The Price of Innocence

by Cellie

On September first, Peter Pettigrew was asked to make a decision that would effect the Potters’ lives. But what if Peter had never accepted, and the story everyone knows as fact was simply a lie?

The Price of Innocence
Disclaimer: Simply, anyone you don't recognize from JK's world is mine. Anyone you do recognize, those are JK's. Pretty much all new ideas in this are also mine. The canon events of the story are JK's. Got it? Good.
Summary: On September first, Peter Pettigrew was asked to make a decision that would effect the Potters' lives. But what if Peter had never accepted, and the story everyone knows as fact was simply a lie?

Spoilers: Up to Book Five.. Kind of.
A/Ns: Sounds AU, yes? Well, read and find out. Things may surprise you.


Chapter One
What They Never Knew

Peter, we want you to be our secret keeper. Peter's bright blue eyes looked up at James in astonishment.

Me? James, how—why on earth would you pick me? He stumbled, searching for the right words. Lily frowned, her head tilting to one side. Baby Harry in her arms took this moment to grab a curl of his mother's loose hair.

Harry. Damn you, Harry. You're the source of all this. James and Lily wouldn't be targets if it weren't for you. Bloody hell, Dumbledore offered to send you away to the country, where they'd hide you, to get James and Lily out of this. But you're too cute. I can't even stay mad at you for more than a moment. Peter was broken out of his thoughts by James' voice.

.. you, Peter? He blinked, and looked back to James.

Sorry, I didn't catch that. James patiently repeated himself.

Why not you, Peter? Peter bit his lip, digging his toe into Lily's clean wooden floor.

James.. I.. I just can't. he said faintly, glimpsing another glance at the baby, who had loosed his grip on his mother's hair and had since become fascinated with his fingers.

It was Lily who asked this question. Are you afraid you'll break under the Cruciatus curse too? You were best in our year at deflecting curses, Peter— He interrupted her.

Only because of the block you hit me with in fourth year, Lily, Peter replied darkly. Break under the Cruciatus Curse too? Who else did they ask?

Lily blushed slightly. Well, despite that, you still are the best curse deflector I know of. So why not? Peter lowered his gaze from Lily's shimmering eyes, a bright green that had only seemed to increase since she had left school. Due to his wonderfully horrible luck, Peter's gaze settled on Harry.

Who is the bloody reason that I could never agree to be your secret keeper. Damn you, Harry. Damn you.

Peter flicked a look over James' way, saw his hopeful expression, and almost gave in. But the blonde haired man wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing.

I'm sorry. I can't, James, Lily. I just can't. Please, I can't. He shot another look at Harry. Damn you. I have to go. I can't. Get Sirius to do it. I can't. Peter gave one last look at the family, and turned, walking towards the door.

But, Peter—! James called out.

I can't, James, I can't! Peter cried out, on the verge of tears, and almost tore open the door leading out of the small cottage. Get Sirius.. I can't.. He ran to the edge of the property, shutting out James' yells of protest, and Apparated.

He felt his feet touch the ground of the flat he shared with Sirius and Remus, and fell back into the chair nearest to his position.

I can't.. Peter whispered. I can't swear to protect you, James. Because if I do, that means I have to protect your son, too, and I can't do that, no, I can't, James.. As if that wasn't enough, with him admitting the monstrosity—I hate my best friend's son—a voice suddenly entered his head.

Wormtail, you have betrayed them.

Peter cried. No! Sirius will look after them, he doesn't hate Harry, they'll be safe with him!

Wormtail, you have betrayed them.

NO!! I defy you! They'll be alright, they will! I did the right thing!

Wormtail, you have betrayed them.

Peter couldn't stand the voice anymore. He clawed at his hair, his face, tears streaming down. I defy you! he yelled to the empty flat between sobs. I defy you! With that, he broke, his energy lost. Peter put his head in his hands, and simply cried.



By the time he had regained his composure, it was nearly six. He frowned. Sirius would be coming home to the flat soon, and Peter knew that James would've called him to tell his best friend what he'd done.

I can't face him, Peter realized. Sirius will know why I didn't accept. Somehow, he'll know.

