My first Diablo humor fic. Hope you laugh! It's the classic battle of evil
vs. evil.
THE PRIME EVILS
VS.
THE TEENY BABIES
By B.H. Miles (Labrian)
Opening scene: Baal and Mephisto return to hell after terrorizing a Wal- Mart. Diablo is just finishing making a deal with Sadam Houssein.
Diablo: Alright, Sadam, you can have the group of crazy terrorists.
Sadam: Excellent! See you Monday on poker night?
Diablo: You can bet your damned soul I'll be there!
Baal (rushing in the chaos sanctuary): Dude! Check out what low prices Wal- Mart has!
Diablo: I thought you were supposed to kill everyone and burn it down!
Mephisto: Ya, but before that Baal bought a bunch of little dolls.
Baal (after sending a fireball at Mephisto): They're not dolls! They're teeny babies!
Diablo: Babies? What the hell?
Mephisto: That's what I said!
Baal: Look! I even got Mr. Bananas!
Sadam: Mr. Bananas?! I'll trade you for Governor Pony!
Baal: No way, Houssein, ponies are for girls!
Mephisto: And so are dolls!
Baal (releasing another fireball): TEENY BABIES!!!
Diablo: Alright, shut up! Sadam, go home!
Sadam: Sorry. Baal, call me about that monkey!
Baal: What-ever. Later that night, Diablo awoke to find Mr. Bananas and Senator Butterfly on the ground.
Diablo: Stupid dolls.
Bananas: Teeny Babies!
Diablo: WHAT?! Who said that? Baal, are you still up? You know junk food will give you tummy aches!
Bananas: Oh, Baal's gone to sleep. It's just you and us, Diablo.Muhahahaha!
Diablo: What the- (throws them away) BACK YOU STUPID DOLLS! (releases chain lightning on them)
Butterfly: That won't hurt us.Fear us, lord of terror!
Diablo (releasing a girlish scream): Baal! Mephisto! Help!
Mephisto (entering the sanctuary): Ah great, not another nightmare about Richard Simmons dating Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Diablo: No! It's worse! And for the record, her name is Sarah!
Mephisto: Whatever! Hey, why are you playing with Baal's toys? Ah, you like them, don't you?
Diablo: NO! They're evil!
Mephisto: So are you.
Diablo: What? That's not the point! They talked!
The teeny babies lay motionless.
Mephisto: Okay, someone played a little too much of that Diablo game. Jeez, they name a game after him and HE's afraid of dolls.
Bananas: Teeny Babies!
Mephisto: Baal, go back to bed!
Baal: What?
Mephisto: I said go back to bed!
Baal: I am in bed!
Mephisto: Then stay in there!
Baal: I AM!
Mephisto: Then.um.go take over Harrogath again!
Baal: You mean Canada?
Mephisto: Whatever! Just go to bed! And, mister Lord of Terror, no more video games for you!
Diablo: Maybe you're right.
THE PRIME EVILS
VS.
THE TEENY BABIES
By B.H. Miles (Labrian)
Opening scene: Baal and Mephisto return to hell after terrorizing a Wal- Mart. Diablo is just finishing making a deal with Sadam Houssein.
Diablo: Alright, Sadam, you can have the group of crazy terrorists.
Sadam: Excellent! See you Monday on poker night?
Diablo: You can bet your damned soul I'll be there!
Baal (rushing in the chaos sanctuary): Dude! Check out what low prices Wal- Mart has!
Diablo: I thought you were supposed to kill everyone and burn it down!
Mephisto: Ya, but before that Baal bought a bunch of little dolls.
Baal (after sending a fireball at Mephisto): They're not dolls! They're teeny babies!
Diablo: Babies? What the hell?
Mephisto: That's what I said!
Baal: Look! I even got Mr. Bananas!
Sadam: Mr. Bananas?! I'll trade you for Governor Pony!
Baal: No way, Houssein, ponies are for girls!
Mephisto: And so are dolls!
Baal (releasing another fireball): TEENY BABIES!!!
Diablo: Alright, shut up! Sadam, go home!
Sadam: Sorry. Baal, call me about that monkey!
Baal: What-ever. Later that night, Diablo awoke to find Mr. Bananas and Senator Butterfly on the ground.
Diablo: Stupid dolls.
Bananas: Teeny Babies!
Diablo: WHAT?! Who said that? Baal, are you still up? You know junk food will give you tummy aches!
Bananas: Oh, Baal's gone to sleep. It's just you and us, Diablo.Muhahahaha!
Diablo: What the- (throws them away) BACK YOU STUPID DOLLS! (releases chain lightning on them)
Butterfly: That won't hurt us.Fear us, lord of terror!
Diablo (releasing a girlish scream): Baal! Mephisto! Help!
Mephisto (entering the sanctuary): Ah great, not another nightmare about Richard Simmons dating Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Diablo: No! It's worse! And for the record, her name is Sarah!
Mephisto: Whatever! Hey, why are you playing with Baal's toys? Ah, you like them, don't you?
Diablo: NO! They're evil!
Mephisto: So are you.
Diablo: What? That's not the point! They talked!
The teeny babies lay motionless.
Mephisto: Okay, someone played a little too much of that Diablo game. Jeez, they name a game after him and HE's afraid of dolls.
Bananas: Teeny Babies!
Mephisto: Baal, go back to bed!
Baal: What?
Mephisto: I said go back to bed!
Baal: I am in bed!
Mephisto: Then stay in there!
Baal: I AM!
Mephisto: Then.um.go take over Harrogath again!
Baal: You mean Canada?
Mephisto: Whatever! Just go to bed! And, mister Lord of Terror, no more video games for you!
Diablo: Maybe you're right.