It has been two years since the day, Dusty, had earned a place as the first crop-duster racer in history. In two whole years, he had managed not only to proved to people what he was a real racer, but also what everyone ought not to be limited due to its building. The young man had went through many hardships to even make himself realized this. And now he knew what he was. He was something more than that he was build for.
Or so he thought. Something deep inside him had awaken in these two years. Perhaps, he was wrong, it always had been there. Yet, he never let himself acknowledged these feelings and instead he ignored all of them. It wasn't the most recommended salvation in this case, however, it was still effective. Hiding faces behind masks, prevents someone from looking the other's faces, which sometimes is linked with his identity.
Thinking about it, Dusty, ordered his body to move off his bed. It was already five, this meant that a certain someone would soon or later appeared at his door. No matter what, the young man had no energy to do his daily routine, his mind only wished for him to go to sleep. Taking a break from his thoughts a little. Of course, logical speaking that would be a miracle in this situation, neither the weather nor his mentor would prevent him from his training.
His heart rate increased at the thought of his mentor. Skipper was not dumb, if Dusty suddenly requested him, to skip the training for no special reason, the old man would definitely sense what something didn't fit in place. As a conclusion, there is no doubt that he would researched answers from the young man, if he denied giving any to him, Skipper would certainly turned to others, meaning what this absolutely will be a terrible scenario.
When the next move for Dusty seemed to be only one. He had to to wear a mask. It wasn't the first time for him playing this role, but it never was his favorable one. Moreover, seeing where this situation leaded him, it was the only obvious salvation. And the only way that could help him avoid worrying others and any possible criticism.
A baritone voice echoed in his hangar. separating him from thoughts and bringing him back to reality. He quickly prepared for his training and went outside to met his coach.
Slowly painting one of the most realistic smiles on his face.
"Hey, kid! Ready for some training today!" Skipper, the old navy, said with a gently tone in his voice.
"Yes, Skip, as usual!" Dusty said returning a warm smile to his friend.
"Then let's go, Sparky, plans to do a check up on me today, after we finish the training you are free!" Skipper informed the young racer, while he was leading his way on the runway.
The training last for three hours, Skipper had gone to his hangar where Sparky had been waiting for him and Dusty was free for the rest of the day. Without a second thought, the red-haired male, went to his home. Having nothing else in his mind than taking some rest from the outside world. Hoping for his friends to be busy and leave him alone for just one day.
By the time he arrived at his house, it was about 10 o'clock. A gurgling sound came from his stomach, as an certain sign of hunger. The young man, went to his kitchen picking a random snack to cover recently his need for food. It couldn't escaped from his attention his body's messy state. Both his clothes and skin had found company with the dirt. It wasn't dry, so it probably was the best time for him to take a bath.
Preparing the water and making sure the temperature was ideal. He slowly and carefully took off his dirty clothes. His skin revealed in his own eyes, creating a variety of feelings and thoughts. He couldn't stop looking at that one spot on his wrist. The scars and the dried blood on them was a disgusting sight. The pain on his abused skin, fortunately had reduced. However some warm water would numb any existing pain. At least physically.
The water swallowed his abused body, letting his stress be released in it. Two hands caressed and cleaned the body, which they worshiped. In every soothing touch on his body, a small shiver escaped. Within a few moments, he had properly get rid of any dirt. With a steady movement he get off the bathtub and wrapped up a towel on him, the same way a snake coils its dinner.
A foot stepped in front of the other, leading its owner to a small mirror over the white washbasin. The young man, lazily looked at his reflection. Noticing every single feature on his face. All of them had an oddly sight similar to the symbols used by painters in their art. Strange symmetrical or unsymmetrical shapes to described either feeling or thoughts. Our faces is an art made to reveal ourselves to the others.
Not even a minute could barely pass and Dusty took his eyes away from this image. His eyes fell on his razor blade and suddenly a sinful urged coiled him. The intense silence in the room were the only thing escaping from the war within his mind. But in the end only the stronger will win the war. His hand slowly approached the razor blade, and while grabbing it he placed it over his left wrist. Ready to receive his punishment.
