A/N: Please do not jump to conclusions after the first chapter, it will continue further than this, you just have to be patient. I am completely open to feedback, and actually encourage it! I wrote this while listening to Christina Perri's "Human" because I can't think of a better song to fit it, and it adds so much to it if you do so while reading it. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, all rights to characters go to Veronica Roth.

"But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human"

x- Christina Perri

I hold my breath as tightly as I can manage, fearing that the release will give my body the slightest push it requires to send me off the ledge of the building I'm on, into the darkness below. The night is calm, but bitter cold as spring is still attempting to overcome the grip that winter has held for an extra month over "Chicago". A small laugh forces me to breathe as I am cannot contain it at the thought of this place being a part of an entire world we never could have imagined. To think it has only been a few months since me and Tris…

My throat constricts at the near thought of her name, even though I'm faced with the same sensation countless times every day. A shiver covers my entire body when I try to focus on the memories we had before hell consumed our lives. The first time I came in contact with her storm-grey eyes when I lifted her from the Dauntless net, and the first time her lips touched mine at the bottom of the chasm. I can't do it, I can't even enjoy the memories of her because of the pain that whales in my chest, forcing me to slam my eyes shut. I literally cannot function straight with her gone. No fear of my father could have ever prepared me for the torture I'm facing these days. I would accept his belt every single day for the rest of my life if it meant she could live again, without an ounce of hesitation.

I turn my attention to the bottle I've been carelessly swaying in my right hand and bring it to my lips. The burning sensation that courses through my veins is the only familiarity I can tolerate now. I remember how it was such an ally in my Dauntless life before she came into it, how it gave me the relief at the end of the day to not run until my legs gave out, and make a new life wherever I ended up. How it drug me through trying to cope with finding out my mother was alive with the factionless, but it doesn't have the power to comfort me now. I laugh. I'm not even sure why I drink anymore, because it doesn't even help. Sure, it allows me to finally pass out at night, but it only brings the nightmares with it. I feel the anger as it rises in my stomach, as the same questions I relive every day repeat themselves in my mind.

How could she do this to me?

How could she tell Caleb that she didn't want to leave, but then do so without even giving me a chance to say goodbye?

How could she just drop everything we had, to walk into oblivion for someone who betrayed her?

I take every ounce of strength I have in my right arm, and launch the glass as far as I possibly can, causing me to stumble against the ledge a bit. I keep all of my concentration on the bottle as it shatters against the structure closest to the one I'm standing on now, and try to suppress the heavy breathing that is starting to consume me. I loved her with everything I was, with everything I could possibly give. I succumb to the guilt now. If I had not pushed her away the entire time we were at the Bureau, maybe she would have stayed for me. If I had not made such a big deal about being genetically damaged, and concentrated on moving passed it all with her, maybe she would have let Caleb go. The corners of my mouth turn up slightly at the thought of her being selfish. It wasn't a part of her, I should have known that. I did know that, but I had fooled myself into believing that she could let her brother die if it meant staying with me for the rest of our days. I don't even noticed how tightly I had shut my eyes until I attempt to force them open. The stinging sensation that is threatening them is too much for me to tolerate anymore, I've fought it off for so long now that it has become exhausting. My muscles ache endlessly from the punishment I put them through on a daily basis. I thought if I could become physically stronger, then my mental health would follow in suit, but I couldn't have been more wrong. I look straight up into the night sky, admiring how beautiful the stars are up here.

I am still utterly terrified of the height of the building on which I'm standing, but I try to look passed it to imagine the bravery my girl always had. Being so close to the stars reminds me of the night I followed her up the Farris Wheel, fighting every single cell in my body just to try to protect her. My breathing heaves again, and I'm done resisting. I let the memory of her face come into my mind, the way she looked at me the night we become whole, the day before I left her to make her decision on her own. I can almost hear her saying my name, and it is far too much.

I take a single step back, letting the heels of my boots tease the ledge I've been standing on for the past hour. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and hold my arms straight out from my sides. I utilize the muscles in my legs to push off from the fragile foundation as hard as I can, and press my lips together to contain my terrified screams. The air howls in my ears as I surge toward the ground, lifting my black leather jacket securely around my sides, forcing my heart to pound faster than my lungs can keep up with.

I open my eyes to witness the sky fading as the dark abyss swallows me, and I am free.