupts him, "You and Blair should have dinner with us."
"Alright, yeah. That sounds good," is Carter's reply to the blond, before he presses send on his phone.
Dinner goes fabulously well and Rory has all but adopted Blair to become her little sister.
The boys' frat has a last minute charity event next weekend so Rory plans to take the train once more to the city. The girls have a shopping date planned and the boys roll their eyes.
She takes her dress up to get approval from Serena when she accidentally runs straight into Chuck Bass. He doesn't say a word as she picks up her fallen gown and starts to head toward the elevator.
"Blair, wait," he starts.
She wants to not turn, but finds herself unwilling to do her own bidding. She can't even stamp her foot with impatience, she is shaking so hard.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
She retorts, "You must be fucking joking, Bass." When he looks at her with no reservations, she spits, "It's not like you care, so why are you asking?"
He shrugs, before taking a huge swig from his glass of scotch. It is so typical of him that she all but rolls her eyes.
She takes this time to turn back around, but he grabs her arm before she can move even a step in her satin kitten heels.
"Wait," he repeats, and she does. She wonders if maybe she is a masochist.
"Yes?" she asks, impatient.
"I — I just—" he stutters, unusual for him, which he apparently notices, because he stops. She looks at him pointedly before heading to the elevator. Her eyes stay glued to his before the doors shut and she notices that he looks at her with sad eyes and a wounded soul.
Blair is the happiest that Serena has seen her in years, and her best friend points this out.
When Blair smiles, the tips of her cheeks turn pink, and both Nate and Chuck turn to look. "I have every reason to be happy, S," she says. She looks over to where the boys are eating lunch (they are on opposite ends of the same group) and flashes them both a dazzling smile. You always want what you can't have, she seemingly taunts.
This New York April seems to be more humid than Blair predicted, so after school, she decides to go on an impromptu shopping trip. When Carter is waiting for her in front of the steps of the school, she nearly skips up to him, placing a delicate kiss on his lips. Today her mouth is painted the exact shade of a peach, and Carter finds that he tastes remnants of the fruit on her lips.
When he holds the small of his girlfriend's waist, his former protégées watch angrily in the background.
Serena watches Nate and Chuck watch Carter as the latter walks away hand in hand with her best friend. She almost leaves them be before Nate stomps up to her, asking, "What the fuck is Blair doing with Carter Baizen?"
Serena seethes with indifference when she mutters, "Not that it's any of your business, but she's dating him, and he cares about her." She emphasizes the last bit and watches as one of her former best friend winces. She almost feels bad until Nate says, "Carter doesn't care about anyone but himself. I guess she deserves what's coming to her."
She doesn't realize how angry she is until she finds her palm on his cheek. They both gawk at each other until Serena leaves without apologizing.
Twelve pictures are simultaneously sent to Gossip Girl.
Blair has not made herself throw up in weeks and no one is more surprised than her as she glances at herself in Carter's bathroom mirror, looking for minor imperfections and finding none.
She has spent the entire afternoon trying on her new summer clothes for a boyfriend that actually pays attention when she prances across his carpet like Natalia Vodianova at Valentino.
As she brushes her teeth to the sound of the Spice Girls blaring in his bedroom, she takes a peek out to the living room and finds him simultaneously watching a Knicks game and studying intermediate accounting. She wrinkles her nose at the thought of him boring himself with a subject so boring, for lack of a better word, so she prances out to distract him in La Perla panties and a borrowed Brooks Brothers oxford.
He looks up and smiles, "You look good in my shirt."
She frowns, "You're not going to say I look better out of it?"
He pulls an arm around her waist as he slides a hand up the small of her back, "I think we both know that's true." And then he kisses her and all thoughts of basketball and boring accounting are forgotten, and the shirt falls to the floor.
He rips her silk underwear and smirks, "I guess you won't have any on tomorrow at school."
"Why Baizen, I think you've corrupted me," Blair smiles against him as he places light kisses on her exposed stomach.
They make it to the bedroom two sessions later.
"I heard you slapped Nate," Blair delicately mentions, over frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity.
Serena blushes, shrugging, "He deserved it."
"What'd he do?" Blair asks, ears perking up.
"He was being an asshole about you," Serena finishes. Blair doesn't push the matter any further.