The sun was about to set and thankfully no one appeared to be in need for Dusty, so he had a whole evening to himself. The young male, all dressed up, was resting on his bed. He had some covers over him for comfort and he was holding in his hand his mobile phone, to keep him company.
Dusty mentally agreed with himself that it would be better to distract himself, from his thoughts a little. A sudden pain yelled from his body. Causing him to look for the harm. Only to face a rather disappointing and horrible sight. His wrist was exposed in his eyes. Every fresh small scar on his skin had being decorate with a rose-red color. The young man caressed with his other hand the abused spot, gaining a new wave of pain in every sooth movement.
A sudden notification from his phone stole his attention. It was a message from Zed. Zed and Dusty normally wouldn't get along with each other, because of Dusty's rivalry with Ripslinger. However, one time when Ripslinger was no around, Dusty happened to talk with Zed and found a company in him. Of course because of the back story he and his brother had with the young racer, Dusty didn't allow himself to get close.
«Heyyy! It's been a long time how are you?»
«I'm fine. And it haven't been a long time, we chatted last week.» Dusty texted reluctantly .
«I know, but I missed ya!» Zed responded.
«Well that's your problem, I guess.»
«Wow, why you are so mean! I just want to talk with you! :(»
«Ha...ha, be honest you don't give a damn about me, so why should I be kind to you.»
«Look, I know that why you distrust me, and I understand! I don't ask you to trust me, just like you don't ask me to trust you. But you have to understand that people is not often that they seem to others.»
Dusty paused for a moment to think. He knew that Zed was right. Indeed, this was the second time Zed had told him that. However, he was afraid. He didn't want to talk to him more. But something inside him, attracted him to the idea of asking him for help. He knew that it was risky talking to him. Yet, he remember one time that Dusty had seen the fellow racer alone in a park after a heated argument with his brother and boss, and Dusty was the only one who he could leaned to. It was a night with a lot of tears and screams that Dusty had to put up with. Suddenly a message delivered. Dusty turned his eyes to read it.
«I get that you are in bad mood and you don't want to talk to me, but if there is something I can do, I would like you to tell me! »
He stared for a moment at that comment, and surprisingly his urge to asked him for help increased. Out of all this, telling to Zed wasn't right, on the other hand telling to the others would bring a mess.
«Zed, mind if I tell you something. But I don't want anybody else than you to know about it.»
« Got it. Wait.» after that Zed was offline for few minutes.
«OK, I'm here! :)» Zed was online again.
«Were you've been?»
«I'm outside, making sure that no one will see the texts, and if boss catch me talking to you, he will kill me in place.»
«Ah, right Rip...»
«U want to keep texting me or call me?»
Dusty considering the fact that he was about to cry, he choose to keep texting. «Let's keep it like this.»
A picture of Zed being in a park was sent. With a message saying «In case you don't believe me »
«Ok, get it. I will tell you.»
«Yeah!!!»
«I need help...»
«I'm listening.»
The young man sighed before he started typing.
«I said to you earlier that I am fine...but I am not fine. In this year, I have been feeling so down, I've been trying all along to hide and forget these thoughts and feelings, I managed pretty well by this far, but in the end, I end up a liar not only to myself about also to the people I love. I didn't ask for it, but I wasn't strong enough to tell them the truth. And as result of my weakness I punished myself...»
«Dusty...what happen?»
«I don't know...it was just a result I guess...»
«Dusty, what you've done.»
He felt his hot tear filling his eyes at this question. A sigh escaped from his lips and he moved his phone to take a picture of his wrist. When the subject he had sent was delivered to the other. The reaction he received was the expected one. Many messages at the same time repeating particular phrases.
«DUDE!?»
«NO»
«No»
«NOoo, Dude...why?»
«Why you've done this to yourself?!»
«I don't know...I just did it.»
