Author's notes: This one is a bit of a heartbreaker, but I've thought a lot about everyone's motivations for the things they did in Conqueror of Shamballa, and it is incredibly heartbreaking. The song I listened to while writing most of this was Walking The Wire by Imagine Dragons. I hope you enjoy.
"This is where we live. It's home now, and we have to do our part." This is where we live. This is where we live. Alphonse traipsed the cobblestone path alongside his brother, rolling the words around his mind over and over again. He was trying so hard to let the reality of the situation sink in, to let the gravity of consequence wash over him like that familiar threatening wave that always came. But it didn't. He couldn't feel it and couldn't really believe that the beautiful countryside of Resembool was no longer on the same plane of existence as he. That there was no house on the hill. That Winry was not waiting for them with a flickering lantern and Granny was not smoking on the porch. He briefly wondered just how his big brother had handled all this and more when he was sent here through the gate. Deutschland was what Edward called it first, in a very strange and sad inflection that Al had never heard before. Then he called it Germany, like it was a bad joke that only he understood. Edward now looked absolutely miserable and conflicted at his younger brother's side, gazing ahead at a flaming sunset. Al stuck his hands in his pockets and let his heart sink for his brother. It truly is the moments just after a funeral that make you feel like the deceased have left you for good. Like their name has been spoken for the last time and they have gone on to heaven or hell without you. He knew this. But he didn't know Heiderich. He didn't understand it all, and he wanted to know so badly: Why? Alphonse roused the courage inside of himself. He knew Ed would just tell him, regardless of the hurt.
"Can you... tell me a little bit about him, Brother?" Al gently asked under the most cautious breath.
Edward's lips curled up a little just to fall again, aurulent eyes flaring like a lit match. "He had your kindness."
Al's stomach turned so uncomfortably at the way his brother spoke of his dead dopplegänger.
"He was you in just about... every way." Ed's voice rose and fell in feigned closure. Al knew better.
"So then, what... what happened?" Alphonse dared to push the envelope. He knew that he would regret it as soon as the words flew out, a runaway train. Edward curtly sighed, shut his eyes tight and shook his head.
"He put me in one of Eckhart's damn planes after she shot me unconscious. He sent me punching right through that gate. I... never said I wanted to go..." he recalled, hurt and distant. Al's chest tightened. Did he intend to dismantle Eckhart's entire operation by himself?
"...And he knew that was a mistake on his part, but he didn't care. He was just a rocket scientist who loved his work, and he was so damned intelligent. He had his own ideas of returning dignity to his country. Science was his catalyst. He just wanted to leave his mark on this world. To make amends with me, he sent me back through the gate on a wild and reckless leap of faith in what I was telling him. He didn't want me to get in his way, and... he must have believed my stories after all... he put me in that plane, so I could have a chance to save my 'Traumwelt'. That's what he called it."
Al's brows furrowed. "And so then... they killed him. They shot him for that. He died... for you. He..."
Alphonse stopped dead in the road and clutched his chest. The wave came hard, shaking his foundations to their core. "I was the price for his..." His voice cracked in horror.
Ed stopped and seized his brother by the arm, panicking at the thought of Al's inevitable conclusion. "No, Al, I know what you're thinking, but he was very sick... he didn't have long. He was inhaling rocket exhaust day and night... he was coughing up blood and sweating like hell all the time. He didn't have long at all-"
"But something had to give here! We couldn't both exist on this side of the gate. It all makes such perfect sense..!" Al rang out, tears burning his eyes. "Edward, I..." he shrieked agonizingly into his hands, hiding his face. This wave did not offer reprieve as it usually did. Guilt numbed every one of Al's senses.
"I caused this suffering... all of this is my fault..." Alphonse croaked out. Edward was going under with him, trying to keep Al on his feet which no longer seemed to support his legs. "You watched me die when we tried to bring Mom back," he began again, freezing Edward's mind at the heart-wrenching memory, "But then you watched my equivalent die again. Here. He died for you like I sacrificed myself to push your soul into this world. He died to send you right back! Edward, everyone we love is gone, and I just... I just wanted..." Tears slid fast down his face and the boys finally fell to their knees together. Edward held Alphonse tightly in his arms, letting his younger brother's tsunami of trauma run its course. "I missed you so much, Brother. I spent all that time looking for a way to get to you... everyone, they all told me you were dead..! But I just wanted to bring you home," he sobbed.
Edward watched his brother choke out incoherent apologies between heaving cries and it harrowed him. None of this was right. He brought a gloved left hand up to Al's face, but stopped to pull that glove off between gritted teeth. Al would be able to feel this, and so will I, damnit. He gingerly ran his fingers through Al's soft tawny hair. "Brother... it's okay, just look at me." Al lifted his chin joylessly. There was normally unbridled enthusiasm there, but the look in Alphonse's eyes was enough to reduce Edward to a mirror image of that emotion. It didn't matter. Ed was the big brother and he was going to be strong. He smiled weakly, shutting his eyes so they wouldn't give him away. "Settle down a little, Al. It's going to be okay. You didn't know. You just got caught up... you got caught up in a lot of things at one time. And you had no knowledge of what was really going on."
Al coughed hard, wiping his face with a coat sleeve. He turned away from Ed again as he was lifted from the ground, trying so hard not to drown. "I'm so sorry, Brother... I... a-are you sorry I came?"
Edward's whole world stood still. He could only count the number of times he'd felt this way on one prosthetic hand. "No... no... oh, Alphonse. The truth is..." he hesitated, swallowing hard and shivering. "Ah... Al, I don't know what the hell I would do without you." He brought Al into a crushing embrace once again, leaving no room for response. "I just wanted to protect you... from coming to this world of hellish parallels, and keep it from corrupting ours with you and Winry in it. I thought I could deal without you, but I don't... I-I don't really know." Painful flashbacks of straight cognac burning his throat, falling into bed fully-clothed, and begging for unconsciousness zipped through his mind. "I just can't believe you came back for me," he finally choked out, voice faltering. "I should be the one apologizing... to you. I don't deserve a brother like you."
The sight of Alfons Heiderich floored Edward the first time their eyes met. He's got Al's face, he's got Al's eyes - is that Al? God, it's my little brother. ...No, it's not.
Alphonse stared hard at Ed, an attempt at rebuttal bubbling on his lips before he was interrupted. "I thought... all I really deserved was," Edward drew in a horribly shaky breath, "Just to live in this world... and that my punishment must have been to see someone every day who looked and felt exactly like you but could never be you."
The brothers' eyes locked again, and Al spoke when he regained composure. His brother's words sent him reeling. "How could you say that when you only deserve what's best, Brother? Every time our journey seemed hopeless you breathed life into it again. I could never imagine..." he stopped, gripping his head. "I could never imagine doing this alone. Look at me. I'm human again. I can feel again. That's because of you." Al slowly pressed one index finger to Edward's chest. "See? I can feel your heartbeat there. That's real, and nothing can take that away again. I promise..." Alphonse smiled brightly in genuine relief, honey eyes glimmering against that shockingly beautiful sunset. The wave was receding. Edward wrapped his hand around Al's and sighed deeply, unable to resist returning the same grin at his younger brother's admirable, resilient passion for life. "Yeah," Edward softly replied, laughing. Alphonse's youthful features shifted to a disarming seriousness.
"You said it's home now, and we have to do our part. We're here. So lets's go home, Brother."