Serena seems to be everybody's go-to girl as of late, so when Carter calls her with a problem, she meets him at a hole-in-the-wall place in Little Italy to talk over manicotti and red wine. She daintily sips at her enormous glass (she doesn't plan on finishing it) as he gets straight to the point.
"I think I love her," he says, as he runs his fingers through his thick brown hair.
When he looks up at Serena, his eyes glow a brilliant shade of green in the sunset, and she remembers liking him, long ago.
"It took you this long to figure out?" she questions.
He shrugs, responding, "I want to know how she feels about me."
Serena laughs, "You doubt she loves you back?"
"She's said it to you?" Carter asks, eyebrows raised.
"Not in words, no," Serena replies, munching on garlic bread, "But I know her better than anyone, and she does, Carter. She really does." She adds, "She's not me," in a quieter tone, hopeful that he won't hear.
He does.
When Mrs. Baizen asks Blair to attend a Democratic event with the family (they are major donors to the campaign), she smiles with folded hands and politely accepts. She squeals later in the confines of her bedroom.
When Dorota asks, "Miss Blair, what wrong?" Blair just beams happily at her, not responding.
Blair decides to take the scenic route and walk to Carter's apartment one morning in late April. As she passes through the dew in Central Park, a man grabs her shoulder, startling her.
"Oh," she sighs, "Hi, Captain Archibald. How are you?"
He is panting hard as he replies, "I'm fine, Blair. And yourself?"
"I'm good," Blair says truthfully, "Very good."
"That's good to hear," the Captain continues, "Ann and I miss you over at the house. Dinner's just not the same without you there."
"Oh, really?" Blair asks, feigning interest. She looks down at her yellow gold Rolex (a gift from Carter) and gasps with fake shock, "I'm sorry, Captain. I'm actually late to—"
"Don't you worry about me, Blair. I won't hold you up," he says, and smiles as his son's perfect ex-girlfriend walks toward the Upper West Side.
"Where are we going?" Blair asks.
Carter looks up from behind his pile of books and replies, "Blair, I told you I can't do anything until after the first week of May is over. Finals are killing me."
"I know that," Blair says, "I meant where are we going?"
He sighs, running his fingers through his hair, "Look, did Serena say something?"
This time Blair looks up, "You talked to Serena?"
"Don't give me that look, baby. I was talking to her about you."
Blair crosses her arms and places one tan leg over the other, the gold Tory Burch icon on her lime green ballerina flat glittering in the light. "I don't see why you have to ask other people about our relationship," she insists.
"So you're telling me you don't talk to Serena about us?"
"No, I do," Blair replies, "But she's my best friend. Can't you just talk to Tristan?"
"And have him chastise me about being whipped? No thank you. I think I'll pass."
"Like he isn't," Blair replies, and they both smile.
There is a long pause before Carter says, "Well, I was going to wait, but—"
This time Blair goes silent, because she realizes something important is coming up. Every time something important comes up, she finds that she can hardly breathe. Maybe it's the movie playing in her head or her own distorted reality, but she feels the world moving in slow motion when he comes toward her and sits down on the couch.
In one fluid motion, Carter turns off the television and turns to face her on the couch. She twists her body to face his and looks directly into his eyes. They are clear and olive and look so honest when he says, "I love you."
It is five long seconds before she can breathe. It is two more before she can reply with a gentle smile, "I love you, too."
When they kiss on the couch, Blair finds her hands entwined in his hair and he finds his beneath her ruffled blouse.
"Baby, I have to study," he says several minutes later, when they finally come up for air.
"But don't you love me?" she asks, all cheerfulness and sincerity.
"Very funny," he replies, tickling her until she falls off of him. He turns the television back on and she giggles with surprise, "Thank God. I was waiting for a marathon. Soapnet was dying without its daily dose of Summer Roberts."
During the summer, Blair leaves the confines of New York for a warm summer in southern France. True to the photos, Roman has decorated her room just like Holly Golightly's in Breakfast at Tiffany's, and there is a large cat sitting on her bed when she arrives fresh off the plane with twelve bags of Louis Vuitton luggage.
"Hi, Cat," she purrs, as she strokes the feline's head. The animal curls into her fingertips as she runs her hands through its soft hairs.