«Farmer, that's not an answer! Why you've done this? »
«I ... Just wanted to remember...»
«Remember what?»
«How it is to feel again.»
«How long you've been doing this?»
«I'm not sure about three months or so...»
«That's insane! You should talk to your friends, you know!?»
«No, no if they found out, I won't forgive myself for letting this happen!»
« I'm not the right person to give you help and you know it, farmer. But if I am to say something, then harming yourself won't solve anything, Just try to fight this urge or distract yourself with something else whenever you feel like harming yourself.»
« I'll try.»
«It might seem hypocritical, but it is the only chance that I will ever get to tell you. No matter what I have done to you, deep down I know that you are a worthy champion and have accept it.»
«Thank you...»
After all this talk both of them decided to end this conversation for good. Zed took his way home. The time was 7 P.M. he had only been praying for Ripslinger to not have notice his sudden absence. Plus today it was Sunday, which is the day the famous racer was dealing with all the important pendings relating to team RPX. Concluding this Ripslinger would probably return by 11 or 12, so he had plenty of time to arrive at his place and nobody notice.
Soon he approached his place. The short man rushed to find his key ad unlock the door. When he did, he crossed the apartment to his room. Seeing no one was anywhere to be found. He entered his room and spend the rest of his day there.
Few days after the conversation, Dusty continued live normally pretending that nothing special happened. Zed had been trying to communicate with him waiting for updates, but they were worthless efforts, since the young man had being distant with him lately. Meanwhile, Dusty keep hiding anything from the others, he often covered the truth through silly jokes, wishing just to have fun with his friends. And somehow forget about his problems.
"Dusty, are you okay? You look skeptic." Dottie's caring tone, was an unusual sound to his ears, yet, he always enjoyed when that side of Dottie was exposed to him.
"Nothing serious, really...just random thoughts!" he answered with a wide grin on his face. Predicting that Dottie would still ask him more, he thoughtfully planned his moves in advances.
"What thoughts?"
"Some silly ones." he stated looking up to the sky still wearing a warm smile on his face.
Dottie stepped outside of the Shop to see what Dusty meant. The young man was sitting on a chair, gazing the blue sky like a child waiting to see a rainbow, only to be disappointed to find out that rainbows occurs in rainy weather.
"What silly thoughts?" she inquired this time more curious than she attempted.
"About mantis... are they committing suicide or just getting murdered?"
"What?!" the purple-haired woman said confused.
"I warned you!" he teased her hoping she would just walk away, when she didn't, he knew that he had to give her an explanation. " what I meant is when a male falls in love with a female, after mating the female eats its head. Which is expected. So practical it is murdered. But what if the male knows the dangers and still does anything for the sake love? Is this considered murder? It looks more like a suicide to me. Knowing all the dangers but still going, accepting their fate and not fighting. Not because they are weak, but because they are meant to end like this, being killed by their mate..." after a pause Dusty added "So it is a suicide that appears as murder or perhaps sometimes a murder that appears as suicide."
Dottie remained silent, wearing a confused expression on her face. No word found to described her thoughts. The only way to express them were through an astonished gaze.
"Never mind that." Dusty broke the silence still keeping the same smile he had earlier. Chug approached both of them at this moment.
"Hey, guys! Did I lost anything important?" he asked lifting his eyebrow.
"Dusty was telling me some random thoughts of his." Dottie informed thee plummy man.
"What kind of thoughts?" he turned his light brown eyes on Dusty.
"The kind of: are lobsters mermaids to scorpions?" the red-haired man answered with a ridiculous face, gaining a heart warming laugh from both Dottie and Chug.
"Okay, enough time of joking, now both of you came in, I've made brownies! Your favorite Dusty!" the young woman stated and all of them crossed the way to her shop.
After finishing Dottie's delicious home made brownies, the red-haired man took his way home. And now he was resting on his couch watching TV. His blue eyes appeared uninterested staring at the news portrayed on TV. So, he slowly laid down waiting to lost his consciousness. A heaviness knocked his body with every breath of his. Both of his eyelids covered his eyes letting enough exposed space to move his eyeballs.
