Life In a Haze

by CatherineWinner

Sam’s always dreamt of other things. But after he’s faced life alone, he dreams of only one thing. wincest

I live the rest of my life in a haze.

I spend every waking moment taking life one second at a time. I can't do anything else.

I treat the Impala, as I feared I would, as an extension of you. I don't risk sending it to a garage to be fixed by someone else so I take late night mechanic classes.

You'd laugh but it's the only thing I can do for you. I have to do it right-for you.

I take life one hunt at a time, one breath at a time. I kill one witch then a ghost, I focus on the here and now, I don't think about the future.

I spent my childhood imaging college. I imaged living in the dorms, weaponless and alone but happy. When I was finally there all I could dream of was that perfect, impossible future. White pickett fences, a wife, two children, a dog.

After those dreams shrivel in the same fire that consumed my-would-be wife, I was then left with nothing but a single wish. One I'd had since I was old enough to realize it.

I wanted to be with you. I know that to be my only real dream, the only real wish I ever truly had. I wanted college, I wanted a family, but I've always dreamed of you.

And now?

I dream of just closing my eyes and seeing you, of tasting you, of just being with you again.

I dream of a day when I'll grow so old I won't be able to get from my lonely bed.

I dream of a time when I open my eyes, I'll see that blindly white light and openly embrace it because I know you're on the other side.

I live my life in a haze until the next moment we're together again.