"Blair Bear, dinner's almost ready. Do you want to come out?" her father asks, impeccable in his Hermes blazer and open shirt.
"Sure, Daddy," she replies, "I just want to put some of my things into the closet."
"But why?" her father asks, "I filled it with some spring runway pieces last week."
Blair squeals as she turns to hug her perfect father, slipping off her magenta Kate Spade thong sandals.
It is only a week after she has been on the vineyard that Blair begins to miss Carter like crazy. She drags him away from his summer study abroad to meet her in Paris. He takes the underground tunnel from London and they begin a weekend in the most romantic city in the world.
She wears a fitted dress that flares out in retro flair at the bottom with red slingbacks and a pillbox hat as she waits for him at the station. She feels very Carrie Bradshaw as she crosses her legs and finds the petticoat underneath her skirt peep out just slightly.
Carter steps off the train in worn cargos and one of many light blue polos she has bought him and she tells him he's never looked better.
"So I looked bad before?" he asks, with a fake sad face.
"Never," Blair says, tucking her hands behind his head and pulling him in for a kiss.
When they pull away to breathe, Carter whispers, "I missed you, chérie," and the inner-Audrey in her dies.
An old couple that walks by them smiles, and the woman looks on knowingly as she tells the young couple, "Entre deux couers qui s'aiment, nul besoin de paroles."
On their last day together for the weekend, Blair and Carter finally make it out of their suite at the Four Seasons Hotel George V Paris to do a little sightseeing. It is neither of their first times in Paris so sightseeing isn't a big deal, but Carter insists on taking her out to at least one nice Parisian dinner.
They make like honeymooners when his dad pulls some strings to reserve a last minute table at the top of the Eiffel Tower.
They spend an evening under the stars with their medium rare steaks and potatoes au gratin.
Blair's cheeks flame slightly when Carter pays a violinist to come serenade his girl.
When the shy violinist leaves their table for the next, Blair whispers, "You didn't have to do that."
Carter shakes his head, "I wanted to." As he tucks a stray curl behind Blair's ear, he says sincerely, "I want everyone to know how much I love you. You know I love you, right?"
When he flashes her the smile that broke a million hearts, Blair all but stops breathing. She finds she does that a lot around him.
She nods her response as he pours more champagne into her glass.
When she looks into his eyes, they are flecked with gold as he says, "Je t'aime de tout mon coeur."
Blair spends the next couple of days glancing wistfully outside her window as she nibbles on provolone. She takes tiny sips of vintage white wine until she finds her appetite suppressed. Sighing, she tries to find meaning in her life because something feels lacking.
She has her best friend back, her father spends time with her, her mother is unusually attentive, and she has her very own Prince Charming. Her fairytale has all but come true, but all Blair can do is think, and she blames her introspective wisdom on the wine. She knows this isn't true, so she leaves the confines of her room to watch Roman cook in the kitchen.
Blair doesn't see Carter until the end of June, and this time it is she that goes to see him. London is one of her favorite cities, and she swears she eyes Kate Moss as she passes a pub in her cab. Five seconds later she blinks with wide eyes as she recognizes Agyness Deyn, Serena's absolute favorite model. She texts her missed best friend.
It is nighttime in the city and Big Ben glitters in the background as Blair pulls out a few pounds for the driver before hopping out of the cab. As she approaches the steps of the London School of Economics, her boyfriend comes to greet her, his smile lighting up her night.
They embrace sweetly and slowly and in the background his friends snicker. He chooses to ignore this as he leads her to them, "Guys, this is Blair."
They all make appropriate introductions before they go out for the night.
"Blair, where do you keep disappearing to?" her father asks one night in July.
She, her father, and Roman are dinnering in Paris, and Blair stops chewing her escargot to look at her father oddly.
"What do you mean, Daddy?"
"You go out every weekend," Roman says with a smile, "We were just wondering where you go."
Blair rolls her eyes at Roman's ridiculous French accent and stabs a lone scallop on her gold-trimmed plate, "I go to see my boyfriend."
"You are dating someone?" Roman questions.
"You look a little shocked," Blair replies, a hint of a smile playing on her scarlet-stained lips.
Her father looks worried, "You're not back with that Nate, are you? Your mother told me all about your — scandal."
