Summary: "Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day
when dreaming ends?"
Disclaimer: All hail GL and Will Jennings and Joe Sample for "One Day I'll
Fly Away."
*********************************************
Always the smiles. The smiles and the grins and the nods and the "thank
you's." Smiling until it seemed my face would crack, but never once did the
smile reach my eyes.
Every award, every honor, every lightsaber opponent vanquished and conquered –
I smiled through them all. And you just smiled right back. You were so proud,
so certain that you had such a wonderful apprentice. You knew that you must
have done something right; how could you not have when you had such a
successful Padawan.
And through it all, I just kept smiling. Nodding, grinning and offering thanks
to all those that congratulated on my skill, or on your excellent teaching
skills. Just smile and nod, nod and smile; and somehow you'll get through the
day.
*********************************************
He rose with the Coruscant dawn, entering the common area to find his
apprentice already beginning the day's mediations. Smiling lightly as he rubbed
the sleep from his eyes, Qui-Gon made his way to the kitchen. Normally Obi-Wan
would have the tea started before he arose, but today the Master wanted to do
something nice for his apprentice.
Reaching into the cupboard, he drew out the canister of hot chocolate that Bant
had given to his Padawan on his last naming day. It was a running joke between
the young Mon Calamarian and the fifteen-year old human; Bant always finding
some new form of chocolate for Obi-Wan to enjoy. It was one of the few things
the young apprentice ever showed a real joy for, and the special symbolism of
it coming from a friend only made his eyes shine all the brighter.
As he mixed a cup of the sweet mixture for his Padawan, Qui-Gon reflected on
the joy he saw all too seldom in Obi-Wan. The young man was a stellar student,
and an excellent athlete; with many close friends and very few rivals. He had
much to be thankful for, yet he never seemed to really get any enjoyment out of
anything. It was almost like he won each competition and garnered each award
just because it was there, not because he found any happiness in either the
pursuit or the capture of the victory.
\Perhaps this is something we need to talk about…\ the Master thought, as he
finished mixing the cocoa blend into the hot water. Turning from the kitchen
counter and heading back to the common room to await his apprentice's rise from
meditation, Qui-Gon's thoughts focused on how to broach the subject with his
Padawan.
*********************************************
Every award, every honor, every certificate and each first place- they were
nothing to me. Only a slight vicarious joy in seeing you thrill at my success.
To me, they were just one more thing to add to the pile of discarded thoughts
and memories. Sometimes, on good days, I would reflect on how lucky I was to
have the skills and knowledge to be so successful; but most days, I just pushed
the memories aside. No reason to think of the past- just pick the next big goal
and reach for it. Life is nothing but one accomplishment after another after
all. It's not like there is really anything worth living for…
*********************************************
Setting the steaming cup of hot chocolate on the low table beside him, Qui-Gon
settled down onto the couch with his own cup of tea cradled in his hands. He
didn't bother raising the lights, as the incoming light of the rising dawn
served to highlight Obi-Wan in a greater relief than any artificial lighting
ever could. The soft caress of the early morning light fell upon the young
Padawan, adding a halo of gold to his ginger spikes. But it was the shadows that
fell on Obi-Wan's other side that had the Master intrigued.
The light caressed the young man, claiming him as its own; but the shadows
seemed to stake their own rights to Obi-Wan. It was almost as if the shadows
illuminated what the light tried so valiantly to hide. And it was in the
darkness, that the lines of sorrow were etched on too young of a face.
As he leaned closer, almost involuntarily, Qui-Gon was startled as the
checkered eyelids flicked open. Serene gray eyes met startled blue, and all of
the Master's musings were lost in the small smile the apprentice offered. "Good
morning Master. Can I make you something to eat?"
*********************************************
I tried to be the best at everything. I knew that if I could just win that
one extra tournament, or get that one final award, I'd be happy. I just kept
stretching and reaching, trying to find something to fill the empty hollows
inside. I knew that someday I'd find something or do something that would make
you so proud – so very, very proud – that maybe… I'd feel something too…
*********************************************
Taking in the placid mask, that stoic Jedi façade that he had always been so
proud of, Qui-Gon felt a slight chill. \Do I know you?\ he found himself asking,
as the mixed visions danced before his memories: the boy illuminated by light,
the serene mask of the Jedi Padawan, the young man - aged beyond his time by a
sorrow so great.
"Master?" Obi-Wan asked as he climbed gracefully to his feet. "Do you want me
to make breakfast?"
Realizing he had simply been staring at his Padawan, not offering any answer to
the previous question, the Master shook his head slightly and spoke softly. "No
Padawan, thank you." Gesturing to the cooling cup beside him, Qui-Gon forced a
smile. "Actually I made you some hot chocolate. Why don't you sit down here
with me and enjoy it?"
The edges of his lips curling into the slightest semblance of an expression,
Obi-Wan shook his head. "Thank you Master, but I'm afraid I don't have time. I
have to get ready for class." Sketching a slight bow, the young man disappeared
into his room, sliding the door shut behind him.
Bringing his teacup to his lips, and taking a sip from the lukewarm brew,
Qui-Gon didn't even notice as his hands shook slightly. \Perhaps this is
something we should talk about…\