So, Peter did the hardest thing he had ever done in his lifetime. He went into his room, packed everything of importance into his old school trunk, and left.

I did the right thing, Peter whispered to the cold night air, as he waited for the muggle bus that would take him out of Bristol. James, Lily, you'll be safe with Sirius. You have to be.

~*~

Peter! Remus says he'll not be coming home tonight because of you-know-what, and for you to leave his dinner in.. Sirius trailed off as he walked into the empty kitchen, his brown work robes still swirling around him from his large steps.

Sirius peered into the laundry room-turned-potions area. Nope, no friend there. Sirius turned around, and walked back into the red and gold furnished living room, to see if mayhaps he had missed the quiet blonde haired man who, as Sirius knew all too well, liked to just sit in those huge armchairs Lily had given them the Christmas before last and read, or work strategy on the chessboard. But Peter wasn't to be found there.

Sirius' loud voice echoed throughout the flat. He frowned. Something wasn't right. Sirius ducked under a particularly low rafter that led to the hall where the bedrooms were—Wizard's luck that we had to get the one flat that was customized for dwarfs—and knocked lightly on Peter's door.

No answer. Sirius looked down at the doorknob, just in case.. but there was no red string. Sirius turned the knob and entered the room, peering about. And what he saw shocked him.

The room had been stripped. No posters, no clothes lying on the floor, Peter's bronzed wizard chess set was even gone. All that was left was a small sheet of paper on the bedspread. Sirius walked over to it, and picked the note up.

Sirius—
I've.. I don't really know what to tell or say to you. Just know that whatever happens, I won't ever forget you guys.

Peter


Sirius stared at the note for a few seconds, before realization hit him. Of course! Peter had gone over to Lily and James' today, he must have accepted the secret keeper position. So naturally he'd have had to go into hiding. Sirius slipped the note into a pocket of his robes, and closed the door, heading for the kitchen.

Good luck, Wormtail.. Sirius said, softly, entering the kitchen alcove. I only wish you'd left me instructions on how to use this bloody muggle stove.

~*~

You'll do it, then? James asked, staring at the face in the fireplace uneasily. Lily didn't know he was doing this. Lily thought he was asking Dumbledore. But as of late, James felt like he didn't trust Dumbledore anymore. The old man had put him into a few close shaves, and James had the faint feeling that he was trying to subtly manipulate James in some way.

Sometimes I wonder if Dumbledore wasn't a Slytherin when he was back at school..

Yes, James. I'll do it. The voice said, with a sneer. James inwardly shivered, but nodded.

.. Good. Thank you.

I am not doing this for thanks. And the head vanished. Lily came out of the kitchen, Harry nestled asleep in the crook of her right arm.

Are you finished talking with Dumbledore, James? She asked pleasantly.

James nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. Lily was so beautiful, and Harry.. How could he lie to the closest people to him? But desperate times..

Yeah. Yeah, I did.

~*~

Peter woke with a start. There was someone in his loft. He had specifically chosen this isolate rundown muggle barn so that no one would find it. But there was someone HERE. Trying to make as little noise as possible, he squinted at his watch, pressing the glow button. 2:25 am, October thirty first. It was the middle of the night! Who would be here—unless..

He shoved the thought out of his mind. It can't be. Peter looked as hard as he could, and in a moment, saw a glint of silver.

A silver tipped wand. Sirius! What in hell is he doing here? How did he find me? Peter looked around, but he was trapped.

He heard Sirius' scraggly voice, and didn't move at all.

Peter, your lantern wasn't hanging out tonight like it usually is. Why not?

Well, it's a full moon, I didn't want to attract any—wait, he's been WATCHING me? Panic flooded into Peter's brain. Why would Sirius be.. no. It couldn't be.

Peter.. Why aren't you answering me? Could it be that you have something to hide? Peter's eyes widened, and he saw the wand moving upwards. He's gonna—No, Sirius, it can't be!

With mixed emotions, yet a strong sensation that whatever Sirius was going to do, it wasn't going to be good, Peter grabbed his wand and transformed, running through Sirius' legs as he cast whatever spell he was going to. Peter didn't really listen, he headed for the ladder and practically flew off the loft as he used his claws to scramble down and out of the barn.