Blair rolls her eyes again, "Stop being dramatic, Daddy. It wasn't that bad." In actuality, it was more than that bad, but she can't see her father disappointed in her so she speaks up again, "I'm actually seeing Carter Baizen."
Her father's eyes light up faster than her mother's and he is all-ears for the rest of the night, begging her to invite him to dinner this month. Roman seems excited to meet him as well, and Blair smiles at her dysfunctional family.
Her long summer ends with the arrival of senior year and Blair begins stressing about her early admission application to Yale. She finds Carter to be more than supportive, because every time she whines to Serena, her best friend blatantly rolls her big blue eyes.
Senior year is interesting, but the front page news that Gossip Girl reports on is shockingly about Little J. Blair laughs when she sees her old protégée sporting her hair color, or something shockingly close to it.
"Is that Loreal 14B? Where'd you pick that up, CVS?" she bitchily asks.
Jenny, who now wants to be called Jennifer, tries to muster up a smirk, "Just because Gossip Girl is concerned about my hair doesn't mean she's forgotten that you're a slut," she spits out.
"Really?" Blair asks, feigning interest in the conversation. She adds, "PS, Nate's not really into poor. Good luck impressing the Captain. God knows he loves me more than, well, anyone."
Blair isn't stupid. She knows this newly crowned sophomore has been trying desperately to sleep with her ex-boyfriend. She also knows that said ex-boyfriend hasn't even touched her. She no longer wants Nate, but it doesn't mean she's willing to share him with the world.
Blair finds she no longer gets cheap thrills out of making people feel like shit, and goes to the doctor to see what's wrong with her. When all the doctor can tell her is to be nicer to people, she almost doubles over in shock.
She makes like Lyla Garrity and finds God, but she's not so vocal about it, so nobody knows that she disappears for an hour and a half each Sunday morning before brunch. She remembers the old Catholic priest that helped her with her Chuck dilemma and vaguely recalls the Baizens being the only Roman Catholics in a sea of Protestant socialite families, so she begins to regularly attend the Sunday 9:00 A.M. mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral on Madison and East 51st Street. It's a rather convenient location from her apartment and she Googles the exterior to make sure it is aesthetically pleasing to the eye.
One October afternoon, Carter stands in his usual position outside of Constance waiting for Blair. When it is five minutes after homeroom is over, he steadily glances at his watch, hoping for her to come out.
When Nate walks out the St. Jude's door with glazed eyes and unkempt hair, the blond makes his way over to Carter.
Nate says, "I'm onto you, you know."
"Really?" Carter asks, not the least bit surprised, "And what exactly are you onto?"
"You're just using her," Nate spits.
Carter laughs, "See, that's where you're wrong, Nathaniel," and the way he says it like Chuck says it makes Nate cringe. He adds, "I love her," for good measure.
This time it is Nate that laughs, until he looks into hazel eyes that seem more than sincere. Carter's eyes have never betrayed him before and they do not betray him now as he looks at his former friend directly in the eyes.
Nate makes an excuse to leave and nearly runs into a light pole in the process.
When Halloween rolls around, Serena gets custom-fitted for a purple dress and a bright red wig. As she picks up a blond wig for Dan, Blair laughs, "Of course you two would be Fred and Daphne."
Serena stops to ask, "Why not?"
Blair shakes her head, still laughing, when Serena sighs, tossing her head to the side.
"I've loved Freddie Prinze, Jr. since She's All That," Serena confirms, and Blair whispers, "I know," in response, as if it's a major secret.
Apparently you cannot rent children the way you rent the ballroom at the Plaza, as Blair learns the hard way, so she has Dorota pick up two baby dolls for her, one black and one white. Her maid doesn't even question as she leaves the dolls on Blair's bed and Blair swims in glee as she adorns herself in fake tattoos.
Carter shows up at her door in an Yves Saint Laurent tux and asks what they are going as before Blair slips on a floor-length black velvet gown, proudly stating, "Brangelina."
He says, "You cannot be serious," as he watches her apply a massive load of Lip Venom onto her red-stained mouth.
"Oh, really?" she questions, as she puckers up her lips in the mirror, before she hands him the white doll, "Here, you can have Shiloh. I don't think Angie likes her anyway."
