The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any GI Joe characters has been locked up in quarantine. I got this strange idea after watching the episode, "Raise the Flagg." Roadblock and BA stuck for 16 hours in a decompression chamber with Leatherneck and Wet Suit. Oh lord….
The Decompression Blues
"Sixteen hours," Roadblock held his head in his hands. "Stuck in here for sixteen hours…"
"YOU CHEAT!" Leatherneck shouted.
"YOU'RE THE CHEATER!" Wet Suit screamed. "ADMIT IT! YOU'VE BEEN PLANNNING TO CHEAT ALL ALONG!"
"I wonder if there's any way we can get back to the bottom of the ocean?" BA sighed. "It was so peaceful there."
"THAT'S A STINKING LIE AND YOU KNOW IT WET SUIT!"
"If there is, will you take me with you?" Roadblock groaned.
"LEATHERNECK YOU ARE THE BIGGEST LIAR THIS SIDE OF THE ATLANTIC!"
"WELL CONSIDERING YOU ARE THE BIGGEST LIAR FROM THE PACIFIC THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING!"
"Let's see," Roadblock sighed. "Two hours down, fourteen to go…"
"LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!" Wet Suit shouted.
"YOU'RE THE LIAR! LIAR!" Leatherneck stuck out his tongue.
"Duct tape," BA groaned. "Duct tape. My kingdom for just a little duct tape!"
"WILL BOTH OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF!" Roadblock screamed. "Now listen up you two nuts, keep shouting like that and I'll kick your butts!"
"Why don't we do something else to pass the time?" BA asked. "Something that won't involve bodily harm?"
"Well that leaves playing cards out," Roadblock groaned.
"Yeah the two of you would kill each other," BA said. "You know that may not be such a bad thing."
"Look we got to take our minds off our situation," Roadblock said. "I know this ain't no vacation. But we gotta learn to get along with one another. Get it brothers?"
"How about a sing a long?" BA asked.
"Are you nuts?" Leatherneck asked. "What am I saying?"
"I'm willing to give anything a try," Roadblock groaned. "If we don't do something soon I am going to cry."
"How about this song?" Leatherneck said. Then he sang, "From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli…"
"Oh no you don't!" Wet Suit snapped. Then he started to sing his own song. "In the Navy…"
"Oh goody a song war," BA sighed. "Just what I always wanted."
The two soldiers were now screaming the songs at the top of their lungs. "Great idea BA," Roadblock groaned.
"Well I don't see you coming up with any Big Guy!" BA snapped. "Sorry, they're starting to get to me!"
"Me too," Roadblock groaned. "That's it! SHUT UP!" He shouted. "What did I just say? You two bozos better start getting along or I'm gonna sing Taps for your song!"
"Well he started it!" Leatherneck said.
"No I didn't you did!" Wet Suit snapped.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Here we go again," Roadblock groaned. He and BA went to the other side of the decompression chamber while the other two fought.
"Big Guy I really gotta apologize for my actions back on the sub," BA said. "I never should have put you against the wall and tried to have those BATS kill you."
"Forget it man," Roadblock waved. "You weren't yourself."
"No I mean I should have put those two up against the wall!" BA groaned. "I can't take anymore! We have got to do something! Anything!"
"I have an idea," Roadblock said. "It's pretty rotten…"
"Roadblock at this time I will try anything!" BA groaned.
"You're right, anything to get us through!" Roadblock nodded. "This is what we're gonna do!"
Two hours later….
"Ahhhh…." BA sighed as he and Roadblock played cards. "Peace and quiet! Don't you just love it?"
" This is quite relaxing!" Roadblock nodded. "I have to admit, those two were taxing!"
They looked over to the corner where Leatherneck and Wet Suit were tied and gagged with sheets from the beds. Both strained against their bonds and tried to protest.
"Forget it you two," Roadblock told them. "We'll untie and un-gag you both when the sixteen hours are through!"
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Meanwhile somewhere in the ocean, in a hidden base….
"You two are the stupidest clods I have ever met!" Zarana sneered at her brothers. They were all stuck in a decompression chamber. "And that's saying something! That GI Joe had more chivalry than you jerks had."
"You know there's a reason that chivalry is dead!" Zartan snapped. "Whining little witches like you!"
"Why you…" She tackled him and they fought.
Zandar had a harmonica. He played on it as he sang. "Stuck here for hours. No one listens to me! I'd have been better off alone under the sea. I have the blues. The decompression blues. The lonely, bored, stuck with my psychotic siblings blues!"
"SHUT UP!" Both Zartan and Zarana shouted.
"Where did he get that harmonica?" Zartan asked.
"I've had it for years!" Zandar snapped. "Dad gave it to me for Christmas years ago. But of course you don't remember. Nobody remembers me. I told you this plan wasn't gonna work but nooooooo! You had to…"
"If you don't shut your face right now you are gonna be playing with that harmonica with a broken jaw!" Zarana snapped.
"Make me!" Zandar snapped.
"With pleasure!" She screamed and tackled him. Soon all three were brawling on the floor of the decompression chamber.
Destro and Cobra Commander walked in and looked at them through the observation window. "Oh yes Commander," Destro said sarcastically. "It really is worth it to keep these Dreadnoks on Cobra's payroll. You really do get what you pay for."
"Stop fighting you fools!" Cobra Commander hissed through the intercom.
"They started it!" Each pointed to the other two.
"You miserable mercenaries lost Cobra an endless source of power and destruction!" Cobra Commander hissed. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't dock your pay!"
"This I have to hear," Destro smirked.
"It wasn't our fault!" Zarana spoke up. "It was those blasted Joes and that crazy LeCarr who did it!"
"It's not our fault if someone from Cobra turns traitor!" Zartan said. "He's the one who held us hostage!"
"You mean you Dreadnoks, an elite group of mercenaries with ninja skills couldn't handle one addle brained overweight mess hall cook?" Destro asked. "Commander maybe we should put an ad in the paper or something! We can't do much worse than these three!"
"Hey it was Zartan's fault!" Zandar snapped. "He's responsible! Not us!"
"Why you lying…" Zartan pounced on him. Zarana joined the fight and once again they were fighting amongst themselves.
"Refresh my memory," Destro asked Cobra Commander. "How much are you paying them again?"
"I should have let them rot," Cobra Commander snapped.
"Actually Commander," Destro smiled. "I can think of no better punishment than those buffoons stuck together in the same room for 24 hours."
"Hey!" Zarana shouted, overhearing that part of the conversation. "I thought we were only supposed to stay in here for 16 hours!"
"Yeah well," Cobra Commander waved as he walked away. "You three really get on my nerves."