Lethargic.
Summary: It's that moment in life when you realise that the one thing you strived for, given up so much for, actually means nothing to you. One shot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Rock, and am not affiliated with any of the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
Lethargic.
"Hold on now your exit's here, it's waiting just for you.
Don't pause too long, it's fading now,
It's ending all too soon, you'll see."
Opportunity – Pete Murray
-
You sit at your desk, watching the flashing cursor on the blank screen in front of you. Your mind is strangely blank, and you feel that emptiness rush through you. It's that feeling you get when your body is shutting itself off from lack of sleep. But you can't sleep. Not with this assignment due tomorrow.
You let them talk you into going out the previous night. You let them get to you when they complained of you be 'anti-social' and 'doing that much work isn't good for you'. You felt something that you hadn't felt in a long time – the need to live up to someone else's standards. And it was horrible. And now, you sit at your desk, at 2am, and you haven't even started your assignment yet.
It's due in 10 hours – at 12. It's so out of character for you to not have something done long before this. You always thought if it ever got to this stage, you would feel anxious, panicked. This is a big deal to you – it's your life. Your job after college.
You know this is an easy assignment, and it's not the fine line between a pass and a fail. You've always sailed through, passed with flying colours. You've given your all to this, because you remember how important it is to you. You're so far gone now that you can't feel the emotions, but you know what they are, and how strong it was. You remember the passion. You're sure you can regain that passion, if you could just get some sleep.
You haven't slept properly in days. Staying up late studying, being woken by your drunken dorm mates, going out yourself – it's all taking its toll. And you don't understand how you can be sitting here with this easy assignment unfinished. You got it two weeks ago, and normally, it would've been done and dusted about a week before, giving you time to get away, then come back and check for silly mistakes.
You're so tired that you don't even remember why it isn't finished. And you're not the kind of person to forget things like this.
Some call you anti-social. Some call you anal. Your parents call you focused, and they are proud that you are working so hard to get good results.
But there comes a point when you give so much, that you don't have any more to give.
You worked so hard your entire life to get into a good college. You got your college preference and your course preference. You know how hard people work to get here, and you try to keep the pace. But some people are just naturally good, and it ticks you off. A girl who lives down the hall - Caitlyn - she does the same course as you, doesn't study as much, and aces it. Sometimes, she does better than you, even though you study harder. It makes it hard sometimes, but its impossible to hate her, when she is a friendly person, who really loves the course, and obviously wants to be there.
But you still give it your best shot. You worked hard during school to get some savings for college, and your parents are chipping in. You feel bad all the time for taking their money, but they gladly give it, wanting you to have a good life, proud of you for all your efforts.
You have to live a couple of hours away from your home, and hometown. It's taken quite a toll on you – though people don't notice. It's another reason why you bury yourself so deeply into work. It means you don't have to think, dwell on how much you miss your parents, and your home. Your own bed – not your stuffy little college room. You used to visit home regularly, but you hated people thinking you were weak for having to go home all the time. You weaned yourself off weekly visits, then fortnightly visits. You are now comfortable with monthly visits, except when it gets closer to exams, when you do not return home at all because you have holidays coming up. You always try to forget about the dull ache in your heart that a hug from someone who loves you can heal in an instant. It gives you a goal, a prize! You can go home with your head held high, or tail between your legs. And you choose to give people something to be proud of.
But the something you will sometimes worry about is – is there anyone left to be proud of you?
You've had to sacrifice so much. You chose your course, and the work that came with it, over your friends from back home. You chose your course over a social life. Everyone has always known that you, Mitchie Torres are very serious about your future. And you've never looked back. You still don't look back. But right now, at the very second, you don't do anything. You can't think. You simply stare at the flashing cursor, and wonder why you don't feel panicked, why you aren't racing to get this assignment – which you could easily ace – finished. It may not be the deciding piece of assessment, but you know you should always get as many easy marks as you can, to relieve stress during the final exams. Your eyes start to close, and you know you should drink some coffee, or something to keep you awake – but you don't. You have nothing left to give. You allow your eyes to close, you allow your head to rest of your desk as you quickly fall to sleep. Your fingers still rested on the keys, the cursor still flashing you do not feel the expected emotions.
You feel lethargic.
-
le·thar·gic
–adjective
1. of, pertaining to, or affected with lethargy; drowsy; sluggish.
(the quality or state of being drowsy and dull, listless and unenergetic, or indifferent and lazy; apathetic or sluggish inactivity.)
-
"And for some reason I can't explain,
Once you know there was never, never an honest word.
But that was when I ruled the world."
Viva La Vida (Death and All His Friends) – Coldplay
Thoughts?
Chat with me on twitter. Search for amayj or go to http:// www . twitter . com / amayj (remove spaces)
Thanks for taking the time to read this :)