"What's that one?" Carter asks, pointing to the other doll.
"Don't you watch E! News?" she pauses, saying, "Never mind, her name's Zahara."
Eleanor gazes wistfully at her daughter when she sees her smile to herself as she tucks a curl behind her ear. She is remembered of a time when Harold used to tuck her hair behind her ear and reminisces fondly.
She phones her ex-husband, who is delighted to hear from the mother of his child. They talk about the obligatory wine and clothes, but it's mostly about Blair.
"I think our baby is in love," Eleanor says in a light voice, but Harold can hear her thousands of miles away. He remembers seeing the two over the summer and voices his approval.
Harold mutters, "In any case, he's better than that Nathaniel." When he spits out his name, it sounds dirty, as if Nate were equal in manor to the dirtiest of beings.
When November comes, the weather is stormy and gray, and Blair stomps into Carter's apartment soaking wet.
He laughs at her, wondering, "Baby, where's your umbrella?"
She shrugs, answering, "I don't know. I think Serena stole it. Bitch."
He sees she is shivering so he comes to close the door behind her, pinning her arms around his neck.
"You'll get wet," Blair exclaims, until Carter silences her with his lips.
He asks, "Are you wet?"
Blair giggles like a freshman in high school and whispers, "Not wet enough," in response.
Carter traces the coral lip gloss on his girlfriend's lips with his tongue and says, "I think I can get you there."
Blair raises an eyebrow and asks, "You think that highly of yourself, huh?"
As he places soft kisses on her neck, she gently nibbles on his ear as they find their way into the bathroom. He throws her on his sink as they resume kissing, her sweater and skirt already thrown onto the floor. He hastily tosses his shirt over his neck and unbuttons his pants, not even fully removing them. When he rips the lace tights off her, he pushes her panties aside when he enters her, sinking himself in fully.
When Blair comes, rather loudly, Carter isn't done yet and finishes removing all of her clothing. When they enter the shower's scalding hot water, Blair gets backed up against the wall as Carter roughly enters her again. The pressure of the water builds up and Blair finds herself screaming her boyfriend's name once again.
"Blair," he pants into her ear, and she rubs herself against him.
Later, when they are entwined in bed and Blair is absentmindedly flipping through channels, she looks up at Carter and asks, "What was that about?"
Carter looks down at his petite girlfriend and pauses the fingers which have been combing through her hair and replies, "What was what about?"
When Blair sighs, she imagines she sounds a little like a damsel in distress, a little more Scarlett (O'Hara, not Johansson) than Britney, and she settles into his arms.
"You were a little intense earlier."
He chuckles against her hair and rubs his hands up and down her stomach when he says, "I thought you enjoyed it," seemingly proud of his work and never one to apologize.
"I did," Blair exclaims, "It's just, you were a little more rough than usual. Care to elaborate?"
Carter shrugs, all nonchalance and no worries, a little too much like Nate, "Not really."
"Fine, you know I'll just ask Tristan," Blair taunts.
"Like he would tell you anything, Blair."
"He won't," Blair starts, "But Rory will."
Her self-satisfied smirk leaves her lips when he takes them with his own and they continue to kiss for hours on end.
Blair surprises Carter by saying a perfect "Our Father" as the Baizens join hands to pray before Thanksgiving. He looks at her quizzically, but she does not respond as his mother makes comments about how beautiful and smart she is.
Blair takes it all in beautifully, gloating under the attention of doting parents. She beams at Victoria Baizen as the latter's son holds her hand.
Thanksgiving dinner is spent at the Waldorf apartment and the feast prepared is much livelier than the year before. Harold shows up with Roman and they bestow upon Blair a silver and blue topaz David Yurman bracelet, petite for her small wrists. She jumps up and down with delight as she slips the bangle on her right arm and runs to the kitchen to help her father bake pumpkin pie.
Serena joins them later for spiked cranberry juice on the balcony, and they drunkenly smoke imported cigarettes that Serena steals from Bart Bass as they tell stories of yesteryear.
Blair spends her first weekend of December visiting Rory at Yale, partly to get her gazillionth tour in, and partly to see her boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend. When she thinks about the jumbled words, she grimaces at herself, but pauses when the Whiffenpoofs stop to serenade her. She giggles as they finish their acapella melody, and then walks her way through the New Haven streets.