Suddenly, the young man , heard something from the TV. If his hearing sense was still in place, he had heard a reference to his name. Dusty paid attention on the news and it seemed right, someone called his name and it was no other than--
«Ripslinger, we are connecting with you.» a blond-haired lady said. Then the dark haired man wearing his casual fancy clothes and his favorite orange sunglasses seemed to connecting with the female reporter.
« I connected with you. » he stated with his usual confident tone.
« So, Mr Ripslinger, yesterday you stated to an outside reporter when he asked you in an interview, ' how are you viewing Dusty Crophopper after two years since his first race and won in WATG rally?' And you responded 'I normally would hate him, but now I kind of pity him, knowing his state.' And when the reported asked you what you meant you answered with ' That's not the right place to discuss this.' So, what actually you know that we don't? » finishing her question, Ripslinger took the lead in the conversation.
« Well, It's a rather sensitive subject for anyone, I guess.» he combined his words with a honeyed tone, which made Dusty cringed. He tried to focus as he watched Ripslinger continued his speech.
« I cannot find the right words to described my thoughts and feelings on that Dusty goes through. » I'm pretty sure if you had paid attention to English lesson at school you would...Dusty mentally commented on this statement.
« ...But I know that It should have been expected after all. Being a racer and also a famous one, requires a lot of work and time. In the end, the pressure and anxiety every day leads to unreasonable actions if you are unable to control it. Unfortunately many of us can't dealt with it and it seems that Dusty is not an exception!»
«Are you saying that Mr Crophopper has been under circumstances that affecting his actions or thoughts?» the blond woman asked raising an eyebrow.
«Actually it is better to show you than tell you, I can display some photos of his!» The woman allowed this happened and that moment Dusty felt his legs go numb. The photos were exposed to the public view. The young man couldn't believe that he just witnessed. He felt multiple waves of unexpected feelings hitting him at once. Each one let his body more shaken. His eyes were widen at the sight of two photos presenting his abused wrist. Both of them were exposed without any legal right in the public. And the worst part, he couldn't do anything to prevent this, the damaged already has been done, there was no reversed in this now.
« I don't want to be the "bad" one, but I have to be honest, Dusty from the day I met him was a very good guy, yet he was always stuck in his head, I tried to bring him back to earth many times but he never listened to me, even after anything good done by me for him wasn't enough. I only wanted to help and he rejected my offer. In the end, when someone gives you help, you don't throw the offering as if it was worthless trash, do you? If you you do, it's not because you are depressed, it's because you put your ego over everyone, implying by this action your superiority. It's a pity...just pity for him--» Dusty turned off the TV , having heard enough of his speech. He knew all this was Ripslinger tactics in manipulation. He planned to twist Dusty's image by making himself look like the 'good' one.
Meanwhile, the tall dark-haired had finished his 'play' in this interview. Ending the connection keeping one of his most satisfied smile. He was proud of himself for managing to sent despair to his rival and gave punishment...
He turned his olive eyes to the short man wearing a race uniform with the number 0#. He was leaning his back on the wall and staring to the ground refusing to do any eye contact.
"Next time I catch you chatting with the farmer, you and your brother are fired." his boss declared, while shutting the laptop he was holding. Ned gazed his brother with a saddened look but said nothing. Then Ripslinger went to his room followed by Ned. Zed remained still, thinking about anything that happened and wishing for Dusty to forgive him for his fault.
His mind blurred from his thoughts. However, It didn't matter...it never did.
walking on the building's room, having his feet naked, allowed him sense the coldness from the ground with any single step. The wind was dancing with his tangerine hair, letting them not choice but to follow its lead. In this last dance. Then he finally reached the end, he took a moment to close his eyes trying to trap all the unshed tears in, and after a few breaths. He was ready. Slowly leaning to the space, hoping gravity would do its job without any exception...
A/N: Stay tuned for the second and last chapter, next Sunday!