Water.
It is cool to touch, it can give life to so many people, it has brought her so much help over the years.
To Halle it had been a device, nothing more. A cold shower could help her think, activate the brain cells that didn't seem to be firing on all cylinders. A normal shower could help her relax.
God, she thought, looking at the tap, it's red ring signifying heat capturing her eyes for a moment.
She could have used one right now. But somehow, all she could think of was pain. She thought it could cure her, save her, absolve her from not doing her duty.
It burned. For an instant it burned and hurted her. She whimpered at it. Then that moment came when the pain subsided and there was a new moment with a new feeling. Bliss.
She let the water try to soothe her.
But it only made things worse.
Halle thought for reaching for the tap but it wouldn't do any good.
She deserved it.
She couldn't save him.
And so she turned the water hotter. She mixed the cold with the hot, as the two kinds battled before one gave in and let the other win. The scalding water dripped furiously onto her back as she whimpered in pain once more. Tears adding to the intricate performance she created for the audience of one: herself. Even if anyone had seen her they wouldn't have been able to tell. The water hid them, hid her true self. She tried not to, tried with all her might but she couldn't help herself. She had to give in.
Halle reached for the cold tap, her tears streaming down her face like a little kid who had lost a balloon. Not a friend. But it was the same thing wasn't it? They'd both travelled above. They were both yellow.
Her hand skimmed across the metal, taking it in. Taking comfort in the blue, knowing the ease and comfort it could give. Knowing it would take the tears away.
What are you crying for? You aren't the one who died
She turned instinctively, hearing that voice, his voice.
But no one was there.
It was just her mind playing tricks.
Or a ghost haunting her memories, digging out the files, bringing the pain to the surface. Opening it so it flowed through her whole body.
Mello died.
Mello was killed by Light Yagami.
And she couldn't stop him.
She couldn't save him.
She could hardly save herself never mind him.
But she could never save him.
And now all the untold thoughts and words seemed more meaningful than they ever have.
So they'd both burn together in their on ways, both suffering, until she could chill the pain. She'd keep it burning until the day she could stop, and make it cold again. The day she would catch Kira. The day she would make Kira burn like Mello did.
The day she turns the tap off.
The day the tears stop falling.