Rory's roommate Paris Gellar lets her in the door, and Blair has to stop and pause to look at her surroundings.
Rory comes out and gives Blair a huge hug, beginning, "Look, I know it's not much, but—"
Blair wrinkles her nose before she interrupts the girl she considers to practically be her older sister, "It's disgusting."
Rory rolls her eyes when she exclaims, "Welcome to student housing, Ms. Waldorf," in a terrible British accent and curtsy to boot.
This time Blair looks over at Paris when she asks, "Aren't you both from Hartford?" When they simultaneously nod, she questions again, "You both look like society girls. Surely you can afford something better?" The statement that came out as a question lingers on her lips as she waits for one of them to respond.
Paris shrugs and replies in a curt voice, "Yale's expensive enough. I guess I didn't want to put anymore burden on my parents after their divorce."
When Blair leaves Connecticut to hop on her train to the city, she sighs wistfully at the scenic trees that line the streets and dreams of the buildings back home.
Spring semester senior year feels eerily like spring semester junior year and the thought of the latter makes Blair make a dash for the nearest bathroom at Constance. A small blonde freshman stands at the mirror wide-eyed when she walks in, but hastily leaves when Blair glares daggers at her.
She does what she hasn't done in months and spills her just-eaten yogurt all over the pristine porcelain bowl. With practiced ease, it falls in perfectly, and she flushes easily with her left hand. She leaves the stall to wash her hands when she looks at herself.
Who is she?
This is the question she keeps repeating to herself. She didn't care as much last year, when she had no one. No Nate and no Chuck, and just sometimes Serena. Now she has Carter to impress, and her embarrassing takedown of Rachel Carr is just one more notch on her belt of bitchiness. She almost feels good about herself until she realizes her plight.
Her dreams died the second that Nelly Yuki got the early admit text from Yale. Like a phoenix, she will die. When she awakens, she will be something even more magnificent. Or so she tells herself.
Blair puts on a pure white Marc Jacobs sheath that hangs against her body, a pair of patent black Christian Louboutin pumps, and heads out the door. For the first time in forever (or so it seems) she heads to the van der Woodsen/Bass suite. She nods once to the doorman, who steps aside to let her in. The ride up the elevator is slightly more nerve wracking, an indicator of what's to come.
Lily greets her with a smile, "Blair, I've missed you."
When Blair politely hugs back, Lily's eyes falter. "Charles isn't here, darling, but Serena's in her room." Blair utters a quick, "Thank you," before she ascends the stairway.
Serena looks like a Renaissance portrait draped across her bed in silk linens when Blair walks in without knocking. Her blonde curls bounce when she looks up and asks, "What's wrong, B?"
Blair shuts the door behind her and sits down next to her best friend. She starts crying immediately.
"B, what is it? Is it Carter? I'll hunt him down. I swear. I warned him—" but Serena can't continue because Blair has silenced her with a perfectly manicured hand.
"No, I, hold please," Blair starts. She tries to compose herself when she continues, "I — I ruined everything when I tried to take down Carr. Yale's gone, my dad's gone, and if Yale's gone then law school's gone. Everything's gone, S. I didn't apply anywhere else."
She continues sobbing into her best friend's arms. Serena begins rubbing Blair's arms, silently telling her it's all going to be okay.
"Shh," she whispers. "You can do those late applications. With your GPA, SAT scores, and extracurricular activities, anybody would be happy to have you. Maybe you could even apply to Brown!"
With this Blair looks up, "S, I'm not getting dreadlocks."
The girls both giggle despite themselves and Serena continues, "Even if the late applications don't work out, you can always start in the spring. With all the AP credit you have, I'm sure you'd still finish early even if you decided to double major."
Blair rolls her eyes, "Of course I'm going to double major. Who do you think I am? Penelope?"
This time they laugh even harder.
Blair leaves the Palace happier than she was before, but her face freezes when she witnesses the Bass limo pull forward. She would recognize it anywhere.
When Chuck and Nate step out of the limo and witness her standing, she decides to bolt. Blair decides to flag down the first cab she sees. The boys call her name as she hastily runs into the taxi. She allows herself one last look at them, the boys she used to love.