He ran, and ran, until he was a good half mile away from the barn, into the woods. There he stopped, and took a breath. His rat senses could neither hear nor smell any intruders, so Peter decided to rest for the moment.

He thought of Sirius, and he shuddered. Why would Sirius be there? Why had he been watching Peter?

You know why, you fool. The voice in his head told him. Peter shook his head, his whiskers brushing up in the soil.

Sirius is no traitor. He can't be. He's my friend. He's James' friend. For Godric's sake, he's Harry's godfather. He couldn't have turned.

The voice in his head spoke again. Why don't you go and check up on James and Lily, then? Just to prove me wrong. Peter frowned as well as the rat body could, but he noted that the voice did have a point. So he transformed, and Apparated to the edge of Godric's Hollow. There he transformed into a rat again, as it was two am and the muggle village might get suspicious if they saw a young man in robes wandering the streets.

He ran more quickly than usual, yet assured himself it was only because he couldn't wait to prove the voice wrong.

See, I'll get to where their house should be, and it'll just look like a blur, like an empty house, or a graveyard, or a—

Peter's thoughts stopped short, as did every other organ in his ratform.

Where the Potters' cottage should have stood, flaming wreckage was instead. Peter broke himself out of the trance and transformed as quickly as he could, rushing, stumbling towards the wreckage. The first thing he saw was a man's pant leg, sticking out at an odd angle under a beam.

breathed Peter, and he knelt down beside James, clawing and tearing at the wreckage, until he got James fully uncovered. His friend's face was stone cold and determined, and Peter saw that James still gripped his wand tightly in his lifeless fingers.

Peter's voice cracked. James, I'm so, so sorry..

A voice, from behind him. He recognized that voice.

Damn you, Malfoy! Peter yelled, grabbing James' wand out of his hands (as his own had been conveniently left back in the loft) and turning around. He said as many curses that came to his mind. Jelly legs, Impedimenta, the hair changing spell, a spell to create dungbombs.. Whatever came into his mind, Peter used.

Malfoy said clearly. Peter felt as if he had been jerked. James' wand flared up, and it suddenly felt like he was clutching a hot iron instead of cool willow. Peter nearly dropped the wand in pain. But he would have had no time, for the force of the wand's spitfire made him fly back twenty meters, into what probably had been the stair railing, which was sticking straight up. It cracked, and sent Peter flying back.

That's it, I'm going to die. Yet he landed on something soft. It took all his strength for Peter to sit up and see what had broken his fall. His fuzzy eyesight, caused by his head smacking into the railing, saw red. Peter gasped.

He said, horrified. He stumbled back, and nearly fell twice.

Aw, how precious. Poor Pettigrew is weeping over his friends. Lucius' Malfoy's taunt brought him back to reality. Peter turned around and glared daggers at Malfoy. Through his limited eyesight, Peter could see a faint shimmer around the Death Eater.

He's using a SHIELD.. Peter held up James' wand, miraculously unbroken, and spoke the words he had taught himself to break down a shield. Instead of the usual blue light that the curse would shoot, Peter found James' wand shooting a bright red. It hit Malfoy square in the chest, and he screamed. The light beam seemed to have gone straight through him. It turned, and went back for more. Peter stared in openmouthed horror. His block must have done something to James' wand. Either that or.. Peter refused to say the name.

Lucius Malfoy looked at Peter with hatred, and he Apparated out with all the strength he had in him. As soon as he disappeared, the light evaporated. Peter looked at the wand, and the horrible brand it had made on Peter's palm.

What've I done.. He muttered, horrified. I almost killed him. With James' wand! Lords, what've I done..

Suddenly, there was a cry. Peter turned. That bastard.. no. No baby could've survived this. And another. Peter walked over, cautiously. What he saw nearly made him drop James' wand again. It was Harry. Alive. The boy had escaped with nothing but a bloody SCAR on his forehead.

Peter knew he should have been happy, one of the Potters had survived, but all he could feel was hatred for the child.

