Spooky Talk
Fox Mulder had to admit he was stumped and not by a vast government/alien conspiracy or an intricate paranormal serial killing. No, one of the best criminal profilers Quantico had ever produced was stumped by a four year old boy. More specifically his son William.
"Will would you like something to eat?" Mulder asked kneeling so he was as close to his son's eye line as he could get.
"No." Will said giggling and clutching a toy alien to his chest
"Okay do you want something to drink?" Mulder tried.
"No" Will said smiling.
"Fair enough do you want a nap?"
"No."
"Bath?"
"No."
"You wanna watch TV?"
"No."
"Okay lets try this another way. William what would you like to do?" Mulder at which point Will scrunched up his face and seemed to think hard before concluding. "No." Mulder and rubbed his eyes smiling at his son soon after he began talking it became clear that William had inherited his fathers sense of humor. Mulder swore blind his first full sentence was part of a somewhat mangled knock, knock joke he'd been trying to teach him.
"Oh man you realize mommy is gonna find some way of blaming this on me right?" Mulder said shaking his head.
"No."
"Sigh. So you think the nicks will win this season?"
"No"
"Blasphemy! We must cast out the faithless one!" Mulder said dramatically holding his son over his head and shaking him gently. Will laughed and clapped his hands at his father antics. "No! No! No!" Will shouted as his father nuzzled his neck. "Well looks my boys had fun while I was out gathering our dinner." A voice said Mulder turned and saw his partner and Will's mother Dana Scully coming into the kitchen carrying her newly bought groceries over to a table.
"Mommy!" Will shouted as his father set him down so he rush at Scully like a brown haired missile. Luckily Mulder had waited until Scully was ready before putting the boy down allowing her to easily catch her son in a hug. "Hi sweetheart did you and daddy have fun while I was at the store?" She asked. "No" Will said giggling Scully raised her eyebrows.
"Really? Was daddy being mean to you?" She asked giving Mulder a look.
"No." Will said shaking his head.
"Oh so you just missed mommy then?" She said.
"No."
"What? You didn't miss me Will?"
"No"
"Mulder have you been teaching him to do this?" Scully asked now turning her famous "look" on Mulder. "No!" Mulder and Will said simultaneously causing Scully to laugh. "He's been saying it since you left watch. Will do you want to dance?" Mulder asked his son.
"No."
"Do you want to sing?"
"No."
"Do you want mommy to do a back flip?"
"No."
"Do you like chocolate?
"No."
"Do you hate salad?"
"No."
"Is mommy's hair red?"
"No."
"Do you love this woman?" Mulder said doing a rather good impression of Donkey from Shrek one of Will's favorite movies.
"No."
"Do you wanna hold her?"
"No"
"Please her?"
"No."
"Well then you gotta, gotta say a little more than no! Cause its really ticking mommy off." Mulder finished leaving Scully shaking her head and Will laughing and clapping. "Congratulations Will you are now officially more mature than your father who claims to be over 40 years old." Scully said placing Will on the sofa Will smiled then said. "No" Causing Scully drop her head into her hands. "I take that back I have been saddled with the most immature husband and son in the world." She said in false despair. "Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you see Will the male of the species lacks the brain power of the females and has to make do as the dumb muscle while the female does all the thinking."
Mulder made a point to look horrified and appalled by this claim and turned to his son for support. "Quick Will! Do something to prove her wrong!"
"No."
"Your killing me here buddy! Come on we males have to stick together! Don't you know that woman will pounce at the slightest sign of weakness? Like a cheetah jumping on the antelope that tries to protect its kids!" Mulder appealed to his son.
"...No." Will said after a long internal debate.
"Doh!" Mulder said now doing an impression of Homer Simpson. Will laughed and clapped his hands again. "Homer he funny!" He declared. "Hah you said something other than no you lose I win!" Suddenly said pinning his son to the floor and tickling him relentlessly Scully however did not look happy. "Mulder did you let him watch The Simpsons again?"
"No!" "Yes!" Mulder and Will said simultaneously Scully glared at Mulder putting her hands on her hips and assuming a pose the males of the Mulder-Scully family as the "oh-no-angry-redheads-gonna-kill-me" look. "Muder he had nightmares for weeks after the last time!" She said only raising her voice a little not wanting to upset her cheerfully oblivious son who was playing with his toy alien Spooky.
"Well in my defense it was a Halloween episode and I didn't know there would be so much gore." Mulder said sheepishly Scully kept giving him the look but upon seeing their patented "please-don't-kill-us-we-love-you" look on her husband and son's faces she sighed and relented. "All right but no more Halloween episodes. Of anything! Clear?" Scully said sternly more to Mulder than Will.
"Yes! No!" Mulder and Will said again simultaneously getting an eye roll from Scully. "I give up. Now Will are you gonna help mommy put this stuff away?" She asked sweetly Will giggled and came out with a familiar reply. "No." Scully sighed and Mulder shrugged knowing he would be no help but Scully had an idea.
"Well you known Will I bought a lot of tasty stuff in there like cookies, chocolate, your favorite candy and ice cream." She said Will looked like someone just handed him the key to Willy Wonky's chocolate factory. "And you know all that candy and stuff will go bad if we leave it out then we won't be able to eat any of them you wouldn't want that would you?" She continued
"No." Will said looking aghast at the idea of all that lovely food being made uneatable.
"Well then are you going to help mommy put the food awa..." Before she could finsh Will jumped up and ran into the kitchen shouting. "Yes! Yes! YEEESSS!" Mulder smiled and bowed at Scully. "I kneel before the master of parenting." He said sounding like a Shaolin Monk in a bad kung fu movie. "Darn right you do." She said leaning over and giving him a deep and loving kiss. "Mommy! Daddy! The food's melting hurry up!" Will's voice interrupted their moment but they smiled and Mulder asked. "Can I get a rain check?"
Scully considered briefly before smiling wickedly and saying. "No." Before running off into the kitchen with Mulder hot on tail.