Blair feels forlorn before the impatient driver asks her where she's going. She means to give her own address, but instead gives Carter's. It's become second nature to her, after all.
Carter senses something is up immediately, but doesn't press the issue. He merely pulls her closer to him and kisses the top of her forehead. She is silent as he grabs the bottle of wine on top of his refrigerator. He fills two glasses and brings the uncorked bottle out to his living room.
"Thank you," Blair whispers, gazing up at her wonderful boyfriend. She wonders to herself, 'third time's the charm, right?' when he slowly starts to massage the knots in her back.
She continues, "That feels good," when he leans in to kiss her neck.
"I didn't get into Yale."
Carter stops massaging her and turns her around to face him. His brow is furrowed like it always is when something is bothering him. "But I thought that was all settled, baby. Didn't the dean give you a go?"
Blair nods, ashamed. "That was before I singlehandedly accused Dan and Ms. Carr of sleeping together, which they are. But they weren't at the time. And I had my dad back me up in front of the parents' board without proof." She pauses, "I'm not sure why I'm not speaking in full sentences."
Carter doesn't say anything and his brows are still arched when he pulls Blair's head into his lap and starts massaging her scalp. "If it's any consolation, I'm sorry, baby."
Blair grabs the remote and orders Audrey on demand as she replies, "Thank you, but it's not your fault. I did this. I should be more mature than this. I thought I was done scheming. I should've been done scheming. I'm eighteen, for Christ's sake! I should be more of an adult than this. I don't mean to ramble."
"It's okay," her boyfriend whispers in her ear, "Maybe you can go to Columbia with me."
When everybody else spends their spring break sunning in St. Barts, Blair uses the first weekend to get some applications out of the way. She reminds herself that she is a Waldorf and this will not put her off. Her dreams have been crushed before; Yale is only added to her list of 1) daddy leaving, and 2) Prince Charming (Nate) not being so charming.
Carter rushes to his apartment to find her waiting one day, Columbia application in hand. "I threw in an NYU one for good measure," he tells her. She wrinkles her nose at him.
"If you say beggars can't be choosers, I'll slap you," Blair warns.
Carter laughs, "Like it'd hurt. You hit like a—"
"Like a what?" Blair is smiling.
Carter starts laughing again, "Never mind, baby."
A knock at the door startles them both.
"I wonder who that is," Blair says, before getting up to answer the door. "I thought everyone jetted off this morning."
It turns out to be Serena, all sunshine and bright smiles as she waves a Brown application in Blair's face. The girls giggle as Blair invites her best friend in to her boyfriend's apartment. It's not as weird as an outsider would think, and the three order Thai as Blair begins filling out the many forms.
Midway through a bite of chu chee eggplant (Blair's personal favorite), she exclaims she finished four applications.
Carter asks, "Which one's the fourth?"
To which Blair responds, "Princeton."
Serena questions, "Oh, so you can go to a trade school now, can you?"
Blair is still wrinkling her nose when Serena holds her hands up in defense.
"I kid, I kid!"
Blair huffs, "You're not very funny, S. Tell her she's not funny." She looks at her boyfriend pointedly.
He tries to appear serious when he turns to her best friend and mutters, "You're not very funny, S."
Now Blair turns and huffs at him. "What's with the Jersey Girl accent? That's not funny." She's so serious that the other two become nearly frightened.
She is still a Waldorf to the rest of the world and it is no surprise that NYU and Brown hastily accept her, despite her detention. They don't seem to mind a young girl's high-strung aggression. Why should Yale? But Blair is tired of living her life full of what-ifs.
Eighteen months ago, if you had asked Blair Waldorf what she wanted in five years, she would've told you a Yale diploma, the Vanderbilt diamond, and a townhouse on Park Avenue. Now her wants have changed, some because she wanted them (Carter) and some because she couldn't have what she desired (Yale), but she finally starts to feel the regret beginning to fade.
It's a nice feeling, and she takes it to heart.
Columbia is not so easy on her. In their rejection letter, they state that she can reapply for the spring semester, should she wish to. They will almost guarantee her acceptance, but she doesn't want to wait to go to school. She feels useless when she isn't doing anything, so she waits to hear from Princeton.