I HATE YOU! He screamed at the baby. YOU TOOK THEM AWAY! YOU KILLED THEM! YOU! AND NOW YOU HAVE THE BLOODY GALL TO BE ALIVE! I HATE YOU, HARRY! I HATE YOU! Harry looked at the man he had called with those big round eyes of his. Lily's. He had not only stolen Lily's eyes. He had stolen her life. Harry blinked, and his eyes leaked with tears. He didn't yell or scream anymore, but those huge eyes, Lily's eyes, they spoke his feelings all too well.

Peter froze, for a moment, and realized he was holding Harry at wandpoint with James' wand. This was James and Lily's son. As much as he hated him, Peter could not kill him. Harry would be James' only legacy. He would be the last person Peter would know with Lily's eyes.

You good as killed them, Harry. He said in-between shaky breaths. You as good as killed them, but if I laid a hand on you, I would have gone worse than you. I would have killed them, their memory, their SON. Peter squeezed his burning eyes shut, and it was then that he remembered that Harry hadn't been the only one to blame for this.

He breathed, the name sounding like balefire. It was rotten, it was dirty. Sirius had done the unthinkable. He had betrayed Lily and James. James! His best friend, and he had betrayed them.

And he was going to kill you. The voice in his head reminded Peter. He was there to kill you.

Peter looked at the wreckage, at James and Lily's bodies, Lily's neck looking broken. He even gave a small glance to Harry.

You will die, Sirius.

~*~

Sirius had known something was amiss when he had left that night for his nightly watching of Peter's barn. No one knew that he was doing so, after all, no one thought that Peter was the Secret Keeper. But Sirius knew better, and it took some of the best locating charms he knew to find his friend. So, for the past two weeks, he had been keeping a vigil nightly on Peter's barn to make sure that no Death Eater would find and kill him—or worse, torture the information out of him. Peter was very, very good at repelling curses, but no one was perfect.

It appeared that they all of them had been decieved. For Peter did not need protection. He needed a barrier. He had been the secret keeper, and now the bloody traitor.

Of course, Sirius didn't know this when he arrived at the barn. What had originally struck him as odd was the lantern Peter went to great pains to keep lighted was out this evening. So, a haunting suspicion mounting, he entered the loft that Peter slept in. But even though Sirius had sworn he'd heard noises, when he cast the Lumos spell, Peter was nowhere to be found.

To top this all off, he suddenly felt a jerking pain. He recognized it all too well. It was exactly how he had felt in sixth year when Snape had knifed Remus.

Sirius rasped. He had sprinted out to his motorcycle, praying he hadn't been too late..

But luck, it seemed, had not been with him that night. Even when he had found poor, sweet, baby Harry—he had survived, Light, he had lived—Hagrid took him. the last link to the Potters Sirius would have, ever again. This was his turning point. He was without anyone anymore, and it was all because of Peter. He gave Hagrid his motorcycle and Apparated to Bristol, and since then had been storming the streets, searching. Peter! PETER! How could he, how COULD HE?! Just thinking about the rat made Sirius' insides crawl. He had sold his friends to Voldemort. He had sold everyone out to Voldemort.

Wormtail, you wretch. You bloody son of an ass. Lily and James, Peter, Lily and James..

He was on a rampage. His eyes were peeled, looking for some sign of Peter, anywhere. Rat or human, Sirius would have his revenge. And then, a voice.

.. Sirius.

~*~

After combing Diagon Alley, Peter Apparated to Bristol, near the flat that Sirius—bastard—and Remus shared. After no more than a few paces, he saw him. The maniac looked power driven and hungry, no doubt combing the streets for Peter, to try and kill him off like he did Lily and James.

Bloody hell, Sirius. Peter hadn't realized he had spoken aloud, but he paid for it dearly. Sirius turned around, and Peter found himself at wandpoint.

You sniveling scum. Sirius spat. Lily and James, Peter, how could you? Peter's eyes widened. Sirius was trying to blame this on HIM!

How could I? Peter yelled. Several muggles turned to look. Lily and James? Me? Lily and James, Sirius, how could you? You killed them! You KILLED them! Sirius' face looked stunned.

It's finally sinking in, isn't it, Black? Peter said, spitting Sirius' surname out like poison. What you did to your friends? Sirius glared at Peter with the utmost hatred.

I betrayed them. croaked Sirius, still gazing at him that way. It seemed that was all Peter really needed. He snatched out James' old wand, and pointed it at Sirius.

