This fic was inspired by the song, Nobody's Perfect by Hannah Montana. If you want to read the original songfic with the lyrics check my profile, and click the link to my AFF . net profile.

Disclaimer: The characters from Kingdom Hearts are the intellectual property of Square Enix. Do not copy this story, edited or in its entirety, without the explicit written permission of Lightning Sage.

Warnings: parody-ish/crackfic-ish. Thus OOCness ensues. But it's supposed to be funny/satirical. And KHII spoilers. Lots of them.

Nobody's Perfect

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DiZ's Point of View

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Everybody makes mistakes. Nobody's perfect.

Except me, of course.

My apprentices, of course, are completely different stories. Those fools…they went and turned themselves into Heartless. And you'd think that once they turned themselves into Heartless the damage would be over and done with…but NO! Apparently, their souls were stronger than I thought…they became Nobodies, the human kind, no less.

I told them not to mess with the darkness. Stupid Xenahort…he was too ambitious for his own good…he was the one who caused all of this trouble. And of course, his Nobody, Xemnas, has been wreaking havoc, despite the fact that his Heartless was defeated by Sora.

That's when I decided that I would focus the rest of my life on exacting revenge on the Nobodies of my traitorous apprentices. How dare they attempt to obtain power through the means that were only possible because of my brilliant research?

I needed to come up with a plan…but with Sora in slumber, I didn't have the power of the Keyblade at my disposal. Then again…there was that Riku. He had a Keyblade himself, and showed great potential for having strong abilities…he might be able to do all the dirty work for me!

Of course, since he wasn't THE Keyblade bearer chosen by the gods or whatever, there was also a chance that this strategy would be a flop. But who cares? It's not like I'm risking my own skin. It's just Riku. If anything, it's a good idea that I don't involve the TRUE Keyblade bearer until I absolutely have to.

Besides, who are the gods to say that Sora is better suited for the job than Riku? Riku's jacked. I mean…look at those muscles! Sora…still looks like a wimp, no better than a child.

Clearly, the gods picked a loser. Then again, the gods aren't perfect like I am. I would have picked Riku, hands down. And I'm going to prove what a bust Sora is when Riku takes out Organization XIII by himself.

I guess, just in case, I should plan on waking Sora up in case Riku dies or something.

So I sent Riku out to find Sora's Nobody, Roxas. Riku came back with Roxas in tow…but he was a changed man. I couldn't figure out how, though…it was something in his voice…something that reminded me strongly of Xenahort.

And that angered me greatly. I wanted absolutely no reminder of anything to do with Xenahort. I resolved to be done with using Riku as quickly as possible, for fear that he might betray me, just as my apprentices had.

My next task was to get Naminé to finish restoring Sora's memories. That damn girl took a long time to "re-chain the links." What an idiot. It took her a couple of days to pull apart and recreate Sora's memories, but it takes a year to put them back were they originally were? Give me a break! That witch…what a has-been—or rather, a never-was.

Once Sora's memories were restored and Roxas had been returned to Sora's body, I immediately continued my task of spying on Organization XIII, and creating an instrument that would destroy their precious Kingdom Hearts. Yes…that would be the ultimate revenge against those Nobodies. They would never get a chance to become whole people again!

Heh…not that they deserved that opportunity. After all, it was their choice to become Heartless, and, in effect, Nobodies, in the first place. How dare they desire to be whole! They're not even supposed to exist!

I know I'll be able to invent a machine to eliminate Kingdom Hearts. I'm certainly smart enough…I'm smarter than the gods. Surely I have been bestowed with enough intelligence to create such a mechanism.

I told Riku to eliminate Naminé on multiple occasions. Each time, he refused…eventually, he allowed her to escape with Axel. Riku betrayed me, just like I knew he would! He let a Nobody escape free with a member of Organization XIII, one of my sworn enemies! And even worse, he allowed two…things…that were never supposed to exist to roam free.

I was furious. He had opposed and hindered my plan to take revenge on the Nobodies. Riku was just as bad as they were! He abetted the enemy!

That day, Riku made a very grave mistake. I'm so glad I anticipated his betrayal. He had too much pride to follow my orders. Sora, on the other hand, played perfectly into my plan like the puppet that he is.

Sora…what a fool. All Keyblade and no brains. Then again, I'm sure that dumb Nobody of his infected his brain with its sheer stupidity.

Well, at least I got what I wanted. All of the Nobodies…dead. My revenge was complete.

And there you have it—all the evidence you need:

Nobody's perfect…except me!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-owari-

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