Goodbye, Sirius. Avada Kedavra! Time seemed to stop. Instead of a bright green light that should've spouted from the wand, a deep navy blue twisted its way around, and Peter registered in astonished surprise that the beam was headed for him.

Time chose this moment to speed up, and Peter quickly transformed—but not quickly enough, it seemed. He felt immense pain in what was his finger, and then it was gone. He dropped down, low into rat form. And he came face to face with his severed finger. Peter's beady black rat eyes widened, and he backed away.

Suddenly, a huge bang bounced around above Peter's head, and he looked up. James' wand had exploded in midair, and shot a wave of blue beam in all directions. Peter ran as fast as his legs could carry him, towards, the sewer, he slid in—and when he chanced a small glance at the street he had left behind, all he saw was blue.

Wormtail, you have betrayed them.

As Peter looked once more to the blue storm of the street he had left, he could only agree morosely with the voice. He had betrayed them. But at least Sirius would get what he deserved.

With that, Wormtail scurried through the sewer pipes, until he came to another grate. There, he slipped out and concentrated on becoming himself again. But the changes didn't come. Peter tried many times, and failed. He had become stuck, the one thing that was warned to all Animagi when they registered. Never involve your animalian self in a curse, or risk becoming stuck.

Unfortunately for Peter, he had never registered himself, and so would never find out that the only way to reverse such a thing was to have someone perform a reverse transformation on you.

So, it wasn't the worst of Peter's worries when someone picked him up. It was, however, becoming increasingly more dangerous when he saw who held him.

Why, hello again, Peter. Fancy meeting you here.

~*~

The person who held Peter had put a paralyzation spell on him and carried him to their home, before throwing him in a small magic-proof cage slightly larger than his rat form. The moment his paws touched the floor, he felt drowsy. Peter realized as he began to doze off that the bottom of the cage had been enchanted.

Peter had awoken what seemed like days later, and he realized he had been taken out of his cage, and was slowly being shaved. Every inch of his rat form was cut from the sharp razor. If that wasn't enough, the figure, who, by this time, was becoming very blurry to Peter's weak eyes, stuck some sort of tube in him that took his blood.

.. See, Pete.. become you.. no one.. Dark Lord.. The voice rambled on. Peter got a faint thought, however absurd, that this figure wanted to use him for an extended use Polyjuice potion. Why, he had no idea.

However, that thought disappeared as soon as it made itself known, and pretty soon, Peter was back to hearing nothing, for the voice without a name—Peter once thought he knew who it might have been, but all names had been banished from his head—dropped him back in the cage.

So Peter slept on, being reawoken every so often when his black, coarse fur had grown back, so the voice could shave it off again. And not for the first time, the shell that had become Peter wondered if life was worth living.

~*~

Meanwhile, in a small, dank, Azkaban cell, Sirius Black was having the very same thoughts. Oh, not that he was being shaved and put to sleep every year, but the Dementors created an atmosphere just as bad.

I am innocent. He told himself firmly. Peter is to blame. I must get out.. find.. Peter..

Sirius glanced at the scrawls on his left wall. To any normal human being, it would be illegible drivel. But Sirius was not normal any more. There were seven long vertical marks—each represented a day of the week. Then there were small short horizontal marks, many on each vertical. They represented every day spent in the wizard prison.

The x's, however, represented important dates. X. July 31st. Harry's birthday. He would be 11 in three days. X. Sirius' birthday. X. The day he was put in prison. X. The day Lily and James were killed. X. The day he learnt he had been accepted into Hogwarts. For every memory he wanted to keep, he put an X down on the day. For the Dementors did not hunt Xs.

Dementors do not hunt Xs. Sirius said. It was the most illogical thing he had said in a very long time, but it seemed to cheer him up. Dementors do not hunt Xs. Since this wasn't a happy thought, the Dementors passed by Sirius Black, hearing his silly little tirade. Xs. Why would a Dementor want to hunt an X when there were plenty of happy thoughts lying around? The Dementor standing near his cell finally decided that Sirius Black was cracking, and crossed to the other side of the hall to see if the Lestranges had any new happy thoughts for him.